In Search of Love and the Ideal

By Magnus Larsson

A decision in regards to marriage is not something one takes lightly, which means that ultimately it should not be considered from one's own per­spective. Not only is the choice of an object partner too essential to be left to what one happens to feel for someone walking down the street, the ideal of love cannot be actualized when centered on oneself. 

 

At what point has one fulfilled one's portion of responsibility and under what circumstances is one justified to end a relationship that was intended to be for eternity? An answer to such an important decision as to the feasibility of one's marriage needs to be sought beyond the fluctuating part of the mind susceptible to the circumstances.

 

The image of the ideal is owned by the individual, and realized in the relationship with a partner, in that order. The centrality of truth as the standard upon which to actualize the ideals of love has to be more important than one's preferences and the marriage itself. When one lacks the desire of being in truth, one will find that one must be lacking in love as well. If a man is to perfect his love for woman, and vice versa, each party needs to transcend the limitations of their pre-held notions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Magnus Larsson
• Release date: Nov 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393604082

Book preview

In Search of

Love and the Ideal

How an Objective Viewpoint Is the Center for the Union of Man and Woman

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Magnus Larsson

In Search of Love and the Ideal: How an Objective Viewpoint Is the Center for the Union of Man and Woman

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Copyright © 2020 by Magnus Larsson

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

This book may be purchased for educational or sales promotional use. Please send inquiry to [e-mail]

First Edition: October 2020

Cover design by Lisa Larsson

ISBN: 9798677253997

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Contents

Introduction

1. Building Blocks

Two Levels of Consciousness

The Higher Dimension – the Viewpoint of Objectivity

Personal Growth by the Search for Truth

2. Vertical Self-Transcendence

Motive and Purpose

Proper Order

Commitment

3. Horizontal Self-Transcendence

Proper Distance

Common Base

Object of Value

4. The Process of Attaining an Objective Understanding – the Viewpoint of Love and the Ideal

Why an Objective State of Mind

Differentiate between Being the Observer and the Object of Study

Holistic Study

Bracketing

Facing One’s Fears

An Answer that Must Ensue

Truth as the Foundation for Action

Threats to an Objective State of Mind

5. Finding an Object of Love

Be the Right Person to Find the Right Person

Unconditional Giving Is Like an X-Ray

How to Spot a Lemon

6. The Feasibility of an Existing Relationship

The Questioning of Status Quo and the Call for a Holistic Study

Why the Good Party Suffers

Ending Centered on the Ideal Is a New Beginning without Baggage

7. Failure to Actualize the Ideal and Laying the Foundation for an Ideal Marriage Anew

Codependency – Expecting the Object Partner to Be One’s Source of Love

At What Point Has One Fulfilled One’s Portion of Responsibility?

Ideal Object Partner the Second Time

8. The Foundation for an Ideal Marriage and the Principled Use of the Sexual Organs

Consequences of the Misuse of the Sexual Organs

The Purpose of the Commandment

Introduction

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Then, what is a life of true love? True love is the spirit of public service. It brings the peace that is at the root of hap­piness. Selfish love is a mask for the desire to have one’s partner exist for one’s own sake; true love is free of that cor­ruption. Rather, its essence is to give, and to live for the sake of others and for the sake of the whole. True love gives, for­gets that it has given, and continues to give without ceasing. [1]

A decision in regards to marriage is not something one takes lightly, which means that ultimately it should not be considered from one’s own perspective. Not only is the choice of a partner too essential to be left to what one hap­pens to feel for someone walking down the street, the ideal of love cannot be actualized when centered on one­self. To bring oneself to the point of making a decision in accordance with the ideal of love rather than by giving in to pre-held notions is one of the most challenging as well as rewarding milestones in one’s life.

Emotions change, but true love is unchanging. The cen­trality of truth as the standard upon which to actualize the ideals of love has to be more important than one’s prefer­ences and even more important than mar­riage itself. When truth becomes more important than holding on to one’s own viewpoint, love can flow freely. If a man is to perfect his love for a woman, and vice versa, without a shared purpose, each party relates to the other from within the limitations of their own perspec­tive. An ideal part­ner is, therefore, not according to what I want, but what is con­sidered to be ideal from an objective point of view.

Because of the differences between men and women in their understanding of love, it becomes especially significant to be able to form a common base upon which to create unity and harmony through a relationship of mutual under­standing. A common base that can bring unity on all three levels of the spiritual, mental and physical is not created or agreed upon. By attaining an objec­tive state of mind, not limited by preconceived notions, such an understanding of truth and love will ensue.

The notion of an ideal and one’s commitment to actu­alize it, is what one brings into the relationship. The image of the ideal is owned by the individual and realized in the relationship with a partner, in that order. This makes the search for an ideal mar­riage inseparable from the fulfillment of an individual portion of responsibility.

Where one lacks the desire of being in truth, one will find that one must be lacking in love as well. The reason that it is difficult to attain an objective under­standing is because detachment is often lacking to a large degree. To seek an independent and objective point of view always requires an amount of effort. It is easier to blame one’s circumstances and give in to the force of infatuation. When con­jugal love is consummated prema­turely, it causes a reversal of order between the pure consciousness and the natural con­scious­ness, which makes one perceive a life of value more or less exclusively centered on oneself, which intro­duces a new set of issues. A self-centered mindset is not conducive of an objec­tive point of view due to one’s unwillingness to loosen one’s grip on one’s pre-held notions, some formed as far back as childhood and suppressed in the subconscious, which impact one’s perception. One is alienated from the real self due to insistence on remaining at the periphery and seeking a solu­tion from there.

To the extent one is conditioning one’s involvement in a relationship on what one stands to receive in return, put­ting oneself in the center as it were—self-centered—one is not in privity of an objective understand­ing. An objective point of view cannot exist when one hopes for one’s coun­terpart, an outer authority, to make one’s life meaningful. Without a self-transcendent purpose for which one enters into a relationship, one’s partner is perceived as the source of love. Without upholding the vertical order of con­sciousness, one is prone to give in to the external and resultant phenom­enon of love at the expense of the internal and source of love.

The search for an ideal marriage shares the path of what is considered to be true and objective. While love and ideal are often considered utopian, the question of what is consid­ered to be true and objective has long been grappled with by the school of sci­ence. In this study we will apply a technique called phenomenological reduction or bracketing to create the frame of mind through which an objective understand­ing can ensue. An objective point of view is an honest, open approach that makes room for an understand­ing not yet experienced. To consider alternatives to one’s pre-held notions is a humble attitude. In the point of objec­tivity, love is truth, and truth is love. A holistic study to attain an objec­tive understanding deals with this point, in one way or another. 

When the desire to experience love in the relationship with a partner usurps itself over one’s alignment with the higher dimension, one is deviating from the path of the ideal, which must, in every case, be fraught with fear and regret. No ideal marriage can be built on the foundation of self-centered motives, no matter how good the actions. The higher dimension can be described as the one best aim to aspire to as an individual in search of meaning, as well as for a man and a woman to form an ideal relationship as one united in mind and body. In scientific terms, the view­point of the higher dimension would be the viewpoint of objectiv­ity. The higher dimension is over-encompassing the individual’s spiritual, mental and physical characteristics, as well as the masculine and feminine attributes of men and women. It is the common base for the unity of mind and body and the unity of husband and wife. 

Moon explains that behind each relationship between material substances and behind each give and take relation­ship between individual beings there is a pre-existing vertical order of a higher dimension that endows these individual substances with a common motivational drive and purpose. Just as absolute standards and laws are governing the solar system of planets circling the sun and the electrons orbiting around the nucleus forming an atom, principles and norms are making up the moral, ethical and social order of human beings. A relationship of harmony between subject and object partners, man and woman, likewise adheres to laws and standards. Love and the ideal would not be able to flow and to be substantialized outside these parameters. [2]

One’s alignment and relationship with the higher dimension can be referred to as vertical self-transcendence. To take an objective point of view means to be aligned with the higher dimension as one’s vertical subject partner, as opposed to centered on oneself and one’s pre-held notions. The dynamic between individuals can be referred to as hor­izontal self-transcendence. Where the vertical and hori­zontal self-transcendence intersect, the ideal in essence is actualized. It is the point where the image of the ideal of the higher dimension is substantialized in a perfected individual and in an ideal marriage. The 90-degree angle where the ver­tical dimension intersects with the horizontal dimension we refer to as the foundation for an ideal marriage. When the foun­da­tion for an ideal marriage is laid, the individual is united in mind and body, and the husband and wife are united with each other centered on truth and love.

What I have documented on these pages originates in my experience, either directly or indirectly through observa­tion. While the search for an ideal marriage is unique for everyone, the principles governing love and ideal are univer­sal. How to maintain an objective state of mind in relation to an object of love—the foundation for an ideal marriage—is applied in three settings: Being single and in search for an object of love, the study of the feasibility of an existing rela­tionship, and starting over. 

For more about an in-depth study of the functions of the mind in regards to the search for meaning is presented in my book Meaning beyond Reason – How Self-Transcendence Precedes Self-Actualization in Man’s Search for Meaning.

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[1] Moon, Sun Myung, God’s Ideal Family—the Model for World Peace, Inaugural Convocation of the Universal Peace Federation, Lincoln Center, New York, New York, September 12, 2005.

[2] Moon, Sun Myung, Absolute Values and the Reassessment of the Contemporary World, Founder’s Address, Eighteenth International Conference on the Unity of the Sciences, Seoul, Korea, August 23, 1991.

1. Building Blocks

Two Levels of Consciousness

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The Anatomy of Consciousness

For our purposes, the mind is modeled after two parts according to two kinds of perceptions: The natural con­sciousness is the default state of mind when no effort is made. Inherently subjective, it perceives reality as it must be according to pre-held notions rather than how it actually is. The other part of the mind, free from subjective prefer­ences, is referred to as the pure consciousness. The pure consciousness encompasses the natural consciousness while also being open to a higher dimension. [1]

One is unaware of the pure consciousness and what is self-transcendent because naturally, one’s inner gaze is point­ing in another direction. But the moment one changes the direction of one’s view, it becomes conscious. It is very much there and very much present. An objective understanding is possible when the pure consciousness is given the right of way to precede the natural consciousness by temporarily bracketing the natural consciousness. 

An objective understanding is first a holistic experience in the pure consciousness followed by an analytical under­standing of the experience—a fuller and more complete perception than what reason and a linear way of thinking alone would be capable of.