Behind the Badge

By Shelley Wade

Jackson Taylor is director of the Los Angeles branch of the FBI. His second in command is Ashley Haven. Although they are both intensely infatuated with each other, they have managed to keep things professional. A mission gone wrong ends with Jackson held hostage. When Ashley successfully finds him, they realize the true depth of their feelings. The agents barely have time to express their true feelings before another explosive situation rips not only Jackson and Ashley apart, but his family as well. With their lives at stake, Jackson and Ashley will use their skills as trained agents and their love for one another to close the case. Working for the FBI is not a safe career, and the ever-heightening crisis reveals how much Jackson and Ashley have to lose. Now having had a taste of what life could be like as a couple, they are faced with the cold, hard reality that their days of defending America may cost them a lot more than they ever imagined.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Feb 2, 2018
• ISBN: 9781483479439

Book preview

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Chapter 1

Jackson Taylor sat staring at the concrete wall as one drip of water softly made its way down. He didn’t take his eyes off it as it slowly zig-zagged its way to the bottom.

Despite the amount of missions he had done in his time, this one should have been a walk in the park, but things had taken a devastating turn.

He knew they hadn’t staked the place out enough and gathered enough intelligence. They didn’t have sufficient information on the building and the equipment inside. They also were an entire team short for this type of mission. There should have been three field operation units as well as surveillance both on-site and from the office, but because Charlie Lawson, his superior, wanted results immediately, he had forced them into a situation they were not prepared for.

Going on a mission like this, especially one that was the result of months of undercover work, was something the department heads who worked behind a desk didn’t understand. There is constant fear—fear of discovery and fear of letting the team down. Long-term investigations take a lot of money and manpower. He felt all of that riding on his shoulders.

Physically, he felt like he was done. He had had been tormented and beaten for hours and hours now with only the fear of death in sight.

He couldn’t believe it had all gone so horribly wrong. He was sure that Division would have no leads and, therefore, no chance of finding him at this point. He had been moved now so many times.

Over the years, he had accepted that he might meet his fate in a circumstance like this. After all, this job was what he was dedicated to and what he had trained for, and he was proud to defend his country.

Over the past year, though, things had changed for him. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he actually might have something else worth fighting for—Ashley Haven. He bounced between exhilaration and euphoria at the thought of this incredible woman and what life would be like with her as his partner.

He tried not to think about her too much though. It only added to his pain and despair. The thought that he may now never be able to let her know how he felt about her was more unbearable than the physical torture he had endured from his captors.

He had previously thought if he was ever in this position he’d currently found himself in, his whole life would flash before his eyes. Everyone says that is what happens, right? Yet he could only seem to think of the last year and how he had started to finally feel alive again. She was the reason for that. He cared for her in a way he didn’t understand. She felt more important to him than anything else, and yet he wondered how that was possible when she wasn’t even his.

He tried to forget and focus on that drip of water, but his mind kept wandering back to Ashley. They both worked for the FBI, the Los Angeles Domestic Unit, known as a resident agency. He was a director, and Ashley was his second-in-command.

At forty years of age, he had seen his share of the darker side of life. He had been a first lieutenant for the Marines, and he had also been in the Surveillance and Target Acquisition Platoon School, First Marine Division. He was a certified hand-to-hand combat defense instructor. He had a combined bachelor’s degree in computer engineering and computer science, giving him a master’s in computer science. After all those years of being solely in the field, he had made sure he had enough education behind him to land an intelligence job at the head office for the FBI.

He was done with spending every day wondering if he was going to make it out alive. So, for the past eighteen months, he’d been posted at the Los Angeles Domestic Unit as a tactical director for mainly domestic and international terrorism and cyber-crime.

He couldn’t have been happier. Now, finally, he was going to have a chance at having some sort of life outside of work. Ashley had been there now as well for the last fourteen months. She’d made his body feel things he had no idea were even possible.

Office relationships were frowned upon at work, and they had both done their best to remain professional so far. Because of the strong attraction he’d felt for Ashley ever since they had met, working with her had created a unique torment he’d not found a way to get past. In some ways, it was not unlike the torture he faced right now, which he could see no way of escaping from.

His mind started to race to yesterday morning when he had bumped into her in the break room. She had been wearing one of her deep-purple shirts and had left the top three buttons open. That was the type of thing that had made his day, despite it turning his insides into knots. He had perched himself up against the bench, hoping to get the best possible angle to discretely admire her.

Ashley was simply the most stunning woman he had ever seen. It wasn’t just about looks though with Ashley. It was every aspect of her personality. Her smile lit up any room she walked into, and her laugh was so infectious he found himself playing the class fool just to see her smile and hear her laugh. She was so intelligent and quick-witted, and he loved that she challenged him constantly. It was like some higher power had assembled his most perfect woman and partner in life and then dangled her in front of him for the past year. He had never believed in love at first sight until the day he met her. He hadn’t believed in soul mates either. That was until he met Ashley.

He had spent the past fourteen months getting to know her as much as he possibly could. They were best friends. Even though his heart ached for more, he had no idea if she felt the same way back. There were so many hints that she dropped, but the idea that someone as incredible as Ashley would want to be with him often made him wonder if he was being too hopeful or reading into something that wasn’t there. The thought that she might not really care for him or want a future with him turned his stomach inside out. It had been that fear that had kept him from making a move all this time.

They had chemistry though—despite trying to remain professional. It was powerful. They shared lingering looks and always made excuses to speak to one another in person rather than make a quick call. Sometimes the sexual tension between them felt so thick he would have to excuse himself from the situation just to calm himself down.

Now he sat in this tiny cell, after being kicked and punched more times than he could count. He was cuffed to the rails and expecting to be executed at any moment, but all he thought about was how much he wished she could know how he felt about her. The feeling in his heart at that thought hurt more than his injuries.

At long last, his eyes left the water on the wall and closed as he dropped his head. He had never felt so alone in his life.

His watch had been stripped from him, but he knew that time was running out. Division hadn’t found him. He was sure there were mere minutes left until his captors came back for him. They had spoken Russian in front of him, unaware he could understand. Their plan was to kill him in an hour. It now felt that every second dragged by as slowly as five or six hours would have.

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Ashley turned her head away from her superior, David, as he spoke to her. She had been fighting tears for twelve hours now, and she felt like every time she went to open her mouth, they were going to catch up to her.

Yesterday, Jackson had gone out into the field on what initially had looked like a manageable situation. Intel had led Division to a warehouse full of weapons, computers, and explosives. Jackson had gone to inspect the place with a tactical team.

She had teamed up with Jackson in the argument against their superiors that they were simply not ready for this mission. It seemed so foolish to risk all the months of undercover work Jackson had put in just because they wanted this group caught now. Division didn’t want to spend another cent or any more time on this group, and so the decision had been made against everyone else’s better judgement.

They had been ambushed within minutes, and only four out of the seven agents had been rescued. Two agents were killed in crossfire. Then there was Jackson, who had completely vanished.

If she had truly lost Jackson, she would never forgive Lawson, David, and the entire resident agency. This was their fault. She vowed she would quit—her days of defending what she thought was right, were over. She could barely look at any of them. She seethed with so much hate and resentment. They had been the ones to put Jackson and his team in such unnecessary imminent danger.

Ashley thought she had been through plenty of hell before in her life, but now she knew it didn’t get any more terrifying than this. She couldn’t believe, after everything they had been through, that Jackson was missing, presumed by everyone to be dead.

She had basically put herself in charge of tactical for Jackson’s recovery as soon as he disappeared. David was there as well, but it was Ashley who was driving everything. She didn’t leave one stone, one lead, unturned. She had spent hours racing around the bull pen instructing every agent on what to do. How to keep looking for the next lead and not allowing anyone to stop for even a second. Too much was at risk.

Now she was about to head out in a surveillance van to the last location—it was their last lead and hope of finding him.

The man she loved with her entire heart could be gone, and he would never know how much she loved him. He’d never know he was her rock, the reason why she got through this job most days.

"Ashley? Ashley?"

Ashley squeezed her eyes shut as tight as she could, to stop the tears, and then turned back to David. Yes?

Did you hear what I said, Ashley?

Sorry … can you run that past me again?

David looked at her with sorrow in his eyes and slowly shook his head. He was clicking a pen in his hand, but he stopped and sat on the edge of Jackson’s desk.

I know we have been over this, but I’m going to say it again. I think you should go home and try and get some rest. You are not going to be any help to Jackson if you run yourself into the ground.

I can’t …

You have done an amazing job so far, Ashley, but I can see that this is getting to you. I can’t afford to have you running this if your head is not one hundred percent on the mission.

Ashley took a deep breath and tried to make sure her voice didn’t waiver as she spoke. I’ll be okay. I promise. I just needed a minute.

Elijah is going to be arriving at the location in just a couple of minutes. You need to leave now. The van is ready …

Ashley nodded her head. Yes, sir. Everyone is ready.

David studied her for another moment before nodding his head. Then he turned around and headed out of the office. He knew something was going on between Ashley and Jackson. That much was clear to about everyone, but he didn’t know how involved they were.

If they were not so short-staffed and operating at one hundred percent, he would have forced Ashley to go home. The truth was, though, she was one of the best they had. So far, she had done a good job. He couldn’t fault any of her decisions or judgements. He was concerned now, though, that as each lead turned up useless, Ashley was getting closer to burning out.

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Elijah was on comm with Ashley and a new woman they had transferred from another department a month ago, Natalie.

Are you there, Ashley?

Yes, Elijah. What is your position?

I can see two men that appear to be guarding the complex. I’m going to …

Wait, Elijah, I have a potential threat. Coordinates A-4 moving towards A-5.

It was too late. The sound of gunfire pierced Ashley’s ears as it rang through her comm. She gasped with shock. She called Elijah’s name over and over, but he didn’t respond. She switched channels and tried him again and then her other agents, but minutes passed, and she heard nothing.

Ashley felt like she had stopped breathing and that everything was going in slow motion.

Another explosion went off next to her surveillance van, sending her body flying through the air and smashing into the side of the van wall. The van doors opened up, and men stormed the vehicle, and so she lay still, pretending to be dead. The sound of gunfire was never-ending, and her ears felt like they were bleeding. Someone kicked her body, looking for a sign of life, and it took everything she had to not respond.

She breathed so shallow, hoping her breathing would go completely undetected. It felt like hours before she heard them leave the van.

Silence filled the office as everyone waited for a word from the team on the ground. All that David could hear was the sound of Natalie on her computer. He checked every channel on their comm. All their satellite feeds were lost. They had nothing.

After what felt like an eternity, Ashley felt someone enter the van again, lean over her, and gently touch her neck to check for a pulse.

Ashley, can you hear me? It’s Richard. I am going to get you out of here.

She turned her head to the side to see his face, unsure if this was really happening or if she was dreaming. Thank God. Thank you, Richard …

Come here. He picked her up in his arms and raced her out to an awaiting chopper.

Before she knew it, she was lying on a stretcher, surrounded by medics, as the helicopter took them back to Division.

She lay as still as she could, trying to listen for anything coming through on her comm. She told the medics multiple times she was fine—and that she had simply been playing dead when she was surrounded by the hostiles.

There was clicking in her ear, and then Elijah’s voice could be heard softly. We have got Jackson. Five hostiles are down.

Before she had a chance to speak, Richard spoke back into his comm. I have Ashley here as well, seems to be unharmed. Making our way back in.

Ashley couldn’t wait any longer. Is Jackson okay?

It was the longest few seconds of her life as she waited for the response from Elijah. He’s alive. Don’t know how bad. We have him in the chopper in …

Her legs went weak, and her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest. He was alive. She didn’t hear anything else that was said, only that Jackson was alive.

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Ashley’s chopper was the first to arrive. Against instructions from the medics, she stood up and hopped out of the chopper. She couldn’t make it down to the medic room fast enough. She saw David as she approached the unit doors.

Is it true? Is he going to be okay?

David smiled at her. It’s true—thanks to you.

He walked over and gently touched her shoulder. Good job, Ashley. Jackson will be brought into the clinic shortly. Why don’t you go take a few minutes while you wait for him? You really need to be checked out as well.

I’m fine. Trust me, I’m fine.

Ashley looked at David and gave him a small smile and then wiped her cheeks. She tried so hard to keep some form of composure as she made her way to the restroom. As soon as she was in a stall, she leaned her head against the wall and tried to take some deep breaths.

‘He’s alive,’ she repeated it over and over in her head, but it was as though she wouldn’t be able to feel it or truly accept it until she saw him.

Meanwhile, Jackson was airlifted back to Division. He was conscious and able to talk to Elijah and tell him everything he knew. Elijah held a hand on Jackson’s shoulder the whole way back.

Thanks, Elijah …

Don’t mention it. I’m …

Jackson didn’t know what to say as he stared at him. Elijah, I don’t even know what to say. Thank you … you …

He was still in shock that he had actually been found. He couldn’t believe they had found him. He had been so sure it was all over. He let out a deep breath in relief.

Elijah shook his head. It’s Ashley you need to thank. She is the one who figured out where you were …

Elijah stopped when he saw the glimmer in Jackson’s eyes at just hearing her name. They stared at each other for a few moments. There was so much to say, and yet, as always with Elijah and Jackson, they never really had to say much at all. They knew what the other one was thinking.

Jackson couldn’t wait any longer. Elijah? How is Ashley?

I don’t know Ashley that well, Jackson, other than I know I can count on her and trust her. She must really care about you. She only left the office to go into the field, and she basically just took over the lead with tactical and David.

Jackson felt his heart race a little bit. She came into the field? Is she okay? Where is she? How come …

Elijah half smiled and put his hand on Jackson’s chest to get him to stop, slow down, and take a breath.

Yes, she hadn’t left the office since you disappeared, mate. She took over running tactical with David the entire time. The one time she left was to keep the lead in a surveillance van on our unit as we stormed the place. She is fine though.

Jackson took a deep breath as he let everything he had heard sink in. But I’ve been gone hours. She wouldn’t have slept or …

Exactly! agreed Elijah.

Elijah could see how much Jackson cared about Ashley just by the look in his eyes as they spoke about her. His natural instinct was to warn Jackson about getting involved in an office relationship, but he stopped himself. Jackson had been through absolute hell. He was in a huge amount of pain and still didn’t know how badly he could be injured internally. If Ashley made him feel good, he wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that. He watched as Jackson closed his eyes a little.

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They pulled Jackson out of the helicopter. He tried to tell them he could walk, but they didn’t listen. Three men simply picked him up, put him straight onto a stretcher, and then wheeled him quickly down to the clinic.

It was just starting to register to Jackson that he was safe. Everything in the helicopter had felt a little like a dream. Now, as he stared at the ceiling of Division while being wheeled to the clinic, it all hit him like a ton of bricks …

An hour ago, he was sure he was almost dead. Now he knew he was about to see Ashley again, but he had no idea how she would be. All of those hours by himself had given him far too much time to think about every little interaction he had with her. He had come to the conclusion that if he ever did see Ashley again, she wouldn’t feel the way he did. He was so angry at himself that he hadn’t been honest with her about his feelings a long time ago. He felt an intense anger that added to the physical agony he was in. It was all so painful that he couldn’t think straight.

He felt like he blinked, but when he opened his eyes again, he saw Ashley. Just like that, she was there. She stood near the door of the clinic as they wheeled him past her. She was covered in soot and had some scrapes on her arms and legs. Jackson tried to catch her eye, but he was blocked by the four people surrounding his stretcher. He heard her sweet voice say his name, and for the first time in a couple days, his heart did a little flip of excitement.

Chapter 2

Ashley held back and let the doctors crowd Jackson and start helping him. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. Her view kept getting blocked, but she continued to stare at the bed, waiting to hear how he was. After what felt like hours, but was only a couple minutes, she couldn’t stand it any longer and stepped inside the door.

What’s Jackson’s status? Is he … is he going to be okay?

Michael, the head doctor, turned around and looked at her.

Ashley, I have just given Jackson some pain medication. We are trying to work through his injuries. I’ll give you an update as soon as I know a little more. You really should be on a bed yourself getting checked out.

But is he okay?

Michael was surprised by the vulnerability in Ashley’s voice. He had never seen her like this before. He wondered how long she had gone without sleep. Her eyes were very red and swollen, suggesting she had been crying heavily.

He stepped to the side a little. Would you like to say hello? He is awake.

Ashley nodded her head and said yes. When Michael stepped to the side, she saw Jackson’s whole face for the first time. He turned his head and opened his eyes to look at her. Ashley felt like she was breathless on the spot when she made eye contact with Jackson. She had absolutely no idea how to handle her emotions. She wanted nothing more than to run and kiss him and hold him in her arms, but she also felt the eyes of everyone else in the room on her. She had no idea how Jackson was or what he was thinking.

Ashley hadn’t moved. She stood still, stunned, staring at Jackson. After a few moments, he raised his hand a little and used his fingers to signal for her to come closer. She stepped up to the bed.

His voice was deep and husky. I hear I owe you a big thank-you. He gave her a huge smile.

Ashley knew she would cry as soon as she opened her mouth. Are you going to be okay? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. She threw her hand over her mouth as she started to sob.

Hey, hey, why are you saying sorry, Ash? He couldn’t stand to see her cry. He wanted to reach up and pull her into his arms, but he couldn’t.

"I took too long to …"

Jackson didn’t want her to finish that sentence. There was no way in hell he was going to let her feel guilty about anything. He was so frustrated that he couldn’t sit up and hug her, but someone was holding his left arm and setting it up with an IV. He raised his other hand to her again, but she had taken a little step back. He couldn’t reach her.

He cut her off. Hey, you did amazing. I’m going to be just fine, Ashley.

Michael stepped back over next to Jackson. I really need to keep going, Ashley.

He felt bad cutting their conversation short, especially when she was so clearly distressed. He had