The Best Husband Is a Dead Husband

By James Gallo

This book is the story of how God moved in the life of one couple from before we even knew Him to bring us to a place where we look back and know that He profoundly affected our life and marriage and our kids. This book is intended to inspire husbands to live out the scriptural mandate to love your wives like Christ loved the church, He gave Himself up for it. There is room in every husbands life for improvement. If you don't agree, ask your wife and I'm pretty sure you'll get another opinion. If you do want to try to improve your relationship with your wife, you'll find truths and principles described which will make sense to you. It is one thing to see a truth and know that it's important but it is something else again to apply that truth to your life in a meaningful way that actually affects and changes you. My hope is that this book will be one of the instruments that God will use to strengthen your marriage and take you on a ride that will bring you enjoyment, happiness, and satisfaction.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 24, 2014
• ISBN: 9781304976796

Book preview

The Best Husband Is a Dead Husband

The Best Husband Is a Dead Husband

What Every Christian Husband Should Know

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it

Copyright

© 2014 James Gallo. All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-1-304-97679-6

Revision 4

Available at lulu.com

Foreword/Acknowledgement

If you’re a man, you were obviously not so offended by the title of this book that you didn’t even give it a chance.  I commend you for that and hope that you find what you’re looking for.  On the other hand, if you’re a wife, I hope you didn’t get the wrong idea!  Please let me explain.

I first learned that I had some work to do on my marriage on October 15, 1985. The occasion was a men's Saturday morning breakfast in New Covenant church in Hopewell Junction, NY. My reason for even going to the meeting was the same as the many times I had gone to this type of event in the past; to be with my friends from church and enjoy a good meal.  The meeting started out as most normally did.  I got my cup of coffee and looked around for anyone I knew.  The men mingled with those they knew and talked about whatever was on their minds.  I knew some of the men better than others but I still felt somewhat uncomfortable.  I was among men who had been attending this church much longer than I did and seemed to know what typical behavior was for this particular kind of meeting.  As I settled in and adapted to the atmosphere, I didn’t know that this time there would be such a significant effect on me that it would forever change my life.  My pastor at the time was Russ Williamson.  He called us together, opened with a prayer, and started teaching about the Seven Basic Needs of a Wife. As he began, I of course had my notebook opened to start transcribing the cliff notes of what was being said.  What happened over the next few hours was amazing.  After giving an introduction, he began to expound on the subject with clarity and depth.  I struggled to write fast enough to keep up with and capture all that he had to say.  The wisdom that I was hearing struck deep and was exciting in ways I hadn’t experienced before.  In my mind I wasn’t even asking how he knew so much about wives because it just seemed to make so much sense.  Shouldn’t it be obvious that a wife would want her husband to be able to help her in her Christian walk?  Shouldn’t it be obvious that a wife would want her husband to cherish her and make it known to her that she was the most important person in his life?  On and on, thoughts and insights like this made their way into my notebook, a notebook that I still have and treasure after 48 years of wedded bliss.  When that teaching was over, a journey started that my wife Pat and I have been on ever since. There were about 30 men in attendance that day and I can only hope that they were as profoundly affected as I was.  I don't know how all of them were affected that day but I know God did something in me to cause me to seek to follow the truths that were taught. Fortunately for me and Pat and my family, He also gave me the ability to achieve as much as I have in carrying out the tenets I was taught that day. I'm sure of this because I know I couldn't have done all that followed without His grace.  I believe that God does not ask you to do anything that He first doesn’t give you the power and authority to carry out.  Were it not for His preeminent working, we would be left without the wherewithal to have a successful marriage, or anything else for that matter.

When watching an ESPN show celebrating the 100 best football coaches of all time, there was a quote from Vince Lombardi who was voted number one on the list.  He addressed his team and said; We will always strive for perfection, knowing we will never reach it but, in doing so, we will reach excellence. Shouldn’t we strive even more for perfection in our marriages?  Are they not of much greater importance than the career achievements of a coach and his team?

Subsequent to this teaching that I received, I noticed the biblical principle defined in Ephesians 5:25.  I had seen this scripture before but now it took on a whole new meaning.  It was no longer just a religious sounding statement but rather a description of behavior to be followed.  Once the acceptance took place I was obligated in my mind to find out how to put it into practice.  I now believed what it said, that a husband needs to die for his wife, just as Christ did for the church.  In my mind it seemed to fit perfectly with the teaching I had received.   This led directly to the title of this book.  My mind had thought about what it might be like to be dead as you serve your wife;  a dead man would not focus on himself, a dead man would not look to satisfy himself, a dead man would not react negatively to stimuli; in other words, you’re dead to self.  Then doesn’t it follow that The Best Husband is a Dead Husband?

And remember, all scripture is good for training in righteousness. The marriage scriptures are included;

2Ti 3:16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

So the added benefit of attempting to apply these principles in your life is you are being trained in righteousness.  I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, killing two birds with one stone.  Here’s a way to receive its benefits.

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The coupling together of the teaching and Ephesians 5 implications results in a blueprint that Christian men can use as part of our guide to fulfilling God’s plan for our marriages.  I’m sure there are other teachings and scriptures that you may find along the way that will help you in your particular walk.  I encourage you to look for them.  God knows each one of us and He knows how to approach us to bring out the best in us.  It’s going to be a different path for everyone.  The goal is the same but how you get there may be different than many other men. 

My thanks go out to my daughters Michele Sabatelli, Melissa Osborn, Jenni Pilcher and my friends Bonnie Mudryk and Kathy Thurnau for proofreading and editing, and providing constructive advice as I undertook the writing of this book.  It was humorous to see how concerned some of them were when they gave me their first reviews.  I think they were worried that they might dampen my enthusiasm for finishing the project.  This didn’t stop them from making suggestions they thought would improve the final product.  My thanks also go out to all four of my kids for providing their input describing how this teaching affected them.  They surprised me with their thoughts at my 70th birthday party, a family dinner at the Angus Barn in Raleigh, NC.  All I had asked for was steak and lobster and they gave me something which will last a lifetime.

I must also thank my wife, Pat, for working with me all these years to help me flesh out this teaching day by day, year by year.  Without her love and encouragement, I would not have even attempted to pursue the tenets contained here.  She put me to the test and made me a better man and husband and father.  You’ll see later how much our kids respect and love her for the life she’s lived and the relationship she has with them.  She’s still the love of my life and always will be.

Where did I come from?

In 1943 I was born in Brooklyn where almost every Italian I know was born.  My family background is Italian; both my parents, all four grandparents, with some born in Italy.  There’s nothing mixed in there.  When you grow up in an Italian household, you learn things.  Family is important and sometimes they live next door whether you like it or not.  Where I grew up in Long Island, NY, next door was Uncle Orfeo and his family.  Then next to them were Grandma and Grandpa with Aunt Trudy and her family living upstairs.  Around the corner were Uncle Johnny and then Uncle Jimmy and then Aunt Teresa and their families.  There were good times like when Uncle Jerry came out from Brooklyn to visit in his brand new Pontiac.  He would arrive with a big smile on his face with his wife and kids.  We might sit around before dinner and tell jokes or stories. Somebody always had a new story to tell of what just happened in their life since the last time we saw each other.  It might be happy or it might be sad but they got the chance to tell it in their own peculiar way.  We might throw a softball around or play hide and seek in my Grandfathers big back yard, running in and out of the stables or chicken coops. When it was time for dinner, we all went running to the house expecting a great home cooked Italian meal.  Dinner was usually a fiasco.  People were eating and drinking, talking and yelling, and crying and laughing and singing, all at the same time.  It wasn’t unusual for one to be mad at another because they were carrying a grudge from years ago.  It might have been that one thought he owned the piano that she now featured in her living room.  After dinner, Uncle Jerry would take out his guitar, someone else would sit at the piano and old tunes, both Italian and American would fill the parlor.  You could sing if you wanted to even if you sang off key.  Nobody cared.   I loved it.  To have my family around me with the camaraderie and good old fashioned fun was something I always looked forward to.  There was certainly no positive spiritual influence from this time in my life and I didn’t know I needed any.  My family was Catholic.  When I did go to church, it’s because my Grandmother went and took me along or there was a baptism, first communion, confirmation, wedding or a funeral.

I learned what marriage was all about

As you might expect, I learned what marriage was all about from watching my family, watching their friends, watching TV and seeing movies.  First