Yet to Become

By Kara L Johnston

In an isolated town where perfection is the goal, one girl will have to fight her fear and battle her insecurities to decide who she is. Mandated to compete in her town's Exhibition, she must prove her value to society if she doesn't want to lose the people she loves the most.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Oct 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312603547

Book preview

Yet to Become

Yet to Become

Story and Cover Photo

by Kara L. Johnston

Copyright © 2014

Kara L. Johnston

All Rights Reserved

ISBN 978-1-312-60354-7

Acknowledgments

To God, my father and friend, who is my source of life, love, joy, strength and inspiration.

To Alyssa Hughes, Deb Hughes, Ashley Cobb, Cyndi, Autumn Norman and Mom, who acted as editors and reminded me that this story was worth telling. Your excitement and feedback helped me to keep writing.

To my family, who have seen me at my worst and still believed that I was capable of my best, thank you for being exactly what I need. Mom, you have shown me what strength and compassion look like. Shaun, my younger but much more mature brother, you are an example of perseverance and evidence that even in the darkest times, hope is the light that never fades. Kelly, my older and wiser sister, I admire your boldness and down to earth logic. Jeff, my brother in law, you are proof that good guys still exist and I am so glad my sister found you. Finally, Jake, my sweet and entertaining nephew, you have brought so much joy to our family.

This book is dedicated to the memory of my late Grandma Betty, who always chose to view others in the best possible light.

Chapter One

I never knew any different. How could I? My whole life had been spent here with my family and friends. The town that I was born into was built upon perfection and molded by expectation. Separated on one side by Border Lake and the other by a large metal gate, it was protected from the outside towns. It was constructed with the courtyard at its core. It was there that social events took center stage. It was there that I discovered who I was and who I had yet to become.

The day began like every day usually began in the small town of Shoal. All around town, shops and businesses opened and office workers began their day’s allotted work. Yard workers swept the sidewalks and gardeners tended to the flowers in front of the shops. It appeared to be like every other day of the past year.

Early morning light pushed through my blinds. I begrudgingly awoke to the sound of children’s happy laughter in the grassy courtyard in the middle of town. I forced my head off of the pillow and stumbled to the window. My weary eyes focused as I watched them play in the distance. Their high pitched squeals bounced around the courtyard. A smile swept across my face.

How content they were. How carefree. How I envied them. Closing my eyes, I remembered what it felt like to be young growing up in Shoal, how much fun it was to run across the grass and weave in and out of trees. I would almost go breathless as I ran up and down the stairs to the stage, trying to defeat my own time with each attempt. My friend Chandra and I would run laps around the stage as Nick stood by to judge who the winner was. The wind crashed wildly against my face and freedom lingered at my feet as I held my arms up at my shoulders and pretended the wind could carry me high over the town. At that age, I didn’t believe in limits.

I was so young, so naïve as all children are. That’s the way they prefer children to be. However, children grow up and ignorance fades.

Birthdays were celebrated jointly for all of the children in the spring until the age of fifteen. I looked forward to this celebration with uncontainable excitement. Families and friends would gather to enjoy great food and entertainment. There was dancing and music. My sister, Rosa, was the entertainment for years. Everyone was silent as she moved in rhythm with the music as Clef played his composition on the piano behind her, her slender body forming art with every movement. I was mesmerized as Rosa transformed herself into someone that exceeded skill and beauty, someone that defined it.

I tried to memorize the moves in that moment. I would even mimic them in my room at night when I was supposed to be sleeping. While I hummed the music, I moved my body awkwardly. I was always frustrated that what I saw in the mirror didn’t look like what Rosa looked like on stage. I didn’t have her grace and no amount of practice could fix that. I would never be what came so easily to Rosa.

Even though, I enjoyed the music and the games, the best part of the celebration was always when the mayor, Val, presented the cake. It was elegant, decorated with gorgeous icing flowers and each celebrant’s name on the top. It was nice seeing my name on such a beautiful and delicious work of art.

As much fun as each birthday celebration was, I looked forward to my sixteen birthday even more. After the age of fifteen, there was a special birthday celebration held separately from the joint celebration. This event was for celebrants turning sixteen, their families and individuals over the age of fifteen. Of course, I had the highest expectations for the party. However, this special celebration proved to be much different from anything I expected. There were no games or entertainment. Instead of revealing a brightly decorated cake, they revealed a sobering truth.

An eerie silence crept over the community in attendance. Though I didn’t understand why or what was about to happen, I knew that something that wrong. Val directed each celebrant to stand across from him on the stage. As we faced him and the audience, he called the council to join him. The members of council, including my father, stood together to the side of the stage. As Val began to speak, I felt the freedom of my childhood fade.

Upon turning sixteen, you are no longer free to exist in society without being held to its standards. Until this day, you have been granted the privilege of your youth. However, you are now on the precipice of adulthood and for this reason must begin to consider and demonstrate your future roles within Shoal. Val paused for emphasis. You will be allotted two years to perfect your skills for when you compete in this essential exhibition that will determine where you rank, if at all, in the productivity and sustainability of Shoal. Should the council deem you unworthy, you will be banished to the rock, a facility designed to house illegitimates. May your endeavors to validate your worth be rewarded by a place in our humble society.

At first I thought I had heard him wrong.  It didn’t make sense. However, the calm smile on Val’s face assured me that it was unavoidable. My peers and myself  were then directed to raise our left hand and repeat Val’s words that swore our duty as contributors to the success of Shoal that dictated the solution if a citizen did not.

"As a citizen of Shoal, I both acknowledge and accept that I will contribute positively and effectively to the town and maintain its productivity through my loyal participation.

As a citizen of Shoal, I accept that I must demonstrate evidence of such contribution formally upon my eighteenth birthday.

As a citizen of Shoal, I will not participate nor condone any behavior that would inhibit its success or counteract its productivity.

As a citizen of Shoal, I will willingly comply with the traditions that have been set forth and upheld by the Council and acknowledge that any failure to do so will result in a loss of citizenship within the walls of Shoal."

The words were heavy. I looked around at other’s faces trying to decide how to properly react to this news. Too afraid to look at my father, I found Mom’s face in the crowd, but she would not meet my eyes. My sister and brother-in-law, Rosa and Thal, glanced uncomfortably at each other before turning their gaze to the ground. Chandra answered my glance with strained eyes, while Nick’s face grew cold. Most of my peer’s faces communicated shock, some expressed fear, while a few suggested a completely different feeling. Scarlett, upon hearing the news, smiled. It was if she already decided that she had an advantage, as if she knew that she couldn’t lose.

After reciting the Citizens’ Oath alongside my peers, the birthday ceremonies closed and we left without cake. It was clear to me then that I could no longer behave like a child.

While at home, I unloaded question after question upon my parents. How was this Exhibition supposed to show us anything? Why couldn’t we just choose what to do with our lives? My father explained that individuals needed guidance from an objective source to define who they were and how they met the social needs of Shoal. Feeling betrayed, I demanded to know why they didn’t tell me about this before, why they couldn’t have warned me. 

My father only said, It is forbidden for the sake of the children.

However, Mom patiently explained that children were hidden from the secret to cultivate their potential. Council uses this short time in the children’s life to watch them, assess their skills and establish projective scores that would later be compared against their performance scores. Revealing this to children would taint the accuracy of these projected scores. Each citizen could potentially receive a score as high as ten, though few ever did.

Two years didn’t feel long enough to prepare myself to compete. They didn’t offer any official training and no one was permitted to help prepare or guide me. We weren’t taught anything apart from the basic skills we had been previously taught during Fundamental Education, held from age five until sixteen, consisting of basic math, reading, writing and town history. Each competitor would have to teach themselves skills that they felt would be indispensable to the town. I had no idea where to begin.

In the spring, the town would hold an exhibition where those talents or traits would be put on display in a three day competition. For the first round, entries would be required to present a skill. For the second round, they would be judged on appearance. The third round required the remaining entries would have to perform a skill assigned to them from Val. At the end of each round, competitors would be eliminated based on their scores until only six remained, to manage the population of course, consisting of an equal number of male and female. However, once eliminated, the individual would spend the rest of their days in banishment from the town.

Rosa tried to assure me that it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. She had competed three years before that and she didn’t have any problems. Although she was trying to help, I knew she was wrong. Her story and her success would never be mine. The exhibition would not be easy for me as it was for her. Since, I didn’t have her looks nor possess her talents. I would never be enough.

Rosa was five years older than me and seemed to have been born with everything I wanted. It was as if she was the goal and I was an afterthought. From the time we were young, people always compared us. I couldn’t blame them. They probably couldn’t help but notice the differences. Rosa has always been beautiful with deep red, long curly hair and bright eyes just like Mom. She was graceful and confident. Compared to her slim figure and elegant stature, I was unattractive with my medium height, heavy hips, plain brown hair, and dull eyes.

Nobody seemed to notice more than my father. When we were little my father would hold Rosa on his lap and exclaim, Rosa, My beautiful flower He would then hug her and curl his fingers around her hair. You look so much like your Mother. he would say as he looked across the living room at my mother, who would only smile at him. My mother would then catch my glance and smile warmly at me. I knew she was only trying to comfort me so I would force a smile. My eyes could never hide the hurt I felt, at least not from her. She knew me too well.

Every time, I saw how people looked from Rosa to me, I wanted to scream. It would have only further hurt me though. As citizens of Shoal, we were forbidden to draw negative attention to ourselves. Any attention, positive or negative was to be decided by the council and it was generally done so in a formal setting.

It was annoying, hearing the comments spoken quietly to each other about how ‘some people are late bloomers’ and ‘not everyone finds their place right away’. It isn’t like they weren’t saying what I didn’t already know, but that didn’t help the truth hurt any less. Reality was that I never could be as good.

Imagination stepped in where reality had failed me. I sought solace when thoughts threatened my peace. In those moments, I would sneak beyond the houses, past the businesses so that I could sit beside the Border Lake. Since no one besides Nick and I seemed to pay attention to the lake, I was usually alone. I’d stare into the rippling water imagining it washing over me, as it consumed my disappointments. I wondered how long it would take to push myself through the water to come out on the other side in a different place.

I wanted to escape. I needed to be free of the comparisons.

Nick and I would meet there sometimes when the light would start to fade but Chandra chose not to come with us, since Council had declared the lake off limits. They explained that in order to ensure that no one would risk drowning, it was the best prevention to avoid the temptation altogether. That wasn’t reason enough for me to stay away. It was the only place where I felt free from the eyes and restrictions of the town.

Once, when I was eleven years old, I was almost brave enough to step into the water. I had lifted my foot and was lowering it over the water when the town siren sounded. This generally meant that there was a special ceremony we needed to attend or a special broadcast to watch. Special broadcasts were designed to share valuable information including status promotions, marriage matches, technological advances, births and special events. On this occasion, however, we were required to attend a special ceremony that celebrated Ty’s assignment to Security Administrator.

Ty had just won the Exhibition that year by demonstrating strength. Since his victory, Council decided that they would create a position in which he could utilize his skill. I watched in silence as he spoke.

What an honor to be in the position to uphold the laws that preserves that success of the great town of Shoal, a town that exemplifies the individual’s success, a town that defines progress, Ty said. I vow that I will not fail Val, who has served us so faithfully. I will continue to embrace and enforce the statutes that this town was built on. I will serve the citizens unwaveringly and protect Shoal from any threats of offense.

At this exclamation, everyone cheered, some out of duty and some out of gratitude. The town enjoyed a congratulatory party to celebrate his job assignment.  After saying his goodbyes to his friends and parents, Ty immediately took his position at the Rock, maintaining security measures.

The courtyard was now quiet and I sat on the front porch swing, eyes focused on the stage in the distance. Tomorrow was so close. Tomorrow, I would be standing on that stage with eyes on me, waiting for perfection. Tomorrow, I could be eliminated. Tomorrow, I would probably fail the town, disappoint the Council, and embarrass my family. If I failed, it wouldn’t just hurt me. It would hurt my entire family.

Chapter Two

Penny? My mother’s voice broke my trance.  I turned to see her questioning eyes on me. She leaned against the door with her arms folded.

Trying to hide my fear behind a weak smile, I calmly responded. Oh, hey Mom.

She paused before sitting down.

What are you doing?

Oh, just enjoying the quiet, I said, trying to avoid her eyes.

Oh, do you want me to leave? She asked.

"Of course not. You are always welcome to sit