Ashes

By Maeghan Jo Kimball

Eight years have passed since Lila Raspreno and Anderson Olm raided Banbury’s compound to rescue Lila’s adopted son, Nate. Eight years since they discovered Arlo, another one of Banbury’s genetic experiments amid the chaos. Eight years since Lila and Andy became bound to one another. So many questions were answered, while others were left to fester. Including the future of SAPP; the School of the Advancement of Practical Psionics and Lila herself.
Arlo Anderson Olm, the genetic and adopted son of Lila and Andy who has just turned 8, is experiencing violent dreams from those first few tumultuous months of his life as his powers intensify and can't be controlled. A new-comer, Billy, a young Psion of Korean descent, moves in with the already stressed Olm clan when Lila decides he needs specialized attention. Then there is Nate and his partner, Jonah, who is already disabled and suffers a devastating mental snap. It seems like everything is happening at once and Lila isn’t sure how much more she can take.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781329510043

Maeghan Jo Kimball

Entergetic and fun-loving writer and participant in life. Always liking for new experiences and new things to write about, Maeghan can be found at Music Festivals, conventions, or even just a walk in the woods. Always willing to discuss her writings, life, TV and movies, she loves company and craves stimulating conversations.

Book preview

Ashes

Ashes

Book Two of the SAPP Trilogy

By Maeghan Jo Kimball

Copyright 2015 Lulu Author

All Rights Reserved

ISBN 978-1-329-51004-3

www.flamingaccordions.com

Maeghan Jo Kimball

Cover Art By Jam

Jamknight.deviantart.com

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank my chosen sister, Wendy Chiles. This would have never happened if you hadn’t believed in me and pushed me when I wanted to crawl inside a hole and hide.

I would like to thank Michelle and Michael Benczkowski. Without them I would have never found Lila’s humanity or the world of Eventing. They taught me everything I know about horses and have always been there when I needed them.

I would like to thank my fellow Authors who have read through the crappy rough drafts and listened to me sport ridiculous ideas: Aimee Childs, Amanda Jenson, Brandie Yalniz, Katie Crabb, Katy Noe, Kerry Fray, Penny Nash.

I would like to thank Scythian for providing my writing soundtracks and giving me an excuse to get out from behind the computer from time to time.

www.Scythianmusic.com

I would like to thank my family; Mom, Dad, and Kari.

I would like to thank my Chosen family, who are too numerous to name here, but they know who they are.

Teaser- Arlo

Too much! Too much! It hurts. I screamed at the dream. I knew it was a dream. They all started like this.

I wanted it to stop. The banging. The flashing and pain. They always came with the dreams. I just wanted it to stop.

Nate! Nate! Don’t do it, Nate! I knew that voice but at the same time, I didn’t.

I spun, trying to locate him. Was he the one causing the light and pain? Where was he? Where was I? Who was Nate?

We’re all going to die! And it’s her fault! Another voice I didn’t know except for in the dream.

Jonah? Don’t leave me, Jonah!

It was meant to be this way. He never could have saved us. Forgive me, brother. There are more voices that I don’t understand. And there are guns going off. Dozens. Hundreds. I can taste the gunpowder in the air. I need to find something, grab anything that makes sense. I have nothing. I am nothing.

That’s not true. I have power. I have the ability to make it all stop. I reached deep down to grab it. Like snakes wiggling in my hands. All it takes is a thought. A thought and I can make it all stop. But the fire is close and getting closer. It was coming, coming to kill me. I had to do it. I had to do something to stop the fire.

Arlo. Arlo, honey. Wake up.

That voice. It was real. It wasn’t trying to hurt me. She is trying help me. The snakes wiggle faster in my hands, trying to break free. I want to let them go, but I can’t. If I let go then they can get me. I have no idea who they are but they scare me.

Ar, come on baby. It’s just a dream. She continued to plead with me. I can feel her hands holding me down.

NO! I try to break free. I have to break free or the fire will burn me.

OLM! She screamed, the panic evident in her voice. I must be winning. I need that bucket now!

Something hit me. Cold and wet. I sucked in a wet deep breath. It was gone. The dream, with the snakes and the fire and the guns and everything else was gone. It hurt to breathe. Everything hurt.

As the nightmare faded, I knew where I was and what had happened. I had tried to use my Psionics while I was dreaming, again. They had used the water bucket to stop me, again, which meant that I had been really close to hurting them. I hated this. I hated not being in control of my powers. I hated hurting them. I was crying and hiccupping before I realized it.

It’s okay, baby. Come on, Ar. I need you to focus on me, let the dream go. Let the thoughts go. Deep breaths, come on. Her voice was patient and soothing, hitting that rhythm that made me feel safe. I was safe. She would make sure of it. Come on, Ar. I need you to acknowledge me.

Mommy? I whispered, pushing through everything and remembering who that voice was. Remembering that I wasn’t in that building that was burning to the ground. I was safe. I was home. That woman holding me down was my mother, Lila. She would keep me safe. She would protect me. She loved me.

That’s right, Ar. It’s mom. I felt her panic release. The edges of everything relaxed. It was just a nightmare. You’re okay now.

My mother is beautiful. Her brown hair all messy, but she was smiling at me. Nothing was wrong when she was smiling at me. I hadn’t hurt anyone. I hadn’t hurt her by accident. I… sorry. I hiccupped between sobs. I had almost used what she called a Telepathic Blast. I could have hurt her and dad.

It’s okay. Just relax. Let it go. She soothed, pressing her hand on my cheek.

I looked over at Dad, who was panting. He had the bucket in his hands. I had let them down. I couldn’t stop the tears or the hiccups as they continued. I didn’t…I’m sorry…scared and…didn’t hurt.

Hey Arlo, big man. It’s okay. Dad said as he dropped the bucket and sat down next to Mom. We got it stopped in time. You didn’t hurt anyone. It’s okay, really.

But I could have. I hated it. I hated Telepathy. I hated Psionics. I hated it. I hated me.

I crawled into Mom’s lap, wanting the warmth. She also brought quiet. Mom called it White Noise; all the little whispers and voices that crept past my shields, no matter how hard I tried to keep them out. Just touching her made all that go away. All I could hear were my own thoughts and sometimes theirs. I was content to just stay in her lap as she held me even though I was too old for this kind of thing. I was eight now, but sometimes I just wanted to crawl into Mom’s lap and never leave.

Did you get any of the nightmare? It was Dad’s voice. He was trying to talk to Mom without me knowing what they were saying. I curled up as small as I could in her lap. I knew what the next part of this conversation was going to be and I didn’t want to do what he was going to suggest.

A little bit. Let’s talk later after he’s gone back to sleep. I think someone may be listening, right Ar? She kissed me on the head.

I didn’t mean to. I sent back

It’s okay. We’re not mad. I’m not mad. You understand that, right? Her mind voice was just as soothing as her real voice.

I nodded in her lap, not wanting to move.

Ar, honey. She kissed my forehead, before moving to the next part of this ritual. She wanted to talk about the nightmare before it went away and I forgot them. What do you remember?

It was bright and people were shouting. Uncle Jonah was there and Uncle Nate was there and you were there and Dad was there and other people I didn’t know. Blueberry or something, and a Kim something.

I felt her nod and she never stopped petting my hair, but I knew that she was looking at Dad with one of those looks that was more than a look. Andy, you think…

It possible. Jonah’s a Cognitive. I’m a Cognitive, but there are elements that don’t belong. I can try. I heard dad say as he sat down on the bed. It could set him off again.

I knew what he was talking about. He wanted to try and see the nightmare. Don’t. I whispered into Mom’s lap. Dad had tried the whole vision thing last time and I had hated it. It was like I was back and trapped in the nightmare.

We won’t. She kissed the top of my head. Let’s take you upstairs. You can sleep with Dad and me. She picked me up and Daddy followed behind us as we went up the stairs.

He was worried. About mom and me. His hand never left her back as she went up the steps. He kept smiling at me, but I could see it in his face. I’m sorry. I whispered again.

Arlo, don’t. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. He smiled at me and tweaked my nose.

I nodded as Mom put me down on the bed. I was too tired to help her as she pulled off my wet pajamas and dressed me in dry ones like I was a baby. I couldn’t help starting to cry again.

Just like in the nightmare, we were trapped. Tomorrow would be the same. The same nightmare triggering the same things; me using my powers, Mom trying to stop me, then Dad and the bucket snapping me out of it and lastly, my upstairs sleeping between them in their bed.

It’s okay, Arlo. Really. She ruffled my hair again before handing me Snuggle Bear. I flopped down on the bed. She ruffled my hair before walking into the bathroom with Dad. They wanted to talk and I was going to listen even if they made it hard.

The dreams are getting worse. Dad kept his voice low, but I could still hear him. No need for Telepathy tonight.

I know. Mom responded, softer than Dad, but still plenty loud enough.

You’ve got to talk to Nate. I could hear how mad he was. He was always mad at Uncle Nate and Jonah when I had nightmares.

I know. Mom was never mad at Nate. She loved him like she loved me.

This wasn’t the deal. Arlo’s nightmares are… Dad was close to actually yelling.

Olm, I know. What I am worried about are the parts that aren’t Post Cognition. He’s getting some PreCognition and it’s not making sense to him. The panic coming off him is… Her voice was still low and she sounded sad.

Lila, he’s a kid. He shouldn’t be seeing that. Dad continued.

I think its memory more than… She continued.

"Damn it, Lila. He was a week old. How much could he really remember?" Dad was yelling now.

I know. Andy, if you could just feel the panic and fear coming off of him. We can’t ask him to just let you… She begged him.

Yes, we can. We have to. Dad’s voice was calm and low. One day, he was going to win the argument and I was going to have to do what he wanted.

No, we don’t. Her voice was firm. Mom had won this round, but how much longer was she going to be able to convince him?

Then we have to talk to Nate. If he can’t control Jonah then… Dad stated calmly. We can’t keep doing this.

I know. Mom whispered back. I just don’t think it’s that simple.

It wasn’t a big fight as their fights went, but I hated it. I pulled a pillow over my head. I just wanted to go back to sleep, but sleep brought the nightmares.

I knew what they were talking about. They were talking about Uncle Jonah. They thought that he was causing the nightmares. They were wrong. It wasn’t Jonah causing them. I didn’t want to tell Dad. He always got so sad when they talked to me about my powers. If I told them about the Cognition, they wouldn’t let me go to school. I wanted to go to school. I couldn’t tell them, yet. I had fought so hard and I wasn’t going to let this stop me.

Its okay, Snuggle Bear. The nightmares won’t come when we sleep up here. I yawned, fighting the urge to go back to sleep. Mom will stop the nightmares.

I heard the bathroom door open and watched Dad walk out of the room. Mom crawled into bed and rubbed my side. I rolled over and looked at her. She had changed into a different nightgown since I had gotten the one she was wearing earlier wet. This one showed off the burn scar she had on her chest. I only knew a little bit about how she had gotten it and who gave it to her.

Tell me about her. I asked, reaching up and tracing the edge of the brand on her chest. She never liked to talk about it.

About who, Ar? She reached down and tucked my hair behind my ear. She did that with Dad a lot, too.

The woman who did that. The skin there felt different. It didn’t feel like a burn, but Mom said it was the scar tissue that made it different. I think it had to do with the fact that it was created using Pyrokinetics.

I don’t know much about her. Why do you want to know about her? She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She wasn’t sleeping and she wasn’t eating. She said that she was fine, but I didn’t think she was. Dad was watching her, too. Something was going on, whether or not she admitted it.

You won’t be mad if I tell you, will you? I asked. Dad usually got madder than she did, but I couldn’t be sure. I knew that the strength of my powers worried her.

Ar, baby. She smiled again. You’re a Cognitive. You can’t control what your see. I’ll never be mad when you tell me what you see.

I nodded. "I keep seeing her. At first I thought it was you. But it’s not."

She shifted in bed and motioned for me to crawl into her lap. I did, snuggling into her. She sighed. Her name was Cecilia. Cecilia Papinski. She was an experiment, kind of like me.

But she wasn’t like you. I confirmed.

She shook her head. No, she wasn’t. Uncle, the man who created her, didn’t raise her properly. He was very mean to her.

Her heart started to beat faster under my hand on the burn. He beat her?

Yeah. Her voice went low like a rumble when she talked about her past. He did a lot of bad things to her.

I looked up at her. But why did she do that? I pressed the scar again.

Mom took a deep breath like it still hurt her. Cause she was angry and she thought I was the reason she was angry. She had been lied to and… I knew there was more to the story than she was willing to tell me. She always edited what she told me about her past. She wanted to hurt me just to hurt me.

Why did Uncle do that to her? Why did he lie to her? I pushed. She usually had shut me down at this point. The fact that she was still talking gave me hope that she would actually tell me something that I didn’t know.

Ar, that’s a loaded question. There is no easy answer. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear again and sighed.

He created me, too, didn’t he? I demanded.

Yeah. He created me, too. That’s the thing about Uncle, without him, I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be here. She reached down and tweaked my nose. He did a lot of bad things. But some of the things he did turned out all right.

I took this opportunity to ask a question that had been bubbling up for some time. Can I meet him?

She jumped, almost knocking me from her lap. She grabbed me and turned me so I could look at her. Arlo. Where is this coming from?

The dreams. The nightmares. I said calmly. I think…

Baby, you don’t ever have to worry about Banbury. Never. Or Cecilia. No one is going to hurt you. It’s the past, baby, okay? She held my face, forcing me to look directly into her eyes. It’s the past.

I know. I just thought that… I didn’t have a real answer for her. I want to understand what I am seeing. I want it not to be scary and I thought that if I knew about them and meet them that…

Oh baby. She pulled me back into her lap. I wish that we had gotten you some other way.

I felt her crying as she held me. I didn’t understand what had happened but I knew it made her sad. They talked about it in hushed tones. I needed to understand. Tell me. Really tell me what happened.

I don’t think I can. You just don’t understand, Arlo. I can’t. She squeezed me tighter. Please, let’s not.

Okay. I said into her chest. You don’t have to tell me tonight.

I felt her nod and she hugged me tighter. I don’t remember falling asleep in her lap, but I must have. My dreams were quiet for the rest of the night.

Part One

There was nothing more he could do to prepare his son for the next step in the plan. Dr. Hee Sung Min looked at his son, who was asleep on the bed. He had checked him into the pediatric psych ward as part of the cover. Tomorrow the Marshalls would come for him and take him to a horse farm in Baltimore. Everything hinged on the boy convincing Lila Raspreno to take a chance on him. Dr. Hee brushed the hair off the kid’s forehead, then stood up and left the room.

Dr. Hee checked out of the ward and then the hospital. He needed to put distance between himself and the child. He needed to get to Baltimore and set up step two. This was the moment that everything could go wrong. One wrong move by the boy and the plan would go up in smoke. If he slipped up and Lila had any indication that he wasn’t exactly what he was presenting, then the boy wouldn’t have the access he needed to go through with the plan.

There was also the question of if his control of the boy would remain. So far the bond was strong, but without him there to make sure, there was a chance the boy would slip his leash. Even if Hee couldn’t be with the boy, he’d feel better if he could have been at home. Hee had left his experiment in the hands of his assistant in North Korea. The man was competent to a point. His loyalty would always be to the Glorious Leader and not Hee. That worried him, but Hee needed access to Dr. Cornelius if he was going to succeed. Dr. Cornelius held the secrets that he needed. He understood things that Dr. Hee was just beginning to see. All of this had been done just to get Dr. Cornelius into his hands.

It had been two years of work to get the exchange fellowship at Johns Hopkins. Two years of begging and scrapping and trying. Dr. Hee had to spend a lot of money and time to make this opportunity happen. There was no guarantee that he would have any direct contact with Dr. Cornelius at Johns Hopkins. That was where the boy would come in. It was his job to get Cornelius to need him. It was Bae’s job to throw Dr. Cornelius’ world into enough chaos that he would need Dr. Hee’s expertise to fix the problems.

Dr. Hee checked his watch and then his phone. All that was left was to wait. And that was the hard part.

Chapter One- Nate

I ducked as another bowl of cereal was lobbed at my head. Jonah was not in a cooperative mood, again this morning. The nightmares always made him worse and last night had been full of them. I was sporting several large bruises from trying to keep him from hurting himself. I had to admit that this wasn’t working. I needed to think of something else to try with him. Jonah. I’m going to work.

He looked at me. I could see how trapped he was behind his eyes, but there was so little I could do for him. He screamed a wordless scream at me before hopping off the barstool and throwing himself on the couch. He was content to pout for now and I had to get going. I grabbed my bag and headed out.

It was never easy, but I don’t think I ever thought it was going to be this hard, either. Days like today, part of me that wished I had let him die that day at Banbury’s estate. Even now, eight years later, those couple of days are a blur. Jonah kidnapped me under orders from Banbury. Lila was so focused on Banbury that we hadn’t even considered the fact that he was a puppet like the rest of us dancing at the end of Think Tank and Gunner’s strings. Even after Gunner had revealed himself, Jonah had wanted to save him. He was even fighting the Enhancement that Gunner had done on him to make Jonah a part of Think Tank. I had thought that Jonah’s mind could have been strong enough to survive. When the moment came, I didn’t think; I acted. I just acted. I couldn’t let him die, especially when it had never been his choice to work for Banbury. If it hadn’t been for Gunner, Jonah never would have worked for Banbury. Gunner had been controlling him the entire time. Banbury had no clue that he was just a puppet. If given that choice today, I am not sure I would have saved him. Some days are just too hard.

I stepped onto the barn floor just as Lila was walking in for her morning chores. She smiled at me, stopping to grab a lead rope. She was looking good. She had healed well, even with the challenges she had faced. How is he? She asked, stopping in front on me. She was still direct and never hid behind niceties.

You know. The same. I replied, starting to walk past her. I didn’t want to deal with this right now. I needed space.

The nightmares were bad last night, huh? She continued, refusing to drop her eyes and daring me to be the first one to break contact.

You know that they were, so why ask? I snapped at her, my anger boiling up. I wasn’t mad at her but she was here. I just wanted someone to fight back because it made sense to them, not because they were too brain damaged to do anything else. I wanted to burn the place down with a thought. I wanted to let lose a wordless scream of anger. Give into the feeling that I had been royally screwed.

Because you deserve a chance to ask for help before I thrust it on you. He’s getting worse. Even Arlo knows this. Ar’ woke up crying last night because it wouldn’t stop. We’re a half mile away. We shouldn’t be picking up his… fits. She took a step forward and laid her hand on my arm. You don’t have to do this alone. Olm and I are here. I can…

Mutilate his brain even more? Rewire him to be less violent? I screamed at her, ripping my arm away from her. You want to do what you did to Papi to him and make him your little puppet that only dances when you want him to dance? How was the view, when Papi finally snapped?

She blinked at me, swallowing the pain I had just heaped on her. I hadn’t been there when Papi snapped, I was already in a cell in West Virginia trying to figure out my own escape from Banbury. Andy had confided in me what happened in those last moments before Papi had killed himself in front of her. She had just come face to face with the direct effects of her rewiring of his thoughts to make him less violent and more productive for the SAPP program. Not only had she been under orders to rewire him, she had only wanted to help him. I knew that a part of her died that day with him. He was cruel and brilliant and her father. And here I was throwing it in her face because I was having a bad day, but I just couldn’t deal with it today. I needed to get away.

Nate? She said softly, her voice filled with pain. I wouldn’t…

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down or at least pretend for her. She wasn’t strong tough Lila any longer. I couldn’t yell at her like I used to and expect it to roll off her back. We had all been irrevocably changed during those hours at Banbury’s estate. Lila, I’m sorry. It’s just…

She nodded, swallowing her own hurt to be strong for me. It’s hard. I know. I just… She swallowed again. You need a vacation. Get away from here. Olm and I can take care of him for a couple of days.

I shook my head. The offer was tempting. The thought of being able to sleep without Jonah screaming for no reason in the middle of the night was almost heaven. Sitting down and enjoying a meal where food wasn’t thrown. No. I’ve got too much going on right now. New kids coming in and it’s time for everyone’s annual exams and MRI’s and I’ve just got too much on my plate right now to pick up and walk away. Even if it’s only for a few days.

The offer stands. Okay? She reached over to touch me again, but pulled her hand away from me before contact.

The strange movement made me look at her hands and I could see by the way that she was holding them that there were burn blisters starting to bubble up. I could see the burn blister’s already appearing in her palm. I had let my Pyrokinetics loose. I hadn’t even realized until I noticed her hand. What an asshole I was. I couldn’t even bring myself to apologize. I nodded at her and walked out of the barn. The walk to the complex would help me clear my head.

There are still guards at the gate, but they are no longer military. SAPP is a civilian program now. The guards smiled at me and waved me through when I showed them my ID. I missed the days of the thorough check and the sense of security the complex held then. We were still adjusting to not being a dirty little secret hidden away in the hills between Gettysburg and Baltimore. We weren’t 100% disclosed either. We had moved the school back onto the complex after the shoot-out at the old school, so that helped fill out the place since we lost several of the other programs with all the changes. There is nothing more constant as change.

Cassandra, the FBI’s answer to the Psions that didn’t fit in the Army’s super soldier program that used to be SAPP, had moved in to the complex as well. It was interesting how well that had worked out for everyone involved. Now that SAPP was no longer under government control, much of the focus went into real world education rather than espionage and intelligence training. Cassandra was mostly comprised of Cognitives, so they had never really focused on covert operations as much as information gathering and compiling. The two programs had realigned easier than many had hoped. There was still a distinction between Cassandra operations and SAPP, but that was mostly paperwork and funding. Evelyn Everhart, the head of Cassandra, and Jim Ryan, the head of SAPP, were old friends who worked well together. For them, this was life working out for the best. To me, this place felt like a prison and there wasn’t any chance of parole. SAPP had been my life from the moment that Lila had rescued to and there wasn’t anything I could to do change that.

I walked into the medical floor in the admin building, waving at all the nurses and staff as I walked through. I managed to make it to my office and shut the door before the sobs that I had been holding back all morning burst forward. I had gotten good at crying silently. No one would know that I had been crying when I walked out that door and went to work. I would get the job done because that’s what I was trained to do. Everything could fall apart and I would do what needed to get done. Part of me recognized this as Lila’s influence over my life. Part of me just didn’t give a damn.

***

The phone rang. I knew I needed to get it. It was probably the hospital where I worked a couple of days a week. I got up off the floor and grabbed it. Dr. Cornelius. I was listening, but at the same time I wasn’t. It was the same conversation that I had had a dozen times about the same patient. Yes, that’s right. I will look over the images again, but we need to up the dosage to get full penetration. Yes, we can talk about that when I’m at the hospital on Wednesday. Good bye. Lila walked into my office and flopped into my guest chair. She then put her feet on my desk. She was doing it to piss me off and I fell for it. Feet off my desk. I snapped.

Still cranky? She laughed at me in a way that was completely her. This kid here yet? Don’t want to leave Ar in Evelyn’s office too long. He likes to scribble on everything.

Guard house hasn’t called up yet. I checked my watch but we were still in the window of when the escort had said they would arrive. When I had come to SAPP, Lila had done all of the recruitment. She would have flown out and met the boy, then if he was really Psionic, she’d take custody and bring him here. That had changed when she stepped down after Banbury had almost killed her. There were others trained now in detection and evaluation. Our spotted in San Diego had located this kid a couple of weeks ago. It was sad that his story wasn’t unique among us: He had been dumped at two years by his mother and when he became disruptive to the foster homes and group homes, they had sent him to a children’s psychiatric hospital. From the file, I was pretty sure the kid was a Telepath but I wanted to know what Lila thought. Did you look over the file I sent you? I looked over at my lab coat, my armor. This kid was already scared and me being in a lab coat wasn’t going to help him.

I wasn’t surprised when she shook her head. She never read anything I sent her. Nope. I don’t want other people’s opinions about him.

Of course. Why listen to the experts? Why was she making a bad day worse? Other than she was Lila and that’s what Lila does.

Because none of them are us. You think this kid is a receiver, right? She shrugged at me, but she was right.

I stood up and grabbed my lab coat, deciding that I needed my armor after all. Yeah. The case notes look like that. His name is Billy. I opened the door right as my assistant started to knock on the door to let me know that the guards had just called up.

Lila stood up to follow me, judgment in her eyes, but I didn’t know it was for me or Billy. Let’s go meet Billy.

It wasn’t my intent to ignore her in the elevator, but I needed a moment to collect myself. I pulled out my tablet and quickly reviewed the notes I had made. I stepped out of the elevator as soon as it opened. Lila would hang back and look over the kid. I would take care of the adults after I introduced myself to Billy. As soon as I finished shaking hands with the adults, I squatted down to look Billy in the eyes. Hi Billy, I’m Dr. Nate Cornelius. I’m glad to meet you.

He blinked at me, trying to decide something. I couldn’t quite hear his thoughts, but I had been right about the Telepathy. Hi. He said back.

You’re safe here, okay. This is a school, not like the hospital you were at. I continued my prepared speech.

The kid was terrified. Every instinct in his little body was on high alert. The file had given me his basic details; that he was 12, of Korean descent, and a list of mental disorders; ADHD, personality disorder, unexplained aggressiveness, bi-polar and sociopath. All of which could be explained by Psionics. He looked just like any other kid. A little small for his age and his black hair was a little long and falling into his eyes that gave everything away. They told me that they located my father? Is that true? His voice quaking.

I didn’t want to lie to the kid. To adults, I’d lie all day long. We’ll talk about that later. Okay? I stood up. His gaze was so much like Jonah’s, childlike and filled with hatred for the things that he didn’t understand. Part of me wanted to pick him up and hold him until the world was alright. I could help him and I would help him. All I needed was a little time and his trust. I smiled at him once more before turning to the adults. So, let’s talk about his case. Can you fill in the blanks from the medical files?

The escort handed me a clipboard in response to my question. Dr. Cornelius, we are just the escorts. If you sign the papers, the brat is yours. But remember, he’s violent.

He’s not violent, he’s a misunderstood kid. I defended, hating the fact that these idiots labeled him in the most harmful ways.

Whatever. You sign the papers, he’s yours. The escort gestured with his clipboard, impatient to be over with this errand.

This way. I gestured toward the reception desk area. Like all incoming wards of the state, Billy’s custody would transfer to the school side of SAPP, which was an accredited group home with the state of Maryland.

I looked over at Lila as she approached Billy. I hadn’t heard what led up to the statement, but I say her point at me. Nah. No more dangerous than me or the red head. Arlo had really mellowed her and it was showing in how easily he was trusting her. I knew I could deal with the big bad evil grown-ups and leave the kid to her. I turned my attention back to the escort as we went through the paperwork, dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s.

Dr. Cornelius? He’s dangerous? Billy gulped in response to her.

Red. I heard Lila’s voice pop into my head. Billy and I are going for ice cream. Join us when you finish with the stiffs.

I turned to look at her and nod and saw her flex her hands, reminding me of what I had done earlier. I must have burnt them pretty badly if they were still hurting her. I hadn’t been sure of the severity until I saw her flinch just then. I should be upstairs getting written up and instead she’s just going to let it slide. I wanted to be mad at her for protecting me, but I was also grateful that she was willing to just the same. Just don’t let him gorge like you let me. I sent back.

Only three bowls of ice cream for our new friend Billy. She sent back, a smile in her thoughts.

After Lila left with Billy. We signed papers and had them notarized by SAPP’s lawyer. The escorts walked away without a second thought to the life that they had just signed over to me. They barely even inquired about who I was or what SAPP was.

School for the Advancement of Practical Psions, or SAPP as everyone called it, was easier to define than it once was. We really were a school. We had about 50 kids ranging from 11 to 19 who were all natural Psions. Most were wards of the state, like Billy, who had been abandoned by families that couldn’t deal with their budding powers. Psions are magnets for trouble. I had been a ward of the state of Arizona when Lila came and rescued me. That had been back when we were also a secret government program that basically turned these kids into super soldiers and spies. All that had changed after the incident at Evan Banbury’s estate. Lila was more than relieved when they basically handed over the program to Jim and told her that they wanted it to be strictly civilian. We still worked with the government and military. Most of the kids graduated and went into the military or intelligence, but we were also seeing more kids choosing humanitarian efforts. We were the monopoly of Psionics in beautiful northern Maryland. We are all contained in one place, like a huge family. If offered us protection, but it was also a prison. A prison of our own making. A prison where we could be ourselves.

***

My day was over. Lila had taken Billy back to the farm to meet the rest of the SAPP kids. I had nothing else I could do to avoid going back to the loft. The nurse was scheduled until 9, but I should really get back and see what had happened while I was at work. I walked through the barn, stopping to rub Monty’s nose. For a moment, it was just me and him.

Nate. I heard behind me. It was Jonah. At least he was verbal at the moment, that was something. Sorry.

I nodded, still rubbing Monty’s nose.

Mad?

I hated the one word sentences that he used. I hated the fact that to have a conversation that required more than a one word answer I had to touch him. Once I did though, I was in his head and he was in mine. The old Jonah was there, trapped and watching. Not really. I finally answered him. Just tired.

He was trying. I knew this. He hadn’t asked for what had happened. It was debatable about how much of it was actually in his control, but it was never meant to hurt me. That had been Gunner and Banbury. Jonah had been nothing more than a pawn in their greater game to capture Lila. Sorry. Jonah said again, his voice sad and low. Horse. Go.

I turned to look at him. He was holding Monty’s saddle. I reached out and took it from him. I shouldn’t go. You need to eat dinner and…

Jonah shook his head, scrunching his face up as he fought through the brain damage. Go. Horse. Relax. Not worry.

Jonah. I sighed.

He shook his head before reaching out and touching my hand. Go. You need to go. Stop worrying about me.

Jonah, you know…

I’m lucid right now. I can deal for a few hours. You look like you’re about spent. Go, for me.

I couldn’t argue with him, he was right. I was spent. But if he was lucid, then why should we waste this. We should get you to the hospital and get an MRI. See what the differences are between now and usual.

Jonah shook his head. You can’t spend all your time trying to fix me. I don’t think you should. Sometimes you just can’t fix what is broken.

What else am I supposed to do?

Live your life. Do you know how hard it is to watch you and know what you are giving up because of me? He held my eyes with his. I could almost believe that he was back. This was my Jonah. I closed my eyes and leaned into his chest. His arms wrapped around me and we stood there.

Oh Jonah. I whispered into his shoulder. This almost made up for our morning. Almost.

Chapter Two- Lila

I could barely keep my eyes open as I waited for the coffee to brew. Arlo had been awake most of the night with nightmares caused by Jonah, even though we were almost a half mile apart. As much as I wanted it not to be true, the truth was that the nightmares were getting worse and I had to do something about it. For the last few nights, we had woken to Ar screaming incoherently, then last night, Ar got physical. Both Olm and I were sporting new bruises. I had let Olm sleep in since school was still out and he didn’t have to be anything pressing on his desk at Cassandra. Ar was tucked into bed with Olm and would hopefully get at least a couple more hours or else he was going to be more than the usual handful this afternoon. Me, on the other hand, had horses to feed, a five mile run, a morning lesson, and then my working day would start. Not that I was complaining, but I was tired.

Life was so different now. No more national security issues, no more briefings, and no more people in uniforms telling me what to do. I loved it. I was my own person and I was still getting used to that. I got to work on the farm and work with specific kids and their Psionics. My biggest stress was Ar these days. And the horses. Michelle and Michael still did the bulk of the work, but I was actually holding up my end of the bargain. It had been a long road to get to where we were now, but it was worth it.

The first two years after the incident at Banbury’s estate had been mostly rehab for me. Whatever Banbury had been mixing in the Inhibitor cocktails had almost destroyed my healing. My spine was decimated with the abuse that I had put it through the week before; Lyle shooting me in the lower back, the constant movement and stress, and finally the forceblasts that Cecilia had thrown at me while I was carrying the added weight of Ar. There were still moments where my body would betray me and I would hit the ground. They were decreasing, but they were still there. My spine had taken enough damage that I shouldn't be here, much less walking around almost like a normal person. Every day I dealt with stiffness and pain, but I was lucky and I knew it. I could be a lot worse off.

My blood brain barrier was still thin because of Banbury, but it was slowly healing. Nate seemed to think that it would never heal completely, as losing that barrier killed most people. The biggest side effect was that I had lost much of my ability to heal faster than others. Where once it would have taken me a day to heal a broken bone, it was now a couple of days to a week, depending on the break. There were some other minor Psionic affects; my Telekinesis was weaker, but it had never been overly strong to begin with; my Pyrokinesis was just a little less powerful; my Telepathy and Empathy were still as strong as they ever were. Nate seemed to think I was more sensitive to certain things, but I didn’t notice any difference. Once I had been überhuman, now merely superhuman. I am okay with that.

The coffee finally finished brewing. I poured a cup, enjoying the aroma and wasting time I didn’t have. I knew I needed to get moving if I wanted to catch Nate before he headed into the office. He needed help that I was in a position to offer, but I wasn’t going to force it on him or Jonah. Nate was his own man now and I needed to respect that. I finished the coffee, poured a to-go cup and headed out the door.

My golf cart puttered off toward my old loft, just as the sun finished coming up over the horizon. Olm and I had built our house at the other entrance to the farm. Most people who used the farm didn’t even realize that it was there, which was how we liked it. Michael and Michelle’s house still stood at the front of the farm as people entered. My old loft, now Nate and Jonah’s, was the midpoint. Turning left would take you to the newly named SAPP Complex. Turning right took you to the back of the farm, mine and Olm’s place. I had been in rehab when Olm had it built. I hadn’t even known of its existence until I was released from the hospital. Olm, the traditionalist, had carried me over the threshold into the fully furnished McMansion that we called home. At the time, I never questioned why he got to make all the decisions. I never got to make decisions that had impacted my life before Olm, why would I after he entered my life? I had let it happen all over again. I had exchanged the government who had controlled my life for Olm, who did the same thing and called it love. I wanted to be mad about it, but after talking to Olm about it, I realized that wouldn’t be productive. Just like before, I would have to pick my battles carefully.

I parked the golf cart in the spot that used to be reserved for Nate when he visited me. I had just grabbed Monty’s lead rope when Nate stomped down the stairs. He almost bowled me over before he stopped. How is he? I asked as he pulled back. He wasn’t much for small talk these days. Best to state your business and hope he doesn’t snap at you.

He growled low, probably not even aware of it, and his hands clenched at his side. You know. The same. He tried to push past me, avoiding the subject like he usually did.

I stood in his way, well aware that I was holding a horse that spooked quite easily. The nightmares were bad last night, huh? I looked up to lock his eyes in on mine. I wasn’t running away from this, it was time for him to stop running away from this.

You know that they were, so why ask? He snapped at me, his anger boiling up. I could feel the heat building.

This was what I feared. He was starting to lose control and it was only a matter of time before he hurt himself or Jonah. Because you deserve a chance to ask for help before I thrust it on you. He’s getting worse. Even Arlo knows this. Ar woke up screaming last night because it wouldn’t stop. We’re a half mile away. We shouldn’t be picking up his… fits. I stepped forward, reaching out to grab his arm. I knew I was taking a risk. Nate tended to lose control of his powers when stressed out. Anyone looking at him would be able to see how stressed out he was. He was also shielding against my Telepathy, his own abilities enhanced by his experiences at Banbury’s Estate eight years ago. I needed to break through his shell and I was going to play every card I had, even the slightly dirty card of our unique friendship. You don’t have to do this alone. Olm and I are here. I can…

Mutilate his brain even more? Rewire him to be less violent? He screamed, his frustration triggering his Pyrokinetics. By the time my brain registered the burning on my palm where I was touching him, Nate had already ripped his arm away from me. I stepped back as Monty pulled at his lead rope in response to the heat in the air. Nate continued on his rant, unaware of anything but his blinding frustration. You want to do what you did to Papi to him? Make him your little puppet that only dances when you want him to dance? How was the view, when Papi finally snapped?

It was true that family could hurt you like no one else. I, alone, understood what I had done to my father and the suffering it caused both of us. Every day I woke with that. Not only was I responsible for my mother’s death, I was responsible for my father’s insanity and suicide. Nate? I started, trying not to let my voice catch at the accusation. He was trying to upset me because he wanted to fight. I wasn’t going to let him sidetrack me. I wouldn’t…

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and calmed himself. Lila, I’m sorry. It’s just…

I understood what he was going through, but it still hurt when he treated me like this. I hated how much he had pulled away from me. There was nothing I could do but wait until he was ready. Nate would have to give his okay before I even started the process of trying to reroute Jonah’s thoughts. It was a delicate and intimate procedure that wasn’t hundred percent guaranteed. It’s hard. I know. I just… You need a vacation. Get away from here. Olm and I can take care of him for a couple of days.

He shook his head, becoming my little Nate, obstinate for the sake of it. No. I’ve got too much going on right now. New kids coming in and it’s time for everyone’s annual exams and MRI’s and I’ve just got too much on my plate right now to pick up and walk away. Even if it’s only for a few days.

The offer stands. Okay? I reached for him again, but he stepped away, his hands clenched at his side, so hard that they must hurt. He nodded at me before taking a deep breath and walking out of the barn. He was holding too much in and I was the only one he let see it. He learned how to pretend everything was perfect from me, and I was a master at convincing the world I was okay. I made sure no one saw how bad it was it until it was too late for anyone to help me. He also got the habit of not asking for help from me. Nate was just as much my son as Arlo was. I would do anything I could to take this pain away, but I had promised him not to do a thing until he was ready. He wasn’t ready.

***

The blisters were driving me nuts. I kept forgetting about them and reaching out to grab something, only to stifle a yelp. I had wrapped my hand with gauze before putting on my gloves to ride, but the sweat and use had made bandaging it a joke. I dropped my helmet on the floor next to the door as I walked into the house, flexing my hand. I headed straight to the kitchen, unwrapping the latest wrap of gauze and shoved my hand in the ice drawer. It felt good.

What happened? Olm said as he came up behind me, sliding his hands around my waist.

Nothing.

You can’t lie to me. He mumbled into my neck as he continued to nuzzle it.

He was in a good mood, so this was my best chance at getting him to see my side of things. Nate. I turned, leaving my hand in the ice drawer.

Ah, you confronted him about Jonah. He kissed me on the nose, like he did all the time. I never really understood it, but I let him anyway. Today it annoyed me.

Kinda. I sighed. He’s… I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I was still having trouble wrapping my head around how Nate fit into our little family. He wasn’t Olm’s. Olm thought I babied him too much and took too many of his problems as my own.

Losing control? Olm finished for me. I nodded. He’ll come around. I know he will. Then you’ll fix Jonah and this will all be behind us.

I nodded again. Olm wasn’t taking this seriously and there was nothing I could do at this time about it anyway. Ar still asleep?

Yeah. He ate some cereal and fell asleep watching ‘furry monsters.’ He laughed at me.

Which one is that?

I don’t know. They all confuse me. You need to take your hand out of the freezer before you get freezer burn.

I grabbed a handful of ice and dropped it down his shirt, laughing as he danced away from me. Eh, I think I’ll survive. What are you cooking for dinner tonight? Remember Evelyn, John and Maddie and Peter are coming over.

I know. I remembered. I started the Chicken Cordon Blue last night. I was going to take Arlo to the grocery store later when he wakes up to grab fresh veggies and things. He walked past me and to the coffeemaker. You can come with us. We can grab lunch.

Can’t. Nate wants me at an intake later. Kid was dumped at a mental institution for hearing voices. He’s worried that he’ll act out. Plus, I’ve got two groups this afternoon and two privates. I grabbed his cup of coffee he finished making and sipped it.

Okay. He snorted at me and pulled out another cup. I guess then, I’ll see you at dinner. Leave me some hot water when you shower. He called after me.

Maybe... I turned at the stair to look back at him before heading up to the third floor and our bedroom suite. …If you stop over sugaring the coffee.

When I had first seen the house, I didn’t understand why Olm had made the whole third floor a suite for us. It kinda felt like my loft. He had even moved all my furniture here while I was in the hospital. It had been strange being here with all my stuff but it not being home. And Arlo had been thrown in the mix. My mortality had been handed to me on a silver platter and I became a mother in between breaths.

There was evidence of Ar all over the room. His dirty clothes hung off of chairs, his toys scattered all over the place and his art scrawled on the wall next to the door. It was the only spot left from his drawing on the walls days. He had said that it was a portrait of me, and I had convinced Olm to leave it. Ar was a slob just like me, yet he was meticulous like Olm. Just one look at his school work and it was evident. The painfully neat handwriting and the margins just so. The way he wouldn’t turn in an assignment unless it was perfect, no cross outs or eraser marks. The way he worked at a task until he could do it perfectly and held it against himself when he wasn’t. He was a strange mix of the two of us. There were even moments when I saw Papi in him. He turned eight two months ago and Olm and I were talking about whether or not to send him to public school in the fall. Out of all the conversations I ever thought I would have, that was not one of them. Never thought I would have to worry about a child of mine going to public school or the fact that I would have someone with whom I would have to have that conversation. I wondered why I was still alive when it seemed like the world had done its best to kill me.

Lila? Arlo had never adopted Mom with me, so while others felt this was unusual, to me it seemed normal. After all, I never called my father Dad.

I turned around to see him standing in the doorway, his hair unruly like his father’s when it got too long. Hey Ar.

You’re sad. I felt it. I didn’t mean to. He took a step into the room. He had Olm’s curls with my brown hair. Right now they were a little long and he looked like a sheep that was ready for shearing.

He always took his powers seriously and his Empathy had been pretty active lately. It’s okay. I smiled at him and held my arm out to him. He ran and jumped up on the bed where I had settled while thinking.

Dad’s singing to himself downstairs. He told me with the far off look on his face that he got when Psionics.

He is. I chuckled. What’s he singing?

Arlo shrugged, his focus back on me. Why are you sad? You don’t have to say. It’s being nosey.

It is, but it’s nice that you noticed. I tweaked his nose. And I’m not really sad, it’s kind of like… thinking about the past and thinking about how Dad and I got you.

And that makes you sad? He looked at me and I could read the confusion in his face, but I also felt it radiating off of him.

No, makes me think about all the things I missed out on. I squeezed him against my side wondering if things would have been different between us if we had ever talked like this.

He nodded looking down at his hands. I followed his thoughts quietly as they circled, trying to understand what I had told him. Like your mom and dad?

I nodded. A little bit. I never knew my mother and my father wasn’t like Dad.

Arlo nodded. So it makes you sad that you don’t have parents?

Yeah. That was some of it. I still didn’t know what I was going to do about Nate, public school or my own lack of fulfillment but I couldn’t help but smile at Ar. He didn’t need to worry about those things away. But you’ve cheered me up.

Then can I stay with you rather than going to the grocery store with Dad? He asked suddenly.

I snorted and laughed. Boring, huh?

He nodded empathically.

We’ll ask, but you have to be quiet and behave while I work. I smiled at him.

I can be quiet. He jumped to his feet.

All right. Let me get showered and then we’ll go to work. I turned around and shoved him at the door.

Yeah. He ran out of the room and down the stairs.

Hey Olm, Ar wants to go to work with me instead of the grocery store. That okay? I sent down to Olm. I knew instantly that he got my Telepathic message. So much better than an intercom system.

I guess. Means I can do some extra shopping. Just keep him away from the sweets. He sent back, more amusement than disappointment in his voice. While Arlo was good about using his powers in public, he wore on Olm a lot more than me. And he’ll have to take a bath tonight.

I think we can manage that.

***

I had