The Armchair Detective Series Four Collection

By Ian Shimwell

Drug-induced alleyways; a closed book club and suspicion on board a steam train...

All three Cosy Mysteries of Series Four in one volume.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Dec 20, 2015
• ISBN: 9781326511463

Book preview

The Armchair Detective Series Four Collection

The Armchair Detective Series Four Collection

The

Armchair

Detective

Series Four

Collection

Ian Shimwell

The Armchair Detective Series Four Collection is Copyright Ian Shimwell © 2015

www.thearmchairdetective.moonfruit.com

ALSO AVAILABLE:

The Armchair Detective Series One Collection

The Armchair Detective Series Two Collection

The Armchair Detective Series Three Collection

Contents

The Armchair Detective Down the Avenues and Alleyways

The Armchair Detective and the Secret Society

The Armchair Detective On Board the Steam Train Express

The Armchair Detective Down the Avenues and Alleyways

Cast List

TRENCH

OLD TOM

DEBSY

EDITOR LAW

AVRIL

LEY

FINLEY

Sergeant STRONG

DRIVER

STRANGER

Act One

OPENING MYSTERY MUSIC

(We can hear music and song.)

Down the avenues and alleyways…

(There is a knock on the door.)

OLD TOM:Come in young man, the door is open.

(There is another knock.)

OLD TOM:(Says much louder:) Come in young man, the door is open.

… there’s a whole scene coming reactive.

(There’s another knock.)

OLD TOM:Oh, I give up. (OLD TOM lifts up the needle, effectively silencing the music.) Trench, come in!

(TRENCH enters the flat and OLD TOM’s living room.)

TRENCH:What the..? What was all that racket about?

OLD TOM:Do you mind, Trench? That’s the pride and joy of my record collection.

TRENCH:Really, Old Tom? I’ve never even seen your record player before – never mind heard any records.

OLD TOM:It is a gramophone actually.

TRENCH:Yeah, sorry – it does look far too old-fashioned to be anything else.

OLD TOM:Well, I’ve only recently dusted the old thing down – and I’m not talking about my armchair.

TRENCH:I hope it gives you many years of pleasure. I assume you don’t mind if I sit down?

OLD TOM:Yes, I certainly do. You can fetch the tea from the kitchen first. Don’t worry, it should be cold enough by now.

TRENCH:I’m so glad.

(TRENCH fetches, and then pours the tea. Finally he sits down. They sip their teas for a moment.)

OLD TOM:Feel free to explain what’s bothering you, anytime you like.

TRENCH:Sorry?

OLD TOM:Are you stuck on a story from your Stokeham Herald, for example?

TRENCH:Ah, you mean, do I have a mystery for you?

OLD TOM:Get on with it, Trench.

TRENCH:All right then, but it’s not so much a mystery – more of a ‘how do I get going?’ And it could be dangerous – very dangerous.

OLD TOM:I’m intrigued. Would you care to elaborate?

TRENCH:Well, I suppose shamefully, it concerns Stokeham’s thriving drug culture.

OLD TOM:Yes, I enjoy cold tea – but I’m not sure I’d enjoy cold turkey though.

TRENCH:No, it’s probably not quite your scene, old timer.

OLD TOM:Quite. Anyhow, as shocking as this drug burst is, what has actually changed? Why do you need my help?

TRENCH:A relatively new drug has hit town, with particularly nasty side-effects. Editor Law has asked me to run a story on it.

OLD TOM:And..?

TRENCH:But, how do I approach it? The druggies in Downtown Stokeham will soon clam up, when they realise I’m a journalist.

OLD TOM:You mean a reporter.

TRENCH:Err, journalist sounds better. And Debsy will want to come even though it’s far too dodgy. How do I investigate without her tailing along?

OLD TOM:Firstly, if you don’t fancy being known as a reporter, I mean journalist, simply go undercover.

TRENCH:Of course…

OLD TOM:And as for Debsy, that’s your problem.

TRENCH:Thanks.

OLD TOM:But before you bust the Stokeham drug scene wide open, pour another tea.

TRENCH:Oh, yeah. (He pours the teas.)

OLD TOM:And be careful in…

(OLD TOM places the gramophone needle back on the vinyl.)

… down the avenues and alleyways… The day drifts to night.

(The music merges into mystery music as the scene changes.)

DEBSY:Undercover in the murky, drug-fuelled world of Downtown Stokeham – sounds exciting. When do we start?

TRENCH:There is no ‘we’ on this one, Debsy. I’m afraid it would be far too risky there, for the likes of you.

DEBSY:Cheek! Hang on, what do you mean ‘the likes of me’?

TRENCH:Err… I mean you’d be a target because you’re… err so good looking.

DEBSY:Creepery’ll get you nowhere, Trench.

TRENCH:Don’t you mean flattery?

DEBSY:I know what I mean.

TRENCH:Well, you can’t come – and that’s that.

DEBSY:We’ll see what Editor Law has to say about this. He’s the boss – not you.

(DEBSY storms out of the office.)

TRENCH:(Says to no one in particular:) Yes let’s. Right now, in fact.

(TRENCH follows DEBSY out of the office. DEBSY is already talking to EDITOR LAW.)

DEBSY:And because I have the greatest respect for you, Editor Law…

TRENCH:(Says quietly:) Hah. What was that you said about ‘creepery’?

DEBSY:… I am positive that you will back me up by allowing me to cover this important drugs story.

EDITOR LAW:Err… give me a moment to think.

TRENCH:Please remember sir that I am the lead reporter, I mean journalist – and you should respect my wishes on this one.

DEBSY:Oh, ‘sir’ now, is it?

EDITOR LAW:I’m sorry, Deborah – but as Trench has previously pointed out, the assignment is far too perilous for a pretty thing like you.

DEBSY:Oh, I could scream. Actually I am going to scream. (DEBSY screams!)

(And DEBSY storms off again.)

TRENCH:I think she took it rather well, actually.

EDITOR LAW:Yes, well… how are you going to tackle this story, Trench? Disturbing rumours of this apparently new drug are gradually filtering through the community. I mean, it’s even been mentioned at the golf club!

TRENCH:Heaven forbid.

EDITOR LAW:And rumour has it that this drug seems to actually originate from Stokeham – the dreaded Downtown area…

TRENCH:I thought I might go undercover as a druggie!

EDITOR LAW:I want an exclusive for the Herald – not a suicide. No, I have a much better idea.

TRENCH:I’m listening…

EDITOR LAW:One of the local businessmen, whom I happen to play golf with occasionally, is one of the sponsors of a drugs rehabilitation centre. I could get you in as an official helper.

TRENCH:Ideal, and now you’re going to tell me that this centre is slap bang right in the middle of the drug-filled dread of Downtown…

(Sombre avenues and alleyways music changes the scene.)

(TRENCH knocks on a solid metal door.)

TRENCH:Come on, I don’t want to particularly linger out here. And