The Major Vampires, a Trilogy

By Richard Baker

In 1997 Richard Baker wrote a story featuring his family - a rip off of a children's book simply substituting the names of the characters and adding a few in-jokes. A family tradition was born. Reading of a new story became part of the Christmas day routine. In the new millennium Richard got kidnapped by aliens. He learned their language and was released after being provided a communicator. He also won his first Grand Prix. The aliens had assessed the human race and determined that by galactic standards the number of objectionable people was significant. A list of names contained individuals such as Graham Norton and Noel Edmonds. Communications with the aliens became blocked shortly after. Richard did however retain the List. The Major Vampires started to appear in the lives of the Baker family around the same time. This trilogy of goings-on is written by Richard in the style that he became accustomed. It makes no claim to have the answers or to give good guidance to those with similar tales.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jun 25, 2018
• ISBN: 9780244695835

Richard Baker

Young writer just trying to get information to those who need it for fitness, workouts and diet.

Book preview

The Major Vampires, a Trilogy

The Major Vampires - a Trilogy

2010 Richard Baker.

All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-0-244-69583-5

5th Edition.  June 2018

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-major-vampires---a-trilogy/13588577

Author Notes

On Christmas Eve 1997 I wrote a story for my children. It was a simple affair with Jo, Charlotte and Daniel trapped alone in a boat. The approach of pirates caused increasing consternation but just as the vessel was to be boarded it was revealed that it was all imaginary. The ship was a sofa, and the pirate was Dad bringing milkshakes and biscuits.

Essentially, I had ripped off another book substituting the names of the characters for my children. But it was a hit and a family tradition was born. From then on, we would share the reading of a new story as part of the Christmas day routine.

In the early years of the new millennium I got kidnapped by aliens. This was just after I had won my first Grand Prix and not long before I had six holes in one in a single round of golf. The aliens and I got on fine. I learned their language and they released me after providing a communicator which I installed behind the CD player in our MPV.

The aliens had undertaken an assessment of humanity. By galactic standards the number of objectionable people on planet Earth was unusually significant and I read a List of names recognizing individuals such as Graham Norton and Noel Edmunds.

I lost contact with the extra-terrestrials shortly after. It was as if our communications were being blocked. At the same time the sound system in the car started to behave erratically – something Karen, my wife, would complain about ever after. I did however retain the List.

Major Vampires started appearing in our lives shortly after. It is not apparent whether these mysterious incidents inter-relate and I cannot fathom either the relevance of Miss Waite’s pancakes. What I can do is document the goings-on and this I have done to the best of my ability using the skills I initially acquired writing those silly stories. I just hope my friends that you do not fall foul of these fiendish and monstrous creatures yourselves.

Richard Baker

3/10/2010 

Appendix 1 – The List

The List (of truly objectionable Earth peoples).

The Return of the Major Vampires

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