H O A's Suck: The Insiders Look

By Condi Atlan

‘HOA’s Suck!’ is an insider’s tongue-in-cheek assessment about everything that is anything to do with a Home Owner’s Association (HOA) – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Condi walks you through the in’s and out’s based on a 20+ year career working with HOA’s, and explains ‘why’ about an awful lot of stuff that has either just confused you or made you mad – including your neighbors. He even tells what you can do about it.

Offering:
• The 69 Things You Need To Know About HOA living.
• Insights about little old ladies.
• What to do about fat chicks in your back yard.
• Why Board Members are conflicted.
• 10 Things you can do to go get ‘em

You will laugh, be offended, recognize a lot of people you know or have seen, and find yourself saying things like:
• “Really?”
• “That’s ridiculous”
• “I wondered about that”
• “I thought so”
• “No wonder…”
• “I need to do something NOW!”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Condi Atlan Consulting LLC
• Release date: Mar 8, 2018
• ISBN: 9781642552010

Book preview

H O A's Suck: The Insiders Look

Condi Atlan Presents

H O A’s Suck:

The Insiders Look

And what’s up with

those weasels at the President’s house?

Condi Atlan Consulting, LLC

Copyright © 2018

Copyright © 2018 by Condi Atlan

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2018

ISBN 978-1-64255-201-0

Publisher: Condi Atlan Consulting LLC

8421 Dorchester Road Suite 343

North Charleston, South Carolina 29420

www.CondiAtlanConsulting.com

U.S. trade bookstores and wholesalers:

Please contact Condi Atlan Consulting

Tel: [phone]; Fax: [phone]

Email: [e-mail].

Preface

I managed Home Owner Associations – HOA’s, or ‘Home O. Ass’s’ as I call them now, for most of twenty years.

This means that I met once a month on average with each HOA’s Board of Directors, made up of crazy little blue haired old ladies, as well as retired former executives, and homely young women, and men who identified with them; (also known as the lonelys) along with every sort of other briefly interested home owner that might round out the required number of board members for an HOA Board for some little period of time.

With an average client load of 16-20 HOA’s, that means I spent 16-20 evenings per month watching and listening as these lunatics gossiped, fumbled and bumbled, faked and fought, whined with wine, - generally screwing up the lives of their neighbors, their property values, and their own families - often with their own evil vindictiveness night after night for most of a generation.

Sounds like Congress you say? Well it is another level of government with way too much authority, way too little professionalism, way too little experience, and operating in a way too abandoned environment.

Yikes!

No wonder I am not right in the head. At least that’s the excuse I’m giving, and I’m sticking with it.

I am actually mostly better now.

I started writing this book almost ten years ago after ending all of my management contracts as the bottom began to fall out of the American housing economy, and I realized quickly that my dual roles as the owner of a management company as well as working actively as a building contractor were about to become a major conflict of interest, and something had to go.

My experience as a manager for all that time yielded some really great stories - some of which I am able to share here without quite the same level of exasperation I had when it was all so fresh.

And frankly, I just really wanted to wait until a time when I could write this book with a lot more of my humorous attitude I generally bring to life, so that the whole thing could be a lot more fun.

Now, ten years later, I have decided it is time.

And now I am really done with them. I have several properties at this point in my life and none of them are in a Home O. Ass. And no more ever will be as long as it is up to me.

So these are my observations and conclusions from a career in the world of HOA’s – some funny, some frustrating, some scary, and what ten years has done to my assessment about your real options in the zoo.

Enjoy!

Condi Atlan

Charleston, SC

February 2018

Introduction – How I Got Here: What About You?

So it was the late 1980’s, and I was young and newly married. A friend and I had started a little painting business, where I mostly managed the business, and did a little painting as well; and my partner was the guy with some experience and skill as a painter. We were staying busy till late fall came, and then as the holidays approached, and the outdoor weather was no longer workable, the painting work dried up.

So we had a dilemma – what do we do?

It was about that time that I saw an ad for a property company looking for a painter. On a lark, I applied.

When the company’s manager saw my resume, and that I had a University degree in business, he quickly called in the Owner’s managing son, and introduced me.

It was explained to me that what they really needed was a maintenance manager because they had thousands of rental properties that they were managing, and he explained how hundreds of their tenants moved out each and every month, as hundreds more were trying to move in – often trying to turn over each unit on the same day…..

At this point, I probably should have asked a few more questions, but instead, seeing an opportunity to give my partner all the painting he would want, and keep myself employed, I just went for it, and took the job.

And that is how I was introduced to the field of Property Management of rental properties.

Within the first month, a Property Manager for the company’s portfolio of Condominium Association contracts quit. So I was told I should add the role of Condominium property manager to my responsibilities and just make sure most of what I scheduled related to condos, didn’t interfere with my month end maintenance turnovers.

Quickly I was back to making decent money, and as Christmas arrived, I was given a large bonus that totally hooked me on this new (to me) business of property management.

The insanity of month end turnovers quickly took their toll however, and in less than 6 months, while at an Annual General Meeting for one of my Condominium HOA management contracts where I ended up running the meeting, a fellow introduced himself to me from a competing management company.

He happened to be there representing the interests of an Owner who owned a number of rental units in the complex. He explained that he was looking for a full time Condominium Association property manager for his company though, and he thought that I would be well suited for the job.

Within two days of that initial contact, we had met for an interview with the top people of his company and I was offered a signing bonus, and substantially more money to make the move to their company. It went well – really well. I ended up the lead property manager in very short order with many more responsibilities.

Then within another two years, that company actually sold me their entire Condominium Management portfolio of contracts as they wisely chose to get out of the business.

And with that I was now on my own.

Twenty years later, after the sale of one management company, a major move, the development of another management company, and a branching off into every other type of real estate building, development, management, and investing, I too realized that it would be wise to get out of the business.

So that’s how I got here. Now how about you?

CHAPTER ONE:

An HOA? Really? What Were You Thinking?

Chances are good that you either own in an HOA, or are thinking about buying into an HOA if you have any level of interest in this book. Or maybe you have already sold, and are still trying to steady your thoughts and experience.

And I must admit that I have owned quite a number of units in HOA’s through the years including the last ten, though I did my best to stay away from the politics as much as possible in every case. It is impossible to avoid it all, and in every case, I sold my HOA property out of frustration and disgust – even when I made good money.

Some were good investments, and others were simply acquired through business acquisitions and/or trade deals. It is funny that when people are grouping things together for the sale of a business or other enterprise, they are always willing to throw in the ancillary condo(s) to help beef up the value of the deal, but never want to part with what is otherwise decent useful property.

I have generally been blessed in real estate – having made several fortunes over the years by investing wisely and aggressively at appropriate times. And I have also been burned more than a few times as well – most recently with the downturn in 2007-8 when I took a multi-million dollar loss.

And so it is that sometimes we find ourselves where we never wanted to be.

If you live in an HOA community, you can probably relate to this sentiment!

How They Suck Us All In…

You see, most of us are sucked in by the allure of a fully maintained property with just a little more expense than the mortgage and taxes and utilities – and with that little HOA fee…

It sounds wonderful when a lovely friendly realtor is pointing out the fresh paint, and the amenities, and the fresh cut grass, and the community extra parking areas for your visitors…oh, and the fact that you don’t have to worry about a thing!

The property is managed by professionals who will take care of all of the maintenance, and grass cutting, and are responsible for replacing the roof, and replacing the siding. And, well, probably they will take care of any problems with the windows, and doors, and garage, and….but you should probably just read the 48 pages of documents, and here is the number to call if you have any questions…and oh by the way, who are you going to use for your attorney and insurance for the closing?

And later, while you know that you should read that big pile of documents, and rules and …. Bylaws? What are Bylaws? And … well, you reason with yourself – it’ll be ok… all these other people live here, and obviously they bought these units, and it all seems lovely, and how bad can the worst scenario be?

And so we don’t.

Discovery Level 1

So we don’t read all those documents, and we fail to get a feel for the gravity of what we are getting involved in, and accepting responsibility for. And even if we do read some, or all, of those documents, we assume the best in every case because we are buyers, and we want it to work out!

And so it is that what you were thinking, was something entirely