Journey Without a Road Map

By Christlena Lawton

This is the autobiography of the 16th child born to the same mother and father. From the early age of three years to past the age of 91, she tells her life story. Having lived through the great depression, dust bowl days, four wars and the reign of 12 United States presidents, she suffered hunger, hardship, heartache, disappointments and scandals. But through hard work, determination and the grace of God, she achieved many feats that most undereducated, deprived and disgraced women only dream about. “Journey Without a Road Map” is truly a story worth telling.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Feb 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781684716982

Book preview

Lawton

Copyright © 2020 Christlena Lawton.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

ISBN: 978-1-6847-1699-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6847-1697-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6847-1698-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020900464

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 01/22/2020

FOREWORD/INTRODUCTION

G ROWING UP, I ALWAYS FELT that I didn’t really belong to my parents. They seemed too old to have a child my age. I always seemed to see things in a different light than my parents or my siblings.

Religion was not practiced in our household and goals or plans were never set for me nor were any encouragement given to me. Education was not high on my parents list either…Especially my father’s list. It seemed that we were always struggling for survival.

I was less than 12 years of age when I realized that I wanted more out of life than what my parents expected in theirs. It wasn’t just that we were poor, but I felt the need to rise above my background…not only in a financial way, but also in a spiritual and cultural way. I really didn’t know for certain who I was, what I really wanted out of life, where I was going or how to get there. I always felt that God had put me on earth for a purpose but what?

This book is being written in memory of Ricky Lynn Watson (1946-2011), Linda Kathleen Watson (1948-2006) and at this writing dedicated to my youngest child, Janis Christine Watson Smith. Had I not been left with the responsibility of their welfare (23 ½ years of age), I might not have chosen the path that I took. The children were 5 ½, 3 ½ and six months of age when we were deserted by their father. Poor judgment was made by me many times throughout my life, but I never gave up on finding light at the other end of the tunnel.

Upon the demise of my two oldest children – I would be remiss not to name Leslie Dean Williams and Patti Williams as my surrogate son and daughter. This was done with the approval and understanding of my daughter, Janis, who still maintains her home in California. Without the love, affection, patience, perseverance, and support of Dean and Patti, this book may never have been written.

Hopefully, Journey Without a Road Map will explain it all.

CHAPTER 1

What’s In A Name?

T O QUOTE SHAKESPEARE A ROSE by any other name would still smell as sweet. True. But, maybe not sound as pretty.

Few people know this but I have four names on my Birth Certificate. The first two are Dona Maria and the second two are Euteva Christlena. My birth certificate shows that I was the 16th child born to Harrison Walter Sims and Ardona Newberry Sims. Why four names?

On April 19, 1928, when my mother went into labor, my father asked our neighbor lady if she would come and stay with my mom until he returned with the doctor for the delivery of their sixteenth child. I was born (at home) and delivered by Dr. Friedman Sisco who at the time asked my mother what she planned to name me. (Dr. Sisco was our family doctor and had delivered a slew of siblings ahead of me.) Mom told him that she had not made up her mind as to what name she had decided on. Dr. Sisco told her that with all the other girls not one of them was named after her. Dr. Sisco said "I think that you should name her Dona Maria after you. I think it is a very pretty name". (My mother had one given name of Ardona but was always called Doe na or Doe nee by her family and friends. She later in life chose the initials of A.D. Sims as her legal signature but that got changed when Social Security came along.) Dr. Sisco said "well I have to put something down on this birth certificate so I’ll name her Dona Maria and you let me know if you change your mind so that I can change the records". (I learned about all this conversation years later.)

Originally, Mother had wanted to name me Christine but my oldest sister Ella had a Christine born in October 1927 and I came along 6 months later. It so happened that after my birth my mother proceeded to record my birth in the family Bible along with all the other 15 children (as was the custom in those days) as Euteva Christalena or Euteva Christalene. She had both names written down. However, she failed to convey this decision to Dr. Sisco so that the records could be changed. I was always called Chris and was told that my name was Christalena.

After I was old enough to read and write (age 6), I looked at the family Bible one day and decided that the name Christalena or Christalene had too many letters in it so I decided to shorten the spelling. Also, was my name Christalena or Christalene? I decided that my mother really meant my name to be Christl-ena which was probably after Lena, my brother Ray’s wife. My mother was always very fond of Lena and always treated her like she was her own daughter. I liked Lena too, so when my parents sent me to school (first grade, no kindergarten) I told the teacher my name was Christlena believing that it should be pronounced Christl- ena but without a hyphen in it. Well, when report cards came out, no one seemed to care how my name was spelled because everybody just called me Chris. The name and the spelling continued throughout the years. I always knew that my first name was Euteva but I did not want to be called that. Christlena was bad enough; but EUTEVA?

It was 14 years after my birth, that I learned that my parents did not possess a birth certificate for me. During this time I often wondered if Walter and Dona were my birth parents or did I belong to another member of the family who had born me out of wedlock and they were not telling me the truth? After all, Walter and Dona seemed awfully old to have such a young child.

It is interesting to note that out of the 16 children born to Harrison Walter Sims and Ardona Newberry Sims, only 4 of them were ever called by their given name as spelled. Their names were either shortened, mispronounced or they were called something entirely different from their real names.

Dad was almost 52 years old and mother was 46 when I was born. I always felt that my father disliked the sight of me for after 15 children he needed me like he needed a hole in his head. I always knew that my mother loved me but my dad just seemed to tolerate me. I once told my father that I thought that God intended for him to replace himself upon this earth, but that he didn’t mean for him to populate the whole county. It is a wonder that he didn’t swat me with his hat which he often did when I came around without invitation.

Before my sister, Daphne, passed away, I confided to her that as a child I had felt that I was illegitimate. Daphne said, no, Chris! My Mom and Dad are your Mom and Dad because I was 16 when you were born and I put your first diaper on you. When Mother went into labor, Noah, and Elsie took Lillian and Cleo to the smokehouse because they couldn’t stand to see Mother suffer the child bearing pain. I stayed in the house and when you were born, Dr. Sisco handed you to me and asked that I diaper you. This cleared up any doubts that I ever had. Daphne and I had always been close despite the age difference and now I understand why. We bonded when I was born.

It was sometime in the year 1942 when I wrote to the Bureau of Vital Statistics in Little Rock, Arkansas and asked for a birth certificate. I gave them my name as told to me to be Euteva Christlena Sims and explained that I was the sixteenth child born to Harrison Walter Sims and Ardona Newberry Sims on April 19, 1928, in Springdale, Arkansas.

I received a letter back stating that they could find no record of my birth under that name. In order to comply with the State laws it was necessary that I produce four witnesses who would sign an affidavit that they knew of my birth, where I was born, when and who my mother and father was. Lucky for me that there were still living neighbors who knew my statements to be factual and who would be willing to sign the necessary papers to get my birth recorded. This I accomplished and in a few weeks I received a birth certificate under the name of Euteva Christlena Sims stating all the facts that I had provided to the bureau.

Not recognizing the importance of such a document, I somehow managed to lose that birth certificate between 1942 and 1963. In the year 1963, I wanted to take a trip to Mexico City. To get a Visa or a Passport, I had to present a certified birth certificate. So, I again wrote to the State of Arkansas explaining that I had lost my birth certificate and requested a certified copy of my birth to Ardona Newberry Sims and Harrison Walter Sims as their 16th child. I gave them the date and all the information as I had done back in 1942, when I had applied for and had finally received a certified birth certificate. What I received from Little Rock put me in a state of shock. What came back was a birth certificate signed by Dr. Sisco in 1928 listing my name as Dona Maria as the 16th child born to Harrison Walter Sims and Ardona Newberry Sims on April 19, 1928. (There was no mention of the name Euteva Christlena.) At the time I wondered if my marriages had been performed illegally since they were not performed under the name on the birth certificate. I learned that my name had indeed been recorded as Dona Maria Sims back in 1928 and was overlooked in 1942 when I attempted to get a certified copy of my birth under the name of Euteva Christlena Sims. This posed a perplexing problem as I had been known for 35 years as Euteva Christlena; but what better name for a Visa to Mexico than a name likes Dona Maria. Dona, being a Spanish woman of rank, and Maria, the name given to most of the women in Mexico. After another letter to Little Rock explaining my dilemma, they finally handled it by recording what they referred to as a delayed birth certificate. My birth certificate is a certified copy of the original with Dona Maria written in by hand, lined through and Euteva Christlena typed in underneath. All four names remain on the certificate with the notation delayed birth certificate. This is when I learned from Mom what she remembered caused all the confusion and delay in my birth being recorded.

I have always disliked my name but I also knew that my mother wanted a Chris, and while I would have liked to change my name completely, I never did out of the love and respect for my mother. I once told Mom that I might have liked the name Maria Christlena and asked how she came up with the name Euteva? She said she had known a very pretty girl named Euteva. Of course, after having 15 children ahead of me, she was running out of names to choose from; not only within her immediate family but the families of all my older brothers and sisters offspring. I had eight nieces and nephews all born prior to my birth. My mom was a grandmother eight times before she gave birth to me.

Over the years I have wished I had a name like April or even Christal. All my life people have struggled with the name Christlena. It has been mispronounced, misspelled, and questioned. But, I have reconciled myself to the fact that the name Euteva Christlena (as far as I know) has never been duplicated. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet but I would like to believe that Christlena could be considered melodious if not sweet.

When it came time to name my own children, I chose to give them a first name that I wanted to call them. Therefore, Rickey Lynn was Rickey (deceased in 2011); Linda Kathleen (deceased in 2005) was always Linda; and Janis Christine has always been Janis.

NAMES OF THE 16 CHILDREN THAT WERE BORN TO HARRISON WALTER SIMS AND ARDONA NEWBERRY SIMS ARE AS FOLOWS:

1. Nancy Ella Dimie born 1899

She was not called any of these names but she became known as Ellie (L E). Nancy was my grandmother’s name on my mother’s side and Dimie was an Aunt. I don’t know where the Ella came from unless Mom was thinking of Cinderella; but Ella was always called Ellie by my family members. Ellie married Sherman Collins and bore him 8 children.

2. William Alexander born 1900

Never called William or Alexander or even Will or Alex but always called Bill. He was named after my mother’s brother Will Newberry and my mother’s father Alexander Newberry. Bill and his wife Effie had 4 children.

I am not sure of the years that the remainder of by brothers and sisters were born. I do remember that they came about every two years apart.

It is interesting to note that someone in the Harrison Walter Sims and Ardonna Newberry Sims clan, there was one or more birthdays in every month of the year except December.

3. Beryl Monroe

Beryl was deceased at about 18 months of age due to a terrible tragedy and escaped having a nick name. He was seldom talked about but as I was told, it was a terrible accident. While my mother was cooking, the older children were supposed to be watching after the baby as they usually did. Beryl wandered to close to the open fireplace and his clothing caught on fire. By the time the fire was extinguished his little body was badly burned and he did not survive. I believe that my mother always blamed herself for the accident but I do not know that for a fact.

4. Zelda Ruby Dean

Never did I ever hear Zelda being called any name except Zelder by my family. I suppose that her friends and others may have pronounced her name correctly but I was never around her after age 6 when she and her husband, Arch Gray, moved to Oregon with their only child, Marlene. This was in 1934. I remember my mother receiving letters and photos from her over the years and I did visit her in Oregon along with Mom in 1949. With the age difference and the miles between us, we really never got to know one another.

5. Massie Ray and

6. Jessie Fay (twins)

I never learned where their names came from but Ray (always called Ray but never Massie) was the oldest weighing in at about 5 pounds and Jessie (called Jack) at about 3 pounds. My mother once told me that the twins gave her more trouble than all the other 14 put together. When one wasn’t crying the other one was. She always carried Jack on a pillow because he was so small. Although they looked a lot alike facially, they were not identical twins as Ray grew to almost 6 feet but Jack never got much over 5 feet 6 inches. When I was little, I remember one of them coming to see Dad and Mom at night. I had already been put to bed but I could hear them talking. I could not determine which twin it was because their voices were exactly alike. Ray and Lena never had twins but their oldest daughter Helen gave birth to a set of twins, a girl and a boy. Helen, her sister Evelyn and I grew up together until they moved to California. The two seemed more like sisters to me than nieces. Ray and Lena had the 2 girls and Jack and Susie Brown had 1 boy, James.

7. Noah Tennessee

I suspect that the name Noah came from the Bible but Tennessee was after Dad’s sister by the same name but always called Aunt Tennie. Noah was always called No ee by the family. Ironically enough, Sister Noah married a man by the same name. Noah Teague. They had 1 son, Gordon.

8. Toy Harrison

Toy was always called Toy or Taw. When he was born my sister Ella looked at him and said he looks like a toy. The name stuck and he was named Toy Harrison after my father. Toy and Rosa had 4 children, Kennard, Nancy, Larry and Sharon.

9. Mattie Elva Daphne

Poor sister. I always called her Daphne but the rest of my siblings called her Daf. She hated to be called Daf but she was never called Mattie or Elva. Mattie was after my Mom’s sister, Aunt Matt, but I don’t know where Elva came from. Daphne was, by far, the most pleasant looking girl out of the 8. She had dark brown wavy hair and inherited my mother’s peaches and cream complexion. For the most part, few of the Walter and Dona Sims children were known for their good looks. Daphne married Arvel Lock and bore him 4 children, Glenn, Delana, Bob and Betty

10. Elsie Gertrude

Elsie was always called Else, slang or mispronounced name. I never learned where her names came from or why. Elsie married Ernie Ayers and bore him 7 children in addition to Clyde Dean Clay.

11. Acel Herbert

Acel Herbert was never called either Acel or Herbert by our family. He was always called Bud. Bud married a girl whose mother was of German descent. Where Mom came up with this name, we will never know, I heard one of Bud’s friends call him Ace once but that is the only time I can think of that he was called anything but Bud. Bud married Julia Kostelnik and they had 2 sons, LeRoy and Dennis.

12. Hazel Cleo

Cleo had no resemblance to Cleopatra but I suspect that is where the name came from. She was never known as Hazel. We all called her Cleo. Cleo married Elzie Teague (younger brother to Noah Teague) and bore him 10 children.

13. Elbert Ertin

He was always called Ert for short. Again, I do not know where the names came from. He often signed his name as E.E. Sims. When I was little, he was always my favorite brother. He looked after me and protected me but I soon learned that Ert was little boy lost. If our family had to pick a black sheep, Ert would be the one. He was always getting into fights as a kid. As a school boy he once rubbed skunk odor on his clothes so that the school teacher would send him home. He hated school and the teacher. Ert married Marvel Horst and they had 1 son. Ert did have a daughter from a second marriage. Ert died in his early 40’s from a fall related to alcohol abuse.

14. Lillian Due

The family always called her lay yon. Arkansas slang or mispronounced? Lillian liked to be called Lil. She liked using her initials LDS. It confused people because it also stood for Latter Day Saints. She also liked to gamble. I can remember sending her money to get home from Reno when she gambled away all she had. I lost track of her in the later years of our life as we had a very serious misunderstanding over money matters. Lillian married Leonard Plumlee and they had a son and a daughter, Leonard Dee and Loretta. Lillian later married Henry Coleman.

15. Charles Friedman

He was always called Pete. I don’t know where the