Barry Loser is the best at football NOT!

By Jim Smith

The tenth book in the brilliant Roald Dahl Funny Prize winning BARRY LOSER series.

Perfect for readers aged 7-10 years old and fans of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Tom Gates, Dennis the Menace and Pamela Butchart's Wigglesbottom Primary series.

Everyone at Barry’s school has gone football crazy, but Barry gets thrown out of the team (the Mogden Maniacs) for being completeerly rubbish. Then it turns out that his best friend Bunky is a super striker – so Barry becomes his manager. The cup final match is approaching and Bunky’s getting carried away with his football fame – can Barry keep his head in the game?

Join everyone’s favourite Loser on his tenth hilarious adventure!

Barry Loser: I am not a loser was selected as a Tom Fletcher Book Club 2017 title.

Future Ratboy and the Invasion of the Nom Noms is shortlisted for the Lollies Award 2017

Don't miss the other funny books by Jim Smith:

BARRY LOSER

I am not a Loser

I am still not a Loser

I am so over being a Loser

I am sort of a Loser

Barry Loser and the holiday of doom

Barry Loser and the case of the crumpled carton

Barry Loser hates half term

Barry Loser and the birthday billions

Barry Loser's ultimate book of keelness

Barry Loser’s Christmas Joke Book

My mum is a loser

My dad is a loser

Future Ratboy and the Attack of the Killer Robot Grannies

Future Ratboy and the Invasion of the Nom Noms

Future Ratboy and the Quest for the Missing Thingy

Praise for BARRY LOSER:

'Twice as good as my other favourite book, Diary of a Wimpy Kid' Ben, aged 7 years

'Hugely enjoyable, surreal chaos' Guardian

'The review of the eight year old boy in our house … "Can I keep it to give to a friend?" Best recommendation you can get' Observer

'I laughed so much, I thought I was going to burst!' Finbar, aged 9

Jim Smith is the keelest kids’ book author in the whole wide world amen. He graduated from art school with first class honours (the best you can get) and is the author of the Roald Dahl Funny Prize-winning and bestselling BARRY LOSER series. He is also the author of the Barry Loser spin-off series, FUTURE RATBOY. He lives in London, and designs cards and gifts under the name Waldo Pancake.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins UK
• Release date: May 3, 2018
• ISBN: 9781780318035

Jim Smith

Jim Smith is the keelest kids’ book author in the whole wide world amen. He graduated from art school with first class honours (the best you can get) and went on to create the branding for a sweet little chain of coffee shops. He also designs cards and gifts under the name Waldo Pancake. Jim is the author of Roald Dahl Funny Prize-winning series, BARRY LOSER. Look out for his hilarious new series, Future Ratboy. Praise for BARRY LOSER

Book preview

Ever since the World Cup started, everyone in school has been comperleeterly into football.

Like the other Saturday when my best friend Bunky was playing keepy uppy in Mogden Park.

‘A hundred and seventy seven, a hundred and seventy eight, a hundred and seventy nine . . .’ he counted, showing off how many times he could do it.

‘Pull the other one, Bunkoid,’ burped Darren Darrenofski, slurping on a can of World Cup flavour Fronkle. ‘Even Ronaldio Donaldio can’t do it that many times!’

Ronaldio Donaldio is the keelest footballer in the whole wide world amen. He plays for the Smeldovian football team, who everyone reckons are going to win the World Cup easily.

‘Ronaldio Donaldio?’ sniggled Nancy, looking up from the book she was reading. ‘That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard!’

Sharonella leaned her head on Nancy’s shoulder like she was a parrot. ‘Oh my days Nance,’ she squawked. ‘You trying to tell me you’ve never heard of Ronaldio Donaldio?’

Nancy shrugged. ‘I’m just not that into football,’ she said.

‘You don’t know what you’re missing, babes!’ said Sharonella, whipping a football card out of her pocket.

Gordon Smugly sidled up with his sort-of-servant, Stuart Shmendrix. ‘Ronaldio Donaldio?’ he said. ‘Yeah, he’s alright I spose.’

‘Think you’re pretty good then, do you?’ said a voice from behind us, and I turned round.

Standing in front of me were five really tall, smug-looking kids wearing shiny green football kits. On the front of their T-shirts were the words ‘Green Giants’.

Darren crumpled an empty Fronkle can in one hand and kicked it towards a bin. It flew straight over and donked a squirrel off a branch.

‘Who are you lot when you’re at home?’ barked Darren as the squirrel limped off.

‘We’re the Green Giants,’ said the kid at the front whose blonde hair was combed so neatly it looked like Nancy’s open book. He pointed at his T-shirt. ‘Can’t you Mogden losers read?’

Stuart Shmendrix pointed at Nancy. ‘We can read,’ he said. ‘Look, she’s reading right now.’

‘Whatever,’ said the kid next to the blonde one. ‘Come on Tarquin, let’s get out of here - it stinks!’

‘That’s cos of Mogden Sewage Works?’ said Sharonella, as if that was a good thing. ‘The smell blows over this way when the wind’s going in the right direction?’

‘Delightful,’ chuckled Tarquin. ‘Of course, we don’t have that problem up in Avocado Hill.’

Avocado Hill is the posh little village that sits on top of a slope overlooking Mogden Town.

Tarquin dropped the ball he was holding and kicked it back up with his foot, ducking to catch it on the back of his neck, then flicking his head to make it bounce into his hands again.

‘Pretty impressive,’ said Nancy. ‘And I don’t even like football.’

Tarquin turned to Bunky. ‘I was watching you keepy uppying,’ he said. ‘Not bad for a Mogdener.’

‘Fanks!’ grinned Bunky, who thinks he’s the best at football out of all of us, probably cos he is.

‘Tell you what,’ said Tarquin. ‘We’ve got a little stadium up in Avo Hill - nothing fancy, just a few hundred seats. You lot fancy a game next Saturday, after the World Cup final?’

Bunky looked at the ball in Tarquin’s hands and gulped. ‘Oh, er . . . I’m busy then,’ he said.

‘Me too,’ squawked Sharonella. ‘I’m going to the, um . . . toilet.’

‘With me!’ burped Darren, putting his hand up in the air.