Meaningfullfilled: 7 practical answers for finding what matters and changing your life

By Dieter Randolph

In the face of something meaningful, material things don't resonate with us at all. It's the plot of every romance novel. The protagonist will stand out in the rain in front of their beloved's house. It's the story of the inspired artist or the driven scientist. They will skip sleep and miss meals to do something great. It's a damn fine Percy Sledge song.

This is what our journey is about. We are going to dig past what we're told was important and find what's meaningful. You are the artist, the genius, the conquering hero. You were born for this. We're going to claim that birthright, starting now.

Meaningfullfilled is the process of finding meaning, letting it define and fill you, and using what you've found to change the world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098320102

Book preview

Endnotes

INTRODUCTION

Imagine it’s storming. The rain is pouring down. Your city, your neighborhood, your street starts to flood. A gust of wind takes out a tree down the block, and the electricity cuts off. The water level rises. You are in trouble.

You contemplate cobbling together a snorkel out of plumbing parts. Then you see something. Your front door blew in, and it’s floating down the hall. You make a quick check to ensure that Leonardo DiCaprio isn’t hanging on to the side. You climb on, and your makeshift raft carries you to safety.

Now imagine that it’s a few weeks later. The storm has passed. The power’s back on. You’ve cleaned up and rebuilt. There’s only one thing left to do.

Put that door back. You don’t need it any more.

You don’t have to re-hang that door. You can carry it around with you, in case it starts raining again. You can take it shopping, and on dates, and to the movies. You are too smart for that, though. You know that rafts are only useful during a flood. You know that a door isn’t even a very good raft. It’s only good enough.

Good enough isn’t good enough any more. Our culture has more technology and more spare time than ever before. We have more information, more toys, more of everything than at any other time in history. But we aren’t any happier. More of the same isn’t an answer.

It’s time for new ideas. Most people entertain the same kinds of thoughts that their great-grandparents had. Most folks are still chewing on the same kinds of problems people had during the Bronze Age. The accoutrements have changed, but that’s about it.

We need a change of heart. It’s the only option left.

We know that change doesn’t happen by bringing in different ideas. We need a deeper shift, or new concepts only get co-opted to serve the established paradigm. Nowadays ancient teachings about mindfulness, non-attachment, and enlightenment are popular. But, for the most part, they’re used to make people good at running business meetings and hot yoga classes. More of the same.

We know that change doesn’t happen through osmosis. It doesn’t matter who you’re with or where you go. I’m not going to tell you that you need Jesus, for example. There were people who hung around with Jesus and didn’t get the message. If you don’t have an open heart, you can be in wonderful places, with wonderful people, and not learn. If you find a way to be open and receptive, you can grow anywhere.

We know that change doesn’t happen through acquisition. You can be happy with nothing, and you can be miserable in a private jet. If you’re wrong, a million dollars won’t make you right. It’ll only make you wrong with a fancy outfit.

Change is a byproduct of feeling. Every time. An optimist doesn’t feel happy because they have positive ideas. They think positive because they feel happy. That’s why you can’t talk somebody out of a phobia or into a feeling. Our thoughts don’t direct our feelings. Our feelings drive our thoughts.

What feelings drive you? Do you do what you do to feel good, or do you do what you do to not feel bad? That’s a huge difference. One option leads to growth, and the other leads to exhaustion. If you’re driven by a good feeling, a heart connection, you’ll never wear out. If you’re motivated by avoidance of pain, you’ll never get going. If you need mini-vacations so that you can get through the day, you might be missing an opportunity to grow.

Your good feelings are not superfluous. They are vital. They tell you what you’re made for, and they show you how to grow. Even bad feelings are instructive; they can be revolutionary. They tell you when it’s time to take out the trash. Letting go of what hurts is the only way to make room for what heals.

You don’t have to tread water any more. I hope that this book is a door. At first, I hope it will help you get to a safe place. I hope that after a while it will help you in a different way. Doors aren’t for clinging to. Doors are for going through. We are all here to grow, and that means we are all going through something. You don’t have to do it alone any more.

I grew up with a few quotes about what happens when you try to hang on to the wrong thing¹. To paraphrase, if you try to save your life you’ll lose it, but if you let go of your life you’ll find it.

We can go all kinds of ways with this idea. People tend to think those passages are about self-sacrifice, dying, and spiritual codependency. That doesn’t add up, though. Suffering hurts because we weren’t designed to do it.

It’s okay if you don’t believe in the miracles. For starters, let’s agree on Jesus’ brand marketing message. It has a strong come with me if you want to live² element. The message is about healing, and forgiveness, and freedom, and plenty, and joy. Beating yourself up wasn’t high on the to-do list.

The message is different, and far simpler. To find ourselves, we have to get rid of the things that are getting in the way. To actually get moving, we have to start learning how to jettison the things that we let pass for a life. Self-help doesn’t usually work because it’s helping the wrong self.

In the face of something meaningful, material things don’t resonate with us at all. It’s the plot of every romance novel. The protagonist will stand out in the rain in front of their beloved’s house. It’s the story of the inspired artist or the driven scientist. They will skip sleep and miss meals to do something great. It’s a damn fine Percy Sledge song.

This is what our journey is about. We are going to dig past what we’re told was important and find what’s meaningful. You are the artist, the genius, the conquering hero. You were born for this. We’re going to claim that birthright, starting now. To do that, we have to look in a different place.

My wife Jenny and I were walking by the bay the other day. I saw a seagull swoop down and pluck a fish out of the water. The bird carried the fish up into a tree, and invited it to dinner. There’s a life lesson there. Seagulls don’t deal with fish underwater; they’d drown. Seagulls take fish out of the water and into the air. That’s how they eat and survive. They change the context; they shift the paradigm.

That Wild Kingdom moment made me think of the story of Hercules and Antaeus. Antaeus was the son of Gaia, the goddess of the Earth. Antaeus was an unbeatable fighter, because he got his power from his connection with his mom. If he fell to the ground, he’d only get stronger. One day, he challenged Hercules to a showdown. The fight was close, until Hercules figured out the source of his adversary’s moxie. Hercules grabbed his foe and held him up in the air until Antaeus’ strength gave out.

It’s the same story, with the same lesson. We can’t solve a problem within the context of that problem. Good enough isn’t very good, and it’s not enough. More of the same is a recipe for more of the same. We need a new paradigm, a new context. We need an orthogonal perspective.

You can buy t-shirts in small, medium, and large. You can also get extra small and extra large, extra-extra small, extra-extra large, and so on. But you can’t buy an extra-medium t-shirt. There’s no way to get more medium than medium. It’s silly to try.

Then again, some people try to beat a miserable life by living that same life with greater intensity. There are thousands of self-help books about it. People try to fight mediocrity by pretending that frustration is normal. There are religions based on that, too.

People try, and keep trying all through their lives, to fight fire with fire. That’s a good way to burn your house down.

You can buy an extra-medium t-shirt after all. They’re everywhere. There are offices, and churches, and schools filled with people trying them on.

Flapping your wings underwater is an extra-medium t-shirt. Pinning Antaeus is an extra-medium t-shirt. A geographical cure? You know what size that is.

Humans are experts at adaptation. It might take generations for some other species to evolve a solution. We invent something, we use it to adapt to the situation, and we move on. It’s what we’re good at. We have that power so that we can grow, and change, and thrive. We do not have it so that we can get used to pain.

When life doesn’t fit, it’s because it’s the wrong size. You don’t have to try and make the same old extra-medium t-shirt fit any more. You are hereby allowed to slip into something more comfortable. You don’t have to fight fire with fire. Let’s find some water together.

CHAPTER ONE:

WHERE ARE YOU?

Everybody is on the way to something. Most of us are in such a hurry to get there that we miss what’s in front of us right now. The last time you drove to work, how many red lights did you stop for? Do you remember? Most of us forget to remember. It becomes too important to get to work. It becomes so important to get someplace that most of us forget that we are someplace already. That disconnect is an issue. If you don’t learn and grow along the way, you won’t be ready for whatever it is you’re trying to get