Diary of an Outcast Girl: The Tale of a Teenage Heartache

By Ellie Nori

Jodie Lawrence is an introverted 17 year old teenager from Nellehill, a tatty old city residing within England. During her college years she began to discover raw aspects of her life which she thought she hated. She despised school (like any other normal teenager), constantly rebelling against the rampant conformity within the education system and the braindead teenagers surrounding her.


Jodie often found herself alone for the most part of college life. She hadn't made any close friends since she moved to Nellehill due to her parents' divorce and the idea of socialising made her feel like dropping even deeper into a hole of uncertainty. As she plummeted further into her spiralling thoughts, Jodie gained a poignant insight into what it's like to be an outcast. This is her unapologetic story - a teenage girl who felt the perpetual outsider.
Join Jodie through a twisting series of events; as she discovers her inner self, explores her sexuality, channels new emotions whilst navigating the harsh world of adolescent friendships. You will read of her controversial first love, devastating heartbreak, and of the mental downfall she experienced after people proved they were really not quite as they seemed...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9781716551956

Book preview

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Chapter One

Story of my life

Hello there! For anyone reading my name’s Jodie, Jodie Lawrence. This is the unhinged tale, diary or story (whatever you choose to call it) of my teenage life during the most hectic years of college. So, get ready sit back, relax. Well don’t relax too hard it’s just bound to get messy...

The British summertime was finally here, I had just finished my first year of College, it was a sort of humid but mellow evening, the harmonious whispers of birds were dying down and I could still faintly smell the fragrant sun cream that I rushingly drenched my skin with that morning, the sweet taste of vanilla ice cream was still smacking at my lips but I was more than content with it, every night I had a ritual of sitting on the sun-baked roof of my mother's house to watch the sun wave her last goodbyes before she pottered off to rest, I liked to call her Petunia. I waved back to her too; I felt as if she were my only true friend. I was in a trance-like state of euphoria, for the first time in my life I felt as if nothing in this cruel world could ever hurt me again. But I was damn wrong.

It was the first time in forever that I finally felt free in my life, the restraints of education were no longer on my shoulders for a couple of months, it was as if I were a songbird being let out of her cage, I just wanted to fire up into the sky and never return. Knowing I had to be locked back up at that hell hole honestly made my skin crawl, College made me weak, the idea of trying to fit in with a bunch of mindless losers for another year was my actual idea of hell. I tried to enjoy the rest of my summer before I had to start fresh at Nellehill College, but anxiety-filled every crater of my mind, as if it were a balloon crammed with helium ready to burst, it made me feel as if I was going insane.

Over the previous College year, I suffered the wrath of overwhelming demons pillaging every inside of my mind, their much-loved activity was to bulldoze any build-up of positivity that sprouted in my skull, hand in hand with the witches and trolls you may call tutors who only forced the demons to riot harder. At Nellehill College only one thing mattered. That one thing was to slave over your grades as an obligatory payment to fuelling the College’s own success and then they drop you in return when they no longer benefit from you. It didn't even matter if it was slaughtering you inside to get these results or draining every single last spark of life you had left if you weren't already dead, they’d never care about you.

A lot of strange events happened at my College, the tutors were all mostly conforming maniacs, totally brainless at the expense of the headteacher. There was not one thing that I liked at College, some days I thought I'd be better off dead rather than to do the draining circadian trek to College and from. Most days I'd feel so numb I'd have to make myself feel alive in all the wrong ways, the army of tutors made me feel so minor and worthless until there was nothing of capacity left inside of me for them to take. For such a place that promotes upright mental health, they really didn’t care about their students, it was something of a prison scheme. They seemed to just leech off of deluding vulnerable adolescents' mindsets into trusting that exam results were the only way to live in life. They say it's to set you up to be successful, but they never really tell you what life will be like after you leave College, it’s a completely different world out there.

At College I was always picked out as the weird or the different one and people got their good daily enjoyment from taking the absolute mick out of me, I’d rather be the outsider instead of simulating to be someone I’m not, which is what everyone else there seemed to enjoy doing.

My College (aka the birthplace of the ungodly where nobody dared be different) was directly bang in the Centre of a city called Nellehill which was the scruffiest most beat-up city of them all, most people didn’t even know it existed. The College though, was by far the most run-down and overcrowded working space I had ever laid my eyes upon, I was forced to move here with my mother a while back due to my parents’ divorce, I never really stayed in communication with my father though, strangely it didn’t really seem to upset me either.

Upon the arrival of the dreadful College, you’re usually greeted by the foul stench of cigarette smoke prizing its way up to your nostrils, this was due to the older girls who hung around by the entrance gate, complimenting this, as soon as you walk inside you had to clutch on tightly to your cranium in case one of the boys forcefully booted the battered up football towards the entrance gate, with some bad luck it may just hit you in the head (sadly this has happened to me a lot of times). Then you’re greeted in the most depressing way by the members of the senior staff team, you’d think these people had been gifted the medal of honour in the way that they acted, but they’re just mostly Physical education teachers with a dire hunger for supremacy, explains it all really.

Nellehill College was full of tormenters for tutors, clans of senseless girls and boneheaded boys who all seemed to chase the same set of morals and values, I never understood why I was so dissimilar to them, most people saw me as a threat, I really didn’t understand why. Although Nellehill College supported the idea of students being different, anyone who didn’t follow the insane, corrupt number of rules would be opposed. I was always the black sheep who stood out in a meadow of identical white ones.  I feared sheep the most, they’re like a colossal army of mutants who share entirely the same brain cells and their only motive was to charge at you in a tightly knit fashion, it doesn’t hurt to be different. I’ve never understood why people want to be the same as everybody else, what a waste of the person you truthfully are, there simply is no changing in some individuals.

In my life, I had been through my fair share of awful humans, bad days and terrible experiences, but saying that though they had definitely assisted me to grow as a person. So, hold on tight, these are the highlights of my College years, get ready for the ups and downs, the heart wrenches and the heartache, losing people and attaining new ones, and the summaries of the most (definitely not) greatest years of my life.

Chapter Two

The summertime sadness

As the summer was sadly drawing in for its dreaded close, I got a deafening text off of my new phone number which was accompanied by a tweeting noise, I was gifted it for my birthday along with some other little items such as a pair of baby blue fluffy slipper socks and some bags of miscellaneous sweets. The bad thing about being born in the summer is that you’re always the youngest in the year and this means having to wait for the longest for all your birthday presents and people treating you like an infant. Of course, the text was nothing other than a phone bill from my phone service, who else would text me right?

I didn’t really have anyone that I called friends at College or even in life at all, I found everyone to be incredibly fake and all up each other. There were people who you could have a good laugh with, but they would stab you right in the back grotesquely with a knife at any given chance. I didn’t trust many people if any at all. I couldn’t quite put a finger on why this may be - was it due to my own trauma or was I just a very pessimistic human being?

One of my hobbies I enjoyed doing out of College was skateboarding, just cruising with the wind in my hair and the iconic voice of Stevie Nicks blaring down my cheap tangled up headphones I bought from a discount store, which were bound to break at any given moment. This was my only type of therapy and my only escape from reality. The cloudy air complimented my nostrils with the additional scent of evaporating rain running freely throughout the town. On my last solo travel before College started, I sat down on a damp rock residing in the local park and I took time to contemplate what my year was going to be like, I had so many queries to ask myself, I was so fearful of what may happen, not much had happened in my life back then and I was worried that everything would happen too rapidly, all at once.

I skated back home on my worn-out board with a heavy head of qualms weighing me down to the pavement, as I got to the foot of my road, a group of youthful girls caught my eye, I was guessing they’re around my age maybe. I’m not sure, the cluster was sitting outside the off-licence that was opposite my house, they all seemed blissful amongst themselves, that was something I could only ever wish for. I looked at them longingly wondering what it may feel like to have associates my age to try new experiences with. I