Twisted Personalities

By John Loeff

What is your personality? Is it extreme? Are you a paranoid personality or perhaps narcissistic? In Chapter 1, I would like to find out the DNA that you picked up from your parents. Was it all good, bad or somewhere in the middle? Our next step is to find out how you made out in kindergarten. Did any issues show up at this stage? How were you raised as a young child and as a teenager? How much attention and respect do we pay to teenagers and their friends? In the next two chapters, I detail paranoid, narcissistic, borderline and anti-social personalities. Yes, I needed two chapters for that. My final chapter looks at therapies that could be used to solve personality problems. Cognitive and Gestalt psychology are an excellent start for solving personal issues. So, read this book and find some solutions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Loeff
• Release date: Oct 21, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005174163

John Loeff

John W. Loeff is a former Associate Dean of General Education at Baker College in Michigan. My experience includes teaching, working in the library and a private practice in marriage and family counseling.

Book preview

TWISTED PERSONALITIES

"The Empty Gas Tank Personality"

John W. Loeff, Ph.D., D.Univ.

Psychodynamic Counselor

Text copyright © 2020 John W. Loeff

All Rights Reserved

© 2020 John W. Loeff

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from both the copyright owner and the publisher.

ISBN:

Library of Congress Control Number:

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1 - Negative Building Blocks

Introduction

Seven Character Styles

Summary

The Peter Pan Syndrome

Kindergarten

Raising children

Teenagers

Recognition

Neurotics

Disturbance Theory

Chapter 2 - Paranoid & Narcissistic Personalities

Introduction

Paranoid Personality

Paraphrenia

Emil Kraepelin

S. Freud

Melanie Klein

Harry Stack Sullivan

Irwin Rosen

D. Winnicott

Roy Schafer

K. Menninger

Willard Gaylin

The British version

Narcissistic Personality

Introduction

S. Freud

O. Kernberg

Rosenfeld

K. Abraham

Nancy McWilliams

E. Jacobson

Ronald Britton

H. Kohut

Chapter 3 - Borderline & Antisocial Personality

Introduction

Borderline Personality

Santoro, Tisbe & Katsarakes

Silver & Rosenbluth

Otto Kernberg

Client-centered Therapy

Peter Fonagy

DSM IV and Oldham & Morris

Summary

PTSD/Borderline Personality

Introduction

Jerome Kroll

Jonathon Shedler

Antisocial Personality

Summary

Chapter 4 - Emotional Factors

Introduction

Anxiety

Rollo May

Beck & Emery

Basic Anxiety

S. Kierkegaard

Frustration

W. Vernon

Erich Fromm

Otto Fenichel

Karen Horney

Abuse

Chapter 5 - Cognitive Behavior Therapies

Introduction

Cognitive Psychology

Aaron Beck

Albert Ellis - REBT

Albert Bandura

David Burns

Gestalt Psychology

Heinz Hartmann

Choosing a Therapist

Summary

Bibliography

Preface

This book is an extension of my book An Unsuccessful Journey. When I was rewriting and editing this book, it became a bit heavy and had too many pages. These days, many people do not have the time to read 400 pages or more, unless it is a textbook. So, I decided to make it two books. This book is for individuals and their partners who have some issues fitting into society successfully. Are we dealing with communication problems, complicated personalities, perhaps some issues related to your developmental process, the environment, or any combination? You should ask yourself at least three questions.

Where did I go wrong?

When did it get started?

What can be done about it at this moment?

In chapter one, I detail some characters and issues that could be the foundation stone for Chapter two. What DNA did you pick up from your parents? Is it all good, bad or somewhere in the middle? Next, we have a look at how you made out in kindergarten. What - if any - issues showed up at that stage? My next step is to look at raising children in general and how to do it. This is followed by a very difficult step and that is raising teenagers. How much attention and respect do we pay to teenagers and their friends? In Chapter two and three, I explain some personalities who are exceedingly difficult to live with. As a matter of fact, these individuals are a major problem for their partners, colleagues, and society at large. What can be done about these high maintenance personalities? Not all that much unless you seek professional help. If we are at an early stage of some of these issues, we could try cognitive therapy as detailed in chapter four. Three major factors – anxiety, frustration and abuse – are also part of this chapter. The ultimate goal of your life should be trying to reach Maslow's level five of human needs, self-actualization. How do we reach this plateau?

J.L.

TWISTED PERSONALITIES

"The Empty Gas Tank Personality"

Chapter # 1

Neurotic Building Blocks

Introduction

I would like to start this book with some building blocks that could contribute to a difficult personality and perhaps some visits to a psychiatrist or your local police department. Not exactly a good idea! Where did I go wrong? Is it all my fault? Perhaps not! How and where does it all get started? Well, why do not we begin with some details about our character and take it from there. Where do you fit in?

Seven Character Styles

Who are you? Excellent question! let's look at some feedback provided by Stephen Johnson and his book Character Styles, written in 1994. This fellow worked as an academic for 22 years and he is now in private practice. Pay attention to seven building blocks for the foundation of your personality or psychopathology is his suggestion. Which direction will it go? The good, the bad or the ugly? Try to think 20, 30 or 40 years ahead. Can you do that? The nature of your personality and psychopathology is largely determined by the frustration you encounter in life. How do you adjust or suppress those natural responses? When we suppress or exaggerate events, psychopathology could be next. So, we have a mature individual on one side and psychopathology on the other side. How do you graduate from one to the other one? Where do you start to derail your developmental process? An excellent start would be to look at your level of anxiety, your frustration encountered in daily life, your aggression, any grief, or loss in the family and last, but not least, any loss of love and intimacy. Which one dominates your personality. What creates your anxiety and frustration? Do you receive all the love and attention from both parents? Were you abandoned by one or both parents? Your parents split up and the arguments and fights between them will start immediately. Unfortunately, you are caught in the middle and lots of turmoil is next. You are used by both parents as the bargaining chip and cooperation between them is thrown out of the window. These are all major factors in your life. How do you deal with them? The next step is to evaluate the following seven characters and see if one of them fits you. We could also see any combination: so, here we go.

1. Hated Child

Were you welcomed as the new baby?

Are you accepted by your parents; especially by your mother? Or were they hoping for a boy?

Yes, you see this in some families.

Was your birth planned or was it a mistake?

Are your feelings responded to by your mother?

Sometimes, this is not the case.

In the relationship with the mother we could see three developments. (Ainsworth)

An anxious/avoidant behavior by the baby.

The baby learns very quickly to play by him/herself.

Is this the beginning of a loner?

This is not a good start.

Next, we have a secure attachment between mother and child.

The child is positively attached to the mother and mother is always welcomed back with open arms.

Anxious/resistant attachment

These babies cling to their mother and any time mother leaves the room, we have major problems. Upon return of the mother, the child might reject the mother.

In this example and the first one, we could see a bonding issue between mother and child.

As an adult:

You - a loner - are disconnected from the real world.

The world is seen as a dangerous place.

An inner rage is brewing inside you and you suppress your natural feelings. Also keep an eye on suicide.

We also have to remember your social family position.

Are they poor, separated, or unemployed?

Yes, this will have a negative effect on raising children. Spontaneity is missing and most of the time, you are noticeably quiet and peaceful, but you could also suddenly explode. We could see difficulties in maintaining relationships and finding a job.

Finally, you are emotionally unstable and very often confused.

2. Abandoned Child

When mothers or fathers have other priorities than caring for the baby, the infant fears abandonment. We also witness poor self-care by the child, a narcissistic attitude and manic periods as well. A single mom has perhaps enough time to look after one child, but when she has to look after two or three children, we could have major problems. Hate will turn against yourself and you are sick very often. Sickness indicates that you need attention.

Muscles are restrained and this does not allow the natural expression of the individual. Psychosomatic issues are next, but that will take a few years to develop. You also have a difficult time when your parents separate, and you are prone to problematic behavior. You have a strong attachment to your transitional object; a doll or teddy bear.

In adolescence, this transitional object will be replaced by some addiction and this could be drugs, food, alcohol or tobacco. The addiction replaces your loneliness and emptiness in life.

As an adult:

Learn to relax and cooperate with the therapist.

Your fear of abandonment has to be addressed first.

Release your pent-up emotions and work on your irritability and anger. (Self-regulation)

Finally, improve your social skills and learn to grow up.

3. Owned Child or Symbiotic personality

Are your parents overprotective and shield you from every possible event in the world? Are you allowed by your caregivers to start the road of independence after about 12 months? Most likely not! Toilet training is the next problem.

The helicopter parent does not allow you to learn by trial and error. All your actions are severely criticized or punished. You do not learn to think for yourself and this creates problems in high school, college, and adulthood.

As a teenager, you could replace the reliance on your parent(s) by a reliance on a religion or a cult. Why?

We see an absence of a well-developed self.

As an adult:

Who are you?

You borrow your identity from other individuals.

You behave like a chameleon because you do not have an individual identity.

Do you select friends and partners based on the original person with all their issues?

Are you re-creating a self-destructive pattern?

Do you have the motivation to get started on a project?

You need a mature partner, but not too close.

You do not want to be engulfed.

You like to be independent, but this creates anxiety, guilt and self-sabotage.

You could also have an eating disorder as well.

Realize that there is nothing wrong with being powerful and successful.

4. Used Child or Narcissistic Child

Some injury has been done to the child and now the child is compensating for it. Somehow, the parents did not like what you did or who you are. Can the parents relate to the child is another question? The parents could be striving for idealization or humiliation.

A lot of support was missing during your childhood.

Are one or both parents narcissistic or jealous?

Sometimes, that is what you see.

How do you try to compensate for missing support during childhood? This could be by using grandiosity, self-involvement, pride, entitlement, manipulation and achievement. These factors give you an opportunity to make up for your low self-esteem.

As an adult:

Negative feedback evokes a rage inside the narcissist.

You devalue others who support you.

(I fooled you and you bought it.)

Your relationship with others is just one big game of manipulation.

Feelings, love and connecting to others do not exist.

You see individuals as objects and how can I take advantage of these suckers.

You are jealous of any successful undertaking by your partner.

Over time you will wake up because other people have fun and you do not. You might get violent!

You have to shift from a false self to a real self.

Looking good is your cup of tea; not how you feel.

You are a loner as well and you should learn what the word empathy means. Quite a list!

Try to enlist a support group to help you, but you are not ready for this group until you hit rock bottom.

5. Defeated Child

We could see a self-defeating behavior in the child.

Do not expect anything in life or marrying an alcoholic.

Marrying an abusive partner is another bad example or getting stuck in a dead-end job. Why?

As a child, you had to deal with extreme force, trickery, deception, manipulation, humiliation and cruel degradation.

Your caregivers - usually the parents - are trying to break your will at all cost. You shall comply with my commands!

You have no creativity, nor spontaneity.

It could lead to the following: Fear, guilt, shame, entitlement or addiction, rebellion, and abuse of others.

You have lots of choice!

Dragging others down is another one of your specialties.

If I am not going to make it, you are not going to make it either! You could pass on this behavior to your own children. Is that what you want?

As an adult:

You have pleasure in pain, and you are dissatisfied with everything in life. You complain constantly, but you do not like to change anything. You play the victim role and you like that role. The next quote explains it very clearly.

Masochistic characters take a licking and keep on ticking.

Stephen Johnson

You could pick the wrong partner, the wrong career, and the wrong company. You tend to get yourself into difficult situations, but it is not your fault.

You avoid responsibility at all costs.

You see yourself as Innocent, well-intentioned, misused, unappreciated, unfortunate, victimized, and unlucky.

Quite a list!

You do not like success either! You will provoke people and the objective is to get the other individual mad. You like it when people try to help you, but the objective is to defeat that support. In the end, you have to defeat the whole wide world. Therapy is a waste of time, because I will defeat you, the therapist. It will take a few years before you wake up; if ever. Good luck!

6. Exploited Child - Histrionic Personality

This personality has its foundation in love, sex, rivalry and incest, but let me explain. The sexual experience of this a child could come from three directions. It could sexual abuse by a stranger, a caretaker or between brothers and sisters. With this infantile personality - also called hysterical personality - we are dealing with inadequate mothering, sexual and/or physical abuse. What was and is the relationship with your father? We could see father-daughter incest and in the general population this number is about 2%. When we are dealing with stepfather-daughter incest, this number jumps to 14% and according to some sources, these numbers are on the low side.

As an adult:

You have to deal with family corruption and the least powerful gets most of the blame. Your relieve valve is a hysterical response. Your behavior is very superficial along with frustration, anger, and rage. A histrionic personality is looking for a safe male for support. Good luck to find one!

Your relationships with others come from three directions.

It could be erotic, dependent or hostile. Take your pick!

I would also recommend a career on Broadway, because your behavior is overly dramatic and could be described as a soap opera. Jealousy, promiscuity and Exhibitionism is all part of your picture. You keep the attention focused on the outside. Get far away from deeper, intimate feelings. You cannot handle that.

Nothing has happened to me.

Histrionic

You do not like to consult an analyst, because it brings your raw emotions to the surface.

Last, but not least, watch for suicide attempts.

7. Disciplined Child - Obsessive-Compulsive Child

This personality and the hysteric personality share many traits. This is