Dear Therapist: I Staked My Identity on Attending an Ivy League School

Editor’s Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear.therapist@theatlantic.com.

Dear Therapist,

I am currently a high-school senior in California. I recently applied to colleges and among the rejections I received, one was from my dream school: Brown University. The moment I read, “I regret to inform you …” the tears streamed down my face, and everything I had planned for, an Ivy League education, was gone. I feel like my identity was rooted in receiving an Ivy League education, and suddenly I feel lost and discombobulated.

I’m trying to accept that the school I’m going to is where I am meant to be, but I feel like my accomplishments mean nothing now. While I know I will make the most of my