Lipouts: The Best I Could Do From the First Two Years

By Nathan Crace

"Lipouts...The Best I Could Do From The First Two Years" is a collection of Nathan Crace's favorite editions from the first two years of his popular Lipouts column that appeared in regional and national golf publications beginning in 2001. Each original column is re-printed and followed up with a modern day look back at what has (and hasn't) changed since the the original column was published.

It's a look back and a rare look inside the mind of the award-winning golf course architect, writer, and member of the Golf Writers' Association of America. The author says it's the perfect addition to the bathroom library of every golfer.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 24, 2011
• ISBN: 9781105282119

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Lipouts: The Best I Could Do From the First Two Years

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LIPOUTS: The Best I Could Do From The First Two Years

Nathan Crace

"All of us learn to write in the second grade,

But most of us go on to other things."

-- Bobby Knight, then Indiana University’s men’s basketball

coach, in 1973, to a group of sportswriters

Copyright

LIPOUTS: The Best I Could Do From the First Two Years is not a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters in this book  to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is probably because they are the people, places, and events that the author was writing about at the time.

© 2011 by Nathan Crace / Moonbay Media

The author retains sole worldwide copyright to his contributions to this book.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any way or form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act without express prior written permission from, and compensation to, the author.

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-105-28211-9

Published in the United States by Moonbay Media.  The Moonbay Media logo and the Lipous logo are service marks of their respective owners and may not be copied, used, or reproduced without express, written permission.

Book and cover design by Nathan Crace

Dedication

To My Friends and Family

Special thanks to my wife Michelle and our three children for their support.  I’ve wanted to publish a book for some time and without the support of my friends, family, and the readers of my LIPOUTS column over the years, I would not have had the will to get this first book done. 

And a special note of thanks to two friends who are no longer with us. 

Wes Moore, a good friend who loved the story of Bo Dolan so much that he encouraged me to stop putting off writing it and finish this book so I could finish that book—which is what I intend to do now that this one is done.  And Jay Dill, a club professional I had known for years and came to become very good friends with over the years.  Unfortunately, both were taken from this world at an early age in 2010 before I could finish either book; but I hope they are both smiling because I finally got one out of the way….and one to go.

Forward

I first met Nathan Crace in the mid 1990’s when it was still fashionable to call yourself a golf course architect.  I was in the golf publishing business while he scribbled a few things on paper and told a guy on a bulldozer where to push some dirt.  The two of us used to consider our place in this world as one that would always beg the question, How much time would we actually get for stealing old ladies' Social Security checks? 

I know it seems extreme, but larceny was only slightly less honorable than the lower realms of the golf business we worked in.  He had dreams of becoming the next Pete Dye and I had dreams of carrying his cell phone as we traveled the world in a used Cessna 172 and built golf courses for the likes of Steve Wynn, Donald Trump and the occasional Sultan of East-jesus-stan.

I have long since left the world of eating, breathing and sleeping golf to pursue a more respected line of work (real estate ponzi schemes) while my buddy Nathan stayed the course so to speak and made a reputation for himself.  He’s done some beautiful work on courses across the land in some of the darkest times of the golf business and for some reason the fact that he is a Mississippi State graduate hasn’t kept him from getting work.

Let’s be clear, I’m not praising his work on the landscape and in this book just because I’m being paid too....it’s actually pretty good.  He has always observed the great folly that is life and the way golf mimics its every twisted disaster and Lipouts was how he begged the world to stand up and ask, What the hell just happened?

This book is a near perfect collection of observations and opinions that force us not to take ourselves or our swings too seriously.  Nathan is a great guy, a family man, and someone that still thinks domestic beer is the good stuff.  I hope this book sells dozens of copies and inspires him to take another stab at defiling the literary world with another edition.

Happy Reading,

Landon Petty

Reformed golf publisher and certified nobody

Introduction by the Author

It's hard for me to believe as I write this that it's been a decade since I wrote the first installment of my Lipouts for Tee to Green Magazine.  What began as more of an experiment to help a friend fill some space in a popular regional golf magazine developed a personality all its own.  Special thanks to Scott Harrington (the original publisher of Tee to Green), Landon Petty (his partner-in-crime and eventual successor following a bloody coup at the magazine), and current publisher John Price for allowing me to entertain their readers.  From my first column, my goal was always to put a different spin on what I saw in the world of golf by discussing it with the reader in the same manner any of you would with friends sitting around in the clubhouse of your golf course.  I couldn't believe it when other (actually reputable publications) asked to run it.

Those who know me personally know that I have a slightly off-kilter sense of humor.  Some call it dry.  My father would call it about a bubble and a half off plum.  I owe this take on life to my family.  As the youngest of three children (and the only boy), for me it was more like having three Moms growing up.  My sisters are nine and eleven years older than me and we all have the same dry and quirky sense of humor.  Even after going for months without seeing each other, we can sit down and spend hours talking about nothing at all.

I consider myself fortunate to have a (relatively) normal family with parents who are still married and siblings who not only still talk to each other, but also still love each other, regardless of how far apart we may be geographically.  And I know that without them, I would not have the sense of humor I have today (for better or worse).      

Of course, I also have to thank my wife for her assistance in my writings.  She is irreplaceable as a partner in life and (as a college English teacher) she is invaluable as an editor.  She knows when to let me go on and on and when to reign me in.  As much as I might not like to admit it, she has been scientifically proven to be correct 92.8 percent of the time (please do not tell her that I know that).  Without her support and that of my children, friends, and you the readers, this book and the work that fills it would not have been possible.

The purpose of this book is to take a look back at my favorite columns from the first two years (not all 24 of them because honestly some just weren't good enough to make the cut) and see how things have changed.  I also wanted to see how bad I missed my prognostications from years past.  After each column, I spend some time reflecting on the original column and how it remains relevant today (or not at all). 

I always thought that with one page to fill, Lipouts would be perfect bathroom reading material; which it is (you can decide if that's good or bad).  And looking back, amazingly the first five columns were actually written over a period of only fifteen days in August of 2001 and the sixth on August 31 of that year.  I say amazing because later on deadlines became a huge pain in my neck.  I didn't write another column until December of that year.  Of course, there were other events going on in the world at that time...the events of Sept. 11, 2001 in particular.  I specifically chose not to write about it in any of my columns because the purpose of Lipouts was to be humorous and light-hearted reading designed to make the reader think differently about the game of golf. 

In the nearly ten years since I