Mom's Pen: A Daughter’s Resilience Breaks the Cycle of Family Abuse and Dysfunction

By Posie L. Carson

Family Secrets, Trauma, and a Grandma's love. In Mom's Pen, the author reveals how a 'normal' family can hide harsh realities within the home. Domestic abuse can lie hidden in plain sight, and it most often does. Women find themselves trapped in a vicious cycle and they normalize pain and agony. Children in such families are hit the worst, but love from just one person can shield them. Posie narrates an honest story of her trauma, her relationship with her parents, and grandma, and ultimately her decision to heal herself.

Her mother's pen emerges as the symbol of optimism and hope. Posie reflects on her childhood in the 1970s and the impact of her unresolved trauma more than three decades later. She shares profound insights about acknowledging, accepting, and taking action towards self-healing. A deeply moving story of the violence that is often hidden in families, families that live next door or sit next to you at church. It shares how the author, as an adult, struggled with her past while trying to please everyone around her.

The author weaves memories of her childhood with entries from her journals to share her struggle to protect her own children, connect with a special grandma through letters, and do the hard work of reconciling with her past.

This story gives insight into the complexities of family relationships and how each generation impacts the next. The author shares the methods she used to reconcile with her past and regain joy in her life. No family is perfect; some are deeply flawed but hide it well. Left hidden the flaws become normalized and get passed on to the next generation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Sep 4, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098319380

Book preview

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Mom’s Pen

© 2020 by Posie L. Carson

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

ISBN (Print): 978-1-09831-937-3

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-09831-938-0

Contents

Introduction

Dedication

Chapter 1 – Scarred

Chapter 2 – Guiding Light

Chapter 3 – Mom’s Farewell

Chapter 4 - Honor Your Father

Resources

Introduction

This is a story about what sometimes goes on behind the scenes in a normal-looking family. It’s about recognizing and understanding abuse; and working to move past it.

One in every three women experience abuse in their lifetime, most often from a family member, according to domestic violence statistics. Women aren’t the only victims of violence. Children in the home are also scarred by what they witness and experience. While some scars are visible, many remain hidden for years, sometimes for life. Hidden scars can impact a child’s self-worth, confidence, and emotional well-being.

This memoir depicts actual events from the author’s life as honestly as memory, journals, and letters permit. Names and identifying information were left out or changed to protect privacy. Perhaps without the names you can imagine yourself or someone you know in one of these roles.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to every child, regardless of age, who has experienced abuse within his/her family. May this story provide hope and insight to those exposed to abuse or its aftereffects.

Writing this book was harder than I expected and more fulfilling that I could have ever imagined. My family’s encouragement helped me to take it from idea to paper. A huge thank you goes to my husband for being my rock and supporting me throughout this journey. I am also grateful to my sons and daughters-in-law for encouraging me to finally write this book, and for my friends who listened, shared their own stories, and supported me along my journey.

Chapter 1 – Scarred

Journal entry Nov 20, 2013 – I felt dirty for revealing so much about my family. As if I had betrayed them somehow. It didn’t make sense for me to have such a strong sense of family loyalty after all I’d been through, but I did. [My husband] was steadfast. He said I’m not hurting them, but I am helping myself by talking about what happened to me.

Decision Made

On that October evening I was home eating dinner alone again. My husband was working late at the office and our sons were off in college or pursuing a career. I was truly an empty nester. Solitude gives you a lot of space to think. As I put my dishes away, I looked out the window and noticed darkness settling in around the house. I became lost in thought. Difficulties in my life, a challenging job, worries for my husband and my sons, what this person or that person said, filled my thoughts. Suddenly I felt an overwhelming urge to get out of the house. I needed to clear my mind. Some fresh air and a drive would do me good, I thought. I backed out of the driveway and decided to drive over to the neighborhood where we recently bought a house. This would be a good time to learn the layout of the streets before we moved in.

During the drive I kept the radio turned off, preferring the quiet solitude as I traveled. There was a mild chill in the air that seemed to boost my senses. It was late enough in the evening that the neighborhood roads were empty and quiet. The children that lived in the houses lining the streets were likely taking their baths and getting ready for bed. The two-lane road was dimly lit and the houses along it seemed to glow from within from their lights. As I drove slowly past our future home I tried to focus on the scene and remember street names and landmarks. But troublesome thoughts kept interrupting my focus. Harsh, hurtful words from my past kept disturbing my concentration. One in particular had been sabotaging my thoughts a lot lately. Each time I’d dismiss it, but again and again it returned. I circled the block again trying to concentrate on the streets, but I couldn’t stop those thoughts from rushing back and my emotions from reacting. Why did that word keep coming to the forefront of my thoughts? Why were long forgotten childhood memories flooding back and intruding on my thoughts? While the night air invigorated me the weight of my thoughts pushed me down. Again, I drove past the house, this time more slowly, lingering at each stop sign. I felt trapped by my job, a lack of joy in my life, and these recurring memories from my childhood.

A third time I circled the block. As I approached our house, I had an epiphany. An idea as bright as a light took over my thoughts. Moving into this house gave me the opportunity for a fresh start! Immediately I promised myself that I would not carry this baggage into our new home. I committed to take charge of this situation and resolve it. Relief and excitement washed over me at once. I felt a burdensome weight lift from me.

Now my mind was racing, but with new thoughts. What exactly is it I need to change? I had to identify this baggage that was causing me to feel overwhelmed, burned out, and so conflicted. I drove around the block one more time. Just as suddenly, the answer came to me. It seemed so obvious then. I was ready to face it and deal with it. A sense of relief washed over me as I drove home. I couldn’t wait to get started on my plans. There would be challenges, but in my heart, I knew this was the right path for me. The path to a more joyful, balanced life.