Twenty One: Love By Numbers, #2

By E.S. Carter

Fate kept placing Emma Campbell and Jake Fox in each other's paths.
Fate also kept putting overwhelming obstacles in their way.
What fate didn't realize is that Jake and Emma share a connection that is stronger than circumstance.
An intense bond that threatens everything they thought they knew about themselves, one that is only made stronger by a perfect day.

A perfect day where they both surrendered to the force of their feelings for one another.
A perfect day that ended in darkness and tragedy.

Jake is missing.
Emma is lost.
Lost in grief; lost in hopelessness.

Will fate finally grant them a chance to be together or will it tear them apart?

This is the second part of the "Love by Numbers" series and is a continuation of the story that began in "Nineteen".
It is not to be read as a standalone.
*Suitable for readers 18+ due to scenes of a sexual nature*

• Language: English
• Publisher: E.S. Carter
• Release date: Jan 31, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386235880

E.S. Carter

USA Today Bestselling Author, ES Carter, lives in Cardiff, South Wales—the home of castles, dragons, and folklore. Her family joke that she was born with a book in her hand, and the urge to write stories soon followed.  At eleven, she won her school's literary prize. At ages fourteen to sixteen - her poetry phase after falling in love with Dylan Thomas and e.e. cummings - she had a few poems published, but life, love, and family overtook her dreams, and she was in her thirties when she began the scary journey of self-publishing. Her debut and internationally best-selling series, 'Love by Numbers', are a set of interconnected stand-alone romances, all with varying themes of love. From second-chance to romantic comedy and M/M romance. These stories do not need to be read in order, in fact, she is often guilty of advising readers to start at the last book and work their way back through. Contemporary romance is not the only genre she writes, her second series, 'The Red Order', is as dark and twisted as you can get, but there is beauty there too if you can open your eyes and look. With many more stories bursting to be set free, she hopes you stay along for the ride. She loves to connect with readers, so please feel free to friend/follow her on Facebook, IG, and Twitter or join her reader's group, E's Elite <3 Sign up for my newsletter and get a FREE short story: https://www.subscribepage.com/ESCarter Facebook - https://goo.gl/Ih65tm Goodreads - https://goo.gl/2b0fDE

Book preview

Prologue

Emma

Grief - keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

---

We are all grieving.

It’s been twenty-one excruciatingly long hours since Jake left me at Agua Secreto.

Approximately one thousand, two hundred and sixty agonising minutes filled with despair, anguish and heartache.

He never made it back to the main shoreline.

He never came back for me.

---

I was rescued the following day by the Coastguard.

Max, the owner of the boat Jake hired, was found on the deck of his yacht just offshore, having suffered a massive heart attack that took his life.

The Coastguard checked over his passenger logs, and luckily for me, Max was a very diligent record keeper. They knew exactly where to come and find us, but when they arrived, they only found me. I pleaded with them to leave me there to search for Jake, begged them to make sure he was safe and prayed to God he’d made it back.

My poor Spanish skills and frantic rambling didn’t help. They ignored my pleas, bundled me onto their boat, and we sped off to return to the marina.

The entire journey back my eyes scoured the calm Mediterranean Sea and any small bays we passed.

Shapes or shadows on the water caused my pulse to spike, my heart to pound and my throat to open ready to scream for Jake but they were just shadows—figments of my imagination and false profits of my hope.

All of Jake’s family were there waiting for us at the marina, their enthusiastic waving as the boat pulled into dock was like a sucker punch to my solar plexus.

Liv’s face was the first to fall after taking in my forlorn appearance. Her eyes searched my weary and tear-stained face, and she broke away from Nate to gather me in her arms before my feet fully hit the deck.

I sobbed out words, my cries wracking my body in pain, my pleas escaping like a prayer.

"Liv, he’s gone. We have to find him. Help me find him Liv? They won’t listen to me. We need to find him, make someone find him."

She soothed me by gently stroking my hair while my body shook in her embrace, whispering promises, telling me everything would be alright.

Her promises fell on deaf ears. Nothing was alright. Not until Jake was found would anything be anywhere close to alright.

Her words didn’t calm me. They angered me.

I didn’t deserve her gentle touch, didn’t want her empty promises. I wanted Jake.

---

Forcing my way out of Liv’s arms I looked at the faces surrounding me.

Mr and Mrs Fox-Williams are grief stricken, both seemingly holding the other upright. Their faces are deathly white and fraught with worry.

I want to say something to ease their heartache but what can I say? I know no more than they do. The simple fact is I returned to them, while their son did not.

He’s still missing, and we are all standing around doing nothing.

My focus is drawn to Nate right in front of me, his face filled with the same rage that flows through my veins.

Seeing my anger reflected in his stony eyes causes mine to erupt from me.

"Why are you all standing here? Why aren’t you out looking for him? For Christ’s sake, stop standing there and make someone find him!" The last words leave me in a roar, shocking myself and those around me into silence.

Nate’s face morphs into pure steel—his emotions locked tight behind an impenetrable door.

"We will find him, Emma. You need to tell us everything that happened and then we will stop at nothing to bring him back."

It doesn’t take long for me to divulge the little information I have that might help.

Nate and his father immediately left us to speak to the Coastguard and Police, wanting to find out exactly what they were doing to find Jake.

They returned a few moments later flanked by the head of police and the search and rescue chief. Both men wore an air of authority like a second skin and both proceeded to question me on anything and everything to do with Jake, our trip and what state of mind he was in when he left me.

What state of mind was he in? I repeat disbelievingly. "If you’re implying he left me to take his own life, you are wasting precious time in finding him and bringing him back to us. He was going to get help you bloody idiots, not going for a midnight swim."

Liv is instantly by my side again, wrapping one arm around my shoulders to calm me.

Sorry, Miss Campbell. We have to investigate all possibilities. The tall, tanned, police chief informs me, sympathy filling his dark brown eyes.

Please let us escort you to the local hospital to get checked over. My men will make plans with the Coastguard to begin searching for Mr Fox immediately. He gestures towards a police car parked nearby. Do you have someone that could come with you?

Both Nate and Liv speak at the same time - Liv will go with her – I will go with you.

I give a small, terse nod and allow Liv to lead me to the vehicle, catching Liam’s eye as we walk past him.

He doesn’t speak or acknowledge me, and his silence hurts more than I care to admit.

They will find him, Em. If Nate has to charter all the boats in this marina, they will find him, I promise. Liv believed in these words, her voice strong and resolute.

I try to allow her strength to seep into my pores, wanting—no needing—to believe that Jake will be found soon.

---

Forty-eight hours later and he still hasn’t been found.

After a quick check-up, I got the all clear from the hospital and Liv and I returned to my apartment to wait for news.

The only news we got that first day was via texts from Nate who kept in constant contact with Liv. He hired fifteen vessels of all shapes and sizes to aid the search, but night time fell that first day without Jake and with no news of their success.

He, H and Liam refused to leave the search operation, each of them travelling on one of the hired boats, scouring the ocean and hidden bays all day and night.

They returned to us at lunchtime the next day, exhausted, drained and fast losing hope.

We all left my small apartment and joined the rest of Jake’s family—who had set up camp at Nate’s—to wait for news. The air in his luxurious villa was thick with an anxiety so dense that I found it hard to breathe. My lungs fighting were against the hope I refused to give up.

It was early evening when the phone calls started flooding in.

The UK press—having caught wind of Jake’s disappearance—somehow got Nate’s phone number. He immediately blocked any calls that were not from the police and contacted Tina, Jake’s agent, to issue a press release.

She took over everything and soon after, the calls stopped.

I’m not sure if the silence is a good thing. We’re all sitting here on edge, waiting for the damn phone to ring and for it to be good news.

It has to be good news.

The silence is excruciating, and no one seems to have the energy or will to break it.

We just wait.

I refuse to give up hope.

He promised to come back to me, he will come back to me—there is no other alternative.

Needing to escape the suffocating environment of Nate’s, I return to my apartment alone. Liv and H try to get me to stay but I convince them I need to get some sleep, so they reluctantly agree.

The truth is that every look from one of his family members feels like an accusation.

Any small glance pierces through my weak outer shell, feeling like a hundred poisoned arrows have hit me straight in the chest, grazing my desiccated heart.

I mention this to Liv who assures me it’s all in my head but how can they not blame me. It’s because of me their son and brother is missing, and I’m all too aware that sometimes being the survivor comes with consequences. My mother made sure that I would never forget that lesson.

It will be forever etched onto my heart.

I leave quietly with softly spoken promises of returning soon on my lips. Promises I will only keep when Jake is found is safe and well.

---

The sun is scorching and beats down on me relentlessly. It burns into my skin, singeing my soul with its fiery rays and making the ten-minute walk to my apartment feel like days.

How will Jake survive out there in this?

I silently make deals with the universe, bargaining away myself and everything that I own, just to get him back. Offering to take his place if he’s brought back to us unharmed and safe.

I pray that my pleas will not fall on deaf ears. Jake has so much to come back for—he has to come back.

Slipping quietly into my apartment, I decide I need to soak my weary muscles and try to wash away the despair that feels caked on my skin.

I haven’t showered since the day of my date with Jake because I didn’t want to risk being more than a few seconds away from a phone, but weariness and a bone-deep ache win out.

I need to get myself back to where hope is the strongest emotion I feel.

I need to be strong for Jake.

I hit play on my iPod and slip into the tepid bath water, allowing it to lap soothingly over my sun-baked skin.

I close my eyes and let the subdued notes coming from the speakers wash over me.

Kodaline’s – All I want fills the silence of the bathroom, and a quiet sob breaks free from my chest, releasing all my heartache into the steamy air.

Immediately visions of Jake scroll across my closed eyelids, a film reel of moments we shared together less than three days ago.

Blissful moments of emotion filled kisses, sacred moments of contented silence, precious moments of a connection I refuse to believe has been stolen.

I will not allow myself to believe that the last kiss we shared was goodbye.

Chapter One - Emma

Twenty-one—there are only twenty-one people present to see the mahogany casket get lowered into the ground.

Twenty-one witnesses for a life tragically lost.

---

I remember how I once thought that funerals held nothing but love—love for the person who passed, love for the times you shared with each other, and love for those who surround you and help you through the most painful of times.

I can honestly say I don’t feel the love at this one and not because it isn’t here, but because I’m impervious to it, sheltered from such strong emotions by the steel wall I’ve erected around my heart, stopping it from shattering completely.

I stand away from the other mourners, not making eye contact and paying little attention to the service taking place in front of me.

My eyes never stray from that shiny wooden box.

Inside lays the cold body of a man that was warm, vibrant, and alive just a few days ago. Now it contains just a shell—a no longer useful vessel for the soul that was lost at sea.

Clouds cover the bright sunshine by the time the service has ended, and all the people have gone. The casket now lowered into the ground, is adjusting to its final resting place.

I should be leaving too, but I feel adrift—like my soul is floating around in an endless sea, caught by riptides and never allowed to return to shore.

My mind is consumed by ‘what ifs’.

What if I’d refused a date with Jake that day?

What if I’d told him I didn’t like boats?

What if I’d stopped him from stupidly entering the sea?

What if?

---

I finally move from the spot I’ve been rigidly standing in when the gravediggers come to cover the casket with earth.

I can’t bring myself to watch this part. It’s too final—too absolute.

The vibration of my phone rouses me from my thoughts, and I rush to check it. It’s been permanently in my hand since that day—waiting for a call that never came.

Today though, it’s in my pocket. I didn’t expect a call and thought it inappropriate, given the circumstances, to stand and clutch it to my chest.

In fact, why am I here at all?

I don’t belong here. I don’t belong with his friends and family—all people I don’t know. I’m a stranger to them.

I swipe the screen, and see five missed calls and a text.

How the hell did I miss all these? I must have zoned out for longer than I’d thought.

I ignore all the voicemails and open the text from Liv.

---

*They’ve found him Em, u need to come back right now!*

---

I read the message a dozen times before the words register.

My heart stutters in my chest when realisation hits, causing me to stumble from my prone position.

Oh. My. God.

A million scenarios fly through my mind but I focus on just one—he’s alive.

He has to be alive.

---

Running from the cemetery and the scene of Max’s funeral, I feel not an ounce of guilt for the hope that blazes through my chest like wildfire.

I hail the first taxi I see and blurt out my destination before my bum has even hit the seat, returning Liv’s call as the taxi pulls out into traffic.

Is he okay? I exhale the words quickly not even bothering to greet her when she answers her phone.

He’s alive, Em, barely but he’s alive. You need to get here quickly. We’re at the same hospital you were taken to for your check-up. Please hurry.

Her words end in a sob, the muffled sound of her phone being passed to someone else heightening my already rapid heartbeat.

Em? Emma are you still there? Liam’s worried voice comes over the phone.

I’m here. I’ll be with you in less than fifteen minutes, just tell me he’s okay Liam, please?

He was found washed up in front of a small cove, dehydrated, sunburnt and unconscious. He’s being treated now. They won’t allow any of us to see him yet, but he’s alive Emma. His voice catches on the words, and I hear him inhale a deep, shaky breath.

He’s alive and I was starting to lose hope that we would ever find him, so I refuse to believe he’s going to be anything other than fine. He didn’t survive five days out there lost, to only give up now that we’ve found him.

He sounds strong and resolute, so unlike the Liam I know and love, the one who is always joking, never taking life seriously.

These last few days have changed us all.

I hang up and clutch my phone to my chest, quickly issuing the driver with my new destination. Less than twenty minutes later, I’m rushing through the front doors of the hospital, frantically scanning the foyer for any one I know.

My eyes catch Liam coming through a set of doors on my right, and I stop dead at the look of concern on his face. He hesitates for just a second before striding towards me and gathering me in his strong arms, almost squeezing the breath from my lungs.

Jules, I’m so glad you’re here.

This is the first time since Jake’s disappearance that Liam has touched me, and I buckle with relief that I have my friend back, but I won’t be happy until I lay my eyes on Jake.

Where is he? I ask into his chest, unable to move from his crushing embrace.

I’ll take you to the family room, everyone is there waiting for an update, we should know more soon.

He loosens the tight grip he has on me just enough to look down into my face. His eyes roam over every inch of my features, almost like he’s searching for something, but the moment ends when Liv runs out through the same doors calling my name,

Emma, Oh My God, Emma! She rushes towards us, and Liam releases me so I can step to the side and wrap my arms around my best friend.

What’s happened Liv, has something happened? I look into her tear soaked eyes praying that I am overreacting.

He’s just woken up. It was only for a few moments, but he opened his eyes Emma and tried to speak. She forces the words through her hiccupping breath.

He asked for you, Emma. He asked if you were safe. She squeezes me tightly, and I glance over her shoulder towards Liam who is now looking at me with overwhelming relief written all over his handsome face.

Well, if my big brother is awake and asking for you, Jules, we’d better not disappoint him. He gives me a beaming smile, and the three of us make our way to the family room.

We enter the small room to an air of jubilance.

Mrs Fox-Williams is stood watching her eldest son and husband embrace at the joyous news that Jake woke up, if only for a second.

Tears stream down her face but her smile tells of a mother who has just had the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders.

Everyone turns to us as we enter and in one coordinated swoop, I’m gathered up by both Nate and Mr Fox, who lift me from my feet in celebration.

I can’t help but hiccup a giggle at the overwhelming joy saturating this room. It feels as though the fog that had settled on us, clogging our lungs with dread, has finally dissipated.

Has anyone seen him yet?

I know his family will need to see him first. I just need clarification that he’s well.

I want desperately to see him, but I’ll patiently wait my turn as long as I know that he’s safe.

Nate speaks up, Not yet. When they get the all clear from the Doc, Mum and Dad are going in first, and seeing as the only person he asked for when he opened his eyes was you, I think we all agree that you should be next in to see him.

He smiles and looks around at everyone else seeking agreement. They all smile back at me, all wanting to give Jake what he requested.

If you’re sure, I’d love to go in to see him but not until it’s okay for me to do so.

I thank him for his gracious offer with a hug because I’m not going to argue about getting the chance to see Jake with my own eyes. He’s only in here because he foolishly tried to save me. In fact, it’s becoming a theme—Jake laying himself on the line to protect me.

We want to keep the invalid happy, Liam jokes with a smile on his face. And if seeing you is what does that, we all agree it’s the best thing for him. He can be a right pain in the arse when he doesn’t get his way. Liam laughs. His laugh getting even louder when his mother jokingly scolds him for talking about his brother that way.

What Ma, you know it’s true. He pulls his mother in for a hug, and soon all the brothers surround her in a big Fox cuddle. I’m surprised she can breathe with all those strong bodies surrounding her. The sight warms me from the inside.

This is what a real family feels like.

Mr and Mrs Fox-Williams are called in by Jake’s doctor a few minutes later, leaving the rest of us to chat in much lighter spirits.

I tell Liv all about Max’s funeral. She wanted to go with me, but I insisted she stay with Nate to be there for any news about Jake. She was confused as to why I wanted to go in the first place and in all honesty, I couldn’t tell her the reasons myself, I just felt like I had to go.

He was the catalyst for the events of that day, and although I truly didn’t blame him, I needed to pay my respects. I needed to forgive the man that indirectly caused the situation we were in, and the rational side of me knew that he wasn’t to blame. I wanted to tell him in the hope that he could hear me.

Crazy reasons I know, but they seemed to make sense to me at the time.

---

Thirty minutes pass in quiet but happy conversation. I even get to finally hold a conversation with Laura, Josh’s pretty wife. She’s adorable, and they are very much suited—they make the perfect couple. Josh with his bookish good looks, who wears an air of intelligence like a second skin and Laura, quiet, sweet, exceptionally pretty and at ease with everyone and everything.

I’ve never met a couple more obviously in love, even if they did make me feel both nauseous and jealous in equal measure. You can tell they were childhood sweethearts and best friends—they have a connection that many people search a lifetime for, yet did not take each other for granted.

Theirs is a pure love, a love between soul mates, a love based on mutual respect and adoration. You can see where my sickening jealousy might manifest from, yet they were impossible to dislike or begrudge.

Liam regales everyone yet again with the "My Little Pony" story and I, for once, let those who haven’t heard it before, believe his fabricated version of the day that we met.

I’m happy just to sit here and laugh along with his cheeky untruths as he winks knowingly at me. Our friendship is back to the easy and uncomplicated state it was before Jake went missing.

I’m relieved to have my friend back, but a small part of me wants to ask him why he cut me out. I thought what we had was stronger than that. I thought that, after Liv, Liam was my closest friend, so his icy treatment of me while Jake was missing still stings.

When his parents return, all eyes focus on me knowing I get