Urchin House Blues

By Robert Parker

A typical* family with typical* problems must come to terms with the arrival of neighbours from a different culture. To add to their troubles, their family transport is damaged, their living home and that of their neighbours compete for food, and the extremely exotic members of the local police-force hound them to simultaneously spy and befriend the new residents.
*Note: Typical in this case applies to the sea urchins of the planet Blue.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robert Parker
• Release date: Jun 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463915134

Robert Parker

I've been an Engineer, Technician and Programmer, so naturally I like technical stuff, but my stories stretch the limits of what is plausible and focus primarily on the absurdity of human behaviour.I have the usual number of wives, children, dogs, cats, talking trees etc.I'm also very fond of the wonderful Australian birdlife that comes freely to my home.These humans and other creatures inspire me. I have little interest in politics or war.If you've tried out my stories, I'd love to hear what you think, good or bad.

Book preview

Urchin House Blues

by Robert Parker

Copyright 2020 Robert Parker

Smashwords Edition

A typical* family with typical* problems must come to terms with the arrival of neighbours from a different culture. To add to their troubles, their family transport is damaged, their living home and that of their neighbours compete for food, and the extremely exotic members of the local police-force hound them to simultaneously spy and avoid the new comers.

*Note: Typical in this case applies to the sea urchins of the planet Blue.

Dear reader, please note that all characters and planets mentioned in this story are purely fictional and any resemblance to members of the echinoderm family, or the astronomical bodies on which they live, is purely coincidental.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Other stories by this Author available on Smashwords

Egg Heads

Anything Anytime Anywhere

Eat Me Not

Alien Kidnap

Reporting Errors

For the benefit of other readers, please report errors via google forms.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – The Planet Blue

Chapter 2 – Something Lost, Something Gained

Chapter 3 – Apologies Don't Come Easy

Chapter 4 - Clam School

Chapter 5 – The Trouble with Nonchalance

Chapter 6 – One Last Night Of Peace

Chapter 7 – Building Good Fences

Chapter 8– For the Love of Clams

Chapter 9 – Learning His Lesson

Chapter 10 – Good Visitors Know When To Leave

Chapter 11 – Calm Waters

Thank You

Acknowledgements

About Robert Parker

CHAPTER 1 – The Planet Blue

Among the inhabitants of Vista-della-Luna Reef, family status is measured by the value of their homes. If Belchbard Picklespike had found the time to consider this, he might have prevented the conflict which arose between the Picklespikes and their new neighbours, the Dampcloths. But before I describe how a constellation of starfish came to live next door to a sea-urchin named Belchbard, it would be best to learn about the planet Blue on which they all lived.

To start with, it is mostly blue, hence its name. No, not that blue planet, the ancestral home of blob headed cyborgs. This is another one.

The Bluevians knew the colour of their planet before they were able to leave it. Their single moon, encrusted with frozen mercury, formed a giant curved mirror in space, so they could see the reflection of their planet upon it. They hadn’t always understood, so, for a long time, it was their moon that they called Blue. It took the unnatural philosopher, Arrow-Spittle, to figure it out. Now their home is called Blue and their moon is just Lunar. Not everyone is convinced.

Both natural and unnatural Bluevian philosophers have suggested that, due to its strange composition, the moon is not originally theirs, but belongs to someone else. Possibly, they argue, it was left by The Giver so that they could see that their planet is small and delicate. Certainly, those who see the reflection know to love their planet and will do nothing to harm it.

The Bluevian moon is also tidally locked, which means that it circles their planet exactly once a day, and can only be seen from one side of the planet Blue. This is the side on which the Picklespikes live.

The Picklespikes are a family of sea-urchin. They didn’t live directly under the moon, and probably still don’t – the sea is far too deep there. Further to the east, the water ends in kilometre high cliffs. Few urchin venture close to those and never beyond.

Their reef was not close to the poles either. It is far to cold there. Rather they live in one of the planet’s most desirable locations. The sea here is of just the right depth and temperature. Their coral home, together with their reef neighbours, bask in conditions that were ideal for urchins.

The Picklespike family was composed in the usual urchin way: a patriarch, in his prime, up to three maturing children, and numerous larvae. By convention, there can never be more than three maturing children, as this is the number that can fit comfortably in a clam. So the growth of the more juvenile larvae is suspended until the eldest child leaves home. It can be a dangerous stage of life for larvae, but they must wait their turn to enjoy puberty, and an existence outside of the food chain.

The Picklespike home was in a quiet and affluent reef, washed in currents rich with nutrients that kept their home’s coral in top condition. It was the job of the urchin-larvae to maintain and control the interior of their home; an arrangement that suited everyone except the larvae.

On the day their trouble started, the family patriarch, Belchbard Picklespike, prepared to go to work as usual. One of the larvae (probably Jupardish, who was the most diligent) had prepared a lovely omelette from the eggs laid in the sea-cucumber coop out-the-back. Belchbard climbed onto the oyster shell plate and sucked the meal into his mouth parts. Shortly after, and true to his name, he produced a satisfying belch – the bubbles from which ascended to dance around the ceiling. He hoped that the cook, whoever it was, would hear his appreciation.

Urchin larvae are generally careful to hide first thing in the day, a period when an older, not yet mature urchin might wake-up feeling peckish and possibly forget that eating their younger siblings is not considered polite.

There were no larvae in sight when the eldest of Belchbard’s potentially dangerous children, Carrionstick, made an appearance in the kitchen.

It wasn’t entirely clear yet whether Carrionstick would be male or female. Carrionstick was in the final stages of puberty – another difficult time in the life of any urchin. Belchbard remembered his own concerns at that age. He wanted to be supportive of his son/daughter, but had always felt too awkward to raise the subject. Diplomacy would be required. He thought he’d give it a go.

‘So what gender are you today?’ Belchbard asked of him/her.

Carrionstick groaned and rolled his/her photo receptors in a wide circle.

Just when he thought Carrionstick would never talk to him again, he/she rattled off his/her frustrations with hysterical