Totally Forgiving God: When it Seems He Has Betrayed You

By R.T. Kendall

We live in a world filled with injustice and evil, and there is nobody on the planet who has not suffered. There are famines and wars, earthquakes and tsunamis, wicked governments, racial prejudices, and diseases. We all have been hurt, attacked, mistreated, deceived, or falsely accused. God allows this. He could stop it. After all, He is unlimited in power and knowledge. But God doesn’t stop it. Why? In the third title of his series on forgiveness and his most important book to date, R. T. Kendall tackles this question head-on, demonstrating why we need to release God from the blame we put on Him when we feel He has betrayed us.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charisma House
• Release date: Jul 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781616388584

R.T. Kendall

Dr. R. T. Kendall, a graduate of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and Oxford University (DPhil), is a protégé of Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. He was the senior minister of the historic Westminster Chapel in London for 25 years. The author of numerous books, he conducts conferences all over the world and writes a bi-monthly column for Ministry Today.

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KINGDOM

PREFACE

WHEN MY BOOK How to Forgive Ourselves— Totally was published a few years ago, a very dear friend of mine said, RT, I know what should be the title of your next book. What is that? I asked. "Totally Forgiving God, he replied. Oh, dear," I swallowed. My immediate thought, I am ashamed to admit, was about what the critics will say when they see the title but won’t read the book. But in a day or two after that I knew in my heart he was right and that I should pursue this idea and write the book.

But it hasn’t been easy. I have possibly given more thought and prayer to this than any book I have written. I try always to be careful, but with this grave subject I needed to be doubly sure that I knew what I was talking about. People ask, How long does it take to write a book? The answer is, It all depends. Some books take weeks; some take months. This book has taken five years to write. I have sought the counsel of close friends with whom I have shared the manuscript. Somerset Maugham said that when people ask for criticism, they really want praise! True. But I needed a lot more than praise when it came to this book; I needed all the criticism and help I could get. Several friends have read this manuscript, but I am deeply indebted particularly to Ed Stetzer, for writing the foreword, Lyndon Bowring, Dr. Michael Eaton, and, most of all, to Rob Parsons, who has done us a singular favor by writing the special recommendation to this book. Thank you, Rob. Your help with this book and many others I have written over the years has been incalculable.

When I wrote Total Forgiveness, I had no idea that there would be a need for How to Forgive Ourselves— Totally. But there was. This will (as far as I know) be the last in this mini series of titles.

This book is dedicated to my baby sister, Marilyn, who has undergone far more hurt and suffering than I have known. I pray it will encourage you, Marilyn.

It is my fervent, earnest prayer that every reader will be warmly blessed as they read what follows. God bless you all.

—R. T. KENDALL

www.rtkendallministries.com

INTRODUCTION

I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so men are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them.

—ECCLESIASTES 9:11–12

Life’s not fair.

—JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY (1917–1963)

IN FEBRUARY 1953, when I was seventeen, the class I was attending at the Ashland, Kentucky, senior high school was suddenly interrupted. The teacher called me out and said I had a phone call waiting for me in the principal’s office. It was my from my uncle, who said, RT, your mother has had a stroke and has been taken to the hospital. Your dad is on the way to take you there, so go outside and wait for him. I replied, Is she going to be OK? I think your mother is very sick, he said. Moments later I got into the car with my dad as our Nazarene pastor drove us hurriedly to the hospital, where I saw my mother paralyzed on one side of her body.

For the next eight weeks we waited day and night for her to improve. All our friends and loved ones were praying for her. At least five people—known for their faithfulness— anointed her with oil to be healed. Some of them said they prayed through, meaning that God witnessed that my mother would be healed. My dad, the most godly man I ever knew, woke me up one morning with joy in his heart; God had just shown him that my mother would be healed. He based this on his reading from Psalm 6:8–9: The LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer (KJV). I myself received also what I believed to be a word from the Lord that she would be healed, Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD (Ps. 27:14, KJV).

There was no doubt in my mind that God revealed to me and others that my mother would be healed and would not die.

Eight weeks later the members of my high school band (I played the oboe) had journeyed by train to Washington DC where we had been invited to play at the annual Cherry Blossom Festival. My mother insisted that I go. On the morning we arrived, April 8, 1953, I telephoned my aunt (who lived in Washington) merely to say I was in town. She said, Where are you? I explained I was in a restaurant having breakfast with other band students. She said, Don’t leave. I asked, Why? At first she would not tell me, but then she said, Your mother passed away this morning.

I remember it as if it were yesterday. Later that same day I had my first plane ride—Aunt Freda went with me on a plane journey back to Ashland. When I entered our house, several members of our church were present. My dad fell on my shoulders, sobbing. The funeral was two days later. It was an event from which I have never fully recovered. Apart from his personal sorrow and the care of my little sister, Marilyn—born two years previously—my dad’s chief concern was my own faith. He feared I would lose my faith in all this. I didn’t. But the death of my mother had an impact on me that shaped my emotions, my thinking, and my expectancy from that day to this.

My dad would say in those days, God is too wise to err and too kind to be unmerciful. I believed that then, and I believe it today.

The experience of losing my mother when I was a teenager does not qualify me to write this book. What I went through was a drop in the bucket compared to suffering and hurts and injustices others—and perhaps you—have experienced. I write out of a background of fifty-seven years of ministry, during which time I have been the pastor of five churches, my last being Westminster Chapel, where I was the minister for exactly twenty-five years. But that disappointment from thinking my mother would be healed owing to Psalm 27:14 was my first hint that God could allow me to think a certain way—and I be totally wrong. Psalm 27:14 says nothing, of course, about healing. But to me it did—at the time. It prepared me in some measure to be able to sympathize with people who have been hurt, sometimes disillusioned, by the God they so trusted in—only to feel utterly betrayed by Him.

About fifteen years ago the evangelical psychologist Dr. James Dobson called on me in my vestry at Westminster Chapel: RT, I am writing a book on the subject when God doesn’t make sense. Do you have any thoughts on this?

The truth is, I did. Whereas most of Dr. Dobson’s books are outside the realm of my expertise, his new title was right up my street. I began to share with him my embryonic thinking regarding the betrayal barrier that Christians sooner or later face. A few years after When God Doesn’t Make Sense was first published, which Dr. Dobson had kindly dedicated to me, a new edition was planned. I was invited this time to write the foreword to it, and in it I unfolded a few more of my thoughts on the betrayal barrier and breaking the betrayal barrier that had become a part of Dr. Dobson’s book. But I have felt for a long time that I would write a book of my own, enlarging on this idea. So when I conceived of writing the present book, Totally Forgiving God, I decided that this book would elaborate to some extent on the concept of God seemingly betraying us. My point is this. It was these insights, far more than the death of my mother, that has persuaded me that I should write the book you now hold in your hands.

The ability to forgive God comes down mainly to one thing: understanding the God of the Bible and His ways. The key to forgiving God is knowing His ways—and accepting them.

It is my sincere prayer that you will be encouraged as you read on and that you yourself will come to the place (if you have needed to do so)—sooner than later—that you totally forgive God for whatever it was that He allowed to happen in your life that led to your anger, hurt, frustration, or disillusionment. My aim in this book is to restore your faith in God’s integrity and existence; that you will come to see for yourself that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him (Heb. 11:6). He is worth seeking, and His reward is worth waiting for.

TOTALLY FORGIVING GOD?

The title of this book would suggest that God might be guilty of something—and that one should forgive Him. Is such a suggestion justified?

I must therefore explain why I have chosen to write this book. There is nobody on the planet who has not suffered to some degree in the world God created—into which sin entered—and the one He sustains. It is a wicked world, a world filled with suffering, injustice, and evil to overflowing. There is famine, war, earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, wicked governments, corrupt financial institutions, poverty, racial prejudice, and disease. God could have prevented such from happening in the first place, and He could have intervened to stop any evil at any time.

In addition to situations in the world, we all have been hurt in varying degrees—whether being personally mistreated, taken advantage of, deceived, been in an accident, endured suffering through illness, losing a job, losing a loved one prematurely, losing a friend, or being falsely accused. This is to say nothing of those who have been raped, sexually abused, robbed, or given an unjust verdict by a corrupt judge.

God could have stopped any of these evils at any time in the entire world.

What is more, being a believer does not exempt one from suffering. Becoming a Christian does not remove one from pain. Bad things happen to Christians; good things happen to those who not only are unbelievers but who also do great evil in this world. President John F. Kennedy used to say, Life’s not fair.¹ God allows this. He could stop it. After all, God by definition is unlimited in power and knowledge. He sees injustices and extreme suffering happening every day and apparently does nothing. According to James, whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin (James 4:17). It seems to us that the right thing to do would be to stop evil! But God doesn’t stop it. Why?

That is why I have written this book.

I will be as clear as I know how as I wind up this introduction so you will know exactly where I am coming from.

First, I honestly do not believe God is guilty of anything wrong. He has nothing to answer for. You will ask, Then why do we need to forgive Him? I will give three reasons that will be elaborated on in this book:

1. We must not be governed by our limited perception of Him—supposing that we are qualified to judge Him.

2. We forgive Him not because He is guilty, but because we choose to affirm Him as He is revealed in the Bible.

3. We must set Him free—letting Him totally off the hook—until the day arrives when every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father (Phil. 2:9–11).

By totally forgiving God, I mean the God of the Bible, the God who is revealed in the Old and New Testaments. There will be those who do not accept God as being unlimited in power and knowledge. Such people will not likely believe in the infallibility of Holy Scripture—which I do. They wish to maintain a belief in God, but it is not always the God of the Bible they want to believe in. A part of this book will focus on God and His ways.

A few years ago I wrote a book called The Anointing: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. I invited an old friend—a man highly esteemed in the theological world—to write a foreword to that book. He turned me down. I was quite devastated. I could think of nothing else for days. But he did no wrong at all by refusing to commend my book. He was being true to himself. I had to forgive him. It would be inappropriate for me to criticize him for his decision. He had his reasons. I was deeply hurt, yes. But he was not guilty of anything but being himself. This illustration of how I had to forgive my old friend does not begin to compare to the way God remains true to Himself, but He must be forgiven when we are disappointed or feel betrayed.

I write this book to set you free. By your setting God free, you will be free. I guarantee it. Never have I written a book with such painful thought and care. I have been working on it for years. It is my conviction that this will lead you to not only a spiritual breakthrough in understanding God but also a breakthrough in your own mind and spirit. I pray as I write these lines that the Holy Spirit will enable you to perceive what is intended by what I have written; that you will not misinterpret, misapply, or misunderstand what follows but will have an emancipation from bewilderment or any bitterness; and that you will fall in love with the Bible and the God who gave it to us. He is worth seeking, and His reward is worth waiting for.

PART ONE

Our