Pained: Bullied, #2

By Vera Hollins

Two months have passed since the day I pushed Hayden away. Two months since I found out he loved me and wanted to be with me. I've been trying to move on and forget about him, but my heart refuses to listen.

Hayden had almost died saving me. Half of me wants to forgive him for everything and give him another chance. The other half prevents me from doing so, distrusting him and ignoring my heart's desires. Hayden is dark and complicated, and as the days pass, he gets further away from me, ignoring me whenever our paths cross.

I have less than a year before I go to college, and I won't see him ever again. I have to believe I will get over him and move on with my life. I have to believe in my future without him. 

Unless he didn't really move on, and our masks are about to fall.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Vera Hollins
• Release date: Mar 31, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393357636

Vera Hollins

Vera Hollins writes emotional, dark, and angsty love stories that deal with heartbreak, mental and social issues, and finding light in darkness. She’s been writing since she was nine, and before she knew it, it became her passion and life. She particularly likes coffee, bunnies, angsty romance, and anti-heroes. When she’s not writing, you can find her reading, plotting her next book with as many twists as possible, and watching YouTube.

Book preview

Playlist

Easier to Run—Linkin Park

Failure—Breaking Benjamin

Fight to Forget—Red

Bad Dream—Ruelle

Hiding Place—Cinephile

Walking in My Shoes—Depeche Mode

You—Breaking Benjamin

Popular Monster—Falling in Reverse

Crawling—Linkin Park

No End, No Beginning—Poets Of The Fall

Colorblind—Counting Crows

Butterflies—Alicia Keys

Prologue

THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO

You’re so dumb, my classmate Ethan said from the back of the classroom, and almost everyone started laughing. And red like a tomato. My blush intensified.

I stood in front of the blackboard, done with my long-dreaded presentation about the relationship between setting and theme in Pride and Prejudice. I didn’t like public speaking, and I counted the seconds until the teacher finally allowed me to go back to my seat.

I couldn’t calm the sickening tempo of my heartbeat, and I tried my best to ignore the stares as I looked at the floor. I detested being the center of attention. I’d barely managed to collect myself enough to finish the presentation successfully.

Silence, Ethan. I don’t want to hear a word from you, Ms. Simmons said.

"Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry Ms. S. I won’t say a word to Tomato."

Ms. Simmons glared at him. Ethan, unless you want detention, you better keep your mouth shut. She turned to me. Well done, Sarah. Your presentation was thorough, and you showed a good understanding of the story’s elements. Keep up the good work. You may go to your seat now.

A few students whispered that stupid nickname as I passed their desks. Ethan sat right behind me, but I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t wait to leave school. We had early release today, so only several minutes separated me from the end of this torture.

Hey, Tomato? Ethan whispered. I didn’t move, sensing him very close to me. You’re an ugly creep. Why don’t you do us all a favor and put a bag over your head next time?

Or you could stay out of our sight for good, a girl at the desk next to mine muttered viciously. My throat tightened. I hated that I could never defend myself. I could only feel fear and embarrassment, which made me incapable of fighting back.

The bell rang, and I didn’t waste a second. I rushed out of the classroom, finally able to get away from this suffocating place.

Just one more month, Sarah. One more month until the end of junior high and you won’t see these people anymore.

I quickly darted out of the school so my bullies wouldn’t catch up with me, reaching the school gates in no time. I welcomed the noisy streets of New Haven, Connecticut that provided a temporary escape from the nightmares of my life.

Those nightmares were everywhere—at school, where everyone found me an easy target, and at home, where I had to deal with my drunk, moody mother and her latest boyfriend, Brad.

I slowed down my pace, the thought of him instilling cold fear in me. I was in no hurry to go back to our apartment. I couldn’t know if Brad was going to be there, and I didn’t want to see him. I wanted him gone from my life.

I was terrified of him. He was one of the most despicable people I’d ever met. They had been dating for a couple of months, but Brad only showed his true colors recently. He started to beat my mom and force her to do whatever he wanted. Each time I tried to defend her, he would slap me or threaten to break my bones if I didn’t lock myself in my room and leave them alone.

I called the police once and told them about the abuse, but it was futile since Mom hadn’t confirmed my accusations. Brad retaliated by beating her next day. She was a silent victim of abuse, and I was useless and unable to do anything to help her.

She never said a word about Brad, and I didn’t understand why she protected him. Why did she stay with him? Why did she defend that sick bastard?

I climbed up the rusty stairs of our old, half-deserted apartment building, hoping for the millionth time that my mother had finally decided to leave him. I hadn’t slept well these last few weeks, anxious about Brad when I was supposed to focus on my final exams.

I reached the third floor and continued to our apartment at the very end of the hallway, taking the keys out of my jeans pocket. An ear-shattering scream pierced the silence, and I halted, my blood freezing. It came from our place.

I opened the door in maddening haste, darting inside. I found Brad on top of my mother on the floor in our living room. He was punching her in the face, his ferociousness striking terror into me.

No.

P-Please... Stop! My mother pleaded and wailed, half-naked and trapped under Brad’s huge body. Her ripped skirt and panties lay discarded next to her.

I let my backpack fall and grabbed the wooden chair next to me as he started unbuttoning his jeans. With a visceral cry, I raised the chair and slammed it into his massive back.

He growled and dropped to the side, seemingly knocked out. I let go of the chair and wrapped my arm around Mom to help her get up. We had to leave fast.

Come on, Mom. Let’s get out of here. I swallowed when I took in her horribly injured face and glassy eyes. She clung onto her shirt, trying to cover herself as she stared vacantly at the floor.

Just as I managed to get her up, a quick movement to my right caught my eye. I moved, but I wasn’t fast enough, and something hit me. Pain exploded in the side of my head. I lost my balance and collapsed on the floor. My mother screamed, and I looked over my shoulder. Brad punched her, leaving her incapacitated.

His sinister blue eyes found mine. You’re going to pay for hitting me.

I whimpered and scrambled to my feet, looking for any object that could help me against him. We were the only residents on this floor, but I hoped against hope someone would hear and call the police. I spotted the phone on the coffee table but reaching it seemed impossible now.

He grabbed my upper arm and spun me around. Where do you think you’re going, bitch?

He swung his fist, and I barely had time to protect my face. A burning pain pierced my shoulder, and I couldn’t even recover before he landed a blow to my stomach. I was unable to breathe, collapsing to the floor in nauseating pain. He sat on me and pinned my arms above me, leaving me unable to defend myself.

Why don’t you leave grownups to play, huh? He grinned savagely, and a chilling, disgusting thought came to my mind when my eyes fell on his open jeans. He’s going to rape her. How about you take a nap? He swung his fist at my head, and I braced myself for the worst.

The last thing I saw before I was plunged into terrifying blackness was my ghostly pale mother lying in a fetal position on the floor. She was silently staring off into nowhere—completely lost and broken.

Chapter 1

PRESENT

Try not to get too drunk. I read Mateo’s message and smiled.

Same to you, I texted back, adding a smiley at the end of my message.

It was Saturday night, and Jessica and I were having a sleepover at Melissa’s place. We were playing Truth or Dare on the floor of Mel’s room, dressed in pajamas and drinking the beer her parents had left in the fridge. We were all alone in the house since Melissa’s dad had stayed at his law firm to work on one of his cases, and her mom was on a business trip.

My phone beeped every once in a while, notifying me about a new message from Mateo, who was hanging out with his friends.

Mateo told me not to get too drunk. Jessica and Melissa looked at each other and chuckled, clinking their cans.

He’s such a sweetheart, worrying about you. He’s not able to breathe without you, Mel cooed, and I smacked her knee. What? That’s true! You saw each other earlier tonight, and he’s already texting you. He misses you so much! Moreover, he cares about your alcohol intake. Such burning love! Such passion! She stood on her knees and raised her arms in air, her expression overly dramatic.

I rolled my eyes and burst out laughing. She was already drunk, like Jessica and me, and more childish than usual.

I looked at them and felt a huge wave of gratitude. I loved spending time with Mel and Jess and acting like a normal teenager. It helped me forget about the problems in my life. It made me stronger and less anxious about the future. Life wasn’t only about the darkness and pain, and I could finally relax and focus on the positive things that had eluded me for so long.

Almost three months ago I didn’t have anyone by my side, but now I had Mateo, Jess, and Mel, and they were amazing. We were getting to know each other more each day, and I was becoming more comfortable around them.

They helped me believe in myself, which I struggled with even now. Sadly, my self-esteem and self-respect couldn’t be developed that easily or quickly. I still distrusted people. I still had many scars, but I refused to be negative about them. I wanted to believe I would heal one day. I wanted to believe life had much more to offer me.

Kayden would be so happy to see me now, and he would definitely like my friends. He would say something like, What did I tell you, dummy? You aren’t as much of a weirdo as you thought, and you can do much better than you think. He’d always believed in me, no matter what.

Well, it’s normal he’s all romantic now. They celebrated their one-month anniversary yesterday, Jess said and downed her can.

One month. I smiled at the thought. I remembered the cute bracelet I’d left on my desk, which he’d given me last night. It had small, heart-shaped charms of different sizes attached to the chain, and it was cute, just like him. Mateo Diaz was always thoughtful.

I couldn’t believe I was dating him. Even when he asked me out on our first date, I had a feeling we would be over quickly, but here we were, celebrating a one-month anniversary. For some people, one month wasn’t a big deal, but for me, who had never had a boyfriend before, this was huge, especially because of the way everything had started...

A few threads of an old, dark web caught me, and my smile dropped.

What’s wrong? Jessica asked, noticing the change in me.

I tugged my hair and tightened my ponytail, which was one of the things I did when I was nervous. Nothing. It’s my turn to spin the bottle, right? I said and spun the bottle.

Almost two months had passed since I pushed Hayden Black away. Two months since I bled in anguish in that hospital room, having told him I didn’t care about him. Two months since I learned in the most painful way he’d loved me...

The bottle stopped on Jessica. Truth or dare? I asked her.

Truth, she said without hesitation.

Would you kiss Steven?

Melissa grimaced at me. Eww! That’s my brother you’re talking about!

I shrugged my shoulder. What? Nobody said this game was fair.

Jess giggled. Nope. No offense, Mel, but kissing your brother would be like kissing a snail. Wet and gross.

Melissa’s grimace deepened. Stop. Let’s not talk about my brother, ‘kay? I don’t want to throw up my dinner. She took large gulps of her beer.

If you keep drinking like that, you’ll throw up anyway, I teased.

She burped. Noted, mom.

Jessica spun the bottle, but I wasn’t able to focus on the game anymore. I finished my beer, and Melissa handed me another can. My drunkenness couldn’t prevent me from returning to those painful memories of Hayden. It was always like that—once I started thinking about him, I couldn’t stop. His kisses and touches were carved deep in my mind, often replaying like a broken record.

I’d hurt us both, and despite trying my best to focus solely on Mateo, there were moments when my thoughts betrayed me. I’d thought time would cure everything, but after two months I wasn’t so sure anymore. I liked Mateo, I really did, but that wasn’t love. It couldn’t be, because I’d stupidly given my heart to a person who had been my long time bully—to a person who had saved my life and grew to love me...

He definitely didn’t love me anymore. I destroyed that when I rejected him.

Truth or dare? Jess’s voice brought me back from my gloomy thoughts, and I saw the bottle had stopped on me.

Truth.

Who kisses better? Mateo or Hayden?

My breathing faltered at her unexpected question. Melissa glared at her with a snarl. Really? Of all the stupid questions, you had to ask the stupidest one.

Jessica arched her brows. Why not? I want to know.

Well, I don’t. I don’t care about that motherfucker or the way he kisses. Her voice was filled with venom, but that wasn’t surprising. Melissa had disliked Hayden from the start, and even more after she learned about all the despicable things he’d done to me. She could never understand why I loved him.

Mel was supportive of my relationship with Mateo, and she was sure I would forget Hayden sooner or later. Jess, on the other hand, understood the way I felt, and always told me to follow my heart. I was conflicted. I wanted to make the right choices, but my inner voice that claimed being separated from Hayden was wrong was becoming louder.

I didn’t want to hurt Mateo. He was the kind of guy every girl would want, and he treated me like an angel. He made me happy, and I wanted to make him happy too, but there was a part of me that knew it was unfair of me to be with him when I had feelings for someone else. The guilt taunted me every now and then, but I quenched it each time, always hoping I would manage to forget Hayden.

I couldn’t be with Hayden, especially now when we were more distanced from each other than ever. I still didn’t know how to feel about his abuse. I was torn between forgiveness and resentment. The memories of everything he’d done for me, the night in the hospital when he told me about his feelings, and his fight with Josh were blended together, but even if I forgave him, Hayden wouldn’t be with me. The tables had turned, and it was Hayden who stayed away now, ignoring me whenever our paths crossed.

The answer to Jess’s question was clear, but I didn’t want to say anything that could rile Melissa up.

Okay, I’ll change the question, Jess said. What’s the size of Mateo’s penis?

Melissa and I gaped at her and then cracked up. Jessica was like a different person when she was drunk.

I’m sorry, but the answer to this question remains a mystery even to me.

So you guys definitely didn’t do it? Mel asked me for what seemed like the hundredth time.

As I already told you so many times before, no, we didn’t do it.

But you must have looked at his crotch sometimes, Jessica persisted. "Or even felt it? You can surely guess."

This instantly reminded me of the way Hayden felt on top of me in my room. I’d lost myself in pleasure he gave me then, in that world filled with addictive, breathtaking sensations and frenzy that erased every trace of reason.

I blushed, imagining sex with Hayden, not for the first time, because my twisted mind liked to play with me. Luckily, I could pretend my blush had everything to do with Mateo’s penis and nothing to do with the guy who made me feel all those mixed emotions.

"And how could I guess, Jess? I’m not a ‘penis measurer.’ The next time I see Mateo I’ll kindly ask him to pull down his underwear and let me measure him for your records."

We burst into manic laughter again, but it was quickly interrupted by car noises outside. Brakes squealed, and doors opened and slammed shut.

Mel’s eyes widened. She jumped to her feet and bolted to the window. No, he can’t be doing this! He promised he wouldn’t!

What’s wrong? Jess asked her.

My stupid brother brought his good-for-nothing friends here, and judging by the number of cars and people in front of our house, this isn’t just some small gathering. She grunted. He said he wouldn’t do that! Our parents are having a difficult time, and they strictly forbade him from pulling this kind of stunt.

I bit my lip, feeling sorry for Melissa’s current family situation. Her parents hadn’t had a good relationship lately, and despite trying to get over their differences, they were becoming more distanced from each other. They had even mentioned divorce, but for Melissa’s sake, I hoped they wouldn’t do it. According to Mel, they couldn’t get along because they disagreed on Steven’s upbringing, among other things. He was more troublesome than ever, but in spite of that, Mrs. Brooks defended him and refused to be stricter with him.

Maybe they won’t make any mess, Jess said to calm her down.

Are you kidding me? Those junkies and alcoholics always fuck something up. She looked through the window and groaned loudly.

What? I asked her.

This is just great. Those idiots from your school are here too. My heart squeezed painfully.

Hayden? I blurted out, unable to stop myself from asking.

That asshole too.

My heartbeat reached a wild tempo. Hayden was here.

No. I won’t let Steven do this, Mel muttered and made a beeline for the door.

I stood up. Wait! Where are you going?

I’m going to make them leave.

I gaped at her. You can’t be serious.

Watch me, she said and dashed out, not caring that she was only in her skull-patterned black pajamas.

Jess’s brows knit together. What is she going to do?

I went to the window to see who these people were and peeked through it so Hayden wouldn’t catch me looking if he was down there. However, everyone was already inside.

We couldn’t let Melissa deal with all of them alone. She was drunk and didn’t care about the consequences, which was a sign of trouble.

She might make a mess, seeing how drunk she is. We can’t let her go there alone, I said, already reaching for the door.

But we’re in our pajamas! She pointed at my baby blue pajamas with a print of a white bunny on my chest.

My eyes skimmed over Jess’s pink pajamas with a picture of an ice cream cone on the front. I’d rather we weren’t dressed like this, but there was no time to change.

I took her by the hand with a reassuring smile. I know, but we can’t waste any more time.

She smiled back and squeezed my hand. You’re right. Let’s go.

We left Mel’s room and headed to the stairs. I felt anxious despite my alcoholic daze, carefully listening for any sounds from the first floor. I was nervous about meeting all those people, especially considering the way I was dressed, but most of all, I was nervous about seeing Hayden again. I had no idea how he would react when he saw me.

My heart beat loudly in my ears as we went down the stairs, my social phobia kicking in. It was getting stronger the closer I was to all those strangers because I was afraid I would start blushing and make a fool of myself. Or worse—they would do something to humiliate me. The old worry that Hayden would do something to me returned, even though he’d paid me no attention these last two months.

My chest ached at the bitter reality. It was ironic how I’d always wanted Hayden to leave me alone and let me live in peace, but when he finally did that, I felt hurt and dejected. I didn’t have the right to feel this way. I’d been the one who pushed those cruel words out of me, emotionally exhausted and too confused to deal with the maelstrom I was in.

Hayden had said I didn’t exist for him anymore, and he stayed true to his words. He didn’t even look at me, let alone speak to me. Actually, I rarely saw him because he skipped school a lot. When he didn’t, he often came with bruises on his face, which told me he was fighting a lot more lately. He suffered a shoulder injury when Josh stabbed him that night in my house, and he was supposed to let it heal properly, not damage it more in fights.

I was worried about him. I didn’t want him to suffer, physically or mentally. I’d already caused more than enough damage in the hospital.

When I was discharged, I researched Hayden’s disorder. Hayden had borderline personality disorder, and after several sleepless nights I spent on countless websites, BPD forums, and YouTube channels of people with BPD, I finally realized I’d made a serious mistake. I didn’t choose my words wisely or take his feelings into consideration when I rejected him. I acted like he wasn’t important at all, making him feel even less secure and extremely vulnerable after he’d opened his heart to me. I felt guilty for lying and reacting harshly.

I knew I made the right choice then, but my heart didn’t want to listen to logic. It didn’t want to take into account all those awful memories of Hayden. It didn’t care about my fears and scars. It just wanted to love him and make him happy.

Enough, Sarah. You’re with Mateo, and he doesn’t deserve this.

I held my breath when we reached the first floor, but there was no one in the living room. Rock music blared from Steven’s entertainment room, so we headed there.

The huge entertainment room contained a small bar, pool table, two red leather sectional sofas, an enormous flat-screen TV on a wine-red wall, and a stereo system with speakers in every corner. Steven frequently brought his pals there to smoke pot when his parents weren’t home, much to Mel’s displeasure.

The door was wide open, and the shiver-inducing melody of Linkin Park’s Easier to Run mixed with the loud voices.

Steven, get your sleazy ass up and throw these people out, Mel shrieked. I glanced at Jess, recognizing in her the same anxiety I felt.

And no, asshole! You’re not going to play fricking pool. Get out of my house, Mel screamed again, more furiously, and Jess and I rushed inside.

The room was dimly lit, bathed in red light coming from the recessed linear lights in the ceiling, and I had to strain to see through the clouds of cigarette smoke that curled around the lounging people. Melissa stood next to the pool table confronting Masen Brown.

Sweat broke out on my skin when the guys nearest to us started staring at Jessica and me. Their eyes widened when they took in our pajamas, and I felt completely naked. I swallowed hard and looked around the room, skimming over the people until I finally found the one I was looking for.

My heart skipped a beat; a rush of desirous, bitter feelings twirled inside me, drowning me in their intensity. Hayden was sitting on a couch next to the bar with a redhead girl straddling him. His face, which sported a few fresh bruises near his left eye, was buried in her neck, and he kissed her slowly, but his searing eyes were trained on me over her shoulder. I couldn’t even breathe as his dark, indecipherable eyes slid down my body, and I waited... I waited...

A twisted, misplaced disappointment filled me when he didn’t move to get up and demand to know what I was doing here. Instead, he closed his eyes, pulled the redhead’s ponytail to the side, exposing her neck, and kissed her with a hunger that invoked the sharp pangs of something I refused to admit was jealousy.

He didn’t care about me anymore. He’d moved on. It was a good thing, but instead of being happy for him, I was upset, which was absurd.

Jess inhaled sharply, and I followed her gaze to Blake Jones, who was sitting on the same couch as Hayden with some brunette. He stared back at Jess in disbelief. The brunette was kissing his neck, her arm wound around his waist, but he didn’t pay any attention to her. He gave Jessica a once-over, and the air grew thick with the strange vibes from both of them.

I glanced at Jessica. She stood paralyzed, her gaze solely on Blake.

Um, Jess? I began, but then Melissa yelled, Don’t pretend like I’m not here!

Masen ignored her, racking up the balls and getting ready to make the opening shot. He bent and aimed, focusing on the cue ball. I caught sight of a few fresh bruises on his cheeks too.

Are you listening to me?!

Move away, Satan. Stop bothering me.

What did you just call me?!

Masen straightened. He was six feet tall and only hovered over her by two inches, but he looked intimidating nevertheless. You heard me, Satan. Go and harass someone who gives a shit.

Melissa looked like she was going to chop his head off. Masen leaned over the table and rested the front end of the cue stick between his fingers. Just as he was about to hit the cue ball, Melissa smacked his elbow and Masen’s pool cue scraped the felt.

What the fuck is wrong with you?! Masen pushed her backward, throwing the cue on the table.

Steven got up from the bar stool and stopped between them, putting his hands on Masen’s shoulders to calm him down. Hey, Mace. Relax.

This nutjob should relax! She looks like she needs to get fucked. She has a lot of that crazy tension inside of her that really goes on my nerves. Mel’s face reddened in anger, the veins popping out on her temples. Oh. Is that it? You need sex to let off some steam? Well, I have some bad news for ya, Satan. No one would fuck a disgusting, ugly girl like you. You don’t even look like a girl, to tell you the truth. Now, go back to your room and play with your voodoo dolls or something.

Bro, don’t talk to my sister like that, Steven said in a raised voice, shoving him away.

Masen caught himself and gave Steven a cold look. Stop defending her every time she fucks something up. She’s your sister, I get it, but don’t always try to get her out of the mess she’s made herself.

Nobody needs to get me out of my mess, Mel hissed. In fact, I’ll make an even bigger mess. Of your face!

She pushed Steven aside and jumped on Masen, who lost his balance under her violent blows and fell on the ground trapped beneath her. Straddling his waist, she delivered a flurry of punches onto his chest and shoulders. Masen tried to push her off him, but she didn’t even budge.

Get off of me, bitch!

I shot over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, yanking her back. Hey! Hey, Mel! Calm down! I yanked her again, but she was strong.

Let me go, Sar! I’ll show Barbie who he’s messing with!

Barbie? What the hell was wrong with her? I knew she hated Steven’s friends, especially Hayden and his best friends, Blake and Masen, but her verbal clashes with Masen were getting worse recently, and I had no idea what had gotten into her.

Barbie? I growled into her ear, struggling to tear her away from him.

Yeah. He’s blonde and stupid.

I rolled my eyes. Okay, now I know you drank too much. I tugged her forcefully, and we both fell back on the floor.

Finally, Masen hissed. He stood up and glared at Mel. I didn’t think the day would come when I would have to thank you, Sars, he said sarcastically, but his sneer was directed at Melissa. I’m not surprised you two are such good friends. Both of you are fucking creep shows.

YOU! Melissa shrieked and got to her feet, tensing all over again. I’ll show you a creep show! I’ll—

Mel! Enough! I stood and grabbed her shoulders. She smacked my hand away, glowering at me. She opened her mouth to argue but was interrupted when one of the guys told Steven, I think your sister would do great in the ring. She’s a natural fighter.

Steven chuckled and looked at Jess on Mel’s other side, and then at me. Sarah and Jessica! It’s good to see you here, girls, he exclaimed, finally acknowledging us.

Sarah Jessica Parker? a guy who looked like Drake said, and a couple of guys chuckled.

Mel rolled her eyes. Yeah, really funny. Steven, I want all these people out of my house right this moment.

And I want you to stop acting like you’re my parent, my little sister. Chill. We came here to relax after some fights. We won’t set the house on fire.

First of all, I’m not your ‘little sister.’ I’m only ten months younger than you. Secondly, you were  fighting again. You obviously lied to our parents last week when you said you wouldn’t do it again.

So I lied. What’s the big deal?

What’s the big deal?! Underground fighting is a crime. It’s what criminals do, idiot! And our family is going through a rough patch at the moment! Do you want Mom and Dad to separate? Anything could push them over the edge, and we don’t need a reason for them to get divorced sooner rather than later!

Steven’s expression turned serious; his stoned gaze suddenly cleared. A shadow crossed his face as he held her stare. If that would make them stop breathing down my neck, then yes, I want them separated. Don’t you see they’re making everything worse? All they do is fight and find problems when there aren’t any.

You’re wrong. It’s not like that. Besides, you’re making everything more difficult for them—

Steven rested his hands on her shoulders and leveled his eyes on hers. His jolly mask was back on his face in an instant. Hey, sis. Relax. This is not the time to talk about something so lame. Since you’re here, have some fun instead of stressing over nothing. He dropped his hands, rising to his full height. But the next time you come hang, try wearing something else. His eyes slid over Jessica and me, and he chuckled. What are you three? The fifth graders? Those pajamas are so childish.

I wished the ground would swallow me up and I wouldn’t have to face this embarrassment. I felt my cheeks burning as I returned Jess’s gaze, who looked equally uncomfortable. My skin prickled under the scrutiny of all these people, and I felt naked once again.

I glanced at Hayden and flinched when I found his dark eyes on mine. I still couldn’t discern any emotion in them as he returned my gaze without blinking. The redhead moved to sit next to him, looking at us with a mocking smirk on her beautiful face, and recognition dawned on me. It was Maya, a senior at our school and member of the cheerleading squad. She was also the girl Hayden had been kissing at Steven’s party two months ago.

Maya was Hayden’s latest fling, or they were a thing, but who knew for sure? All I knew was that they could be seen together during lunch or breaks these last few weeks, and they didn’t hide their mutual attraction.

"And what would you want us to wear? Negligé?" Melissa asked Steven.

He snorted. Something decent, Mel, not sexy. I don’t want any douchebags drooling over my sister. Now— He reached for Jess and me and led us to the bar. What would you like to drink, girls?

Unease clawed its way through me because he was touching me like this. I tried to pull my hand out of his, but he didn’t let me. He literally sat me down on the bar stool.

Nothing. We’re leaving, I replied and got up to leave, but Drake’s look-alike stopped in front of me and pushed me back down.

Why do you want to leave so soon? Stay and have some fun with us.

I didn’t

Reviews for Pained

[queenvv · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

i cant wait for damaged! this just helps me cope as someone w bpd traits it helps me understand myself