Untamed

By Glennon Doyle

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • OVER TWO MILLION COPIES SOLD! “Packed with incredible insight about what it means to be a woman today.”—Reese Witherspoon (Reese’s Book Club Pick)

In her most revealing and powerful memoir yet, the activist, speaker, bestselling author, and “patron saint of female empowerment” (People) explores the joy and peace we discover when we stop striving to meet others’ expectations and start trusting the voice deep within us.

“Untamed will liberate women—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is phenomenal.”—Elizabeth Gilbert, author of City of Girls and Eat Pray Love

A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: Oprah Daily, The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Bloomberg, Parade

This is how you find yourself.

There is a voice of longing inside each woman. We strive so mightily to be good: good partners, daughters, mothers, employees, and friends. We hope all this striving will make us feel alive. Instead, it leaves us feeling weary, stuck, overwhelmed, and underwhelmed. We look at our lives and wonder: Wasn’t it all supposed to be more beautiful than this? We quickly silence that question, telling ourselves to be grateful, hiding our discontent—even from ourselves.

For many years, Glennon Doyle denied her own discontent. Then, while speaking at a conference, she looked at a woman across the room and fell instantly in love. Three words flooded her mind: There She Is. At first, Glennon assumed these words came to her from on high. But she soon realized they had come to her from within. This was her own voice—the one she had buried beneath decades of numbing addictions, cultural conditioning, and institutional allegiances. This was the voice of the girl she had been before the world told her who to be. Glennon decided to quit abandoning herself and to instead abandon the world’s expectations of her. She quit being good so she could be free. She quit pleasing and started living.

Soulful and uproarious, forceful and tender, Untamed is both an intimate memoir and a galvanizing wake-up call. It is the story of how one woman learned that a responsible mother is not one who slowly dies for her children, but one who shows them how to fully live. It is the story of navigating divorce, forming a new blended family, and discovering that the brokenness or wholeness of a family depends not on its structure but on each member’s ability to bring her full self to the table. And it is the story of how each of us can begin to trust ourselves enough to set boundaries, make peace with our bodies, honor our anger and heartbreak, and unleash our truest, wildest instincts so that we become women who can finally look at ourselves and say: There She Is.

Untamed shows us how to be brave. As Glennon insists: The braver we are, the luckier we get.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Release date: Mar 10, 2020
• ISBN: 9781984801265

Glennon Doyle

Glennon Doyle is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed, Love Warrior (an Oprah’s Book Club selection), Carry On, Warrior. An activist and thought leader, Glennon was named among SuperSoul100’s inaugural group of “awakened leaders who are using their voices and talent to elevate humanity.” She is the founder and president of Together Rising, an all-women led nonprofit organization that has revolutionized grassroots philanthropy—raising over $20 Million for women, families, and children in crisis. She lives in Florida with her wife and three children.

Reviews for Untamed

[michaelk12345-7109 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Inspiring feminist piece, but lacks depth.

[selia-26098 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Lovely, authentic, unflinchingly honest, and echoes of Reviving Ophelia. Like this could have been written by one of the subjects in that book but fast-forwarded 30 years.

Loved it, would strongly advise everyone to read it! Even if the ideas and concepts aren't brand new and revolutionary for you, it's still very refreshing to read and see yourself reflected. Adding this to my arsenal of supportive yet brutally honest authors to keep in my life!

[wyvernfriend · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Glennon Doyle had it all sorted, life, family, relationships, religion and then she's at an event and a woman walks in and her mind goes "There. She. Is." and her life is thrown into an upheaval that forces her to make new choices and to reevaluate her life and to let go of some old assumptions and try a new life. Through this she finds a more true self and then exhorts us all to try to do the same, to stop accepting the barriers to being ourselves and look for ways to be and not just exist.I galloped through this and really felt seen a lot; while a lot of her experiences are not mine (I don't have kids or a divorce) still the yearning to be more authentic is a siren song in my mind at the moment.

[mallorieluna · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I don't think this book was meant for me, but I appreciate the work of exposing yourself your life and your heart, especially when that life is one of change.

[angelalam-300700 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Bite-size essays about love as being free and held. Interesting perspective about the need to periodically destroy everything that is no longer true in order to create a braver more authentic life, especially for women.

[sarahebear · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

An eye-opening, semi-autobiographical examination of social norms and how they dictate our thinking and behaviour. Doyle beautifully describes how our socially structured and imposed systems of belief cloud our innate personal judgement, preventing us from being our genuine selves and living our true lives. This is a relevant, inclusive, non-threatening and inspiring book. This is a great starting point for all (especially Gen X and Boomers who may find some feminist style writing a little alarming and smash-the-state). A must-read.

[moukayedr · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book is a series of loosely connected blog-style essays. some are better than others, but they are meant to talk to general themes of finding one's true voice, raising happy children, and building a relationship. It touches on body image, faith and love.

I have mixed feelings about this book and its author. Ms Doyle's experiences are somewhat relateable. She makes excellent points about the life of women and how we are all subject to unconscious bias when it comes to women who are sure of themselves and know what they want. All of us label them as aggressive and they are faced with dislike even from their sisters. I understand the urge to keep our wild, and the need to raise our children to live their own destiny, to be held and free at the same time.

But even as I admire her work as a volunteer and activist, and even as I cheer for her modern concept of family, I am not sure I could relate fully to her constant insitence on KNOWING. There is too much prolytesizing and bids for one-upmanship, too many excuses for past opinions and backpedaling from past knowings, and not much room for a healthy margin of doubt. I am happy that things worked for her for now, but for some of us finding grace takes a lot longer, and it is more about accepting failure and not-knowing, rather than finding a magical spell that solves everything.

I am uncomfortable around people who insist on KNOWING, who constantly need to bow to some sort of divinity, whether it is within or without. I am still searching myself, and if I bow to the divinity of knowing, to love, to acceptance, or to anything that I find within, I always accept that this could be transient. I am never sure whether this will be my ultimate knowing or just the-best-of-my-knowledge-for-now. I am happy with the not-knowing and curious about what I will learn next. This saves a lot of future backpedaling.

My approach to life is different from what she suggests, but hers is useful for what she is doing. I am still searching for an approach that will work for me. I am curiosity, doubt, not-knowing. I bumble along in my life doing what is right-for-now, which might very well turn out to be utterly wrong tomorrow.

I could write a story about this, but never a book of advice, because I want to be able to change my mind, as I know I will.

[capewood · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

2021 book #41. 2020. Glennon Doyle is a famous memoir writer and speaker whom I never heard of. Read for a book club. She writes about her problems and successes. Interesting and readable but not, at least for me, very relatable.

[arosoff-513117 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

I wasn't going to read this, but people I like and respect like it, so I gave it a try.

There are a lot of problems with this book, and I haven't entirely teased them apart, but I'm going to try. Some reviewers have criticized Doyle because she's an entitled white woman writing for other entitled white women. There's more than a grain of truth to that, but it's not quite it. My overwhelming sense is that she's a well off white woman who only recently really got into the depths of systemic issues in this country. Unfortunately, she already had a platform to speak from, so what we got was to watch her process, instead of seeing the results of sustained work. All I can say about that was that as a woman who knew by the age of 16 that she was never going to perform womanhood and femininity in the socially approved manner, I could not really relate. It's not simply a question of anger; I'm angry and disappointed every day. It's just evident that this is not something she has knowingly lived with in her bones for 27 years. She was a feminist, yes, but that connection doesn't seem to have existed for her until she got older.

I'm a huge fan of memoirs. I love listening to or reading people's stories. Doyle has writing talent, she has a story, and she shows insight when it comes to recovery. Real things have happened to her; it's not one of those books where someone who's never had a problem is telling you how to be perfect. At the same time, she turns that insight off too often. A story about letting her child try out for an elite soccer team is supposed to be empowering, about putting aside your own feelings in favor of what's best for your child. Instead it wound up leaving a bitter taste in my mouth about the unexamined privilege, or her lack of consideration of all the options available. All too often, her stories are told in a way that turns them into hectoring lectures, like taking phones away from kids. There's some attempts at softening it with humor or self deprecation, but too often--as with her mediocrity opening to the soccer story--it feels like a way to refocus everything on her rather than a real joke.

All of Doyle's stories have a point, which is to launch into her breed of self help, and I hated it. Everything is about you. Your Knowing. Be a cheetah! It's supposed to be about being an empowered woman, but it made me tired and sad. First, I hate vague, woo-wooey language. Second, Knowing is sometimes how you delude yourself. More importantly, though, this feels like just another variant of the usual women's self help: the message that YOU are in control. You are responsible for your happiness and your happiness comes first. The idea that we are in control of our destinies is the great lie America tells white people. The tension for white women is that we are simultaneously told that we are responsible for our happiness but that we should find it in making other people happy, regardless of the cost to ourselves. Doyle has discovered the lie of the second half, but doesn't address the second.

Doyle also has a tendency to use jokes that make her sound like, frankly, an asshole: I'm not a good friend and I don't try. Is she really? I don't know, but it's not the greatest tone to strike. She's also gone on to a pretty privileged life of famous friends and activism, which she's not shy about name dropping. Added to her tendency to lecture, and it sometimes crosses the line into "I'm descending from my enlightened plane to drop advice to you, mere mortals." (I'm unfair; it's really not nearly that bad in tone, but she's really not bridging the gap between herself and her readers. One of us, she is not.)

[juva_3 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A beautifully intimate, exquisitely written, and thought-provoking memoir about a woman who worked so hard to meet the expectations of her family and culture. She even wrote a book about keeping her marriage together after her husband's confession of infidelity. And then. She just couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't stay married to this man whom she had worked so hard to forgive. So she risked everything to become the woman she hand been trying her whole life to convince herself she wasn't.She married a woman and started a new life which required radical honesty with herself and others. This is a collection of essays about these changes and about the struggles of parenting and about the struggles of being a woman in a world build on misogyny. There's a lot going on in this book. And it's all fascinating.

[ms_rowse · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

All the feels--so much so that I started writing how each chapter made me feel at the end of them, just 1-2 words. Empathy. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Guilt. Helplessness. Some hard truths throughout, applicable to things I'm currently experiencing. Read over two days in a matter of hours.

[mojomomma_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I didn't mind the repetition that other reviewers complain about. I found some nuggets of truth in each of Doyle's chapters, which read more like short stories than a coherent novel-like arc. Doyle gives up drugs and alcohol when she becomes pregnant. Several years later, as a successful writer, wife and mother of three, she falls in love with Abby, a woman. She decides that the conformity that our society demands of women has never lead her to happiness, so she divorces her husband and marries Abby and for the first time finds true happiness.

[lindaloretz · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Mixed feelings

I think I want to rate this book 2 1/2. Parts of it were good, but it read much like a self-help book. It also seemed preachy at times.

[librarygeek33 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I wanted to dismiss this book but my heart wouldn't let me do it. Just when it would start feeling a little too "New Agey," she would say something that was oh, so true.

[jrlibrary · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So many passages in this collection of thoughts on being true to yourself ring so profoundly true that were I to highlight the meaningfully significant parts.... I’d potentially run out of ink. Wonderfully thought provoking.

[spinsterrevival · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow this book had a lot. All I knew of the author previously was that she was a Christian lifestyle person, and I remember seeing that she married a woman and thought that must have pissed off a lot of those people (and good for her!). But I loved this story, and there is some amazing insight here for those who probably need it most.

[carmenere_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Great book! Glennon’s memoir tells her story about living the life one is supposed to, expected to; Husband, family, career etc etc. It is when she meets her soulmate, Abby that she realizes she’s lived her life as a tamed animal, instructed to jump through hoops, yet inside her natural instincts kick in and she is free to live a life untamed.Ms. Doyle doesn’t only discuss her bisexuality and it’s implications but many emotional circumstances which affect all kinds of humans.The thing that I question is how many people we’re hurt for her to find her true self. It’s a delicate balance and one wonders just how much should be suppressed. What do I know, I know nothing. Everybody has to choose what is right for them. Just a thought.I listened to the audio version but yearned to grab a book and hilight this, that or the other thing. A hard copy is definitely on my “To buy” list.

[bobbieharv · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Toward the end, as she's confessing her need to control people, she writes: " I exist to make all your hopes and dreams come true. So let's sit down and take a look at this comprehensive list of hopes and dreams I've created for you. I have been paying very close attention and trust me, I SEE you and know you better than you know yourself. You can do anything I put your mind to! Let us begin!"This is as good a description of this whole book, except for the few and far between memoir sections, as I could write. She is lecturing us, prescribing for us, because she knows better. By the end, I'm sorry, but I couldn't stand her. And today I see it's at the top of the New York Times best-seller list. Who are all these people who want to be preached at?

[lisa_francine · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow! Words of wisdom throughout - I will be re-reading this one again and again. Some of my favorite essays included: polar bears, ghosts, boys, and woods. Thank you @glennondoyle for living your truth and sharing the journey with all of us!

[banjo123 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Glennon Doyle was a Christian Mommy-Blogger, who had just written an Oprah Book Pick (Love Warrior) about recommitting to her marriage after her husband's infidelities; when she met and fell in love with soccer star, Abby Wambach. She left her marriage, married Wambach, and now has written a memoir that covers her life; eating disorder, addiction, parenthood, etc; from a feminist and recovery oriented perspective.I really enjoyed this book, here are a few favorite passages:"We do not need more selfless women. What we need right now is more women who have detoxed themselves so completely from the world's expectations that they are full of nothing but themselves. What we need are women who are full of themselves,""I've got these conditions--anxiety, depression, addiction---and they almost killed me. But they are also my superpowers. The sensitivity that led me to addiction is the same sensitivity that makes me a really good artist. The anxiety that makes it difficult to exist in my own skin also makes it difficult to exist in a world where so many people are in so much pain--and that makes me a relentless activist. The fire that burned me up for the first half of my life is the exact same fire I'm using now to light up the world.""I have noticed that it seems easier for the world to love a suffering woman than it is for the world to love a joyful, confident woman."