Smashing Stereotypes: How to Get Ahead When You're The Only ______ In The Room

By Sheryl Miller

Does it ever feel like you're not good enough to be in the room?

Do you want to get ahead in the kill-or-be-killed corporate world?

SMASHING STEREOTYPES aims to help you conquer your fears and pursue your dreams in the business arena.

Whether you're sitting in the corner office or working your way up from the first floor, you have the tools to help you get the promotion you deserve, the raise you've waited a long time for, and ultimately, have the career you were born to have.

The time is now.

If you're ready to level up and could use a little encouragement and proven tips and advice from someone who has been there, this book is a must-have.

Inside this book, you'll discover:

• Simple strategies to success

• Tested and proven practical advice

• Strategies to help you handle office politics

• Tips to secure a promotion and pay raises

• And so much more!

Click Buy Now to start the next best phase of your career!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Wire Fence
• Release date: Dec 9, 2019
• ISBN: 9781916324121

Sheryl Miller

Sheryl Miller has always forged her own path. After navigating her way through countless boardrooms she has amassed a wealth of knowledge. Today, she shares her experiences as a consultant to blue-chip companies and a coach to entrepreneurs and professionals.

Book preview

Smashing Stereotypes

First  published  by  Wire  Fence  2019 

Copyright  ©  2019  by  Sheryl  Miller

All  rights  reserved.  No  part  of  this  publication  may  be  reproduced,  stored  or transmitted  in  any  form  or  by  any  means,  electronic,  mechanical,  photocopying,  recording,  scanning,  or  otherwise  without  written  permission from  the  publisher.  It  is  illegal  to  copy  this  book,  post  it  to a  website,  or  distribute  it  by  any  other  means  without  permission. 

Sheryl  Miller  has  no  responsibility  for  the  persistence  or  accuracy  of  URLs for  external  or  third-party  Internet  Websites  referred  to  in  this  publication  and  does  not  guarantee  that  any  content  on  such  Websites  is,  or  will  remain, accurate  or  appropriate. 

Designations  used  by  companies  to  distinguish  their  products  are  often claimed  as  trademarks.  All  brand  names  and  product  names  used  in  this  book  and  on  its  cover  are  trade  names,  service  marks,  trademarks  and  registered  trademarks  of  their  respective  owners.  The  publishers  and  the  book  are  not  associated  with  any  product  or  vendor  mentioned  in  this  book. None  of  the  companies  referenced  within  the  book  have  endorsed  the  book. 

First  edition

ISBN:  978-1-9163241-2-1

To my grandmother, faithful and fearless to the end.

Smashing Stereotypes

How to lead yourself and others when you’re the only _____ in the room

Sheryl Miller

Contents

Introduction

1 Stop Looking for Discrimination

Stop and Think Before You Criticise Other People Like You

What We Focus On We Become

2 Find Your Cheer Squad

When You’re Not In The Room, Who Speaks Up For You?

Check In With People Who Are Different to You

Find Careers Advisors You Can Trust

Schools and Colleges

Professional careers advisors

Recruitment Consultants

Build Your Network

LinkedIn

Keep in touch

Go networking, if that’s your thing

How to Smash It

3 What’s Your Dream?

Find Some Downtime

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

What Would You Do If Money Were No Object?

Goals Are Not Objectives

Think BIG

Prioritise

How to Smash It

4 Moments of Clarity

Get Some Headspace

The Racing Mind

Easy On the Fizz

How to Smash It

5 Be You, Everyone Else Is Taken

If You Don’t Stand For Something, You’ll Fall For Anything

Find an Organisation That Fits You

Cultural fit

How to Smash It

6 Grow Thyself

Reprogram Your Mind

Your Body Is a Temple

Food

Exercise

Sleep

Mind

Soul

How to Smash It

7 Become a Ninja

Learn How to Sell

Focus On Your Niche

Think Ahead

Self-appraisal

How to Smash It

8 Use Your Voice

Breathe

Preparation is Key

Write It Down

Public Speaking Training

How to Smash It

9 Bring Your A-Game

Set High Goals and Take Massive Action

Be Reliable

Be Productive

Daily

Weekly

Monthly

Get a Laser-Like Focus

Have the Right Attitude

How to Smash It

10 Office Politics and the Corridors of Power

Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely

Negative Connotations

Study the Players

Win Over Your Opponents

Beware of Shapeshifters

Maintain Your Integrity

How to Smash It

11 How to Get Board Approval

Work (Out) the Room

Get Early Feedback

Find a Sponsor

Find Your Objectors

Assume No One Has Read the Pre-Read

Shady Shenanigans

How to Smash It

12 The Path to Promotion

Develop Your Own Niche

Know the Path

Add Value

Ask For What You Want

Should I Get Another Qualification?

How to Smash It

13 How to Get a Pay Rise

Do Your Homework

Ignore the Internal Pay Landscape

Justify the Pay Rise

Prepare to Negotiate

Book a Formal Meeting

How to Smash It

14 Playground Bullies

Recognise It

Confront It

Know When to Take Action

How to Smash It

15 The Discomfort of the Comfort Zone

Fear of Criticism

Fear of Failure

Fear of the Spotlight

How to Smash It

16 How to Know When It’s Time to Go

Pressure to be Happy

Your Red Lines

Your Favourite Thing

No Job is Perfect

Do Some Analysis

How to Smash It

17 When to Say Yes and When to Say No

New Projects

Features and Media Profiles

Public Speaking

Learn to Say No

Manage the Distractions In Order to Get Traction

How to Smash It

18 The Mentoring and Coaching Minefield

The Difference Between a Mentor and a Coach

Do You Need a Mentor or a Coach?

How to Pick a Mentor

How to Pick a Coach

Personal recommendation

Structured approach

Personal preference

How to Smash It

19 Family and Friends

How to Make Time for Family

How to Make Time for Friends

Have a Life Outside of Work

How to Smash It

20 Be Humble

Remember Where You Came From

You’re Not Always Right

It’s Nice to Be Important but It’s More Important to Be Nice

It Doesn’t Have to be Lonely at the Top

How to Smash It

21 Help Others

Stop Criticising, Start Doing

Stop Thinking, Start Doing

Stop Spectating, Start Doing

Stop Trying, Start Doing

How to Smash It

22 It’s Not About Them, It’s About You

Know That You Deserve to Be In the Room

Know Who You Are

Know Where You’re Going

Be Your Own Unicorn

Acknowledgements

Introduction

For the past six years, I’ve been parachuted into companies to help change things for the better. Working with finance departments that are too big, have outdated processes or archaic systems that need changing has become my specialty. So how did I, a black woman, born in inner-city Birmingham, some of whose earliest memories include hearing the sounds of the 1981 Handsworth riots at the end of my street, wind up as a troubleshooter in blue-chip corporates?

My professional career started with seven years at Ernst & Young, one of the largest accountancy and professional services firms in the world, where I qualified as a Chartered Accountant.

I then spent the next 20 years in a variety of management and director-level roles in Finance and Strategy, managing people, projects and multimillion-pound change programmes. Leading large, diverse teams, within large blue-chip companies, has brought many challenges and lessons along the way, including the importance of having clear objectives, leading without micromanaging, flexing my style to the strengths and abilities of the team, and the art of difficult conversations.

At the same time as forging my corporate career, I came across the world of mentoring. As a volunteer mentor to young people who are long-term unemployed or from disadvantaged backgrounds, I have seen, up close, what tenacity, drive, hunger and real leadership look like. These young people are often not very academic, not corporate types with all the formality, professional ‘mask’, experience and sometimes stiffness that comes with that. Yet, they lead themselves and others with their new business ventures, big dreams, bold ideas and hard work ethic. I have supported them in setting up clothing lines, tattoo shops, arts events and personal fitness businesses and encouraging them to write books and inviting them to speak on entrepreneurship panels. I find it intriguing how my mentees, with few resources at their disposal, are so fearless and in control of their own destiny, when compared to their well-equipped, often over-qualified, corporate counterparts, with many more years of experience, who are looking to others for leadership and direction.

I’ve seen what leadership looks like when businesses are doing well, and what good and bad leadership looks like when they’re not. I’ve also been on my rollercoaster journey of accepting who I am, so I could hold my own and lead others. Sometimes I have felt very comfortable in my skin, fearless almost, and then other times when it felt difficult to make myself heard in a largely male, white, middle-class, corporate existence.

This book tackles how to compete, succeed and thrive in a world where, because of the colour of your skin, your sexual orientation, gender identity or physical or mental disability, the cards may be stacked against you.

We may not have met and I may not know what makes you uniquely different in the eyes of others, but I know what it feels like to be the only ______ in the room. I have spent most of my corporate career being the only person of colour in countless boardrooms. At management conferences, I was often the only person of colour in a room of several hundred, apart from the waiters and waitresses.

Workplace discrimination against women of black, Asian and minority ethnic (BAME) origin is thought to be higher than discrimination against all other groups, holding us back financially and from progressing to the upper echelons. Yes, Oprah and Michelle Obama really are the exceptions. So I figured that if I can work out what it takes to succeed, anyone can. No excuses.

How does one climb the corporate ladder to land those jobs? What were the lessons I learned from navigating the corridors of power that might work for you? How do you survive, without too many scars, the games of office politics? How do you negotiate pay rises to avoid being underpaid compared to your ‘majority’ peers? How do you set and achieve your career and life goals at each level? What are the specific strategies that you need to shake off your feelings of being an outsider, hone your skills and unleash your true potential on the world, be that corporate or otherwise?

And what of leadership? How can we lead ourselves and others with confidence?

I want to share what has worked for me and for others so far. There are many aspects to being a much more together, driven and high-performing version of you, who looks to yourself first for leadership. So much so it can’t all fit into one book. I will summarise the thinking and point you to books, podcasts or videos that have helped me, where you can find more information on a deeper level.

I don’t believe I know everything there is to know about how to get on in corporate life. I don’t have all the answers. I’m not perfect and there are many things I’m still working on, but my 20-something years have definitely taught me a thing or two. Whether you’re in the boardroom, applying for start-up funding, or auditioning for a part, do you ever get the feeling that the playing field is not level? Truth is that often it isn’t. But then I suspect you knew that. I’m guessing that if you’re reading this you perhaps have, occasionally, felt like you were at a disadvantage because you were the only ____ in the room. I hope that in these pages you not only find practical advice to keep showing up, but you also find encouragement and support to smash it.

1 Stop Looking for Discrimination

If you believe that discrimination exists, it will.

- Anthony J. D’Angelo

Spoiler alert: this book isn’t about discrimination. I never wanted to write about the labels and prejudgements that get made about people – those who look different, think differently, behave differently to whatever is the ‘norm’ for that role, that lane, that environment. In the words of Michelle Obama, those viewed as ‘other’.

Do I believe that people face discrimination and bias in their careers because of gender and race? I do. Have I prejudged others because of their gender, race, physical disability, sexual preference or other stereotype? I’m sure I have. Unfortunately, we all do it, some of us more consciously than others. And while we all prejudge and stereotype, the differences in power and influence mean that in the corporate world – where white, straight male is the accepted face of what leadership looks like – bias and discrimination can have more of a negative effect on those of us who don’t fit that mould.

Because I’m an eternal optimist and a true Pollyanna at heart, this book isn’t about to focus on discrimination and what to do about it. I’ll leave that to the researchers, journalists, and HR professionals deployed across the globe who continue to call out the structural inequalities that need addressing.

This book is about smashing it and smashing stereotypes in the process. In my humble opinion, your best chance of smashing the stereotype of you is to stop focusing on inequalities and start doing something amazing. Be the best version of yourself and show people with your actions.

I believe we are at a unique moment in time, with the field of all possibilities open to those that don’t fit long-held norms. A black model with vitiligo can now grace the cover of Vogue. An openly gay man can be the CEO of one of the world’s biggest tech companies. A black African man, who hasn’t opted for a western-sounding first name, can become the first black CEO of a FTSE 100 company. An Asian-American girl, raised by an immigrant family in working class America, can become the first female CEO of a major telecommunications company. Thanks to Winnie Harlow, Tim Cook, Tidjam Tiam and Anne Tow.

Stop and Think Before You Criticise Other People Like You

When my brother qualified as a dentist some years back, he told me the hilarious yet sad tale of a black friend of his who, on hearing that my brother had passed his final exams, said to him, ‘Yeah, I don’t think I would go to a black dentist, you know.’

I’m sure the individual meant no disrespect to my brother’s achievements, he was simply voicing an internalised bias that my brother’s new profession had made him aware of. An internal bias which said that black people weren’t good enough to be dentists, even if they were qualified. An internalised bias that inherently limited the options and opportunities for black people, including himself.

When we criticise others who are like us, with no factual basis, we might be well-served by examining whether we have an unconscious bias sitting just below the surface, that judges others, and in doing so also places limitations on ourselves.

As a woman, how do we judge other successful females in the workplace; those who are doing well while also running a household, with or without a nanny, cleaners and other helpers? As people of colour, how do we react when we see someone else of colour get promoted? Do we celebrate it or question whether there is tokenism or positive discrimination going on?

I have a long-held belief that, because of the media bombardment of racial and gender stereotypes, many of us hold, to varying degrees, unconscious biases against minorities. It’s just a fact. You can’t spend 40 years watching Hollywood films and not believe, even if just a little, that black men are more likely to be thugs than lawyers, or that the definition of female beauty is a Caucasian woman who is slightly underweight, or that females of colour are… well, invisible. Which, of course, has its advantages and disadvantages.

What We Focus On We Become

I remember watching the now famous 2014 Stanford interview with Oprah, where she was asked how she feels about being the only black person, at times, and whether she feels alone. Oprah’s response is that when faced with being the only woman in the room, and often the only person of colour, she is ‘thrilled’ because she doesn’t see

people through colour and didn’t get to where she is by looking at the colour of people’s skin, focusing, rather, on the content of their character, as counselled by Martin Luther King.

Does this mean that Oprah Winfrey fails to call out racism, sexism or discrimination? Absolutely not. What it means is that she does not focus on differences based on gender and colour when she is conducting herself in business, nor does she allow others to do the same to her. She rises above it, naturally, because she is Oprah. But I’m sure even when she was still known by her full name, she had the same steadfast approach to getting her ideas across, which didn’t involve any element of self-doubt or self-analysis based on colour, gender or any other difference to the rest of the people in the room.

And so I believe that the lesson from Oprah, Martin Luther King, and all the other ‘firsts’ in their fields, is that even if you are deemed to be ‘other’ – the only ____ in the room – don’t let it consume you. Don’t let it diminish