Stage-Land
()
About this ebook
Jerome K. Jerome
Jerome Klapka Jerome was born in 1859 and was brought up in London. He started work as a railway clerk at fourteen, and later was employed as a schoolmaster, actor and journalist. He published two volumes of comic essays and in 1889 Three Men in a Boat. This was an instant success. His new-found wealth enabled him to become one of the founders of The Idler, a humorous magazine which published pieces by W W Jacobs, Bret Harte, Mark Twain and others. In 1900 he wrote a sequel, Three Men on the Bummel, which follows the adventures of the three protagonists on a walking tour through Germany. Jerome married in 1888 and had a daughter. He served as an ambulance driver on the Western Front during the First World War and died in 1927.
Read more from Jerome K. Jerome
The New Utopia Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIdle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries: What the Shepherd Saw, The Mystery of Room Five, The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle... Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThree Men in a Boat Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThree Men on the Bummel Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThree Men in a Boat and Three Men on the Bummel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My Life and Times Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Told After Supper Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNovel Notes (Barnes & Noble Digital Library) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow (Barnes & Noble Digital Library) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Three Men in a Boat Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAll Roads Lead to Calvary Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTold After Supper Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Paul Kelver: A Novel Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Darkness of a Christmas Eve: Ghost Stories, Supernatural Mysteries & Gothic Horrors Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Dead Rise Again on Christmas Eve: 40 Occult & Supernatural Thrillers, Horror Classics & Macabre Mysteries Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to Stage-Land
Related ebooks
Stage-Land Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsStage-Land (Barnes & Noble Digital Library) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Stage Land: "I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at is for hours." Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Stage-Land Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsJeremiah Revel: The Blackguards of Charlatan Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Rising of the Court Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAsk Mamma (Barnes & Noble Digital Library): Or the Richest Commoner in England Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Drive-In: A B-Movie with Blood and Popcorn, Made in Texas Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Rising of the Court: "There'll be thirst for mighty brewers at the Rising of the Court" Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRobbery under Arms; a story of life and adventure in the bush and in the Australian goldfields Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Landlord Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLake of Darkness: A Novel Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAdventures of Silicon Jones Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPossessive: Sons of Chaos MC, #1 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Taste of Different Dimensions: 15 Fantasy Tales from a Master Storyteller Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsJack Absolute: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Happy Hypocrite: A Fairy Tale for Tired Men Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Murders at Goosecurry Farm Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Lizard in the Cup Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOne Grain of Sand Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Chequers: Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set Forth in / a Loafer's Diary Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOrigen: A True Story Of Evil Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTIME TRAVEL Boxed Set: The Big Time, No Great Magic, Nice Girl with Five Husbands, Time in the Round Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsChambers's Edinburgh Journal, No. 431 Volume 17, New Series, April 3, 1852 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Shadow Pavilion Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Currency of Souls Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Time Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5See Them Die (Haunted From Within Book One) A Gripping Psychological Thriller Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Big Time & No Great Magic: The Change War Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Humor & Satire For You
Mindful As F*ck: 100 Simple Exercises to Let That Sh*t Go! Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sex Hacks: Over 100 Tricks, Shortcuts, and Secrets to Set Your Sex Life on Fire Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Best Joke Book (Period): Hundreds of the Funniest, Silliest, Most Ridiculous Jokes Ever Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love and Other Words Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5101 Fun Personality Quizzes: Who Are You . . . Really?! Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Screwtape Letters Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Pimpology: The 48 Laws of the Game Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Best F*cking Activity Book Ever: Irreverent (and Slightly Vulgar) Activities for Adults Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Solutions and Other Problems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Killing the Guys Who Killed the Guy Who Killed Lincoln: A Nutty Story About Edwin Booth and Boston Corbett Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Nothing to See Here: A Read with Jenna Pick Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tidy the F*ck Up: The American Art of Organizing Your Sh*t Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer: A Novella Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Shipped Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Soulmate Equation Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Will Judge You by Your Bookshelf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Anxious People: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Go the F**k to Sleep Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Don't Panic: Douglas Adams & The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My Favorite Half-Night Stand Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for Stage-Land
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Stage-Land - Jerome K. Jerome
Jerome K. Jerome
Stage-Land
Published by Good Press, 2022
goodpress@okpublishing.info
EAN 4057664603364
Table of Contents
STAGE-LAND.
THE HERO.
THE VILLAIN.
THE HEROINE.
THE COMIC MAN.
He follows the hero all over the world. This is rough on the hero.
THE LAWYER.
THE ADVENTURESS.
THE SERVANT-GIRL.
THE CHILD.
It is nice and quiet and it talks prettily.
THE COMIC LOVERS.
THE PEASANTS.
THE GOOD OLD MAN.
He has lost his wife. But he knows where she is—among the angels!
THE IRISHMAN.
THE DETECTIVE.
THE SAILOR.
STAGE-LAND.
Table of Contents
THE HERO.
Table of Contents
His name is George, generally speaking. Call me George!
he says to the heroine. She calls him George (in a very low voice, because she is so young and timid). Then he is happy.
The stage hero never has any work to do. He is always hanging about and getting into trouble. His chief aim in life is to be accused of crimes he has never committed, and if he can muddle things up with a corpse in some complicated way so as to get himself reasonably mistaken for the murderer, he feels his day has not been wasted.
He has a wonderful gift of speech and a flow of language calculated to strike terror to the bravest heart. It is a grand thing to hear him bullyragging the villain.
The stage hero is always entitled to estates,
chiefly remarkable for their high state of cultivation and for the eccentric ground plan of the manor house
upon them. The house is never more than one story high, but it makes up in green stuff over the porch what it lacks in size and convenience.
The chief drawback in connection with it, to our eyes, is that all the inhabitants of the neighboring village appear to live in the front garden, but the hero evidently thinks it rather nice of them, as it enables him to make speeches to them from the front doorstep—his favorite recreation.
There is generally a public-house immediately opposite. This is handy.
These estates
are a great anxiety to the stage hero. He is not what you would call a business man, as far as we can judge, and his attempts to manage his own property invariably land him in ruin and distraction. His estates,
however, always get taken away from him by the villain before the first act is over, and this saves him all further trouble with regard to them until the end of the play, when he gets saddled with them once more.
Not but what it must be confessed that there is much excuse for the poor fellow's general bewilderment concerning his affairs and for his legal errors and confusions generally. Stage law
may not be quite the most fearful and wonderful mystery in the whole universe, but it's near it—very near it. We were under the impression at one time that we ourselves knew something—just a little—about statutory and common law, but after paying attention to the legal points of one or two plays we found that we were mere children at it.
We thought we would not be beaten, and we determined to get to the bottom of stage law and to understand it; but after some six months' effort our brain (a singularly fine one) began to soften, and we abandoned the study, believing it would come cheaper in the end to offer a suitable reward, of about 50,000 pounds or 60,000 pounds, say, to any one who would explain it to us.
The reward has remained unclaimed to the present day and is still open.
One gentleman did come to our assistance a little while ago, but his explanations only made the matter more confusing to our minds than it was before. He was surprised at what he called our density, and said the thing was all clear and simple to him. But we discovered afterward that he was an escaped lunatic.
The only points of stage law
on which we are at all clear are as follows:
That if a man dies without leaving a will, then all his property goes to the nearest villain.
But if a man dies and leaves a will, then all his property goes to whoever can get possession of that will.
That the accidental loss of the three-and-sixpenny copy of a marriage certificate annuls the marriage.
That the evidence of one prejudiced witness of shady antecedents is quite sufficient to convict the most stainless and irreproachable gentleman of crimes for the committal of which he could have had no possible motive.
But that this evidence may be rebutted years afterward, and the conviction quashed without further trial by the unsupported statement of the comic man.
That if A forges B's name to a check, then the law of the land is that B shall be sentenced to ten years' penal servitude.
That ten minutes' notice is all that is required to foreclose a mortgage.
That all trials of criminal cases take place in the front parlor of the victim's house, the villain acting as counsel, judge, and jury rolled into one, and a couple of policemen being told off to follow his instructions.
These are a few of the more salient features of stage law
so far as we have been able to grasp it up to the present; but as fresh acts and clauses and modifications appear to be introduced for each new play, we have abandoned all hope of ever being able to really comprehend the subject.
To return to