Loving Mother... No Matter What!

By Marlene George and Hannah Henry

Mothers, we all have one. Some of us are one. Mothers are the targets of jokes, the subject of many hours spent on the analyst's couch, our mirror, ourselves. Rather than thanking them for the gift of life, we often resent them for providing us that life.

Loving Mother … No Matter What! approaches our relationship with our mothers from a unique perspective. It examines the issues children, both male and female, even as adults can continue to have with their mothers. It then provides new insights for these challenges whether mother is still with us or has passed on. Through examining our many, collected stories, we have discovered reoccurring themes that we hope will inform, enlighten and inspire you. We have a range of stories about mothers: some depicting ongoing challenges, some describing heroic breakthroughs and others expressing huge appreciation for mother. We also provide you with commentary on many of the stories, as well as exercises and visualizations to assist you on your journey of discovery.

This book shows us that we have choices even in the most difficult circumstances. Knowing that we have choices in the way we respond to whatever happens to us, empowers us. Too often, we make our mother the scapegoat for everything that is wrong in our lives. It is time to put that myth to bed and celebrate the woman who gave us birth. Our insights give you possible solutions that have worked in a miraculous way for many of Marlene's clients, even in the worst of situations. You too can transform your relationship with your mother to a place of joy, healing and unconditional love. Are you ready?

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 22, 2019
• ISBN: 9781543991147

Marlene George

Marlene George has worked in the alternative health field since 1987. She has acted as a personal coach in assisting clients to live joyously and successfully. She is trained in the healing techniques of Therapeutic TouchTM, Reiki and CranioSacral Therapy. Workshops and private consultations also include other transformational forms of therapy such as positive goal setting. She is also a certified Teleclass Leader. Marlene has worked in Ontario, South Africa, Mexico and the United States. She has inspired many in radio and television interviews. Her methods encourage clients to discover truth in a safe and comfortable environment. It is her vision to assist others in alleviating stress and in letting go of the past in order to make positive changes in their lives and to learn to stay focused and successful. 905-796-0101 [e-mail] www.marlenegeorge.com

Book preview

love.

PART ONE

Introduction

OUR AGREEMENTS AND INTENTIONS

What if before we come to earth, we are a stream of consciousness, which we call the soul? And what if two souls happen to communicate with each other before either one physically comes to earth? One of the souls agrees to be the mother; the other soul agrees to be her child.

What if before we physically come into being, as mother and child, we agree to have certain experiences with each other on earth for the purposes of soul growth? Imagine when we make these agreements that we are looking down on earth as beings of pure energy with only positive thoughts and expectations.

And what if we agree to experience accepting, allowing, and loving each other no matter what circumstances may occur? Suppose at that time we clearly understand that if everything always goes smoothly, there are limited opportunities for soul growth. What if we acknowledge that challenges allow us to experience a full range of emotions—anger, fear, and grief, or peace, confidence, and joy? How do we know we are experiencing joy, if we have never experienced grief? How do we know that we did not create these challenges for our own soul’s development? Isn’t it preferable to consider it that way rather than seeing ourselves as powerless victims? No matter what challenges may occur, suppose our inner wisdom constantly tries to bring us back to a place of unconditional love for others and ourselves.

And what if, in addition to this joint agreement, mother and child have come here with their own set of individual intentions. These intentions could include the mother’s intentions for the child. The archetypal mother intends that her children will be happy, healthy, productive, and prosperous. If she knows for various reasons that she is unable to assist them in achieving this intention, could the children experience well-being without her direct influence? Our stories show that this can occur.

When babies are born, we know that they have their own set of feelings, thoughts, and desires. Genes carry personalities as well as physical attributes. Is it possible that the greatest common desires are for freedom, love, and joy? After birth many of us get caught up in our physical lives, learning about our new environment, developing survival skills, and relating to others. As we mature, we forget that we made an agreement to love each other no matter what happens, and get distracted with our own individual circumstances. With our self-focus comes a hierarchy of needs: safety, food, shelter, relationships, and finally self-actualization. When some of these needs are unmet, we start blaming each other instead of loving. This is as true for mothers as it is for children. However, suppose that the circumstances that we complain about were part of the pre-birth agreement—a contractual obligation to love each other no matter what. But the distractions of physical time and space have caused us to ignore or forget our agreement.

When we ignore our agreement, it can result in the kind of challenging relationship between mother and child that many of our stories demonstrate. For example, we may experience a difficult, rocky road together. We may be so troubled that we seek help, perhaps through counselling. Through a commitment to healing and transformation, we may start to reconnect with our deep, inner wisdom, and eventually, on some level, remember our agreement. If we continue this process on our journey, it will ultimately lead us to a place of understanding, growth, love, and grace. The fortunate few arrive as mother and child, and no matter what happens, consciously or unconsciously, stay the course and honour their joint agreement to love and accept each other unconditionally.

POSSIBLE INFLUENCES ON THE CHILD

Mother’s Influence

What if things change from the moment mother begins her life on earth? Our mother had an agreement with her mother, too. When our mother is born, she is born through her mother. Is it possible that she receives influences from her mother, as her mother did before her? Could there be continuing circumstances from her prior lineage? That way, perhaps we can appreciate that our mother’s situation could be far more complicated that we realize.

Other Influences on the Child Before Birth

What if we are influenced from the moment we are conceived by what our mother experiences for her entire life, and the cumulative lives of her ancestors? Consider the possibility that whether a child is conceived through love or through violence affects whether mother and child experience conflict. How the child is conceived may be part of their joint decision. But the agreement may be forgotten afterwards.

If, for example, we are conceived through love, are we more likely to honour our agreement, and adopt our mother’s positive feelings, acceptance of the pregnancy and desire for us? This welcoming home to the birth family certainly brings positive influences on the life of the child. If the conception is a product of violence, the birth may be surrounded with negativity, pain, and sorrow, and may result in the child being put up for adoption.

Influence of Mother’s Pregnancy

What if this pregnancy was something our mother did not consciously want? Is it possible that we may be more likely to forget what we agreed upon because we are experiencing her confusion, anxiety, and distress over the unwanted situation? This, too, could be part of the agreement: to be unwanted and learning what that feels like.

If a mother has one child out of wedlock, in a time and place where unwed births are unwelcome, and then she becomes pregnant again, imagine her fear about her own welfare, and the welfare of her children. Could this translate into giving the newly conceived, unborn child a sense of unease that, in turn, negatively impacts aspects of his or her life? Suppose that during pregnancy, we experience our mother’s emotions, thoughts, and attitudes about us, whether they are positive or negative. We may also experience any other stresses our mother has in her life, such as worry about health, money, or relationships.

After the Child’s Birth

So what happens after the child is born? To expand on these concepts we include the following excerpt from the chapter On Children from

"The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran:

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit,

not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Children have their own thoughts, aspirations, and souls. As a parent, it is best to find the balance between guiding your children and giving them the freedom to be themselves.

INTRODUCING OUR STORIES

Suppose that when we are born we forget our pre-birth agreement with our mother—an agreement that may allow us to experience many things, such as healing, forgiveness, and unconditional love. If either mother or child forgets the agreement, then the challenges begin.

Our family, friends and Marlene’s appreciative clients wrote most of these stories. Some are based on true stories that we have heard. We have changed the names of those who wished to protect their privacy. We received many stories from people who have experienced difficulties with their mothers. Some accept responsibility for the events in their lives, while others remain stuck—blaming mother for not meeting their expectations, and for much of their unhappiness.

In other cases, when dysfunction occurs, some people consciously or unconsciously realize that something is amiss, causing them confusion, distress, and ongoing difficulties. Motivated to do something about their discomfort, they start their quest for healing. Along the path some start, on some level, to remember their forgotten agreement. They begin to honour the true purpose of their soul’s journey.

Over the past 18 years, Marlene has assisted many people on their quest for physical, mental, and emotional healing, often with miraculous results in an incredibly short period of time. At one of Marlene’s superb sessions, an incest survivor shared with Hannah that a two-day workshop with Marlene was the equivalent of years of therapy. The insights that Hannah received at her first workshop were profound, transforming, and at the same time deeply healing. Hannah then received more counselling and attended many more of Marlene’s extraordinary workshops. Hannah feels deeply grateful to Marlene for her inspired work, which has made a huge, positive, and enduring difference in her life.

There are also heart-warming stories from people who consciously or unconsciously retain their wisdom, remember their agreement, and master the purpose of their soul’s journey on earth. Perhaps their purpose is to stay joyful no matter what happens. Their lives generally flow harmoniously. We can learn from all of these inspiring stories.

PART TWO

Chosen Children

THE CHOSEN CHILD: ADOPTION STORIES

Our mother is the person with whom we have our first close relationship, even if she gives us up for adoption or dies early in our lives. This relationship is the foundation for all our relationships in the future. It can colour the rest of our lives for better or worse. For some of us, our experience with our mother can be a rocky road; for others the experience goes more smoothly. Is it possible that we could have agreed to be adopted?

All three of the people in these stories were put up for adoption; however, their stories show that they dealt with this situation in very different ways. James remains stuck in anger, blame, and negativity. Sheila Ann came to a point in her life where she was very committed to moving forward and through intensive work with Marlene managed to reach a place of healing, forgiveness, and appreciation for her birth mother. In contrast, Elizabeth did not concern herself with her birth mother’s motivations for giving her up, and focused on loving her adoptive mother with all her heart. The following three stories illustrate that what is important is not what happens to you, but how you deal with it—in other words, whether you remember your agreement.

As related in their own words, their attitudes about their situations have had a tremendous impact on their lives. Some lives were difficult, others joyful, and the only difference is their approach to their adoption.

CAPTURED IN THE CLAY: MY NAME IS ELIZABETH

My name was Erzsebet. At least, that is the one thing I remember from the orphanage; they called me edes (sweet) Erzsi. Whether I arrived with that name or the staff gave it to me, I don’t know. I have no other memory of my years there. My birthday is March 5th. At least that is the day we celebrate it, and I do make a good Pisces. I don’t know what my last name was. I don’t know who my birth parents were.

The orphanage was in Köszeg, Hungary, a picturesque town near the Austrian border, and what I know for sure is that on a cold winter day in 1954, my life changed. I don’t remember that moment, but I can imagine it: a lovely lady shows up in the dreary orphanage and takes an interest in me, promising to return the next day. I am sure I didn’t sleep a wink and was daydreaming about all the possibilities of the future. And then she came and held my hand and led me away from the only life I knew. I was three years old.

We rode a steam train for an hour, back to my new parents’ city of Szombathely and its ancient stone buildings. On our way home from the station, we stopped by a friend of Mom’s to borrow a winter coat from her little girl who was nine months older than I was. Later that little girl, Judy, became my cousin when her widowed father married my aunt. She is my one and only relative, and we love each other like sisters.

Like most Jewish families, my adoptive parents lost nearly everyone in the war. My mother managed to stay together with her sister throughout the ordeal in Auschwitz. Immediately upon their arrival, the family members were separated by the Nazis. Fortunately, Mom’s sister had a different name; it was customary in Hungary to change Germanic names to Hungarian. Also, both of them were very attractive and spoke fluent German.

My father lost everyone. What haunted him most over the years was the murder of his 16-year-old daughter, Marti. For the rest of his life, he was tormented by nightmares and carried the pain and guilt of the survivor. After the war, he and his business partner were able to help those in need. That is how he met my mom, Ella, and her sister, Olga. They had returned to their home to find only a broken three-legged chair. Everything was gone. The shared experiences and the tragedy of their losses brought Tivadar Schonfeld and Ella Gunsberger together, and in 1947 they married.

Except for my father’s tormenting nightmares, their life slowly settled into a normal routine. In spite of living in a communist country, they both owned their businesses. Dad had a general store. My mother had a very successful beauty salon in the middle of the city. In Hungary, having your facial was as necessary as having a haircut here in North America. Often, clients would have their treatments while discussing politics, fashion, the latest shortages; how without warning products would disappear from store shelves. It could be toothpaste, sugar, toilet paper, anything. Word would spread like wildfire and housewives would crowd into stores to pick up the remnants of the supplies.

One of Mom’s clients was the director of my orphanage. She told Mom of the difficulty raising funds and of the growing number of children in their care. She suggested that it would be wonderful if my mother came to visit because so many children were waiting for someone to take them away. My mother agreed. Having a little girl at home might be the ultimate cure for my father. What an incredible step to take—adopt a child at the ages of 49 and 52! Mom told me later that if people asked how old they were, I was to say they were ten years younger, which I did, but even then they sounded older than most of my friends’ parents.

I became the centre of their lives. Mom couldn’t do enough for me. My pediatrician became a close family friend after giving me my initial thorough physical examination. It seemed like every time I sneezed he had to come over. Mom lined up in the stores to get the first fresh produce of the season so I could have the healthiest food; it was the most expensive, too.

Mom was truly beautiful, like a movie actress, with sparkling brown eyes set far apart. She was a lot of fun and very entertaining; she loved to tell jokes. She loved people. Dad was lovely, too, very gentle, as charming as Spencer Tracy. One day, Dad sat me on his lap in his favourite armchair and asked if they could give me a middle name, Marta, after his late daughter. Of course, I said yes. I was now Schonfeld Marta Erzsebet.

Mom and Dad were always there for me and we made these decisions together. I could always count on their support. Before I started school, Dad made a point of discussing my adoption with me. He