Small Beginnings: K'Barthan Extras, Hamgeean Misfit, #1

By M T McGuire

The world needs a hero but they're busy.

 

When your very existence is treason, employment opportunities are thin on the ground. But when one of the biggest crime lords in the city makes The Pan of Hamgee a job offer he can't refuse, it's hard to tell what the dumbest move is: accepting the offer or saying no to Big Merv. Neither will do much for The Pan's life expectancy.

 

Small Beginnings is written in British English and is the first in a series, although it can be read as a stand alone story.

Estimated UK film rating of this book is: U (universal) or G (general)

This is a humorous science fiction fantasy story set in a parallel reality.

 

INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR

Q – So, tell us about K'Barthan Extras. What made you write them? What makes this book special?

A – If you want the honest answer I wrote them for me. As a reader, I love British satire and humor (or humour). I love wit; funny epic fantasy series like the Discworld novels and comedic sci fi like Douglas Adams, humorous science fiction reads, or fantasy stories. I like sff and speculative fiction but the best science fiction and fantasy stories, for me, are funny, I like adventure and action and a gripping tale that zips along quickly. And of course, I like genre fiction mashups; Douglas Adams meets StarTrek and James Bond - with a smidgeon of Dr Who and a dash of romance (but no squelchy bits). Think Father Ted meets Red Dwarf or then again ... maybe don't. I wanted a fast paced story, a gripping tale but at the same time a funny one. Comedy in the tradition of all the great humorous British authors, something light and witty and clever. I like to aim high. I wanted protagonists people could love and empathise with, mavericks, misfit characters, real people ... except they're not all people obviously, some of them are other alien (ish) species. The K'Barthan series about misfit heroes and heroines winning the day, it's about good versus evil even when the good guys are on different sides. It's a science fiction fantasy action adventure - it's planet based, so it's a bit of a blend. It's comedic portal fantasy, except it's comedy sci fi too. You'll find all sorts of quirky characters and interesting alien species: from 6ft Swamp Things with antennae to cute furry creatures like the Blurpons, with their fluffy ears, big button eyes and penchant for extreme violence.

Oh ... and did I mention the flying car chases?

 

Q – Do our readers have to read the K'Barthan Extras in order?

A – Nope, you can read these in any order you like

 

Q – What is your favourite kind of Book? Would this one fit on the list?

A – Oh yes. I love humorous novels but comedic sci fi especially. I enjoy science fiction fantasy and I love the idea of stories set in parallel universes or realities - I enjoyed the Narnia books and J R Tolkein, too. I also love a good supervillain, a bad guy you love to hate. That said, a lot of my influences come from TV; original StarTrek, Get Smart, Hogan's Heroes, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. The persuaders, the Avengers, the Saint, Randal and Hopkirk Deceased, The Prisoner, Space 1999. Then there's Star Wars, Blake's Seven and Dr Who, and Red Dwarf, of course. I loved all that.

 

Q – Do you have a target reader?

A – Officially it's young adults and teenagers, but the readers who've contacted me range in age from ten to ninety four. I wrote it for me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hamgee University Press
• Release date: Nov 14, 2019
• ISBN: 9781907809293

M T McGuire

M T McGuire is a 46 year old stay-at-home mum. She used to do stand up but sat down to write books when she got married. Sixteen years later, she has finished the K'Barthan Trilogy. She still checks all unfamiliar wardrobes for a gateway to Narnia, which probably tells you everything you need to know about her. She lives in Bury St Edmunds with a McOther a McSon and a McCat.If you've read any of her stuff, she'd like to say, 'thank you' and hopes you enjoyed it.Her blog is at http://www.mtmcguire.co.uk and she's MTMcGuireauthor on twitter.

Book preview

Small Beginnings

K’Barthan Extras, Hamgeean Misfit: No 1

A short story by

M T McGuire

Published by Hamgee University Press http://www.hamgee.co.uk

Click to join the M T McGuire mailing list

© M T McGuire, June 2018

Published June 2019

This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Likewise, any events, organisations and products depicted in this book are also imaginary or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to their real-life counterparts is also entirely coincidental.

Small Beginnings is written in British English and is the first in a series:

K’Barthan Extras, Hamgeean Misfit: No.l

Estimated UK film rating of this book is: U (universal) or G (general)

ISBN numbers for this story are as follows...

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-907809-29-3

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-907809-30-9

Acknowledgements

Cover design by A Trouble Halved

Edited by Emma Wilkin

Small Beginnings

K’Barthan Extras, Hamgeean Misfit: No 1

When your very existence is treason, employment opportunities are thin on the ground. But when one of the biggest crime lords in the city makes The Pan of Hamgee a job offer he can’t refuse, it’s hard to tell what the dumbest move is: accepting the offer or saying no to Big Merv. Neither will do much for The Pan’s life expectancy.

Small Beginnings

1. A new start

The Pan of Hamgee strolled through the city, whistling nonchalantly. Actually, it wasn’t exactly the city he strolled through so much as the roofs above. As a blacklisted person his very existence was treason, so walking the roofs was a bit less demanding than walking the streets in daytime. He could use the streets of course, and often did, because it was only a matter of keeping his eyes open. But sometimes he just didn’t want to give it the concentration. Police patrols were thin on the ground up here. And, while he was visible from above, most of the airborne patrols were in transit. So they were either hurrying from one place to another or concentrating on some unlucky individual in the street below. Someone who was less used to being followed, usually. There were footpads up here of course, along with a wide array of other muggers and felons. That said, as a fellow member of the criminal fraternity The Pan knew they were creatures of habit. None of them would be out until after seven and anyway, they were fellow K’Barthans. Somehow he had fewer misgivings about being murdered by a member of his own nation. So it was OK. Probably.

The Pan stopped to admire the twinkling lights of the city. It was bitingly cold but the air was fresh and clear. He breathed in deeply and exhaled a satisfyingly large cloud of steam. It felt good. He supposed it helped that he’d had a bath, visited a launderette and eaten a ‘chicken’ quaarl from Squeaky Joe’s van. In times of hardship, The Pan considered paying for food far too much of a luxury when it could be blagged in return for odd jobs, or stolen fresh from the market every morning. He hadn’t been able to afford to treat himself for several months, and the clear sinuses and pleasant chilli buzz he was experiencing were exacerbated by the cold evening air. He smiled and blew out another cloud of steamy breath, trying to make ‘smoke’ rings. It didn’t work but The Pan didn’t care. It was so long since he’d eaten a Squeaky Joe that it was like getting reacquainted with an old friend.

The Pan checked his watch. He was ahead of schedule and for a moment toyed with the idea of returning to the van for another portion. Squeaky Joe always teased The Pan about the relish with which he ate. ‘You’d eat shoe leather you would!’ he’d say.

‘And why not? If it’s cured correctly and the spices are right,’ The Pan would counter. Then Squeaky Joe would give him a second tub, half price.

The Pan once asked Squeaky Joe where his nickname came from. ‘Squeaky clean of course!’ He’d pointed to the certificate on his van wall confirming a sky-high hygiene rating. Very possibly he’d invited The Pan to notice how spotless the work surfaces were, and how meticulously carefully all the cardinal rules of safe and hygienic food preparation were adhered to in order to allay any fears about what he was preparing. Because there was another rumour that the van was spotlessly, suspiciously clean because most of the meat Squeaky used was … well, put it like this, if Squeaky Joe’s hot quaarl was really made with chicken he’d probably have been called Clucky Joe. But nobody ever got food poisoning or died, and since The Pan came from Hamgee, where folk were renowned for eating anything, he had few qualms about eating any substance that was prepared with as much meticulous care, and attention to hygiene, as Squeaky Joe’s hot ‘chicken’ quaarl. That said, after ten days without food, The Pan felt his decision not to have second helpings was probably a good thing. It was rather hot for an empty stomach and was lying a little heavy.

Or maybe it was the prospect of this evening’s meeting that was making The Pan’s stomach feel so leaden.

Yep. Best not think about that.

He took a running jump across an alley, burping as he hit the surface of the roof on the other side, which somewhat ruined the effect of the neat landing.

‘Pardon!’ he said to no-one in particular. He stood for a moment, while he collected his thoughts. ‘Am I really going to do this?’ He felt the butterflies fluttering in his stomach, as if in answer.

When The Pan was stuck or needed to talk things through with someone, he would imagine his parents in his head, before it all went wrong, when he still got along with them. He called this ‘virtual parenting’.

You’re on your way to the pub aren’t you? said the