Gun-Toting Psychic Babe

By Andie Alexander

Team Kes travels to Kenya to convince celebrities to stay away from a drought area. When Kes’ head is hit by a bad guy, she suddenly knows more than she should by using extreme ESP. A meeting with the president and her boss makes her wish the ESP would just go away, or she could be eliminated.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Andie Alexander
• Release date: Aug 27, 2019
• ISBN: 9781938350450

Andie Alexander

Andie writes mysteries and adventures, and also writes as all the author names on SweetTaleBooks.com. Writing is escapism, at its finest.See more at http://www.AndieAlexander.com

Book preview

Chapter 1

No one ever said raising kids was easy. To me, it was practically my full-time job. And with three-year old twins, it was double the work. However, Ben, our friend and coworker, was trying to convince me that it was easy while our kids made a wreck of our living room.

Are you kidding me? I asked Ben. There's no way we can leave on another mission. We're just not ready. I leaned up against the doorjamb between the kitchen and the living room, wiping my hands with a dishcloth from doing my never-ending cleaning job.

It was about ten on a Friday morning. We'd just gotten to our second house in Colorado Springs from our newly built main home in Denver for a mini-vacation. James had gone out to get supplies for the weekend, so I was alone with our kids and Ben.

Yes, you are ready, Kes, Ben argued. It's been more than three years. He was right. We hadn't been on a CIA mission in three years this past August, and it was already October.

I watched my children, who were up to their regular antics. Andrew drew on the coffee table with a black crayon while Emma pulled the heads off her naked dolls. We were up to our eyeballs in kids and Ben wanted us to go on another mission. Was he crazy?

I had to point out the obvious. Look at my life and tell me I can leave right now. I pointed to our children, giving him a male visual indicator, or MVI, because men never understood anything unless I pointed it out to them.

Ben laughed at me. An MVI? You must be serious.

Serious doesn't even begin to explain it.

I walked over to Andrew and handed him a piece of paper from a huge stack of clean paper lying right beside him. Andrew moved it out of the way and continued drawing on the coffee table. A stray thought of completely covering the coffee table with a roll of paper gave me an idea of how to deal with this child. I made a mental note to do just that. But in the meantime, I took the crayon from him, making him scream at the top of his lungs. Instead of lashing out, I stood beside him instead, just staring at him. If I ignored his screaming, he'd tire of his own noise. If I disciplined him, he just did worse things behind my back for revenge, escalating the entire incident. Picking my battles was key, however, teenage years with him were going to be tough, at best.

Andrew looked up at my expression and stopped crying.

On the paper, I said. We don't color on furniture. I put the piece of paper in front of him again.

Andrew took another crayon from the box—a purple one this time—and scribbled on the paper. Once it was full, he resumed coloring on the coffee table again. Ben walked around the coffee table, put a clean piece of paper under the crayon and held it down. He took the child's hand and helped him color on the paper. Andrew's bottom lip quivered and he screamed in horror, throwing a fit.

No, Andrew, Ben said. On the paper.

Maybe I should take his artwork and put it in the refrigerator. Then he'd be proud and use the paper. I'd suggest that after Ben left, so I wouldn't have another confrontation.

The child continued to throw a tantrum, when suddenly, the door from the kitchen to the garage flew open. My adorable husband, James, entered with his arms full of grocery bags.

Daddy! Emma screamed.

She ran to him and attached herself to his leg. He tried to walk, but it was difficult. Even so, he still laughed at her. I followed James into the kitchen and threw the dishcloth on the counter. Andrew kept screaming, now at a full-fledged temper tantrum, while lying on the floor with fists and feet hitting and kicking. In other words, our place was a madhouse.

Andrew. Stop it, I said in a firm tone, without turning around. But he didn't listen and continued to scream. I truly wanted to scold him, but never in front of James. He'd been reading too many psych textbooks about how never to discipline a child, yada, yada, yada. I was raised to respect others and never to do anything bad, or there would be major consequences. We had our issues in raising kids, and I was bound and determined to make James see my side, someday. However, not in front of Ben.

Hi, Ben, James said in almost a shout. I'll be there in a minute. But he never said a word to Andrew. I was ready to tape the kid's mouth shut, but knew I never would. The sound gave me an instant headache.

Take your time, Ben said to James, lifting his tone because of Andrew. James put the bags on the counter and we both put groceries away, with Emma still attached to James' leg. He and she were having a great time laughing, while ignoring Ben and Andrew. I looked into the living room, seeing Ben just holding his ears, since Andrew was still throwing a temper tantrum. I nodded at Ben and darted my eyes at James. He nodded in return. He got it. James needed parenting skills, for sure.

Andrew. I walked into the living room. Enough. Now, or I count. I'd count to three and then they'd get stuck in the corner while I stood beside them. They hated time out, even for 20 seconds. So, Andrew knew what that meant.

Andrew finally stopped screaming. He stood up, put the purple crayon back in his hand, then proceeded to color all over the coffee table again.

I picked up more plain paper from a huge stack and put it under his crayon. He proceeded to scribble, with most of the crayon going off the paper.

I returned to the kitchen and finished putting the groceries away. Once we stored all the empty bags, James picked up our daughter and gave her a hug, carrying her into the living room. She covered him with kisses, making him grin at her and plant a huge kiss on her cheek.

Hi, Emma, he said. I've only been gone 20 minutes, so you can stop that now.

Hi, Emma. She'd mimicked him, using James' slightly British accent. I've only been gone 20 minutes, so you can stop that now.

Ben laughed out loud, causing Andrew to stop coloring the now black and purple coffee table. I returned to the living room, hoping and praying these kids wouldn't embarrass me in front of Ben.

Andrew looked up at Emma, who was still in James' arms. Quit making fun of Daddy, Andrew said, in the same British accent.

Andrew, stop coloring on the coffee table, she said, switching to French. "Now. You're upsetting Mommy and you know how she gets when she's upset."

Ben did a double take, glanced at our two children, and stared at us with his mouth open. Andrew threw the crayons into the big plastic box full of crayons and moved to play with a truck on the floor. At least he'd put the crayons in the box.

They know French? Ben asked, hopping to his feet.

"Oui, James said. And German and some Spanish. We're working on Russian next."

Holy smokes, guys, you're making them into natural agents. Ben plopped back into his seat and the sound of a doll screamed. He hopped up and turned to see what had made the noise.

Mr. Ben, you sat on Jessica, Emma yelled. Don't do that again or I'll have to get you back.

Be nice, I warned Emma.

Ben pulled the doll from the couch cushions and handed it to Emma. He checked the seat and plopped back onto the couch. Emma crawled up on his lap and gave him a hug. I forgive you.

Thanks, Emma, he said, returning the hug.

Now, where are Miss Anita and Lady Sarah? she asked in her British accent. I do miss them terribly.

Ben bit his lips to stifle his laughter. It was funny, but I wasn't about to give in to them, or they'd know they were cute and would get away with murder, probably.

Emma, regular voice around others, I warned.

Yes, Mommy.

Ben tried not to laugh, but it was a struggle. Well, Emma, Sarah and Anita are at home.

Anita was Ben's wife. Their two-year old daughter, Sarah, was absolutely gorgeous and very well behaved. She had wavy blonde hair with darker blonde highlights and blue eyes, much like Ben's look. Anita's hair was much darker, but Sarah took Anita's personality instead of her looks. That was fortunate, because Ben was devious and Anita was well-behaved. Considering Ben and Anita were both very pretty people, I wasn't surprised the girl was adorable. Our two monsters, on the other hand, were all but well behaved. However, they were cute.

Emma stared at Ben with her huge green eyes and flipped back her long red wavy hair as she corrected him. "Her name is Miss Anita, Mr. Ben, so you'd better call her that or Mommy will get mad at you." Every word was expressed in her eyes and her expression, so Ben bit his lips again so he wouldn't laugh at her.

You're right, he said. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't want your mommy to get mad at me.

Emma leaned close to him. She can shoot, you know. I don't trust her.

James laughed, so I shot him a dirty look. You told her that, didn't you? I asked.

Nope. I did nothing of the sort.

Andrew sat up from the floor where his truck now crushed the entire dumped box of crayons into the carpet. So much for being a good kid by putting the crayons in the box. Nope, he repeated, in the same accent as James. I did nothing of the sort.

I went into the kitchen and got some soap and wet rags for the coffee table. Andrew, get up here and clean the mess you made. I'd have to deal with the crayon mess, too. I seemed to do all the work here. James didn't mind in the least about the mess or me doing the work. Needless to say, I was continually irritated.

Yes, Mommy. Andrew stood up and we both worked on cleaning up the crayon mess.

Ben sighed while he stared at our two children. Kes, you two need to go back to work for a vacation.

Emma thrust her hand onto her hip and stared at me. I agree. We need a vacation.

Ben lowered his eyebrows. Do you even know what a vacation is?

Sure, she said. That's when a girl dog and a boy dog kiss. She was so matter of fact about it, Ben burst into laughter.

I looked up at James from my cleaning job. Why would she say that? I glanced down at the table helping Andrew. He tried his best to help but it wasn't an easy job. He was a big help when he wanted to be—more than his father.

James sighed and gave me a snide look. Probably because whenever I even mention a vacation to you, I have to kiss you just to get you to think about it.

But dogs? Ben asked.

Who knows, I said, waving him off. I hope she doesn't think of us as dogs. We'd finished working on the crayon mess, so I took Andrew's cloth and gave him a hug. Thanks for helping. He kissed my cheek and ran off to his truck. I returned to the kitchen, threw the cloths into a bin for dirty towels, and put the soap away. Next, I'd deal with the crayon mess destroying the carpet.

As I returned to the living room, Emma plopped onto Ben's lap. I want to play with Sarah. Can she come over to play?

I have a better idea, Ben said. Would you like to spend a whole week with Sarah at Maria's house?

Yay, Emma screamed right into Ben's ear. He covered it with his hand and winced.

Andrew jumped up from the floor, attacked Ben's other knee, and climbed onto his lap. Can we? Andrew asked.

I got on my hands and knees and cleaned the crayon mess on the carpet. You two were just there, yesterday, I said. Do you miss it already?

They both nodded.

Miss Maria has better crayons, Andrew said, his blue eyes blazing. She lets me use notebooks to draw on.

I rolled my eyes. He used paper at Maria's house.

She teaches us more, too, Emma said in Portuguese. I recognized it from a few words Maria had taught me.

I looked up at James. He and Ben both glared at my daughter with raised eyebrows.

Portuguese? I asked. We don't even know much Portuguese. I finished with the crayons and stood up, putting the lid on the waxy items before I put the container back on the coffee table.

I wonder if my kid knows Portuguese, Ben said. Cool.

Who knows? I sat down on the couch across from Ben's couch. She'll probably learn it right along with our kids. It still amazed me. These kids were like sponges for information.

She says a lot, but it's only in English. Ben confronted my two devils again. Do you want to go to Miss Maria's?

Yes, they both screamed. They jumped off Ben's lap and ran around the house like maniacs, bellowing as they went with their arms flapping up and down. I was glad to have cleaned up the crayons, or they'd have rubbed them into the carpet more.

Maria was married to Jerome, and they had a son named Jonathan who was a few months older than our twins. He was well-behaved and level headed, to the point of being a diplomat. Jerome was quiet and I was sure it was inherited. I bet their house was quieter than ours, too. Maybe Ben was right and we did need a vacation.

We were all CIA agents based out of Denver. Ian—a computer expert and surgeon—was the highest-ranking member of our team. Ben was the leader of the team—by Ian's request—with a Ph.D. in cultural anthropology and a minor in psychology.

James and I were the ones who did whatever we were told. James had a Ph.D. in psychology and owned the local newspaper and a travel agency. He'd recently gotten his license to be a full-fledged psychologist and was working on opening a practice.

I worked days typing reports for our boss, Wilson, because my background was in reporting and photography. I also worked part-time at the travel agency and for the Denver Police doing undercover work. The FBI had recruited me part-time to do some soft interrogation and acting, but my true love was working for the CIA. It was riskier, which made it much more exciting.

Even though James and I were independently wealthy, we loved the missions. Our team, Team Kes, was, at one time, the most valued team in our section of the CIA. Ever since James and I had decided to have a child to help take down a black-market kidnapping ring for the CIA, we'd been put on hiatus. The result of that mission turned out to be our devilish twins, but at least we'd put the kidnapping ring out of commission.

Another team, Team Jane, had taken our place because we'd trained them to be our clones. Jerome was the leader of that team, our friend Milo had become second in command, Kevin was a medic, and his wife, Jane, took on my role in their team. It was tough to watch them take our jobs, but at the same time, James and I knew our current job was more important. We had to raise these twin monsters—Andrew and Emma.

James sat beside me on the couch and directed his attention at Ben. Why are you here? It sounds like you have plans for us.

Sure do. He glanced at our children. It's a mission, James, and we want you both back.

Emma stopped running and crawled onto James' lap. When she reached up and played with his hair, he smiled and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. Those two were inseparable. Andrew was a typical boy and usually liked his boy toys instead of hugs. Even so, he and I were buddies.

What about the others? I asked. Everyone in Team Kes was now married and had children. Ian and Ben worked on missions whenever possible, but were mostly in charge of keeping the Denver offices running.

Ben's smile revealed a bit too much, I thought. He was hiding something, but I wasn't sure what it was just yet. Donna's taking Patrick to Maria's during the day while she's at work, he said. Anita's traveling with us, so Sarah will be there too.

Ian had married his girlfriend, Donna, shortly after our last mission. She'd gotten pregnant quickly and they had a son named Patrick who was about two, and an absolute genius. He'd started talking early and knew more about Albert Einstein than anyone else I knew. They were so impressed with Patrick that Donna was about five months pregnant with their second child.

Maria has a full house, then, I said, glancing at our kids. Are you sure she can handle these two as well? They're not nearly as well-mannered as the rest. And it wasn't for my lack of trying. It was James reading psychological books and articles on how to raise children that held me back.

Ben watched our two children. Emma had jumped off James' lap and was dancing with her headless naked doll, while Andrew had crawled off Ben's lap and currently dug in the fireplace. I really wanted to move him, but knew the boss, James, wouldn't like it.

Kes, they both have your personality, Ben said. What can you expect?

What a nasty comment, but he was right. The truth could hurt sometimes.

He continued. Besides, Maria will have help from Donna and your sister.

Kayla's going to be there? I winced, because my sister was my absolute nemesis.

Ben laughed at me. Yep. Full-time starting this week. She even volunteered to sleep there at night.

Probably because her own kids are horrible, James murmured.

You're right. I continued speaking to Ben. Anyone else staying to help? There will be four kids there at night, and with her regular daytime kids, it'll be a lot for three people to handle.

Emma plopped her headless doll onto the coffee table and colored on the doll's body with a green crayon. Ben shook his head as he watched. Yeah, that's a lot of kids. Zoey will be there, too.

Miss Zoey? Emma screamed.

Ben nodded and laughed at her.

I love her, Emma yelled in German. She's my hero.

Me too, Andrew said in English. He put the ashes from the fireplace into the back of his truck, trailing them all over the carpet where the crayons had been. James got up from the couch, walked to the closet, and removed the vacuum cleaner. He sat it beside Andrew, just watching and waiting. At least he was going to help this time.

Zoey? I whined. She's so spacey. I was surprised to hear she was even 20, but she's almost 30.

Yes. The kids love her because she's so…ethereal. Ben threw his hands into the air and wiggled his fingers to show how spacey Zoey really was.

Ethereal isn't the word for it, James said. We're talking a few brain cells missing from Zoo-ey Zoey.

A few brain cells missing, Andrew said in his British accent as his truck moved back and forth. The ashes that had fallen from the back were being ground into the carpet. I sat on my hands so I wouldn't interfere, but definitely wanted to teach him some manners. I'd eventually snap, but now wasn't the time.

He repeated me, James whispered. He hid his mouth and stared at me with his eyebrows raised. He'll say it at Maria's. He sat beside me on the couch again.

He won't remember he said it, I whispered.

Ben checked his watch. What'll it be? We need you guys a lot.

I watched our children. They were independent and loved going to Maria and Jerome's huge house. Originally from Brazil, Maria was a great person and truly loved children. Jerome was one of the calmest people I knew, even though he'd probably be off on another mission with Team Jane and wouldn't be there to watch the children.

Is it just Team Kes? I asked Ben.

No. We're meeting Team Jane and working together on this one. The Ds are going to be there too.

I was right about Jerome and Team Jane. But three teams? The Ds? This must be huge to have these three teams together.

The Ds included two men—Dave and Doug—who were considered to be the top agents in our section of the CIA at the moment, since Team Kes was on hiatus. Team Jane was second only to the Ds. We were all based out of Denver.

"It is huge, Ben said. Are you with us?"

I turned toward James and he returned the stare.

Well? I asked.

I miss it, he said. I love that work.

But… I pointed to our two children.

James took my hand and kissed the back of it. Well cared for. I'm sure your parents will be there too, if they find out.

How long? I asked Ben.

In and out, about a week, just like I told your kids a few minutes ago. He chuckled. The first thing to go in old age is your memory, Kes.

And I was younger than he was? Very funny. Besides, hearing was probably the first thing to go, but I didn't want to mention it.

I turned back toward James. He was so sexy with his medium brown hair and blue eyes. His body was still trim and I adored him. I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the question. It would be a vacation, I said. But I'm not in the same shape I was in before.

Ben shook his head. Kes, what are you talking about? You're in better shape than you were before because you're so driven at the gym.

Whenever I'd go to work in Denver, I'd drop off the kids at Maria's, go to the gym and talk to Ben, and then write reports at the office for the CIA. Ben and I would discuss upcoming missions and James' lack of parenting psych issues when we'd work out. Since we also had a home in Denver, we'd stay there during the week, so it wasn't far to travel. We'd just come to Colorado Springs that morning, to take a little time off from Denver and the newspaper.

Ben didn't know what he was saying. I have stretch marks, I whispered. I can't run around half— I glanced at our children. I can't do the distraction thing like I did before. The men on our team always made me almost strip for these missions, one way or another. They all thought it was funny.

You're fine, James said. They're all gone. Trust me.

Ben stared at my boobs. Yeah, and your cleavage is bigger, so who would look down there anyway?

Yeah, and your cleavage is bigger, Andrew said, mocking Ben, as he climbed onto my lap and stared at my bust line. Ben and James laughed hysterically, while I just hid my eyes in embarrassment.

Ben, you're a bad influence on our boy, I muttered, and moved my hand away.

Ben wiped his eyes and tried to stop laughing. Don't worry. I'm sure Maria will understand.

James laughed. Yeah, she'll understand when her kid says something like that at the dinner table. I think Jerome and I need to have a chat.

I wished James would keep some of the child psych and kid gossip out of everything, but bit my lips. I darted my eyes at Ben, wishing I could say something. I had to pick my battles, though.

Ben nodded at me in understanding. Jerome's going to love that, Ben murmured with a laugh.

Well, boss-man, I asked James. What do you think? Since I used to work for him at the newspaper, boss-man was his nickname.

James smiled. I say we go.

I had to agree. All right, Ben, you twisted our arms. I looked around the room, making a mental list of what to do before we left. I'll take some of the food from here up to the daycare. It'll go bad if I don't.

That'd be great. He pulled out his cell phone and pushed speed dial, putting the phone to his ear. Ian, it's a go. Call Wilson. We leave in three hours.

What? I said. Three hours?

Ben nodded and headed to the door with a grin. Your bags are already packed. Kes, still a size six, right?

I nodded. Yep. Bigger bras, though.

I know. Anita's already taken care of that part. Ben pulled the door open. You both need physicals and shots, so hurry up. Ian's waiting and it's an hour's drive to Denver from here.

Ben left while James and I stared at each other, stunned. What did we just get ourselves into?

~~~~~

Chapter 2

I hugged our daughter goodbye. Now, remember, Emma, be good for Miss Maria. I felt so sentimental about leaving our kids. Even my eyes filled with tears. If anything happened to us, our children could be orphans. Why did I agree to this mission?

Emma kissed my cheek. Don't worry, Mommy. You and Daddy need to save the world.

I pushed the thought of not seeing Emma and Andrew again to the back of my mind. What are you talking about?

She seemed so matter-of-fact. Patrick told me that's what you're going to do, and I'm sure it's true. She leaned closer. Just don't shoot unless they already have a gun, she whispered.

Did Patrick tell you that, too? I asked.

No, Jonathan told me that.

I was sure Jerome and Maria would love hearing what their son had been telling the rest of the group, but I wasn't going to tell them. They were agent kids, so their home lives were already out of the ordinary.

Emma ran off to play with her good friend Sarah and I stood alone. James hugged Andrew goodbye and my adorable husband wiped his eyes. I'd already said goodbye to Andrew, who was playing with his trucks and ignoring both of us. I looked around the huge room and saw Ian's son, Patrick, reading one of Ian's college textbooks.

Miss Maria, Patrick asked. What do you know about endoplasmic reticulum?

Maria shook her head, said something in Portuguese, and smiled as she glanced at me.

Good luck, I said to her.

No problem. They'll be fine. Call any time.

I will when I can. See you soon. And, thank you.

She nodded and sat down beside Patrick, doing her best at explaining the textbook to him. I waited for James near the exit, suddenly pushed aside as the door swung open.

I'm here, my sister Kayla said in a loud voice. She turned to me and smiled. Mom and Dad will be helping out, in case you wanted to know.

Good, I said. My two are a handful.

I know. It runs in the family.

What a witch. She waltzed off before I could slap her. She was permanently on my evil list. I'd had enough of her already and had to get out of there before I decked her.

As I turned to leave, Zoey danced into the room and stood right beside