Understanding

By Stevie Turner

Nineteen authors and bloggers kindly answered questions for this anthology compiled by Stevie Turner regarding significant life experiences they had undergone. These events include sexual abuse, a near death experience, alcoholism, being diagnosed with cancer, depression, losing weight, getting married, being a mother to many children, being the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and many more!  Authors featured in this book are as follows:

Abbie Johnson Taylor

Alienora Browning

Beem Weeks

Bernard Foong

Clive Pilcher

D.G Kaye

Darlene Foster

Debbie Harris

Dorinda Duclos

Janet Gogerty

Jaye Marie

Joe Smith

Lucy V. Hay

Lynda McKinney Lambert

Miriam Hurdle

Pamela Jessen

Phil Huston

Sally Cronin

Scarlett Flame

All proceeds will go to Cancer Research. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stevie Turner
• Release date: Apr 2, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386517436

Stevie Turner

Stevie Turner  began her writing career as far back as 1969, when she won an inter-schools' writing competition after submitting a well-thumbed and hastily scribbled essay entitled 'My Pet'. A love of words and writing short stories and poems has carried on all throughout her life, but it is only now in middle age that she has started writing novels full-time and taking the author business seriously. Stevie works part time as a medical secretary in a busy NHS hospital in the East of England. She is married, with 2 adult sons and 4 grandchildren. So far she has published 10 novels, 4 novellas, a collection of 18 short stories (Life) relating to significant life events, and more recently her memoir 'Waiting in the Wings'. Her novels are realistic, but tend to shy away from the mainstream somewhat and focus on the darker side of relationships. However, you'll find that she does like to add in a little bit of humour along the way. Stevie's third novel 'A House Without Windows' was chosen as a medal winner in the New Apple Book Awards 2014 Suspense/Thriller category, and in late 2015 it won a Readers' Favorite Gold Award.  It was also considered for filming by a New York media production company in early 2018. An excerpt from her novel 'Repent at Leisure' made the shortlist for the Escalator Writing Competition in April 2016, and a short story, 'Checking Out', made the top 15 of the Creative Writing Institute's 2016 competition, and was published in their December 2016 anthology 'Explain!' 'For the Sake of a Child' screenplay won a Silver Award in the 2017 Depth of Field International Film Festival. Stevie has also recently branched out into the world of audio books and translations.  Some of her books have been translated into German, Italian and Spanish, and many English versions are on sale as audiobooks.

Book preview

FEATURING:

ABBIE JOHNSON TAYLOR

ALIENORA BROWNING

BEEM WEEKS

BERNARD FOONG

CLIVE PILCHER

D.G KAYE

DARLENE FOSTER

DEBBIE HARRIS

DORINDA DUCLOS

JANET GOGERTY

JAYE MARIE

JOE SMITH

LUCY V. HAY

LYNDA McKINNEY LAMBERT

MIRIAM HURDLE

PAMELA JESSEN

PHIL HUSTON

SALLY CRONIN

SCARLETT FLAME

STEVIE TURNER

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I asked 19 of my author/blogger friends some questions about a significant life experience they had undergone.  Thanks to them I received enough answers to create this anthology, all proceeds of which will go to Cancer Research, a charity very close to my heart.

My thanks go to all 19 contributors, who have given permission for their work to be published:

To understand the universe around us, we must understand the universe within us.

― Armin Houman

ABBIE JOHNSON TAYLOR – BECOMING A CARER

Abbie Johnson Taylor is the author of a romance novel, two poetry collections and a memoir, and is working on another novel. Her work has appeared in The Avocet, Magnets and Ladders, and other publications.

Abbie lives in Sheridan, Wyoming, and had only been married for a few months when her husband suffered a stroke, and then another one a year later. 

Had you known your husband for a long time before he became partially paralysed?

I met my late husband Bill through a magazine two years before we were married. He was living in Fowler, Colorado, and I was living in Sheridan, Wyoming. After a two-year long-distance relationship, he moved to Sheridan, and we were married in the fall of 2005. Three months later, he suffered his first stroke. A year after that, he had a second one. It wasn’t as severe, but it was enough to prevent him from ever walking again.

Did you have to give up paid employment to look after him?

When I married Bill, he persuaded me to give up my work as a registered music therapist with seniors in nursing homes and other facilities to write full time. This was something I’d wanted to do.

Did your husband have to learn to speak again after his stroke, or could he communicate just as before?

Bill’s strokes didn’t affect his speech as much as it affected his left arm and leg. However, he could no longer sing. I discovered this after a speech therapist encouraged me to sing with him in order to improve his speech. It was disheartening to hear him intone the words to his favorite songs instead of carrying the tune.

How did you feel at first, knowing that you were now a carer?

Because of my visual impairment and the fact that I’d never had children, the idea of toileting and dressing Bill and transferring him from one location to another daunted me.

Did you wonder at the beginning whether you would be able to cope, or are you a very strong person mentally?

It never occurred to me to doubt my ability to cope. It was a no-brainer. I had to be strong for him.

Did you gain any support from your local community, for example the church?

Sheridan’s local senior center had an excellent home health care program. An aide gave Bill a shower three days a week and cleaned the house.

Did you have support from other family members?

When we acquired a wheelchair accessible van, my father drove us places, but I didn’t receive much support from other relatives.

Were you able to receive enough support from doctors and therapists?

We were fortunate to have an occupational therapist at the nursing home where Bill was recuperating who was willing to work with us. She helped us figure out the safest and easiest ways of toileting, dressing, and transferring Bill from one location to another. Other medical professionals were helpful but not as supportive.

For how long were you your husband’s carer?

I cared for Bill at home for six years. In the fall of 2012, he started declining, and it became more difficult to lift him. He moved back to the nursing home where he passed a month later.

Was your husband angry at his enforced immobility, or did he accept his condition?

For the most part, Bill accepted his situation, but at times, he was depressed.

Did your husband’s personality change permanently after his paralysis?

Bill’s personality never changed. He was always a gentle soul. On the rare occasions he got mad, it only lasted about ten seconds, and then he was all smiles again.

Did your husband’s condition bring you closer together when you became his carer?

I think it did.

How does one manoeuvre a fully grown man with obvious mobility problems?

You need a lot of strength, especially in your arms, but devices can help. We had poles installed next to the bed, recliner, and toilet that Bill held on to when I transferred him from bed to wheelchair, to recliner, to commode. The commode was on wheels, so when the home health care aide gave Bill a shower, she lifted him from the bed to the commode and wheeled him into the bathroom. When she had difficulty with her back, we were required to purchase a mechanical lift in order to continue receiving services.

Were you able to take short breaks now and then such as a weekend away, in order to recharge?

Yes, I often went to writers’ conferences, but my father and I sometimes travelled to visit relatives.

Did you suffer from sleep deprivation? If so, how did you get through the day?

I had to get up many times during the night to help Bill urinate. Once he figured out how to use a urinal while lying down, it was much easier since all I had to do was empty the urinal when he was done, but I still rarely slept through the night. I often took naps during the day.

Since your husband’s death, have you found employment or an occupation to keep you busy?

When I married Bill, I started writing full time. While he was alive, I published two books. After his death, I published two more. I’m working on a fifth.

Are you more patient now?

I think I’ve always been patient, at least with people. Technology is another story.

During your years as a carer, did you find an inner strength that you never knew you had?

I must have. Otherwise, I don’t think caring for Bill for six years would have been possible.

Did your own health improve or decline whilst you were a carer?

I developed high blood pressure, but am controlling it with medication. I also have sciatica, presumably as a result of all the lifting, but I’m keeping that at bay with exercise and by drinking plenty of water.

Would you do it all again?

I don’t think so. Although Bill and I had many happy times together when I was his caregiver, I’m not ready to care for another living thing, not even a cat.

ALIENORA BROWNING – SEXUAL ABUSE

Hatched in 1958 and the oldest of five (children, not warthogs), Alienora Browning lurked and loitered in Oxford - collecting sundry indifferent O' and A' levels en route - before relocating to Aberystwyth for an English degree. Chained down the Educational Mine for three decades, she eventually escaped. Now living in Glastonbury, divorced and with five published books to her name, she enjoys stand-up comedy (especially her own!), acting, playing fiddle, reading, being outrageous and Pagan ritual! 

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1.  How did you and your ex-husband meet?

We met at work thirty-four years ago. I had just started my career.

2.  Did the abuse begin as soon as you were married, or some time afterwards?

He was married. I became his mistress (or one of them). We married years later, after his first wife left him and they divorced. Yes, the abuse started within a month in terms of telling me about other conquests – and the dark sex games started the following year. Spanking (both ways) and persistent attempts at anal intercourse, basically.

3.  Do you think that internet porn had some effect on your ex-husband’s behaviour?

Not back in the 1980s, no. His addiction may have come from single-sex boarding school education, and the corporal punishment which seems to be such an integral part of it. He may have latent homosexual tendencies.

4.  Does your ex-husband have an addictive nature?

Yes, especially in terms of sex and control.

5.  As a child, was your ex-husband raised by parents who never mentioned sex?

Yes. His mother was a prude, and disliked any mention of sex or bodies.

6.  Has your ex-husband ever mentioned suffering any kind of childhood abuse, either physical or sexual?

Yes. I believe he was interfered with in some way by an older male relative.

7.  Did you find yourself searching more and more for evidence of your ex-husband’s sex addiction or of his infidelity?

Pre-marriage, definitely, the infidelity. He and his first wife had an unhappy Open Marriage. Affairs were a form of revenge. I was initially, ‘...just another young woman willing to drop her knickers...’ Post-marriage, I became ever-more worried about his sexual tastes and the covert intimidation.

8.  Generally speaking, do you think that men are able to be faithful to one woman for the rest of their lives?

I honestly don’t know. The group I met in my early twenties (which included my ex-husband) would suggest not (they all seemed to sleep around); but more recent friends have suggested quite the opposite!

9.  Do you feel that 30 years of your life has been wasted?

No, not at all. I would never have had our children had it not been for my ex. Much has been traumatic – but it was necessary at the higher level and in terms of spiritual initiation. I have had some wonderful times as well.

10.  Does your ex-husband show any remorse for his behaviour?

No. On the contrary, he blames me for the divorce, and tells others that I am mad or have dementia. His response when I finally told him I did not enjoy some parts of our sex life was to ask me if I’d mind him having sex with other women in that case – and to tell me that there were plenty on line who were up for his idea of a good time.