Discovering Significance: A Self-Reflection and Journaling Process about how our Experiences and Relationships affect our Success and Impact

By Philip Giordano

The journey from self-doubt to empowerment can be blocked by our own self-perception, but it doesn't have to be. Discovering Significance will help you reframe your experiences and examine your relationships so you can work past these self-imposed limits and discover your authentic self. Find success, happiness, purpose and courage—so that when your next moment of truth arrives, you won't find yourself paralyzed, but ready to take a leap of faith toward your ideal future. Discovering Significance will help you find the motivation to go all-in for the things that matter the most.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 5, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543948523

Book preview

world.

The Foundation is about building a solid base of communication tools and self-awareness to identify and understand the story within you.

Be yourself. Not what you think someone else’s idea of yourself should be.

—Henry David Thoreau

Chapter 1

Have I Lived to My Potential?

I have these moments of feeling like I’m stuck on the edge of a cliff, clinging to the safety of the rocks, but desperately wanting to jump off and fly. In these moments, I see everything that holds me back, and yet I still can’t let go and trust that my wings will carry me. We all have our own personal cliffs in life, and most of us spend our whole lives never jumping off. I believe my job as a coach is to meet someone at the top of that cliff and help them learn to let go of their fears so that they can soar to greatness. I have dedicated my life to helping others take that all-important leap of faith into the unknown, and go all in, as I like to say. Despite knowing I have helped others and continue to do so, I feel this nagging sense that I have not leaped myself.

My biggest fear, which has held me back throughout my life, is that others perceive me as incongruent, or inauthentic when it comes to my values and my actions. There are times when I’m not sure whether I have myself lived what I have asked others to do when I coach them; I start to feel like a hypocrite. Today, as these thoughts and doubts swirl in my mind, it is my birthday, and I am feeling particularly reflective.

As I sit on my deck in the early morning hours, the thoughts of self-doubt paint a vivid picture that I am an epic failure. They are debilitating and make it so I can’t see any other possible alternative. It is incredible how this feeling permeates my very core and can shut me down completely. I sit there thinking about my life and all that I could have accomplished. I can’t help but think that perhaps I did not go all in.

My mind supplies some facts to support my thinking. I have never been on a winning team. The only participation trophy I received was from a bowling league when I was in third grade back in 1978. Out of a high school graduating class of over 250 students, I ranked over 200. I seemed to be always the last one to know things. In my sales career, I would produce well enough on the stack rankings to get close to the top but never pushed to number one. My weight ranges from 187lb to 350lbs at any given time, usually on the high end giving me the medical label of morbidly obese. I am a diabetic, and I struggle with discipline.

What have I accomplished? Always a dreamer with a vision, yet somehow, I view myself as never the one to put the work into achieving the dream altogether. These are the thoughts that cascade through my mind as I prepare for a celebration that is about my life. A time of reflection to look at my life and all that I could have done. A time to answer questions and remember. I can’t help but convince myself that I did not go all-in.

As I sit contemplating my life, my thoughts turn to my past experience and picture myself giving a presentation in a seminar or delivering a keynote address.

Have you ever experienced what it is like to go ALL-IN? I am talking about taking that leap of faith. Standing on the very top of the cliff knowing you have the passion and desire for your life to be extraordinary. Knowing that as you leap you will be jumping into living the vision and passion of your life’s purpose. Your dream represents the positive impact you want to have in your community and the world. You have seen the vision in your mind’s eye. You have felt the emotion of what it would be like to accomplish the goal. I picture standing on the top of a cliff with the voice inside my head providing an exhilarating soundtrack of what it would be like if I committed to going all in. Have you had this same experience?

While, standing on the edge, seeing, hearing and feeling what the future could hold, all of a sudden you JUMP! You don’t know if you will be successful. At that moment you don’t know if there is deep enough water to break your fall. You have taken the time to plan, but you still are not sure if the parachute will open or even if you have a parachute. In that exact moment, adrenaline is pumping through your nervous system; you are making decisions, everything is clicking. You are feeling alive! Your mind provides you this picture and the feelings that go with it. So I ask, have you ever truly gone all-in? Your heart is pounding. Sweat is building. Time is standing still. Your senses have you experiencing every little detail. You are in tune with the environment, and you have entered a state of flow.

Have you ever gone all-in? Or have you dreamed what reality could be if you choose to go all-in? Think about this. You are passionate about your values, your work, your favorite cause, but something is blocking you that when you stand on the top of that cliff, you become paralyzed. You formulated a good plan, but somehow you don’t know where to begin, or something in your mind is blocking you.

Your mind’s eye switches off the full-color movie with vivid, loud surround sound showing what it is like accomplishing your goal and starts to play the black and white What If’s Movie. The experience in the present moment changes from excitement and motivation into doubting your ability, knowledge, and confidence. Everything slows down and moves in slow motion. The desire is not there. Now, truly, you are not sure where to begin. You experience anxiety as you stand on the edge of the cliff of possibility. The What-If’s Movie seems overwhelming. What if I fail? What if I succeed and life changes? Am I the right person for the job? Do I have the ability? Do I have the right knowledge? Do I have the skill? What if others are better at this than me? Am I a leader? Will I make a difference? Is this goal worth all the effort?

The What If’s Movie shows scenes based on what you have learned from the unique experiences of your life. Your mind shows you times of doubt from the scenes of your past. You stand there at the top of the cliff, wondering if you should go all in, wondering if you should take that jump. You fixate your stare in the direction of your unique vision. The image on the horizon that represents the best version of you. The vision incorporates you making the impact you desire. You see the full color, sound movie, along with the feelings of achievement associated with the importance of the impact you hope to have, but it is in the distance and very faint. The voice inside your head is talking you out of jumping. The feeling is paralyzing. All you must do is take the next step to see if you can fly, yet there is no movement. You experience fear, and it keeps your perception of safety in place and keeps you from acting. You decide not to jump into your vision based on fear.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

However, that positive vision filled with passion and energy is always lurking in your subconscious, always playing and at times seems vivid. You admire those who have leaped. The individuals who have put in the hard work and discovered they could fly. These achievers even make it seem easy. You imagine that they know what is like to be extraordinary. You want to be EXTRAORDINARY! You want your life to matter and want to make a positive impact on this world.

When I’m working as a coach, I often refer to that What Ifs Movie. The movie that plays in your head when you’re standing at the edge of that cliff, wondering if you can jump. The What Ifs Movie shows scenes based on what you have learned from previous experiences, and makes you start to doubt your ability, knowledge, and confidence. While this movie is playing in your head, your anxiety and all the what-ifs become overwhelming. What if I fail? What if I succeed and life changes? What if I don’t have the ability? What if I don’t have the right knowledge? What if I don’t possess the skills to do this task? What if others are better at this than me? Will I make a difference? Is it worth all the effort? You stand there at the top of the cliff, wondering if you should go all in, wondering if you should take that jump.

The voice in the movie is talking you out of jumping, and it paralyzes you. All you have to do is take the next step to see if you can fly, yet you don’t move. Why can’t you jump? It is because when we are in these moments, we often experience a deep sense of fear, and that fear wants to keep us safe, so it tries to stop us from taking that leap of faith. It is time to take the leap and go all-in

As I sit in my chair, my mind returns to thinking about my fears, and it races with all that I could have done and could have been. I wonder to myself, have I truly gone all in?

Journaling Questions:

Have you stood on the edge of the cliff waiting to take the next step towards your goal and felt paralyzed, your body needing you to stay in your comfort zone?

What story or event has you feeling like you could do more, but are somehow stopped?

Quote to Inspire You:

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success. –Henry David Thoreau

Chapter 2

Stories are Our Lives

I don’t find my heart at peace even on this serene September morning in Maine. Listening to the birds’ songs, I look at the leaves on the trees around me, showing the first signs of fall colors. I notice how the freshly-cut green grass contrasts with the blue morning sky. The forecast calls for a spectacular New England day. While relaxing on the deck, swaying slowly in my rocking chair, my gaze focuses on the mirror image reflection off the river’s surface. Quietly, I anticipate the day ahead: a birthday celebration that my wife Theresa has generously planned for me. She’s kept most details to herself other than the date. A grin overtakes my face as I contemplate the last few weeks. Every time I began to ask her questions, Theresa would smile at me and say, Stop asking me questions, just stop, sit down, relax, smile, and enjoy.

The sway of the rocking chair lulls me into a trance. I look at the white tent over in the side-yard, knowing our home is a suitable central location for this gathering. Years of living under the same roof has made for many family gatherings, and it has been a place to live out my values. The values of faith, hope, and love, with family as the foundation. These values have always remained the same for me.

Theresa had the landscapers fix the volleyball court, clean up the beach area, and clear the path down to the water. She prepared the fire pit, so as to keep the evening chill out of the air and provide a fun opportunity to roast marshmallows. I can almost smell the wood burning as pictures of making s’mores with my children and grandchildren appear in my mind’s eye. The emotion of the memories chokes me up, and I remove my glasses to wipe my eye.

Grasping my coffee mug in the crisp morning air, I take a sip and hear the sliding door open. Glancing back, I see my daughter, Michelle, stepping onto the deck, carrying a wrapped present. She places the box next to my chair as she greets me and returns to the kitchen to fetch her coffee.

Together we sit in the quiet of the morning sipping our coffee. Michelle breaks the silence by saying, Dad, why do you get up so early?

I smile again and feel my emotions brimming over as I think about the day ahead and ponder Michelle’s question. My son, Christopher, had joined us for dinner the previous evening since Michelle was in town. We spent the night talking, reminiscing, laughing, and just being a family. I realize that the morning is my time to process – my time to reflect on the stories shared the night before. The stories about my families’ lives, including the lives of my grandchildren. Sitting on the porch with Michelle, I think to myself that life is really all about our stories.

As these thoughts rattle through the quiet of my mind, Michelle breaks my train of thought by saying, You haven’t asked me about the present! Mom told me my job this morning is to keep you occupied and out of the way until the party begins this afternoon!

I looked at the gleam in her eye and the devious grin on her face and know I am in for something special.

Michelle goes on, So, Dad, last night you asked lots of questions like you always do. You delighted in our stories, as you always do. Now it is time to hear your story.

She pauses to see my reaction.

I let the silence of the morning sit in the air, keeping Michelle anxiously awaiting my response, and then finally ask, So, what is the present?

Ah, great question, great question! What do you think it is? She responds with a jovial tone.

I chuckle and grin sarcastically as I say, "I can only imagine you have a project for us!"

Standing up and passing the present to me, Michelle smiles again. Why don’t you just open it and find out?

Wow, this is heavy! I exclaim as I rip through the wrapping paper like a three-year-old on Christmas morning. I peer into the box to find my black RYLA backpack and attempt to pull it out of the box. Michelle gets up to help me and lifts the backpack out, putting the box aside.

Peeking inside the backpack, I see many of my old journals and an assortment of pictures instead of the coaching tools I usually keep in the backpack. So, what is it? I ask, a little confused.

Dad, you are the project! I want to hear your life story, in your words. Mom and I put this together and thought it was fitting to use your RYLA backpack since Rotary, and the leadership development you do through Rotary has been such a big part of your life. Today, I want to hear how you have come to be the person you are. You have taught me so much. I’ve heard you say before that ‘life is an echo,’ but I’ve never quite understood what you meant, so I want to see, hear, and feel your story and grasp what you mean by that. I don’t know how far we’ll get before the party begins, but I am up for the adventure if you are. She stops and allows her words to hang in the air.

My mind races, knowing I have written down many of my deepest thoughts and feelings from the time I was a teenager in the journals before me. All of my doubts and insecurities rush back into my mind. I am once again standing on that cliff, wondering if I should jump, and feeling like my story doesn’t matter. My mind is flooded with images, thoughts, and feelings. I sit in silence.

Michelle’s voice pulls me back, Dad say something!

Sorry, I respond in a quiet tone. I just started thinking about how many different times I started and stopped recording my thoughts and memories; I can only imagine what is in those journals. I am happy to have a conversation, but why now? Why today? Trying to hide my apprehension and doubt, I turn away from Michelle. Maybe I just jumped.

What better day? For a long time, you have spoken about the difference between success and significance and how they are linked to a life well-lived. I want to hear your story of significance. I want to hear your story of success. She pauses again for a long minute and then says, Dad, you seem reserved?

I turn to her and smile, answering calmly and hoping she doesn’t pick up on my doubt and apprehension. Before you joined me, I was thinking about my life and wondering if I have been able to live the vision that I have set out to live. Have I been able to combine love and power to achieve success and create significance? Have I built the relationships that make a positive impact and change the world? I pause.

Michelle responds, "You continue to ponder those questions while I refill your coffee. I’m glad you mentioned this issue of self-doubt because I have spent time reflecting on what mom shared with me and I think it’s all related. I have a feeling you have not seen the impact your life has created. It is almost 6 am, so we have eight hours before the party begins, and we have your lifetime to discuss. I will be right back." She smiles, takes my coffee mug, lifts off my baseball hat and kisses my bald head before she retreats into the kitchen.

The wind is blowing ever so slightly as I sit on the deck. I can see the river glistening in the morning sun. I have a beautiful view of the Maine woods. How many mornings have I sat here in solitude and looked at the water? Most of those mornings were filled with doubt and wonder, trying to motivate myself to act. Now, the expectation is to spend a day recounting my life. I’m apprehensive but resolve to enter this conversation for Michelle’s sake. I’m not sure she’ll find what she’s looking for, though.

I can hear Michelle and Theresa’s muffled voices in the kitchen talking about the work that needs to be accomplished before the party begins. Theresa mentions that my son, Christopher, and grandson, Peter, will be arriving soon to help. Just the mention of their names brings me joy – I am so proud of our family. The deck door opens, and Michelle returns with hot coffee, steam floating up from the top of the mug.

I look deeply at Michelle’s face as she approaches. She exudes confidence. Michelle has the best sense of humor and is quick to pick up on the nuances of situations. She has always had the ability to jump into the unknown and has always taken a slightly different path in life than the status quo. Michelle has long been one of my inspirations.

She hands me my second cup of coffee and chirps, So, you ready?

I respond, You’re not taking no for an answer, are you? Once again, the grin on her face tells me to settle in. I continue, I assume you have a beginning in mind?

"As a matter of fact, I do! I have been contemplating the perfect beginning. How about you tell me how and why you connect success and significance? You talk about these ideas all the time as guiding principles, and I know