Forget Me Never

By M J Rutter

"I still love you, but more like the way I love my sister." Those were the words that crushed all of Grace's hopes and dreams in one foul swoop. Her life was put on hold and after nine months of waiting around, she found out the truth. Kevin was a liar and nothing he had said to her was ever the truth. True love couldn't be real because she had never known how it felt to be loved.
Waiting for her life to change, she decided to take a leap into the big unknown, take a new job in London and make that trip to LA without Kevin or his extra baggage. She was not looking for love, but it found her, she was not looking for him, but she found him and bumping into business tycoon, Alec Richards' breakfast and knocking it across the restaurant floor was one of the best things to happen to her, even if at the time she didn't know it.
"Maybe I am your kryptonite." He smiled slightly, his warm brown eyes seem to dance in the sun.

"Or I am yours," I replied.

Whether she wants to or not, the forces seem to be working in her favour and the holiday she started out alone, soon turns into an adventure of the heart. Discovering things about herself she never knew existed. Alec Richards has woken her beaten and battered heart and brought it back to life. Everything tells her it is too soon, that she could get hurt again, but her heart has a mind of its own…

After all, if a heart that has been battered and broken is so ready to love again, then I have no choice but to trust it.

Will the flames flicker out when they return to London, or will the oils that had soothed her, fuel the fire that burned so brightly on the other side of the pond? One thing she knows for sure, Alec Richards has changed her life, whether he is there forever or for a fleeting moment, she will never be the same again.

A tale of two different worlds, two different lives being burst open and entwining together, Grace is certain that Alec is her happy ever after and that no matter what happens, he owns her heart now, completely.

A gentle warning, if you are looking for an ending that will leave you feeling fluffy, then this is not the book for you. However, if you like an ending with a twist on your emotions, then this could be just what you are looking for

• Language: English
• Publisher: M J Rutter
• Release date: Sep 8, 2018
• ISBN: 9781536540208

Book preview

1

Discovering that my boyfriend of seven years had actually been cheating on me, after telling me ‘I just need a break, I swear, I love you and you are the one I will marry.’, made me feel a complete fool. I must have had gullible idiot written across my forehead for years. That is how I felt when a friend informed me that he had been cheating on me for the last two years of our relationship. I almost didn’t believe her, but she mentioned one name, Tracy and I knew she was telling the truth. Tracy had started working with him and at first, she was all he talked about, then he just stopped. He was my everything, my friend, my first lover and my right arm. Losing him hurt like nothing I had felt before, that was until I learned of his betrayal.

At first, I recoiled, hid away from everyone, not even answering the phone to my parents. At first, I thought it was my fault. But as the weeks rolled into months and the summer approached, I began to realize a few things. Number one, most men, not all men, were barefaced liars. Number two, I had to stop being such a victim and number three, I had one life to live and I intended to grab it by the horns and make my mark on the world.

---

The holiday we had booked together was my first step. I was making that trip to LA, alone. It was too late to change anything on it anyway. So, I boarded the plane, bound for LAX and sat in my seat. I didn’t miss the fact that he wasn’t there, in fact, I spread out over two seats and made sure I enjoyed the extra space I had paid for. The cabin crew were amazingly friendly, I knew I was right to book a flight with an American airline, they look after you more.

As we prepared to land, I went to the bathroom to touch up my make-up. I placed my bag on the counter beside the small sink and gazed at my pink cheeks. My green eyes looked dizzy with excitement and my strawberry blonde curls needed dampening down as they had frizzed up during the flight.

---

Clearing security was certainly something I won’t forget in a hurry. Even though I was only in America for a holiday, I was made to feel like I was an illegal alien trying to lie my way in, never to return to the UK. I loved my fashion magazine job in London way too much to not go home. Finger prints were taken and they took a picture of me before handing me my passport.

I was shown to my silver hire car and loaded my bags into the huge boot. I had no idea that Hyundai had made such big cars. I started the engine, realizing that I was on the other side of the car, I concentrated hard so as to make it out of the airport both safely and on the other side of the road. Thank God for the Sat Nav, I honestly don’t think I would have been able to drive around LA without it.

---

Hello, welcome to East LA. May I take your name? The brunette receptionist at the Carlton Hotel I had booked, asked.

Yes, Grace Matthews. I answered.

Ah yes, Grace and uh, where is Mr Lewis?

Not here, I frowned.

I see. Did you want a smaller room? I have a single room at…

No, I booked a suite and I am staying in a suite. I affirmed.

She smiled sweetly and checked me into my room. Suite 406 on the seventh floor. She signalled to a bell boy waiting by the fountain, Anton will bring up your bags. She handed me a key card. If you need anything, please dial zero on the telephone.

Thank you, I smiled and left the grand foyer following Anton as he carried my bags towards the lift.

---

He was extremely tall and had jet black hair. He pressed the button to call the lift and as the doors opened he smiled,

Ladies first.

Thanks, I replied reminding myself that he would probably like a tip.

The doors closed and he cleared his throat, I hope to go to London one day. He said.

I live and work in London, but I am from the coast in Suffolk. I replied.

You are so lucky and your accent is amazing. He grinned.

Thank you, I replied.

That’s what I love about the English, you are so polite.

The lift doors opened with a ping and he waited for me to step out. He then led me down the cream painted corridor to my room. The red and gold carpet made it feel warm and almost like something I would find back in London.

---

We stopped at a door and I was relieved to see a table with a vase of flowers outside of it. I honestly didn’t know if I would find my room again. I pushed the card into the lock and it clicked, I pushed the door open and gasped. It truly was as stunning as the web site had promised. Cream carpet on the floors, gold and cream curtains and wall paper on the walls. French doors opening out onto a balcony and a huge living room. Two leather sofas also cream, sat opposite each other and a huge mirror lined the back wall.

Anton placed my bags on the floor and turned to face me. Your bathroom is the door on the left of the bed and your closet is on the right. Breakfast is served between five and nine, lunch between eleven-thirty and two and dinner from six onwards, but if you prefer, we will bring you room service, the menu is beside the telephone.

This is amazing, I gleamed gazing around.

Do you need anything else? he asked.

Oh, no, thank you. I said pulling some dollars out of my bag. I didn’t know what to give him so held out a wad of cash. He smiled and took a five-dollar bill.

Thank you, Miss Matthews. He then left and closed the door behind him.

The first thing I did, I kicked off my shoes, my feet were killing me. I walked around the room bare footed feeling the thick carpet between my toes, and so relieved I had got there, so what if that twat wasn’t with me, this was going to be the best holiday I had ever had.

---

I padded around the room opening the French doors to the balcony and allowing some of the warm air to enter the air-conditioned room. The breeze blew through the sheer white voiles, lifting them from the glass. As much as I wanted to go out there, I wanted to see the bedroom and bathroom.

I pushed yet more doors open and tears filled my eyes. The biggest, most comfortable looking bed I’d ever seen was dressed in cream covers and mountains of pillows. The bathroom had a large walk in shower with glass doors and a huge sunken bath tub in the middle of the floor. This was something I’d seen in brochures and movies; I’d never thought for one minute that I’d have the chance to bathe in such an extravagant bathroom. Even with my London wage, my small flat all but crippled me every month.

This holiday had been in the making for two years. We’d stopped going out with our friends, put our wedding on hold and I had cashed in some of my ISA’s and for what? For Kevin-sodding-Lewis to decide that what we had wasn’t worth it anymore, that I was not what he wanted after all. Oh yes, I was going to make the most of this holiday if it killed me.

---

I had dinner in my room that night followed by a quick shower and then I went to bed, exhausted from a day of travelling, but so happy to be away from everything and everyone that reminded me that I had been left to wither and die like an unwanted weed in the garden.

---

My mother tried to warn me years ago, she always sensed that Kevin was out for what he could get out of me and was never truly committed to our relationship. She’d heard about his affair and when I told her, she was not at all surprised. My father told me that he also felt that Kevin was a liar and would never have married me. He had used me and when he found out I had invested my inheritance in ISA’s and bonds, he suddenly didn’t want me anymore.

If he had just told me the truth I would have let him go and tried to move on, but he kept me dangling, he didn’t want me, he didn’t want anyone else to have me either. So, like an idiot I waited for him to make up his mind. When Saffron, my best and oldest friend came to my flat with a bottle of red and a Chinese takeaway, I knew something was up, she had that look in her eye. The look that said she had something to tell me and it would more than likely hurt, but because she was my friend, she had no choice. I had seen the look when she came to tell me our other friend, Alaska, had killed herself.

---

I woke early eager to start the day, I dressed in white Capri pants and a loose white shirt. I then headed down to the restaurant to have some breakfast. As I sat sipping orange juice from a large glass, while waiting for some scrambled eggs, a group of business men came in. Dressed in suits and ties, with newspapers under their arms and laughing as they talked, everyone noticed them, oblivious to their surroundings, they chatted and sat around a large table across from me.

Miss Matthews, apologies for the wait, the waiter said as he placed a plate of eggs in front of me.

It’s fine, honestly. I insisted. I hated eating alone, I hated having no one to talk to, to laugh with, to share a story with. I hated that Kevin made me come here alone, to sit alone and eat. After only a few mouthfuls I returned my fork to my plate and wiped my mouth with a napkin. I glanced up and caught one of the business men staring.

Mortified that I had an audience, my cheeks began to warm and I quickly looked around the room. I lifted my bag from the floor and stood from the table so quickly, my chair screeched on the floor and my juice toppled over, covering my eggs and splashing up my legs. I stepped back and bumped into a waiter, sending the plates he had balancing on his arms flying across the floor.

I am so sorry, I panicked, trying to help lift the plates.

Another waiter had joined us, It’s okay, he assured, we’ll get that.

I looked at the eyes glaring at me, my cheeks burned bright red and I ran, hurrying out of the restaurant to the lifts.

Miss, a British man called out as he chased after me, Miss. He called again. I stopped at the lift and pressed the button. Miss, I turned to face him, it was the man who was staring. You um, you dropped your key. He held out my key card in his hand and smiled. His dark blond hair was flicked over on one side and his warm brown eyes made my insides tremble a little bit.

I’m an idiot, I frowned and snatched it from his hand. Thank you.

No, you’re not an idiot, we all have mishaps.

I shook my head, I must be an idiot because these mishaps happen all of the time to me. I sighed.

Come back and eat your breakfast. He said softly.

No, I think I will eat in my room from now on.

Oh, well that would be a shame, he frowned.

Don’t worry, I am sure the hotel will have better entertainment than me. I stated as the lift doors opened.

That maybe so, but I doubt they are as beautiful as you. My cheeks warmed again as the doors closed, he never took his eyes off me and inside, I shook. Whoever this man was, he said I was beautiful and that was something Kevin had never told me.

---

After an hour of hiding in my room I decided to brave the downstairs and take a look at the pool the web page had boasted about. I put on my pink floral bikini and tied a sarong around my waist. Slipped my feet into my flip flops, grabbed my book and headed down to soak up the sun. My white body certainly needed to show signs of a tan and I wouldn’t get that in my room.

---

The pool area was practically deserted. An elderly couple sunbathed under an umbrella and I found a sun lounger quite close to the steps into the pool. I sat on the lounger and lifted my legs, the turquoise sky above was cloudless and the sun beamed down reflecting off the water of the pool. After covering my body with sun lotion, I laid back and lifted my book.

Lost in the story of Simone, a billionaire seducing her assistant against the wall of her office, I completely forgot to touch up my sun lotion and could already feel my skin burning.

I’d put on more sun cream if I were you. A voice said breaking into my thoughts. I glanced up from the page and could barely make out the silhouette of a man standing above me.

I was just about to, I flustered setting down the book and sitting up. When he stepped back slightly I could see he was the devastatingly, handsome chap who had saved me from more embarrassment that morning. I lifted my sun cream and aimed it at my pink arm, it squirted out all over my leg and covered his bare feet.

Seriously, I bring you your key after you knock the waiter with my breakfast causing him to drop it on the floor. I am now saving you from turning into a lobster and this is how you repay me, thanks a bunch. He scoffed.

I am so sorry, I frowned. Here, take my towel and wipe it off.

Thanks, he said taking the towel and bending over to wipe his foot. The breeze picked up slightly and the aroma of his expensive aftershave seem to permanently embed itself up my nostrils. He wiped his perfect looking feet and stood up holding out the towel to me. Are you a walking disaster or what? he asked.

Only around you, it seems. I retorted.

Maybe I am your kryptonite. He smiled slightly, his warm brown eyes seem to dance in the sun.

Or I am yours, I replied.

I can live with that, he nodded and turned to walk away, My name is Alec Richards, in case you were wondering, he added.

I wasn’t, but it is nice to put a name on my demise, I smiled.

Do you have a name, so I can warn other men away from you, you know, in case you injure them or something?

Grace, I shrugged.

Grace?

Grace Matthews.

Well then, Grace Matthews, it is very nice to meet you and I am sure we will collide again very soon.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope not. I don’t wish to cause you anymore grief. I smiled again.

He grinned, Oh, take all of my excitement away, why don’t you? He chuckled as he walked towards the other side of the pool and removed his t-shirt. He turned around and behind the shade of my sun glasses, I couldn’t help but look. His body took my breath away. Kevin was a health nut, always training at something, but he could only wish to have a body like that. I think I had to clench my teeth to stop my jaw from dropping open. He smiled slightly before diving into the pool and disappearing beneath the water.

---

After another hour or so in the sun, I decided to take a dip in the water myself. I untied my sarong and allowed it to drop onto the ground before walking to the edge of the pool. I glanced up and saw Alec sipping from a glass, pausing almost as I prepared to dive in. I pretended not to notice and dived into the cool water, allowing it to wash over me. I swam a couple of lengths of the pool before climbing the ladder to get out. Alec was now sat with his lap top on his toned and tanned thighs, brandishing black Ray Bans so that I couldn’t see him watching me. I almost smiled as I picked up my towel and wrapped it around my waist.

Okay, I admit it, I was flirting. You’d think after having my fingers burned I would be a bit cautious, but the truth is, I liked that he showed some interest in me. It made me feel like everything Kevin had me believing was wrong and I was worthy of meeting someone else.

After only one day in America, I was finding myself again and guess what, I actually liked being me for a change. Not the pathetic girlfriend who followed her ex around everywhere he wanted to go. I enjoyed the smiles Alec gave me and he thought I was beautiful, clumsy and his kryptonite, but beautiful none the less.

---

The extent of my sunbathing became more evident as the afternoon went on. I put on a cool, cotton dress of light blue, pinned up my hair and decided to go for a drive around the infamous Beverly Hills. When I got to the foyer, the receptionist from the day before grimaced painfully.

Miss Matthews, you need to put some after sun on that.

I know, I am going to see it I can buy some, where would you recommend?

There is a Walgreens two blocks down from here. They will be able to help you. It looks so sore.

It isn’t yet, but I am sure it will be. I smiled. Thanks for the tip, I’ll see you later.

---

Driving down palm tree lined roads seemed so surreal. I had seen it a thousand times on TV and in movies, I’d even read about it, but to actually see it, it was amazing. The hot sun shone above and my thermometer in the car read one-oh-one, wow, it was only April.

I found the drug store and went inside. The aisles were similar to the UK but everything looked so different. As I gazed at the sun lotions, I had no idea which would be the best to buy. A young, male sales assistant, approached.

Let me guess, you need some after sun, right?

How did you know? I smiled shrugging my deep pink shoulders. He lifted an aerosol can and handed it to me.

This stuff is amazing, you spray it on and it numbs the skin. Seriously, it’s the best we have here.

I think I will take two then. I smiled and lifted another.

You really should look after your skin though, ma’am.

I know, but this is the tan I need to show my ex what an idiot he was for leaving me and allowing me to come here alone. So, for me, a little pain now will be so worth it when I see his face in two weeks.

In that case, this stuff will turn your skin golden brown almost overnight. He beamed.

Thank you, I smiled and walked to the check out.

---

Somehow, I found Venice Beach, don’t ask me how, I didn’t even use the Sat Nav, but I found the beach which in truth was one of the things I missed from my home. I paid five dollars to park my car and climbed out. I pulled a loose cotton shirt over my shoulders and put on my sunglasses as I headed towards the promenade.

More palm trees edged the white sand and the rustle of waves from the Pacific filled the air with a salty taste. I could see the men training in the infamous Muscle Beach area, but I decided to walk to the water’s edge, it was April, and I thought that maybe the ocean would be warm like it was in the Mediterranean, how wrong was I? As soon as my warm toes touched the water, the cold rushed through my body causing goose bumps to cover my skin. I stepped back quickly, no wonder the surfers all wore wet suits, the cold water almost caused me pain.

I decided to sit on the sand and watch everyone else around me be happy and have fun. These were the times I missed Kevin the most, not because he was a good boyfriend, he never was. Not because we would have beautiful and romantic walks, we never did. No, because when I had no one else, he was someone to talk to and I missed that the most.

A couple walked by, hand in hand, laughing and talking and it pinched at my heart. How was it that they could find each other and be so deliriously in love and all I found was heart ache? I didn’t begrudge anyone falling in love, most of my friends were now married and settled down, I just didn’t understand why I hadn’t. Was I that bad at being a girlfriend that I didn’t deserve to be loved? Was I as needy as Kevin had told me I was?

Anger filled my heart and my head, I stood quickly and hurried back to my car. I was a fool to believe that I could outrun my pain, eventually everything catches you up and this pain smothered me like a wave.

---

By the time I arrived back at the hotel my eyes were filling with tears. I ran through the foyer and to the lifts, not looking at anyone or anything. I just wanted to hide. Once in the safety of my room I stripped to my underwear and climbed into bed. Praying for sleep to come and take over my mind. The memories of what we had hurt my soul, everything we did together, from eating dinner to sex, it was playing over and over in my head. It had been almost nine months since I last saw him, nine months since I ran away to London, leaving my life, my family back in Lowestoft, nine months of nothingness.

When sleep didn’t find me, I raided the mini bar in my room. I knew it was going to cost, but I didn’t care. I drank dry bottle after bottle, vodka, whiskey, gin, all of them drained dry. Then I pigged out on the ridiculously sweet candy bars and chocolate until I was physically sick, barely making it to the toilet in time.

2

As soon as I opened my eyes I remembered my breakdown, partly because I was on the floor of the bathroom in my underwear and partly because my head pounded. Annoyed that I let him get to me again, I lifted my delicate feeling body from the floor and opened my bathroom door. My bed literally called to me, those pillows looked so soft compared to the cold, hard floor I had slept on.

I crawled between the covers and pulled them over my head, I wanted my head to stop thumping and the pain in my heart to go away forever.

---

The covers being pulled from my body made me jump awake.

Oh my God, I am so, sorry ma’am. The maid frowned. I’ll come back.

What time is it? I asked.

Almost twelve, I’ll leave you to get up.

No, please, I’ll take a shower and get out of your way. I said hurrying from my bed grabbing the robe from the bed and hurried into the bathroom.

I showered and by the time I got out she was gone leaving a note beside the bed to say she would give my bathroom an extra clean tomorrow. I quickly dressed and hurried down to the restaurant. I needed black coffee, water and some toast to soak up the booze.

---

My insides churned and swirled as I waited to be shown to a table. I glanced around nervously and saw Alec with his friends eating lunch. He smiled when he saw me and I smiled slightly back at him. The waiter showed me to a small table at the back of the restaurant, away from everybody. I ordered a grilled chicken salad and some fresh bread rolls as all breakfast items were now off the menu.

Would you like to join us at our table? Alec asked at my side.

I looked up, I am fine, I shrugged.

I just hate to see you here alone; I promise they will behave.

Honestly, Alec, thank you, but I am not good company today. I replied and sipped my water.

Are you sure, because aside from the fact that you look pretty much radioactive, you are shaking?

I forgot to use my after sun last night and I have a huge hangover. I answered.

I see, right, well the offer is there. He nodded and turned to leave. Tell you what, join me for dinner tonight. The boys are going out on the town, but as I have a meeting at nine, I won’t be joining them. Tonight, I will be dining alone unless you put me out of my misery and eat with me.

I wasn’t going to have dinner, I frowned.

I won’t beg, Grace, but the invitation is there if you want to take me up on it. I’ll be here for seven, okay?

Okay, thank you. He smiled slightly and left me as my lunch was