Religious Wave: A Radical Islamist’S Journey to Peace

By Dana AlThani

Radical Islam is usually only seen through the eyes of outsiders. Whether in the newspaper, on television, or in social media, the face of radical Islam is portrayed as a zealous insurgent destined to spread terror and suffering. But for one man seeking the will of God, his path was simply a dream to become holy.

Religious WaveA Radical Islamists Journey to Peace shares an insiders view of the personal testimony of Hassana man who wished otherwise but found himself destined to follow a road to radicalism. From a young life in Lebanon to terrorist training camps in Iraq, Hassans journey was beset with questions of family, faith, friendship,and politics. And while his recruitmentto a movement shaped his views and implicated him in extreme terrorist acts, Hassan took the initiative to alter his views and correct his ways.

On the outside, radical Islam is extreme, frightening, and revolutionary. But for one insider, the real revolution would be challenging his apparent destiny and leaving a unique mark that is fa r from where he began.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Apr 13, 2017
• ISBN: 9781532019432

Dana AlThani

DaNa AlThani is a member of a royal family and lives to uncover underground Islamist movements. He is a graduate student in Islamic studies, and his background and friendship with members of political Islamist groups has encouraged him to think about the common grounds of religion rather than its differences. To learn more, visit www.DaNaalthani.com, or follow DaNa on Twitter @DANA_ALTHANY.

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 DaNa AlThani.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.iuniverse.com

1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5320-1942-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-1943-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017905502

iUniverse rev. date: 04/11/2017

Table of Contents

PART I: The Beginning

PART II: Embracing a New Life

PART III: Terrorizing the West

PART IV: Coming Home – The move back to Lebanon

PART I: The Beginning

1 - Not a Prologue, But a Disclaimer: But Why not Both?

He wished to believe that he was born into a different family under a completely different set of circumstances. But who are we to choose, right?

There are prevailing philosophies that communicate the belief that our destiny was pre-written even before we were born. But our main character here would refuse to believe that. He tried his best to leave a unique mark that is far from being pre-written. What’s the point of advocating for the road that has not been often taken if the future is predetermined?

I know you can relate, and that’s the point. Do you need to be a Muslim to appreciate this book? Definitely not. It would matter if you are a Muslim-hater like most people around us nowadays. But it won’t hurt you if you will make an effort to get to know Muslims better and put Islam out of the light of your preconceived notion.

Lives of people – or to put it simply, OUR LIVES – basically run in circles and there is no way for us to know where they overlap. Each second of our life, we are unconscious about the effects of our actions on other people. No matter what we do – it does not matter whether it is something small or something big – it can lead to something that we do not intend. And that exactly is the story of Hassan, a man, who as a boy, only dreamt of being a holy man.

You are about to unravel the adventures of a holy man. This is an attempt to move the word holy out of its usual box. As human beings, who are we to define holy, anyway? We have no right to dictate what path a fellow man should take in order to become truly, holy right? One does not have to be a preacher or a Imam or a priest to be holy; he just has to follow the will of God.

This is a biography written about a former radical who has the guts to take part in sharing his experiences in his life’s journey. Despite this act of bravery, it was decided to withhold his true identity in order to give the protection that is due to him and his family.

Note that there are parts, especially in the beginning that is not exactly chronological. The writing style of this novel, just like his life, is not conventional. Though this is written by a single person, the narration is taken from different perspectives thereby resulting to different notions. That adds richness and flavor into the narration.

There are narrations that are taken from his little journal. You might want to call it a diary if you want to. But that’s an important part of the novel. Those are the chapters that were written by the author without minding what you – the audience – will say. They reflect certain realities and they contain reflections that may not be seen in other chapters of the book.

The narrator’s family life – even the life of his parents even before he was born was shared to the readers. By reading through these parts, the readers will better understand the political landscape in which the character was moving. They will better know how difficult it is for him to push his own will and his advocacies. But then again, education can be a very liberating force, but in the character’s case, this stands true in both the literal and figurative sense.

He is currently trying to lead a normal life. He, together with his wife and his children are among those people who are walking on wire. They are trying to live in the society as normal individuals. They work, they socialize, and they try to accomplish their respective tasks in a manner that ordinary people would. Modifications were made in the details. Any similarities of the events in real-life events or any parallel entities are not intended.

History serves lessons that are quite difficult to assimilate. With that, we are trying our best to impart realities behind the history as we know it. May the readers truly appreciate the lessons that are derived from this hard-fought battle.

2 - The Golden Days of Dear Lebanon

Everything was golden – Mama always told Hassan. Lebanon is far from what it is today. During the 60s, when he met Hassan’s father, everything was calm, and everything was good. The father of Hassan was just a family friend back then – or probably even less than that, but Hassan’s grandfather and grandmother – from both sides, that is – were very generous at dropping all possible hints that sometime in the future, they will be united in marriage. And for an eight year old girl and a nine year old boy, that is no big deal.

52640.png

Middle East’s switzerland that was the world’s nickname to Beirut in the 1960s. It was a perfect time for love and romance. It was also Lebanon’s peak when it comes to tourism. It became widely known to the world, especially to the tourists. All of a sudden, Lebanon became a place for commerce, too. A lot of businessmen placed their bet on Lebanon because of its limitless potential. And they were right. They were right for a while.

It was also the time recalled by people all around the world to be the best times for Lebanon. In retrospect, it is the period or relative calm. It was a great tourist destination back then. Men and women in their swimwear and a lot of tourists from the west seemed to catch the news on how pretty Lebanon was. During that time, if you wish to tour around Middle East, you should not miss Beirut. You are missing a lot if you thought of skipping Beirut. A trip to the Middle East would not be complete without Lebanon. The Sahet Al Burj was very lively and everyone wishes to see it.

The Sahet Al Burj, back in those days, is not a place where martyrdom is commemorated. Neither is it a place for rallying and mass action by civil society groups. It is a place that indicates the liveliness of trade and economy in Beirut and in Lebanon. Traders and merchants lined up on the square and a lot of tourists are walking around searching for the best souvenirs. It was indeed a place of festivity.

Lebanon was one of the first countries to have a train in the Middle East. It generates a lot of income for the country. It provides jobs to a lot of Lebanese back then. Many of my relatives worked in the train. But sadly, I was not able to ride it – or at least remember riding it. When the train stopped operating, everything else seemed to stop as well.

Hassan, as a kid, was very fond of such tales. Little boy Hassan grew up dreaming of bringing back Lebanon’s glorious past. His dear Mama and Papa seemed to catch the hangover because they saw Lebanon’s beauty in the 1960s with their own eyes. As for Hassan, and also his younger brother and sisters, the best that he can do is rebuild the images from the narration that they have given.

He was able to catch a chance to watch a video of Lebanon in the ’60s. If his memory serves him right, he thinks he first saw the video footage of the Golden Days of Dear Lebanon at school. Without him knowing it, the video made him really cry hard and it really embarrassed him. Boys like him are not really supposed to cry. His classmates were asking Hassan why he was so affected; some of them even laughed hard at him; and he was not able to utter a single word. His father even scolded him when he knew that Hassan cried over a video.

It was like crying over spilled milk, wasn’t it? He asked himself, was it regret? If it was crying over spilled milk, it was like crying over spilled milk that you never bought for yourself in the first place. Or in simpler terms, how can one regret something that he did not experience firsthand? Was it pride? Maybe, but is it possible to take pride of something that was, something that is no longer there, something that no longer exists? Or even more, is it possible for a person to take pride over something that he did not see with his own eyes?

Thanks to the British Broadcasting Company, BBC, the glorious and golden days of Lebanon are somewhat immortalized. It will forever be on film. The perfect version of Lebanon in the 1960s will always be in the minds of those who experienced it and saw it. The next-best versions will be best kept in the minds of kids who were told of Lebanon’s glorious past. Hassan was one of those kids. The kid in Hassan consistently somewhat aspires and pushes him to bring back the old Lebanon. But the better part of Hassan tells him that it is much more complicated than that. And Hassan’s small efforts might not be enough to bring it back. And yeah, they are not enough because he is a kid.

For sure, many people will be scandalized with the idea of Muslim women in bikinis who are very much willing to be filmed without any trace of hesitation. Such a shame! Hassan thought. Perhaps you would not understand where Hassan is coming from by saying this, but you probably have to wait a bit longer to get to the explanation. For now, just read on.

Hassan thought that he will definitely kill his younger sisters if he caught them doing that. Women are supposed to be kept at home by their men. They should busy themselves with household chores, Hassan always says. To keep them safe, they should do their part by keeping themselves covered and sheltered – literally and figuratively. Being undisputedly the weaker sex, women should not be allowed to flaunt their bodies like that, Hassan always tells himself.

But from where Hassan lives, fortunately and unfortunately, nothing much has changed. Hassan, along with his other younger siblings, was born in the Northern part of Lebanon – a little bit far from Beirut. Not so far, though. But it was far enough not to be sprinkled with the blessings experienced by Beirut in the 1960s. That’s the price one has to pay for isolated development

3 - A First Glance at Hassan’s Diary: Intention to Write a Book

Sometime in 2012

I was actually thinking of having a long throwback today. I was actually thinking of writing a book. A book about me. A book about my life. A book about the truth. Or maybe, I can ask somebody to write it for me.

Constantly, I have been stumbling upon several literatures and reports – each of which bragging of its version of the truth. As for me, here’s my own version of the truth. I am not shoving it into anyone’s throat. What you see is what you get. I do not intend to persuade you. I am just doing this in the name of peace. Nah, not your kind of peace. It’s even far from world peace. World peace is IMPOSSIBLE to attain, in my humble opinion. The peace that I am talking about is the personal kind of peace – my own peace of mind.

Do I regret anything? Definitely not. Given a chance to walk down this road again, would I have chosen the same old path? Maybe not. But I am quite sure that the road that I have taken has brought me a lot of happiness and fulfillment. I have become holy because of this. Thanks to the circumstances. Thanks to the brand of love that my parents nurtured me with.

But the 9/11 tragedy made me question what love is. It made me ask if such a concept really does exist. If love really existed, why is everything so skewed? Why is the love that has been communicated and propagated due to the event one sided and two faced at the same time? The love after 9/11 brought about hate. That love led to discrimination, and the discrimination paved the path towards societal decay.

You might be asking me if I have any direct involvement in the tragedy that destroyed the World Trade Center in New York. It’s up to you to find out. In the book that I intend to write, I will be sharing every single bit of me. I will be giving my all. I will unleash the pains, the passions, and the pretentions that has been dominating the airwaves since as long as I can remember.

But one thing is for sure. Whatever I did, I did it for love.

-Hassan

4 - Meet Hassan’s Parents

I am Hassan and this is my story, he told me during the interview. I was tapped by Hassan to write his book because he literally had no time to write it himself.

Speaking of love, the only true love that Hassan knows and that he promises to have not doubted is the love between his dear mother and father. It was not a perfect relationship as they would always admit, but Hassan can definitely say that it is the kind of love that is worth mimicking.

As earlier mentioned in this book, young Abdullah, Hassan’s dear father, worked near the train station – or at least pretended to work there. What exactly his work was, Hassan was not sure. Hassan did not dare ask much about the details out of respect. Everything Abdullah did back then when he was young, he did for fun. That explains a lot why he became too serious when I was born. He enjoyed life too much. Well, you cannot blame him at all. He lived in an era wherein it was okay to have fun and there was no trouble in laughing all the time.

The young Abdullah was not forced to work at a young age. He just wanted to explore places in Lebanon other than the North region where we resided. He wanted to see the beauty of the urban Beirut and young Abdullah can only do that if he will ride the train every single day.

He loved the smell of the city. The smell hints that there’s a lot of activity happening. The smoke from the food and the mixed scent prevailing in the air makes him happy for no apparent reason. The young Abdullah loved seeing a lot of people, both locals and tourists. He loved talking with a lot of people. He learned a bit of English because of that. He aspired to study because of that little knowledge that he has.

On the way to the train station, every single day, the young Abdullah passes by a house where the family of young Zahida lived. He secretly looks at the young Zahida every single time he has the chance to grab a glimpse of her. She was too shy to look back, which Hassan thinks is the proper behavior, because she is a woman. It would have been a disgrace if she looked back or did anything in return. That will be grounds for disrespect if ever. And it might have been a turn off on my father’s part if he caught her glancing back. "Women are not supposed to throw back a glance, Hassan firmly says. It is not honorable. Not at all, he continued. Just the thought makes me shrug. It is like being soaked in icy water in the middle of winter. Totally unacceptable."

5 - The Early Delayed Marriage

Sometime in 1968, the young Abdullah admitted that he did not really have the balls to confess his love for the young Zahida. Getting engaged with her and getting married with her – it was actually more of a family decision. The elderly members of the two families knew one another for too long and they knew one another too well, so it must not have been surprising that they chose to marry their respective children who were just about to enter adulthood. For Lebanese people back then, and for the Muslim people in general, it is not surprising to arrange marriages for people who are just in their age of minority.

One day, his father talked to him about family matters. He willingly obliged. One thing is that he is a very faithful son. He follows orders from the elderly. Also, he values his family very much. Add to that the fact that he would soon be a head of a family. As a future head of the family, he wanted to have sons as obedient and as complying as himself. Last on the list is that he really wanted to have the young Zahida as his future wife, even if he never saw her face. He was accustomed to seeing her eyes – just her eyes. But those eyes, those sparkling and expressive eyes were more than enough to pierce through his soul. It says a lot and it drove a message. Her eyes instantly captivated his imagination and his young heart was held hostage by those piercing stares. Therefore, there was no problem for the young Abdullah. He was ready to be Zahida’s husband. He thought that he was ready for anything – that’s what he thought.

In Zahida’s house, parallel talks were held. She was only 14, but her parents already wanted her to get married to the ambitious Abdullah who came from a relatively well-off family that is considered to be one of the most honorable in their town. They especially liked him for his young and adventurous spirit, not to mention his family’s capability to give something in return for their daughter Zahida. Zahida never dreamt to be married at such a very young age. She was just a girl back then, but it is customary to many of the girls of her age to be in an arranged marriage at an early age, especially if one belongs to a very conservative family. Zahida cannot believe it – that such things still happen in the 1960s! No, not during the period wherein women carelessly get photographed in Beirut in their favorite bikinis, Zahida thought. She thought that society is moving towards a more liberal direction, but she was wrong. She was very wrong.

Fa… father. I do not want to get married. No, not yet, father, Zahida said, surprised that she was able to at least open her mouth. She regret not holding her tongue. Her eyes seemed startled and she was expecting that her father would hit her.

What are you saying? Do you understand what you are saying, you foolish girl? Zahida’s father was enraged once he realized that his daughter is airing an objection. He cannot believe that such a young girl has the balls to say what she has in mind. She should have no balls. She received a justifiable number of slaps and just a few kicks from a disappointed father – the curses and the foul words that were thrown at her are not yet counted.

Get out of this household and never return again, Zahida’s father, well, Hassan’s grandfather told her. I don’t want to see your face anymore, you scum!

Please, I beg you, think twice before making such a hard decision, Zahida’s mother appealed. But then again, a woman’s appeal on the plight of another woman is useless in the kind of family where Hassan and most Lebanese people grew up in, which is basically patterned after the family where Zahida and Abdullah grew up in. Needless to say, the pleading of Zahida’s mother fell on deaf ears.

Zahida, please get me a bottle of Arak, said a voice that made Zahida, and her mother for that matter, smile momentarily.

6 - The Arrival of the Endeared Mr. Ma’mun

Ma’mun is basically one of the ties that bind Abdullah’s and Zahida’s families. He is among the many common denominators. He is a common friend. He loves to drink wine, Arak or the popular anise flavored wine which is popular among Lebanese, to be specific.

Additionally, the great Ma’mun also loves Koussa bil-Laban or zucchini that is stuffed with rice that is cooked together with yoghurt and served with meat. Therefore, Zahida wondered no more when Ma’mun also asked her to cook Koussa bil-Laban to go along with Arak. And yes, please leave us alone for a while, my dear Zahida, Ma’mun asked her with a smile and a blink.

Well, it was a bit awkward because she was supposed to pack up already and leave the household upon his father’s orders. But since a visitor came, and a visitor should not be turned down of his requests, Zahida’s father immediately forgot his previous decision.

What are you waiting for? Cook the Koussa bil-Laban, Zahida’s father instructed, his voice still trembling, and his hands still shaking. The tension is still apparent, but it is also apparent that he is holding his anger out of respect for the visitor.

Get the Arak in my cabinet, he told his wife. His wife immediately followed his instruction. It is quite noticeable that his wife is also in shock.

Am I missing anything here? Ma’mun asked.

"No, nothing. It’s just that we are having a little argument. I guess that’s normal, right Ma’mun?" uttered Zahida’s father with a forced grin.

I guess so, Ma’mun replied.

Then after that, there was an awkward silence. The bottle of Arak was brought to the table. It was served with two shot glasses. They can all smell the aroma of the zucchini and the meat and the yoghurt. And they were all excited to taste Zahida’s cooking.

How old is Zahida? Ma’mun opened the conversation anew.

She is fifteen years old, the father replied. I am thinking of letting her marry. Next month perhaps.

With whom? Ma’mun asked casually.

With the boy who belongs to the family you introduced us with, Zahida’s father answered.

I see. The boy is too young. I think he’s only sixteen. Only a year older than Zahida, Ma’mun said as if preparing for a big announcement. After sipping some Arak, he continued, Wouldn’t it be better if we wait until the boy is truly ready to raise a family?

Hearing this question made Zahida’s heart leap, for the kitchen is just across the dining table where her father and Ma’mun are drinking the Arak. Despite hearing everything, Zahida pretended as if she did not exist, which is the proper thing for a woman to do, in a family with that kind of setting. Deviating from such behavior can cause more trouble and can lead to arguments that are larger than life. She merely continued cooking the meal that Ma’mun requested her to personally prepare. She stood there, with fingers crossed that Mamun’s request will be heard.

Wouldn’t that upset the boy’s family? Zahida’s father asked, as if truly and sincerely considering.

Why would they? Just continue talking with them and agree on a long engagement? Two years will be perfect!

I… I think that it is a wonderful idea to delay the marriage arrangement. Thanks for the suggestion, Ma’mun.

Zahida heard her heart jump with joy. She could not contain it, She almost did not notice that the zucchini and the meat were a bit overcooked already.

7 - More on Mr. Ma’mun

Ma’mun is a stocky and mysterious guy, but he can be a very, very good friend to anyone he chooses to be with. His relationship with the families of Zahida and Abdullah are a bit different, because he grew up with the heads of the households. They played games together as kids and they even studied together. The link among the three men cannot be sufficiently explained by mere words.

As a child, he had too many dreams. Seeing Beirut in its golden age in the 1960s seems to calm him down a bit. It even appeared as a form of fulfillment of his dreams. Ma’mun is known for being a bit too radical. He is the type who will always point out what’s lacking and he is very comfortable in pointing out all of the necessary reforms.

He went to the University with Abdullah’s father and Ma’mun found it customary for himself to lead students and encourage them to air their sentiments and concerns. It was during this period when Ma’mun earned a lot of his colleagues’ trust; not to mention that he is a very intelligent man. He knows what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.

Therefore, one should not wonder why Hassan’s grandparents and his parents trust the man called Ma’mun way too much. He can’t even explain, but it shows that he really does trust him very much. Hassan truly entrusts him with his life. Actually, Hassan entrusts him everything that he has. He shares everything that he knows with Ma’mun. This dynamics is actually very interesting, and I wish I could have witnessed it with my own eyes.

When Hassan’s father was only 16, Ma’mun was a tall and bearded man. He was a bit stocky already, but not as stocky as he was when Hassan met him the first time when he was a child. Ma’mun’s opinion matters in the community and to Hassan’s parents. The influence of this tall man even extends up to his grandparents; it shows how much they value him and his words.

News eventually spread that Zahida’s family wanted a long engagement. At first, Abdullah and his family found it difficult to understand – now that every detail of the wedding is being fixed already. Abdullah thought that the reason for the postponement is that Zahida does not like him and that bothered him a lot. It deeply affected his self-esteem. The usually happy Abdullah is now depressed and it was difficult to begin a conversation with him.

For days, he was not able to eat well. He can’t even sleep. He really thought that it was a problem on his part. He felt as if he was rejected. He thought that he was going to die. The very young boy – who still lacks maturity – is mourning over the postponed wedding and he is deeply affected. Nobody can console him – not even his father.

The usual zest and energy was gone. He did not want to go out anymore. Even when his Dad encouraged him to go to the train station to have fun and do his thing, he refused. For a while, he thought that he’s better off dead. He just stayed on his bed most of the time and even his father’s angry shouts and disappointed glances would not convince him to stand up and face reality.

Good thing, Ma’mun paid him a visit.

8 - Ma’mun Explained the Cause of Delay

Hello there, my dear boy, Ma’mun greeted him.

I am no longer a young boy, Hassan’s father, young Abdullah seemed to be more upset upon hearing the words that came out of Ma’mun’s mouth. Please leave me alone, Mr. Ma’mun. I do not need your sympathy. Please do not cast your eyes upon me with pity, Hassan’s father said without breathing.

Ma’mun smiled even more, his mouth widened, almost all of his teeth now shows. He showed his teeth as if he were sincerely pleased by the words he heard from the young boy he is talking to. Young Abdullah’s mother was bowing persistently and quietly to manifest her humble apology. At least he is speaking his mind out now, Ma’mun uttered, I heard you were not speaking at all for days.

I am sorry, but I cannot share to you what’s going on in my head and the details of what are currently happening to me right now, the young Abdullah said. It is too private and too embarrassing. I want to die. I want to melt right at this very spot! Please leave me alone. I think what I am currently going through is none of your business.

Ma’mun now replied, "Young man, I think it is my business. I find it necessary to talk to you because I have a full grasp of what is currently happening to you, to Zahida, and to the rest of your families. But if you insist that I go now, please forgive me for nosing in. I know it is none of my…"

What do you mean? Abdullah asked, obviously his attention was already caught by Ma’mun.

Are you ready to listen now? Ma’mun asked. He can see that Abdullah is truly putting his fullest concentration at him. With a smile, Ma’mun explained everything to Abdullah. Abdullah managed to smile and laugh again in between the pauses. Ma’mun, indeed is a great storyteller, lawyer, and friend.

At the end of their conversation, Abdullah said, "As a man, I am willing to wait for two more years. By then, I think that I will be more worthy. I will be more of a man. Thank you, Mr. Ma’mun. And I am sorry for being such a brat.

It is nothing, it is nothing. I am just doing my duty, my young boy, Ma’mun said, as if teasing.

Abdullah frowned upon hearing Ma’mun refer to him as a young boy again.

9 - Hassan Reiterates His Intent in Writing a Novel

Sometime in September 2013

I am already halfway done with the outline of the book about myself, my past, and my heritage. It is quite a saddening experience, indeed. I miss Mama. I miss Papa. I miss my brother and sisters. I miss Lebanon. I miss the life we had. Though there are a lot of things that I miss, I regret nothing.

Perhaps I was taken to this kind of path because of the fact that I have the guts. I have what it takes to live on. I am a survivor. I was destined to survive. I am also destined to convey my story of survival. How my filthy radical Muslim blood survived this world that seems too allergic of people like me. Sad to say, the world is allergic to all kinds of Muslim.

Every single time I watch a mainstream broadcast, especially here in the United States, I can’t help but be saddened by the media’s conscious effort to portray the role of a subtle Muslim hater. I have known a lot of people who are like that. In school, at the work place, throughout the Internet – name it. They are all over the place. They are the type of people who will put down all Muslims by all means. They demonize Islam as a religion. But sad to say, they will footnote each of their statement with a disclaimer that they do not really hate Muslims or Islam. Such hypocrisy!

And it can even get worse. Even an average man on the street has anti-Muslim sentiments. Even the students at school across the globe see Muslim countries as hell. An average teenage Muslim school girl in the United States or the United Kingdom would experience bullying just because she dresses up differently. Her parents might find it difficult to find a decent job and make a living given their current circumstances.

On the 11th of the current month, I will make it a point to pay a visit at Ground Zero. It’s been years since the World Trade Center bombing in New York. For sure, old wounds will be scratched and made fresh anew. All the blame and the hate shall fall on the shoulders of Muslims all over the world, especially those who are living in countries where they are significantly misunderstood.

This kind of misunderstanding pushed me to take a venue not that familiar to me – writing a book. I don’t know where this will take me, but I believe that is a funny idea. I find it funny because it is ironic. Ironic because I am a man who is used to using weapons other than the too romanticized and overrated pen. I am educated enough to write a book, but I am also trained to kill. Hopefully, the book that I am about to release, hopefully a year from now will help me kill misconceptions and propagate better understanding while exposing the ills of governments and their respective peoples.

Such misunderstandings make me recall my Mama and Papa’s misunderstanding way back when they were 15 and 16, respectively. They thought that one did not like the other. Good thing, Ma’mun was there. Little did they know that Ma’mun, the bridge to understanding would sooner or later be a trigger towards a bigger misunderstanding.

Ooops. I think I am divulging too much about my book. Hopefully, readers will appreciate my book, the story, and the truth that it wishes to communicate to the general public.

-Hassan

10 - Playing Cupid: Ma’mun’s Important Suggestions

What Ma’mun did was to bridge Hassan’s dear parents, Zahida and Abdullah. He basically scheduled a long engagement, and now, the young woman will have all the time she needs to get to know her future husband. Additionally, it buys them more time in order to gain more maturity which they will need in raising their own family. On the other hand, the young man will have all the time to catch his fiancé’s heart.

Ma’mun suggested Abdullah to visit Zahida in her home.

As a young man who wishes to pursue a young woman’s heart, Abdullah should be courageous enough to visit Zahida’s home. This way, Zahida will feel the sincerity.

On his first visit, he was really very nervous. It took him a lot of courage to do the first knock on the door. The 30-seconds’ worth of wait for the door to open seemed like forever. And it was Zahida’s mother who opened the door.

Good day, Madam, Abdullah started. May I pay a visit to your daughter Zahida, I am…

Oh, Abdullah. Of course I know you. I am glad to see you here, Zahida’s mother graciously welcomed him. It somewhat consoled him. His heart began to calm down. But it would have been better if it was Zahida’s father who answered him. It would have been more legit, and it would have been a far better start – a talk between two men. But what actually happened is still a lot better than being sent away.

During his first visit, Zahida’s father was not around. It was just Zahida and her mother. Zahida was asked to talk to Abdullah in the duration of his visit – or to be more precise, she was asked to listen. Abdullah did most of the talking.

But that was a wonderful gesture, Zahida thought. She admired Abdullah more. Not that she admired him way before; she’s not really allowed to feel that way. But she admits that it is way better than other arranged marriages. They were given that rare chance to, at the very least, get to know each other better.

At the end of the brief visit, Abdullah respectfully announced his departure. He knew that this won’t be the last because of Ma’mun’s other advice.

Ma’mun suggested Abdullah to get to know Zahira’s parents.

On the following week, Abdullah visited Zahida’s house again. This time, he was determined to get to know Zahida’s parents further, especially Zahida’s father whom he was not able to meet in the previous week.

It was almost lunch time when he went to to house of his fiancée, just in time to heed the lunch invitation of Zahida’s father. He went there, more formal than the usual and Abdullah was briefed by his father on what should be done. A bit nervous, he went there.

Everything started with small talk. At the dining table, Abdullah began by asking questions about things that he was already aware of. How did you become a civil servant, sir? What major did you take back in college? How old are you when you got married? To be truthful, he already was aware of the answers, he just had to ask because otherwise, he will not be uttering a single word. Small talk, after all, is still better than not talking at all.

Of course, from those questions were deeper questions that were not part of his prepared script. Where did you meet your wife? Was it also an arranged marriage? Do you really like me for your daughter? Some of the questions are even on the verge of being disrespectful; questions that a minor should not be asking his seniors. But then, since he was treated as family, which he would sooner or later be, Zahida’s parents gave in and answered the questions that they can.

The elders of the household found it pointless to ask questions about Abdullah. They saw him grow up right before their very eyes. They saw him as an infant, as a young boy, and now as a teenager. He has nothing to hide, they thought, not even his interest to go to the train station and do his stuff there.

Truth be told, they liked him for their daughter. Not only because Abdullah is a good boy, but also because he came from a relatively well-off family. No, my father’s family was not at all really that rich, but they can afford to give a decent kind of living to Zahida and to his future family. Neighbors would even say that whoever will marry Abdullah is lucky because he is even capable of marrying four wives. And by Muslim standards, that tells a lot about his financial status.

At the end of the conversation, Abdullah felt that he knew his future wife’s family better. Ironically, there was no mention about Zahida throughout the conversation. She is aware of the position taken and occupied by a woman in a traditional Muslim family in Lebanon. Zahida did not even utter a single word throughout the visit. The most that she was able to do was to cast stares at the people talking and nod at what they were saying.

But Zahida did her share of doing some preparation for that lunch affair by dressing her best. She was simple but she made it a point that she will be noticed. But then, she was not. Her effort was not recognized, at least explicitly. She was not aware that Abdullah admired her beauty and that Abdullah was dying to speak to her, but he still cannot for he is still trying to win the trust of her parents. At her end, the young Zahida, young as she was, was already mature enough to know and expect that she would not talk at all during the lunch affair and that seemed fine with her. She never complained at all. It was helpful that Abdullah is following Ma’mun’s little bits of advice. She is beginning to like him to be her future husband.

And Abdullah is starting to feel comfortable about his future family. The idea of marrying Zahida becomes a more attractive thought. It is no longer out of excitement that pushes him to want to continue with the marriage. It is because of a clean and honest intention for the woman. Slowly and surely, he is falling for Zahida.

For Zahida, she is no longer saddened or frightened by the thought that she would marry the young man whose name is Abdullah. She is slowly getting the feel of starting a family of her own. She admired Abdullah for his courage and confidence. And that’s where the mutual admiration began. Everything went well after that lunch invitation that Abdullah willingly accepted.

Ma’mun suggested Abdullah to give Zahida gifts.

Abdullah, with the help of his father chose material gifts to give Zahida and her family. It was a touch choice every single time he sends a gift because Abdullah wishes to create a good impression.

At first, he sent high quality fabrics to Zahida’s mother. She was very pleased at the sight of silk and satin which she can sew into new clothes for her and Zahida. Zahida’s mother, aside from being a housewife is a skilled seamstress. But she did not do it for a living. She was one hundred percent aware that it might communicate a negative impression because it would definitely insult her husband if she did. Women in the Lebanese society, especially those who come from conservative families, are perceived to be family nurturers – nothing more and nothing less.

The next set of gifts was especially prepare for Zahida’s father. Abdullah’s family sent bottles of Arak, the same kind of wine which was requested by Ma’mun. From time to time, Zahida’s father drinks alcoholic beverages to relieve stress and tension from his civil service work.

Abdullah also sent grains and high quality lamb meat to his future wife’s family. That, indeed, created a very good impression. It seemed to communicate a message that he is capable of giving a good quality of life to Zahida.

But it was not only Abdullah who was given an advice by Ma’mun. When Ma’mun visited Zahida’s household, he only had one simple advice to Zahida: Ma’mun suggested Zahida to be graceful in attending to her future husband, Abdullah. She is tasked to listen and accept. A good wife should always be there to support her husband and she should always be on the background. And she should only remain in the background. Decisions will be made by the man of the house and she is accustomed to that. But Ma’mun thought that he needs to remind her of that.

11 - Another Journal Entry: Remembering the Wedding of Abdullah and Zahida

15 January, 2000

Today is my parent’s wedding anniversary. I am not quite sure if they are doing well. I cannot really tell because it’s been a while since I talked with them. They should be doing well. They have always been well.

For sure, they are wondering where I am. I cannot tell them. I cannot tell anyone. Truth be told, I am constantly reminding myself to forget where I am and