Finding Duong, Finding Myself: A Journey of Socially Conscious Travel and Personal Healing

By Robyn Ramsay

When author Robyn Ramsay, a middle-class western woman, interacted with a family living on a dirt ledge in India, her life changed. The meager assistance she was able to provide them led to a deep yearning to contribute something more significant to individuals in developing countries. Her story is a wake-up call: Travelling can become an act of giving and sharing in a community, rather than simply stopping by to snap a few photographs before moving on.

In 2009, Robyn and her partner, Gary, travelled to Vietnam, where they caught a glimpse of a disabled street boy as they were boarding a bus. Against all odds, they found him again. They learned that his name was Duong and that he had lost his legs in a childhood accident. They committed to fundraising for Doung, so that he could have a place to live, an education, and a future.

But later that year, she received the devastating the news of his death. Over the course of that intimate journey with grief, she decided to honor the life of the new friend she had just lost. She seeks to inform and inspire other like-minded travellers, those who seek psychological and spiritual wisdom and who desire to make deeper, more heartfelt connections along the way. Finding Duong, Finding Myself provides an intimate, honest, and effective journey though one womans desire to make a change in a way that is individual, unique, and self-empowering.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Dec 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9781452503462

Robyn Ramsay

Robyn Ramsay’s background in social and humanitarian affairs includes youth, women’s issues, and multiculturalism. She has worked in Jamaica and Vietnam and, closer to home, for Aboriginal health in Broome and with the homeless in Sydney. A counsellor, celebrant, and speaker, she is currently cruising the French canals, doing research for her next book. Robyn and her partner, Gary, live in Maleny, Australia.

Book preview

FINDING DUONG,

FINDING MYSELF

A Journey of Socially Conscious Travel

and Personal Healing

Robyn Ramsay

Editor: Wendy Smith, Jewel See Editing

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Copyright © 2011 by Robyn Ramsay.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-0345-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-0346-2 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Printed in the United States of America

Balboa Press rev. date: 12/14/2011

Contents

Dedication

Epigraph

FORWARD

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

EPILOGUE

CONCLUSION

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

RESOURCES

Dedication

This story is written in memory of Duong, pronounced Zong, the young street beggar who became my dear friend and who touched my life so profoundly in Hanoi Vietnam in 2009, and to the gentle street beggars in Shimla, northern India.

I owe a special note of respect and thanks to Liila Phillips, who travels from Australia to Ho Chi Minh City year after year, to distribute funds raised for orphanages. Liila supported my intention to be a socially conscious traveller in Vietnam and in particular my desire to seek out an individual such as Duong, whose life I could deeply touch through friendship and financial assistance. Friends in my home town of Maleny also deserve my gratitude, for their enduring support of my various fundraising schemes. Finally I wish to acknowledge Gary, my partner of seventeen years, who supported me through the planning and fundraising process that enabled this trip to proceed. He spurred me on at times in Vietnam, when the plight of street dwellers and the severely disabled, or the challenge of distributing funds responsibly and ethically, seemed overwhelming.

This true story is a reflection of my journey through Vietnam; the physical experiences of sight, sound, smell and taste, as well as face to face encounters with numerous individuals along the way. Parallel to this was the emotional and spiritual journey, from which I have shared my personal thoughts, raw emotions and feelings. The fundraising idea was my own experiment, to discover what was possible for one person to achieve. The way in which this unfolded during my journey was impossible to predict.

I am aware that impressions and opinions about the lives and the hardship experienced by various individuals I met along the way, were entirely my own limited impressions, and do not necessarily reflect the truth about the lives of these people. They are the impressions of a middle class, albeit well travelled western woman, with her own perspectives regarding giving to, and helping others. My story may however inspire and lead the way for others who share my passion for giving at a grassroots level. I also hope that my story stimulates cross cultural awareness, of the broader implications of fundraising and giving. At times I have changed the names of people mentioned throughout the journey, in order to respect their privacy.

Robyn Ramsay

Epigraph

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.

Katherine Mansfield

FORWARD

Simon Nowicki

Professional Travel Photographer

In 1978 when I was twenty three years old, I first met Robyn Ramsay when I was posted to Ringwood Technical Schoo1 in Melbourne’s outer east, as a reluctant yet bonded teacher, to head the Media Drama department on my own. As I nervously sat in the first staff meeting looking around at the unfamiliar faces of the other teachers, listening to the principal outline the program for the rest of the day, I wondered whether I’d made the right decision to pursue a career in teaching.

At the end of the meeting with many questions unanswered, I stood there on my own, considering which colleague looked approachable to start a conversation with. A vivacious young woman with a shock of hair in a punk style, made a beeline towards me, her hand outstretched. Hi, I’m Robyn, welcome to Ringwood, she said. If there’s anything you need to know don’t hesitate to ask. I immediately relaxed and realized that things could only get better; and they did. Robyn became a lifelong friend from that moment.

She not only showed great warmth and friendliness towards me, but also to other first year teachers, as she had been in a similar position herself the previous year. Robyn’s wonderful ability to empathize and show compassion, has naturally led her to pursue her interest in fundraising and helping the disadvantaged, both within Australia and overseas. She has an innate understanding of the needs of others, whether it is her family, friends or complete strangers.

As a documentary photographer, in January 2003 I travelled throughout Vietnam recording daily street life. Vietnam was evolving from a direct into a free market economy, in a country whose recent history of colonialism and civil war, had seen the deaths of millions of people. My camera captured decisive moments in the lives of these resourceful, proud and friendly people. I was struck by the number of young disabled men and women surviving on the streets, assuming they were the legacy of the U.S. Military’s use of the herbicide Agent Orange, during the Vietnam War. I felt an enormous amount of guilt that my country had also been involved in this unjust and futile war. It reinforced my decision as a secondary school student in 1971 to attend a Moratorium to end the war, staged in the streets of Melbourne with over 100,000 other Australians.

Interacting with the Vietnamese, I was keen to ascertain their perspective on the war and their feelings towards both Americans and Australians returning in large numbers as tourists. At no stage did I experience any hostility or resentment, and this reinforced my view that the Vietnamese people were a nation of great warmth and forgiveness.

I did not interact with any disabled Vietnamese during these travels and reading Finding Duong Finding Myself, led me to the realization that not all disabilities in Vietnam were a result of the war. I gained an insight into their lives, in a country where a rudimentary social welfare system does not cater for people like Duong, a disabled street dweller in Hanoi.

I had often thought about my role as a travelling photographer in developing nations; that I was capturing images of people I had no connection with, and my interaction was mainly through the lens of a camera. It was after reading Robyn’s book I became aware of the concept of socially conscious travelling, where travelling becomes an act of giving and sharing with the local community, rather than observing, photographing and moving on to the next tourist site.

From the Mountain town of Shimla in Northern India to the streets of old Hanoi, Vietnam, Robyn’s rich and colourful descriptions of daily life as it unfolds around her, engrosses the reader in an exotic world that most tourists only observe at arm’s length. It is Robyn’s bond with Duong however and her emotional and spiritual journey as she comes to the realization that her own loss has brought the two of them together, that will touch your heart and inspire you.

Robyn’s graphic, moving and ultimately tragic story, has illustrated that it is possible to combine the pleasures of foreign locations and cultures, with the ethics of conscious travelling. In Robyn’s case however, it came at a price.

Caroline Swan-Webber

Former journalist, The Age newspaper, Melbourne.

Robyn and I have been friends for more than forty years, having attended school together in Melbourne, Australia. I was excited to receive the manuscript of her book, to be asked for my comments and later, to write an introduction. Reading this frank, moving and honest account of her travel experiences and subsequent insights into the development of her own personality and spirituality, rang bells within me. I could invoke parallel experiences and sentiments in a more localized framework. I had worked amongst the disadvantaged, sometimes invisible and disenfranchised members of Australian society at a refuge for women and children and with the Justice Support Network.

Not only was Robyn’s account of her journey in Vietnam a great read, but one thing became crystal clear to me. We live in a high tech computer world, supposedly more connected with each other than ever before in the history of our civilization. The reality is that we are also becoming more disconnected, disengaged and inwardly focused, losing touch with or interest in the harsh realities of life, for many of our fellow human beings. We can fax, email, sms, skype and list hundreds of friends on Facebook, but we seem to be getting further and further away from achieving any depth in our interactions.

One of the most constructive aspects of Robyn’s approach in recalling her extraordinary journey, is that she does not just sign off after the telling of her story. She shares the knowledge that she has gained, often painfully through trial and error. This sharing is the core of her message and essentially she provides a blueprint for becoming an effective, socially conscious traveller. Robyn wants others to learn from her experiences so they can cut to the chase and not become disillusioned by set backs. Like Robyn, the opportunity still exists for people to explore their beliefs, evaluate why they are who they are and examine any connection between this and their own attitudes, behaviours, needs and desires.

Many of us are increasingly not satisfied with simply signing a cheque to an humanitarian organization, or leaving international aid to the discretion of the government. There needs to be a place for individual humanitarian endeavour, however as Robyn discovered, many factors must be considered in order to avert potential failure and disappointment for everyone involved. Many people who cannot travel can become socially conscious volunteers and fundraisers. Through this vehicle, they touch the lives of others, and explore and develop their own souls as was Robyn’s experience.

She identifies fear as the biggest obstacle to full realization of one’s passions and purpose in life, acknowledging that travel was an escape from her inner self, a means of avoiding the tackling of personal issues head on. This in turn led to a sense of being alone in the world, not playing an integral part in any community. Robyn draws on her own experiences of this feeling of isolation and alienation, and those of many clients that she worked with as a counsellor. Tied in with this, is her belief that many of us can and do fall prey to self fulfilling beliefs or prophecies that dramatically limit our scope of what is possible in life. Basically, we disempower ourselves before we leave first base! Robyn advocates that we need to focus on the end result itself, rather than how it will be achieved; to allow life opportunities to present themselves and not waste energy through indecision and worry.

Robyn is a spiritual woman and places great faith in the power of her intuition and the law of attraction. Many of us can recount an experience akin to this. At times we register something at an intuitive level but struggle to recognize or identify it as such. Smelling the rain approaching, being able to read the signs of certain animal behaviour, or feeling the sensation that someone just walked over your grave, are such examples. Many of us have lost the ability to tap in to these precious, intuitive and often deeply suppressed senses. Through her training and personal learning experiences she has deconstructed the long held fears that many of us live with. They exert a silent stranglehold over our capacity to develop and we struggle without the skills to diminish the strength of their grasp.

Robyn has made a conscious decision to focus on the abundance in her life rather than being preoccupied with a fear of future scarcity and has thus freed herself to embrace a more personally rewarding path. She believes that a person can ultimately experience what they subconsciously yearn for and was accordingly attracted to the deep, emotional friendship that developed with Duong in Hanoi. Her self analysis of this unexpected yet very personal connection between the two of them, suggests that we could all delve a little deeper into the why, behind many of our needs and behaviours.

Robyn’s story of her well intentioned efforts towards disabled Duong in Hanoi and other individuals encountered along her travels is both socially conscious and socially uplifting. Duong’s story is a tragic one and Robyn shares her detailed, honest and often painful observations of her experience in attempting to assist him. Along with partner Gary, their experiences illustrate the need to be mindful of the potential for negative consequences from well intentioned actions. Many factors, not least of which is a lack of familiarity with cultural nuances of other societies, contributed to this.

The story of this journey articulates the hopes and fears of many who share similar aspirations and provides valuable information for socially conscious travellers eager to start their own projects. I personally hope that Robyn continues to be a conduit of knowledge for others who wish to give, with the ultimate aim of empowering the recipients of such aid. Her knowledge and insight could make her a pivotal force in this area, particularly with younger people who wish to experience more from their travels and cross cultural connections, than mere sightseeing and personal indulgence.

Some of us are motivators, some are movers and shakers and others are just happy to contribute unobtrusively. It is the sum totals of the efforts of many individuals who participate in projects such as Robyn’s, that make them so successful. A small community of like minded people with a shared goal and sense of purpose can make a difference to another small community elsewhere in our global village. Robyn’s journey is living proof of this. Her intense fundraising was well supported by the small community in her home town Maleny. Many large humanitarian events are played out on a grand scale, however equally important results can clearly be achieved by small players at this level.

Finding Duong, Finding Myself was for me personally, a story of several aspects of the life journey. There are the geographical, the cultural, personal, interpersonal and the clever interplay and connection between them all. Robyn’s story is indeed powerful reading!

PREFACE

Finding Duong, Finding Myself is an intense true account of my journey to rekindle a sense of purpose in my life, and to satisfy a lifelong deep yearning to achieve something significant for individuals in a third world country. I believe that many people in the developing world share this desire to assist individuals directly, instead of the armchair giving to which many resort. Additionally, I wanted this story to be a wakeup call to socially conscious travelling, where travelling becomes an act of giving and sharing with the local community, rather than simply glimpsing, photographing and passing on to the next tourist site.

Finding Duong, Finding Myself reveals the forward planning, fundraising methods, experiences, emotions, feelings and stories, both intensely sad at times and sometimes humorous, of a trip through Vietnam in mid 2009. It exposes and reveals my raw, honest emotions and those of the people I met and helped along the way, including the severely disabled street boy Duong in Hanoi. It is also an account of