Lofdoc's Stories: Short and Sweet: An Octogenarian’S Oracles

By LofDoc

The stories that I offer you are a veritable peek into the nonchalant (relaxed) world of the Author, Lofdoc.

In contrast to the previous two books that have much emotional and personal confessions (book one, Medical and personal views); and many stories about animals, nature, and mystery stories (Book two, Fish Tales, and stories of the unusual); this third book, An Octogenarians Oracles, is written in a clear, unbiased friendly sort of way. There are stories that are nostalgic (Willow trees); there are stories that reflect and admonish (Regrets); and there are just plain fun to read stories (water skiing, smile please, use it, or lose it). Over all, the book has many stories that will prompt comments such as: Yeah, I remember seeing that, or prompt a sighing reader to comment these stories are true, oh so true.

And so dear readers, I have given you my very best efforts. I have tried to put in print almost all elements that characterize my life on this planet. To this end, I have incorporated all three books into a Trilogy titled:

LOFDOCS STORIES SHORT AND SWEET

Book one subtitle Medical and personal views
Book two Fish tales and stories of the Unusual
Book three An Octogenarians Oracles

I, Lofdoc, (Lots of fishing Doc), an 87 year old Octogenarian, hope you will enjoy my humble efforts, as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 17, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491854945

LofDoc

The author, Andrew Opritza MD FACP, is an 87 year old retired medical doctor. He practiced Internal Medicine in the state of Ohio for over 30 years, Although he did write medical and animal stories over the past few years, it wasn't until he lost his only daughter the he wrote, while in deep despair, his first story "In Memory of a Duck" and silently dedicated it to his own lost little duck. Over the following months, then years, he managed to write and publish two books. The first book "Lofdoc's Stories Short and Sweet -Medical and Personal Views" (July 2013); and the second "Lofdocs Stories Short and Sweet- Fish Tales and Stories of the Unusual (August 2013). The two books contain many medical, animal, and mystery stories. Lofdoc (lots of fishing doc) is his chosen pseudonym. The present book, Lofdoc's Stories Short and Sweet "An Octogenarian's Oracles" completes the trilogy. This, his final offering, has many stories that are a reflection of an active and inquisitive mind. There are stories that are nostalgic and haunting in nature, and there are many stories that are just plain fun to read. Most folks will easily relate to their wisdom and humor. When Lofdoc was asked if this third book was truly his final contribution to the world of literature, he responded by saying "I would dearly love to continue exploring new vista in the future, but at the age of 87, the laws of nature will certainly have the final say".

Book preview

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AuthorHouse™ LLC

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Phone: [phone]

© 2014 Lofdoc. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 01/28/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-5436-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-6453-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-5494-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014901538

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Humor On The Highway Of Life

Friends And Friendships

Just Call Adam

This Old House

The Willow Trees

Regrets

Serendipity

Use It Or Lose It!

Christmas An Octogenerian’s Christmas Story

Water Skiing

Autumn Leaves

Experts And Expertise

Where Did The Time Go?

The World Of Yesteryear

The Tooth Of The Lion

A Walk Along The Sea Shore

What Would It Be Worth To You?

The Paper Trail

Geez", I Forgot!

Y2k

Labor Day

It Just Doesn’t Seem Fair

The Human Clay Factory

Will You Be My Valentine?

The Rage Of The Computer

Another Christmas, Another Time

The Ice Cube Dilemma

A Place For All Seasons

Old, Used, Or Antique?

Letter Writing

Hooray! It’s Graduation Day

Springtime

That’s Just The Way It Is!

Sharks And Other Predators

Christmas, Reflections and, The Sands of Time

Ah, Springtime!

Cherished Memories

Some Memorable Vacations

Time

So—What Else Is New?

A Loving Memorial To Friends

The Rites Of Spring

The Art Of Growing Old

Some Thoughts About Money—A Commentary

Retirement Re-Evaluated

Smile, Please

The Short Story

The Venerable Saint Patrick

They’ve Taken Over The World!

About The Author

H UMOR ON THE HIGHWAY OF LIFE

There are many medicines and therapies available for a vast array of maladies that can, in many instances, result in a cure or a reasonable good outcome. Unfortunately, the financial aspects of these cures can, at times, produce even more disability and sadness for the patient and family.

What if I told you that there is one therapy that is free, just for the thinking and, even if it doesn’t produce a cure, will at least improve your outlook on life. The therapy-HUMOR!! What if I told you that you already have access to a vast storehouse of humor which is reachable by you, just for the thinking! Would you be interested? After all, it is free!

There is, and always has been, humor all around us. Humorous experiences may have been forgotten, or worse, not even recognized but, with a little effort and an open mind the rewards can be truly remedial for our battered souls. Isn’t it strange that a humorous episode can, and often does, occur when least expected, and is found in the most unusual places?

For instance, who would have thought that a night out for dinner would result in a lasting, fond memory? Let me explain.

Reservations were made for two couples at a widely renowned Thai restaurant. The food was known to be excellent and could, at times, be spicy (HOT) if desired. (We all know folks, who love hot-hot food, don’t we)? The restaurant, in their kindness, warns the patrons of the degree of hotness of each meal, by placing a Red Pepper icon on the menu as a guide for the degree of fire inherent in each meal to be ordered; one pepper means mild and four peppers means watch out, danger ahead!

Well, as you might have surmised, some slow learners chose the four pepper meal. The outcome was traumatic, as should have been expected. Soon, some of us quickly required copious amounts of water to extinguish the fire raging from within. In addition, there was a great need to appropriate, not only the water from our table, but from all the surrounding tables as well! The members of the one pepper crowd witnessed with great glee the sudden hydrophilic scramble at our table. It was only after the conflagration that was within us had subsided, that some of us appreciated the humor of it all.

As we were about to leave the restaurant, we heard a young couple at a nearby table order a four pepper meal. I can remember thinking how much fun it would be to sit back and watch the water show that would surely soon begin.

We still smile when we think about that evening and especially remember that four pepper meal. Some of us, will hopefully be wiser in our food selection in the future, no doubt!

More stories—read on.

If you have ever been on a guided tour, you will know that there is a special luggage routine that is of the utmost importance. You are instructed that all luggages must be placed in the hallway outside your room at 6 a.m. prior to the 8 a.m. departure time, so that the tour can continue in a timely manner. As always, we packed our suitcases the night before and dutifully placed them in the hallway at 6 a.m., per instructions.

Sadly, it was only later, after our luggage was gone one morning, that we realized I had carefully packed our belongings too well because, alas, we had packed all my socks! What to do? After a brief discussion, we decided that no one would notice, or care, that I had not worn socks, right? Not so! We were on the bus just a few minutes when the alarm sounded! There was a loud exclamation Look at him—he doesn’t have socks on. It apparently was the highlight of the trip! I think.

It is of some note that my problem was mild in comparison to what happened to a poor woman on another trip. She not only packed away her stockings the night before, she packed away all her clothes. It was necessary for this unfortunate soul to travel to the airport in a blanket since she had nary a stitch to wear.

You wouldn’t think that the subject of a hot plate could create humor, but remarkably it did. Some time ago, we took a trip to the Canary Islands for a little sun and relaxation with our friends, John and Pat.

Late one evening, John decided we ought to have a few snacks in our hotel room, so he ordered a hot plate for four. After a short time had lapsed, there was a knock on the door; the steward brought us, covered in a towel, an empty—really hot plate!! I think John still has his memento to this day!

I’m sure that most of us have experienced some humorous situations within the family circle that may or may not be openly discussed. I would like to share with you two funny, funny stories about my family.

In Florida, during the early sixties, my brother and I chartered a half-day deep-sea fishing trip. As was our custom, we always took along fixins for lunch. It never seems to fail, that whenever I embark on a fishing trip (no matter where or when), I am told that You should have been here yesterday, or, the fishing was great all last week!! True to form, the weather was less than ideal and the fish were nowhere to be found. My brother decided that a ham sandwich with lots of mustard would be in order and, just maybe; it might even turn the tide for better fishing.

He proceeded to make this marvelous ham sandwich while sitting at the stern of the boat. It all happened so quickly. Just as he was smearing the mustard on the sandwich, we were rocked by a really large wave. He managed to put a small amount of mustard on the sandwich, but the rest of the large cup of mustard was uniformly spread over his face and hairy chest. What a sight to behold! HE LOOKED JUST LIKE A, GIGANTIC MUSTARD COATED SANDWICH!!

Some time ago, this same brother decided that he would teach me how to play golf, the proper way. As luck would have it, the day was cloudy and rain threatened, but we decided to play anyway. After playing several holes, the weather rapidly deteriorated. We had teed off on the sixth hole. His ball landed on a grassy knoll just as the skies opened up. Amidst thunder and lightning, he foolishly insisted that he would finish the hole before quitting.

There he was, standing on the side of the hill, in the rain, addressing his golf ball. He then took a mighty swing, lost his balance and landed on his well-padded derrière! A look of shock, amazement and pain crossed his face. It didn’t make matters any better that I couldn’t contain myself; it was the funniest sight that I had ever seen. I laughed so hard that I actually rolled on the wet grass. I knew better, but I couldn’t stop. Angered by my insensitivity, he grabbed an eight iron and was determined to end my life.

What a sight it was. We were running across the fairways in the rain, thunder and lightning. He, bent on exacting revenge, and I, determined to stay alive! Much later, after my apologies and the healing of his pride, we made-up and had a good laugh. So you see, humor can be found at almost every turn, or should I have said, every swing.

After all, it is humor along the highway of life that really makes it all worthwhile.

F RIENDS AND FRIENDSHIPS

There are many words in the English language that have multiple meanings; depending in what context they’re used. Words such as love, hate, patriotism are all readily recognized, but their interpretation is another matter. Statements such as I love her or, I just love to go out to the park or, He loves to hate are all expressions of love, or are they?

The word, friend, can also pose a dilemma. For instance banks frequently advertise themselves as your friendly banker and, as is all too frequently reported in war communiqués, friendly fire killed many of our troops. I really don’t think it was all that friendly!!

The words friend and friendship, on the other hand, always make me feel good when I hear them. I prefer to define friend, in a friendly way i.e. A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out (Anon) or, The essence of true friendship is to make allowances for another’s little lapses.

There are, of course, other definitions which vary widely but, are still kind of friendly. A friendly salutation, or greeting, comes to mind. It could be friendly but, maybe not!

And so, it is obvious that words have meaning but, their meaning, may not be your meaning!

I don’t know how you feel about the words friend and friendship? However, I choose to use them with great care.

I consider the following definition my favorite:

Friendship is a cozy shelter from life’s rainy days.

Lastly, those individuals are truly fortunate who have at least one good friend, and they are doubly blessed if that friend is their chosen life’s partner.

When friends are lost

Someone once said that most people will have only a handful of true friends in a lifetime, if they’re