Safe: Book One

By Eileen Navarro

Alexa Pharis is finally getting her life back together after a violent break-up from her ex Bryce Jacobs. One night while out with her best friend she meets Jayce Adams, Mr. MVP who makes her believe that falling in love again is possible. All she has to do is trust him but the fear of being damaged makes her think twice.

When Bryce comes back into town she finds herself reaching for the only thing that makes her feel safe and thats Jayce. Will she find love and learn to trust again, or will Bryce finally destroy her by instilling fear?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jan 30, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491857113

Eileen Navarro

Eileen Navarro is a certified Intuitive Coach who loves to write and share stories. At the young age of eight, Eileen began reading books and loved living in a fictional world. During her high school years she discovered her passion for creative writing. Eileen lives in Houston, TX with her loving partner of 11 years and her two cats. She's a proud Houston Astros & Houston Texans fan and dreams of working from home full-time as a Coach and writer.

Book preview

Safe

Book One

Eileen Navarro

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AuthorHouse™ LLC

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2014 Eileen Navarro All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 01/24/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-5710-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-5712-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-5711-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014901688

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

This book is dedicated to my wonderful wife-receiver who inspired me to follow my heart and reach for the stars. Thank you for believing in me, for sitting up with me late at night to bounce my ideas off of you, and more importantly for being my number one supporter. You are the greatest inspiration and the love of my life.

I’d would also like to thank my great friend Marty who is the reason this whole book was possible. Thank you for the great conversations during lunch about baseball and football and for helping me create amazing characters. It’s all about the game and the thrill of living a life we could only dream about.

Prologue

I quickly glanced at the clock as I finished up my last patient summary. I needed to hurry home to get dinner started before he arrived. He’d been gone for three weeks now and I couldn’t wait to tell him the news. I stopped momentarily to glance down at my tummy as I placed my hand over it hoping to feel a kick of some sort. Getting ready to head out? I was startled by the voice and looked at David with a ‘don’t do that again’ look as he smiled. Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. If you’re almost done, I’ll walk you out. I nodded and quickly finished up my last sentence then clicked save before shutting down the PC. I grabbed my purse and bags and started to make my way out of the office for the weekend. Thanks for waiting for me. He nodded and opened the front door as I walked out. David was always a gentleman and while I appreciated the gestures it made it difficult to be around him. Sometimes I didn’t know if that was how he truly was or if he was simply trying to impress me. I knew that he was hoping I’d date him but it was never going to happen. He knew Bryce and I were still dating even though he wished I’d let him go. I loved Bryce and after today everyone would know how deep our love was for one another. Karsyn was standing by the elevator with a smug smile on her face. It took you dorks long enough. What took so long? I shrugged as David smiled then we all proceeded to walk out of the building together. As we walked to our vehicles Karsyn chatted away about a date on Saturday and how she was looking forward to having some fun. David harassed her about needing to settle down as her time clock was slowing down. I laughed at the thought of Karsyn settling down with a husband, a house and a white picket fence. That just wasn’t who she was. Let’s go have a drink? We haven’t done that in so long. Come on it’ll be fun. She stopped in the middle of the parking lot looking at us with a wide grin hoping we’d say yes. I nodded no and explained that I needed to get home to fix dinner. Fix dinner? For who? I smiled as I thought of Bryce coming home to a cooked meal and when we’d sit down for dessert I’d tell him the greatest news. Once he knew he was going to be a father everything would be better than before. Bryce comes home today. Besides it’s our two-year anniversary and I have a special evening planned. Karsyn frowned at my comment and made a rude remark. She tugged at my arm and whined like a two-year old. Alexa, please? I shook my head no and her once happy, perky smile soon turned into a frown. Ladies I would love to sit and chat but I need to go. We said good-bye to David and watched him get into his Audi and drive off. Karsyn pleaded once more as we walked to my car. I wondered if maybe I should tell her but I didn’t want to tell anyone until telling Bryce first. As she looked at me with sad puppy eyes I caved in and decided to tell her. I opened my car door and dropped my bags then I turned to face her. Karsyn I can’t go drinking tonight. I have plans, besides it wouldn’t be good for the baby. It took her about a minute to catch what exactly I’d said. Once the information registered she smiled and frowned at the same time. Oh my god, you’re pregnant? Are you sure? I was a bit surprised by her tone as I had hoped she’d be happy for me. Of course if I were being truly honest with myself I would’ve known this would not make her happy in the least. I patted my tummy and smiled as it was pretty clear I was happy about the news. Yes, I’m sure. I plan on telling Bryce tonight. She frowned again and awkwardly hugged me to show her semi-happy approval of the news. Geez, Karsyn I thought that you’d be happy for me? She sighed heavily then dropped her bag on the floor trying to find the right words. Karsyn was never one to mince words gently; she was usually quick and to the point. As I saw her struggle I sighed and crossed by arms, Let’s hear it. You obviously have something to say. Alexa, are you sure you want to have children with him? He hasn’t even proposed yet and already you want to have a baby? I knew she had a point and to be honest this wasn’t how I had hoped my life would turn out. I always dreamed of walking down the aisle with my dad beside me giving me away to my future husband but time got away from me. With dad being gone nearly a year now my dream of a big wedding faded so now this was one dream that would come true. I’d always wanted a family and now I was being presented with the gift of one. The baby growing inside me was a gift and no matter what anyone said I truly believed this baby would make things between me and Bryce so much better. Alexa, your silence makes me think that having this baby isn’t the best thing for you. I quickly snapped out of my thoughts and showed her my distaste for her comment. Look, I know you don’t like Bryce but this is happening whether you like it or not. I’m not getting rid of this baby so just be happy for me. She hugged me tightly and whispered, If this is what you want then I’m happy for you. I just worry about you. I hugged her back and reassured her that this was what I wanted. Don’t worry about me Karsyn. I’m going to be fine. Everything will be much better once I tell him. She released me and quietly responded, I hope so. We said our good-byes as I got into my car and made my way home. I pulled into the parking garage of our condo a bit later than I intended to but I knew I still had plenty of time to get things prepared. I quickly grabbed my bags and approached the elevator. Once I arrived on the twenty-first floor I made my way to our condo. As I rounded the corner I saw our front door open. Why was it open? I could hear voices the closer I got to the door. Both a female and male voice were talking almost as if they were discussing something in private. Once I stood in front of the door Bryce saw me and cussed loudly. Beside him was a tall blonde headed woman who looked to be about my age. They stared at me as if in shock but didn’t bother to speak or say a word. I glanced around the condo and saw boxes along the side of the wall. Bryce? Do you mind telling me what’s going on? He closed his eyes and breathed heavily while the woman standing next to him smiled an evil grin. Dammit Alexa, you weren’t supposed to be here. I stepped inside the condo and dropped my bags at the door while approaching them slowly. Why wouldn’t I be here? I live here remember? Bryce looked at the woman standing next to him and asked her to leave. She argued with him and said she wanted to be present when he told me the news but he insisted she leave. What exactly was he planning on telling me? With a grunt in her voice she sighed and grabbed her purse and approached me slowly. She stood in front of me with a smug smile and said, Good luck honey, but just remember I win. I stared at her in disbelief as she pushed me aside and walked out our front door. Bryce stood in the living room with an agitated look on his face. I saw him walk towards the door and closed it shut. Alexa, let’s have a seat. We need to talk. I stood there shaking my head as the realization of what he was about to tell me sunk in. He walked towards the living room and sat on the couch waiting for me to join him. My heart pounded loudly in my chest as the thoughts of me being single and pregnant swirled around me. Alexa please come sit with me. I shook my head as the tears began to fall because no matter what I tried to tell myself I knew what was coming. My feet wouldn’t budge from the spot I was standing in and when he noticed I wasn’t moving he got up and walked towards me. I looked into his blue eyes and whispered, Tell me you aren’t doing what I think you are? Why was she here Bryce? The eyes that once used to be soft and tender turned to stone ice in a matter of minutes and I could see his temper beginning to rise. You can’t be that stupid Alexa. Do you honestly think I was going to stay with you? The tears began to fall as his smile grew knowing I was completely caught off guard. Come to the couch with me so we talk. I shook my head no and took a step back. I could see his temper rising once more as I was being defiant which he didn’t like. Alexa, don’t make me force you to the couch. This won’t take long now come. I won’t ask you again. I turned to face the door and was making my way to leave when I felt his firm hand on my arm. Alexa, we are going to talk about this now come on. He pulled me towards the couch and pushed me down as my feet were unwilling to move or accommodate him with his request. As the tears flowed freely I sat there in a daze. I heard him talking about how we had grown apart and he wanted us to go our separate ways. As he talked I cried for the baby who would grow-up fatherless. I knew what it was like to grow up without a parent and I didn’t want my child to experience that same kind of pain. I cried new tears as I heard him say, Alexa, are you even listening to me? I looked over at him and at that moment he no longer resembled the man I had fallen in love with. His blue eyes were cold and distant making me shiver knowing how cold those eyes could be when his temper flared. As I looked at him I grew frustrated and for the first time in the entire two years we’d been together I started to get angry. He reached over and put his hand on my knee. Alexa I’m talking to you. The least you can do is pretend you’re paying attention. I jerked my knee away from his grasp and stood up. The anger and rage was starting to surface making me stand up for myself for the first time. How could you do this to us, I shouted. He looked at me startled but didn’t respond. I began pacing the floor then I did the unthinkable. You selfish bastard! He locked his jaw and glared at me with his cold blue eyes making me wish I’d kept my mouth shut. He stood up and approached me slowly, What did you call me? I stepped back then stood my ground. I called you a selfish bastard. He took two strides and stood in front of me intimidating me with his 6’foot stature but I wasn’t budging. Don’t call me names Alexa. You know what happens when I get angry. I pushed him away from me thinking it would be a light push but my anger and frustration pushed him harder. He stumbled over the coffee table and hit his head on the back of the couch before landing flat on his back. I sucked in a breath as I watched it all unfold in front of me. I now feared for my life as I saw him get up. I made a mad dash for the door in an attempt to escape him. I had to protect my baby at all costs. I was almost to the door when I felt him grab me by the hair and yanked me back towards the ground. The wind got knocked out of me as my back hit the floor. You stupid bitch! You should know better than to piss me off but instead you choose to provoke me. He knelt in front of me and grabbed me by the jaw making sure I could look into his cold blue eyes. You know why I’m leaving you? Because you’re a worthless piece of shit Alexa! I shook my head no but couldn’t speak as he had me locked tight within his grip. You disagree with me? Well let me tell you why my statement is true. He loosened his grip on my jaw which allowed me to bite down on his hand. He cussed and roared as I pushed and kicked to get out from under him but he grabbed my leg and punched me in the chest. As the first and second blow came I immediately cradled my baby. Bryce please, don’t do this, I cried knowing he was only getting started. He shook his head no and punched me again this time making me gasp for air. You think I’m selfish but you’re the one living with me. I’ve given you everything you could possibly want Alexa and what have you done for me? Not a damn thing. As his words echoed in the condo the pain subsided enough for me to find my courage once more. You’re wrong. I cried while coughing to get the necessary air to breathe. He grabbed me by the jaw once more and continued with the insults. I’m not wrong. You believed I actually gave a damn about you but the truth is no one gives a damn about you. Your mother left you remember and now your dad. As he talked about my father I maneuvered out of his grasp and spit in his face. While he was busy trying to wipe the spit off his face I kicked him in the gut with my knee and got up off the floor. You coward! How dare you bring up my dad knowing damn good and well it’s your fault I didn’t get to say goodbye. He smiled his devilish grin and shook his finger. I didn’t stop you from going to him Alexa. You made the choice to stay here so no matter what you think, it’s your fault. I rushed at him at full force wanting to strangle him for everything I’d endured and put up with. He looked surprised to see me charge towards him but he was quicker than I was. He moved out of the way making me stumble towards the door. Before I could turn around he had me by the hair and knocked my head against the door. As the pain surged in my head I heard him quietly whisper, It didn’t have to be this way Alexa. All you had to do was let me go but now look what you’ve made me do. He banged my head against the door once more and then threw me to the floor. The aches and pains were surging through my body but the urge to fight him off or at least hurt him had reached its peak. He sat on top of me looking down at me with his cold blue eyes and smug smile. He positioned my arms exactly where he wanted them and that was when the fear kicked in. I’d been in this position before and the outcome was never pleasant. I tried to fight him off but his strength overpowered mine. He leaned down and kissed me roughly making it clear he was getting what he wanted. I bit down on his lip tasting the bitterness of blood as he cussed. He loosened his grasp on my arms giving me a chance to start fighting my way but he regained his composure quicker than I imaged he would. Get off of me! He slapped me hard across the cheek then grabbed both of my arms and pinned them to the floor. He looked deep into my eyes and all I could see was the cold, dark malice beneath his once crystal blue eyes. His anger and rage was showing and I feared for not only my life but the life of my unborn baby. He leaned down and kissed me once more then whispered, I want you to know that this could have been done the easy way but you made me do this to you. I turned my face to not look at him when he grabbed my jaw and forced me to look. You know better than that Alexa. You must look at me as I punish you for misbehaving. I laid there helpless knowing that he was going to take advantage of me and say I enjoyed it knowing I hated how it ended every time. He released my jaw and started lifting my shirt as the tears started to fall once more. As my shirt came off he started lacing my skin with delicate kisses but this wasn’t enjoyable. How could he possibly think I wanted this after hearing him tell me he was leaving? He cupped my breasts and moaned enjoying himself to the fullest. When he went to lift my bra I lost it. You fucking coward! You were planning on leaving without telling me weren’t you? He stopped what he was doing and looked up at me clearly irritated that I’d interrupted his pleasure. So what if I was, what’s it to you, he growled. Only a coward would run, a man would face me and deal with the consequences. In that moment I saw the spark of a flame begin to grow. I struggled beneath his weight and told him exactly what I was thinking. You don’t deserve me Bryce. You’re no better than your father, a lying, cheating, selfish bastard who likes beating up woman and taking advantage of them. In a blink of an eye I felt the blow to my face and my chest. I coughed in pain but felt him get off of me. As I opened my eyes I saw him standing over me looking at me with a rage I’d never seen before. Had I pushed him to the limit? He leaned over me and said, You stupid bitch! You’re worthless Alexa. You always have been and you always will be! He kicked me in the stomach making me scream from the blow and that’s when I worried about the baby. I heard his footsteps by the door and heard him say, The condo is no longer being paid for. You have one week to vacate the premise. With that he left and slammed the door behind him, leaving me on the floor in pain. As I tried to get up I felt the pain radiate throughout my body. It felt like my stomach and chest was on fire and I could feel the warm ooze of blood running down my nose. I crawled towards my shirt and put it back on. As I stood up slightly I felt a sharp pain in my stomach making me double over. I stumbled over to my bag and retrieved my cell phone. As I glanced down at the numbers I was torn on who to call. I didn’t want to call Karsyn as I was almost certain she’d tell me, ‘I told you so’ and I didn’t want to deal with lectures now. Without even thinking about it I dialed David’s number and prayed he was home. He answered the phone on the second ring and when I heard his voice I began crying and sobbing uncontrollably. Alexa, what’s wrong? I could hear the frantic panic in his voice and as much as I wanted to tell him I needed help all I could do was cry. No words could escape me. Alexa, talk to me what’s wrong? I could hear noises in the background as if he was franticly looking for his keys and then as if he understood what I needed he said, I’ll be right over. I heard the click on his end of the line and dropped my phone as I sank down to the floor sobbing. How could I have been so stupid? Everyone tried to tell me about Bryce but I didn’t listen. I stuck around like an idiot, praying and hoping he’d change. He lied to me every time and I believed every word he ever fed me. As I felt the pain all over my body I felt the inside of my heart harden. That pain was worse. The pain of being betrayed, manipulated, and abused was more than I could take. The sobbing rolled through my body as the pain in my tummy turned into an uncontrollable cramp. I doubled over in pain and gasped for air realizing that I was probably losing the baby. I rested my head against the wall and started to close my eyes when I heard someone calling my name. I opened my eyes and saw David kneeling in front of me. David? I could see the shock and horror in his eyes as he saw me laying there. He put his cell phone to his ear and began calling someone but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I closed my eyes once more and cringed when the sharp pain increased in my tummy. I felt strong arms lift me off the ground and move me down the hall. David I’m tired, I told him in hopes he was taking me to the bedroom. I opened my eyes and saw the bright lights of the hallway passing in a flash. I could hear David’s ragged breath beside me as he carried me towards the elevators. The bright lights were shining in my face making it hard to see when I heard him say, Alexa! Alexa stay awake. Listen to my voice, stay awake. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but the pain was consuming me whole. I then felt something soft and cushiony beneath me and heard David telling me to stay awake. I looked up into his face and for the first time I could see panic and concern. I’m tired David. I just need to sleep. I placed my hand on his face and could feel the stubble that was now returning from this morning’s shave. He placed his hand over mine and with a crack in his voice said, Alexa, please stay awake. I’m taking you to the hospital. I nodded my head and closed my eyes then remembered the baby. I felt the sharp pain in my tummy and cradled it as best I could. Was I really going to lose this baby? Did I really want to keep it? David asked me what was wrong and all I could get out was, The baby. I’m losing the baby. All I remember was seeing complete and utter shock on his face before the pain consumed me completely. I closed my eyes and blacked out.

1

Two years later . . .

"Alexa is something wrong? You haven’t touched your lunch? Earth to Alexa! Hello? I snapped out of my thoughts as I saw Karsyn waving her hands in front of my face. I’m sorry. I was deep in thought, I replied as I looked at her. I cut my chicken and continued to eat. Karsyn stared at me confused as to what I was thinking about then with a sly smile said, You’re coming with me tonight right? As she asked the question I remembered her request from a month ago and frowned. Tonight was a special night for her and she was looking forward to going out to celebrate this momentous occasion. I personally never thought much of celebrating birthday’s but Karsyn was a stickler for celebrating to the max. As I thought about the club, the crowds and drinking I frowned internally then looked at her and asked, Are you sure you want to go out? We can’t just go to a movie then call it a night? She laughed at my request then shook her head no as if to mock me. You know how much this means to me Alexa. All I’m asking for is one night. Besides, you haven’t been out on a date in ages. You need to get out. I put down my fork and thought on her comment. She was right about one thing, I haven’t gone out in a while but she fails to remember that it was my choice to not go out. I’d had enough of the dating scene and was quite content with being alone. Of course that was a bold face lie because I knew I didn’t like being alone but it was better than where I was two years ago. We both knew that my life was just starting to relax and the old me was starting to resurface. I cleared my throat and smiled, Karsyn, you know I’m not ready to start dating again. Karsyn stared at me with her green eyes and leaned in to emphasize her next statement. No matter how many times she tried to convince me otherwise my response to dating was always the same. Ok fine but you’re coming tonight. I promise it will be fun. I smiled at the thought of the two of us out on the town at a club dancing. To be honest I knew only one of us would be dancing and it wasn’t going to be me. I was surprised Karsyn even wanted to go considering she wasn’t the club type of girl. Truth be told she was more of a bar type but when you score tickets to the hottest club in town on opening night you don’t refuse them. She never did tell me how she came upon these tickets but then again Karsyn was real good about getting all kinds of things from her dates. I pushed my lunch aside and looked at her sternly, I’ll go with you on one condition. You will not push me to talk, socialize or dance with any men tonight. Agreed? Her entire face lit up with excitement and pure joy. I could almost see her jumping for joy in her seat. She nodded her head, smiled from ear to ear then in the most enthusiastic voice I’d ever heard from her she replied, Agreed." The remainder of our lunch period consisted of her talking non-stop about tonight’s events and all of the fun we were going to have. I listened to her every word and no matter how much I was dreading going out tonight I knew she was happy and that made it all seem better. I was looking forward to going out at least to just break away from the normal everyday routine. Lately, I had been reduced to going home and entertaining myself with movies and work. I didn’t have a very social life and for everyone who knew me this was not me. Two years ago I was the social butterfly, always going out and enjoying life with Karsyn. Of course the people within my circle were a bit different but I was still going out and enjoying my time. Now at the fragile age of 28 I felt that my normal routine was getting to be a bit dull. There was never any excitement or deviation from the normal routine and somehow I felt that going out tonight would change things. Who doesn’t like change? I could use a little bit of change because lately I was classified as the most boring 28-year old on the planet. The rest of my afternoon ticked by so slowly that by the time five o’clock came around I was excited to leave. I spent most of my afternoon dreading the evening. I soon gathered my belongings and picked up the phone to call Karsyn. Without even thinking I started dialing an all too familiar number that had me stop in my tracks before pushing the final number. I hadn’t thought of that number in more than a year and now all of a sudden I was dialing it. I quickly put the phone back on the receiver and decided on sending Karsyn a text message instead. I grabbed my purse and lunch kit and headed towards the door to our front office. As I heard the door behind me close my message was sent and now I waited for her response. I started making my way towards the elevators when she responded with ‘Wait for me I’m coming down’. I waited by the elevator for her and contemplated backing out on tonight’s events. As much as I wanted change and a new routine I was still resisting going through with the plans. Surely, Karsyn would understand my reasoning; although a part of me knew it wasn’t fair to her knowing she would be disappointed. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions not really knowing which way to go. Before I could even make up my mind Karsyn got off the elevator with a smile so radiant I knew I couldn’t let her down. As we made our way to our cars Karsyn started talking about the plans for the evening. The more she talked about the evening the more I wanted to grab my things and run. I could literally hear two voices in my head each one fighting for their opinion to be heard. The old me that loved life and enjoyed it was tired of my lifeless evenings and wanted a night out on the town. The bruised and battered me that had now taken over my life was yelling to just stick to the original game plan and everything would be okay. You aren’t thinking about backing out on me are you? I looked at Karsyn startled as she had distracted me from my thoughts. I nodded my head and heard, ‘Liar’ and ‘Good for you’. She smiled and I kicked myself for not being honest. Could I really ditch her on this important day? She was always there for me when I needed her, and there was a time when having her around was so helpful. Two years ago I was in a giant mess and needed someone to push me back to reality. I needed someone in my corner helping me and guiding me as I picked up the pieces of what was left of my life. She was instrumental in my success and the real reason why I am where I am now. I’m not the same person I once was but I was functioning and slowly getting my life back in order. I had her to thank so no matter how much I didn’t want to go out tonight I was doing this for her. My reasoning for not changing the routine is simple. I’m not ready to emerge from this cocoon I have been hiding in for the past two years. In my mind, I am still healing from all of the pain. Sometimes the wounds of yesterday still feel fresh and deep but I know that it’s only me holding myself back from letting them go. Eventually, I will emerge from the cocoon and let go of the pain but for now I feel safer where I am. Is living my life in boredom really safer? Probably not but it was all I had left. I often times wondered if I would ever feel safe and secure in my life again. For now I take it one day at a time, and today it’s helping Karsyn celebrate her special day. I knew she meant well and wanted what was best for me but I’m not like her. I can’t just ignore the past and pretend it never happened and move on. I felt the past was something you should remember as it teaches you lessons in life. You learn from them by being aware of never repeating the same mistakes twice. Of course, Karsyn feels that I haven’t learned because I don’t allow myself to be social. To be honest she thinks I haven’t been coping or dealing with the emotions. It’s true I’ve been immersing myself into work and isolating myself, but again this was a choice. If I had to be truthful about the entire situation then Karsyn would be correct. I however, saw no harm in what I was doing because it made me happy to be isolated. No matter how much I agreed with her assessment of me I would never admit it to her. Things were better the way they were as long as I could tolerate the lectures about dating and moving on with my life. I was happy with where I was, well most of the time I was happy. Did I miss the romance, company and dating? Some of it I did but, after everything I went through I felt safer being alone. No matter how hard I tried to move on I still viewed men as evil and bad. I never knew that one bad seed could do so much damage to your ego, self-worth and outlook on love and life. Since that dreadful day I had no confidence in being able to find love. Of course I could find someone to spend time with but would I give of myself effortlessly? Would I be willing to give them all of me like I did with Bryce? The truth was I couldn’t trust men, but more importantly I couldn’t trust myself with them. If there was anything I’ve learned from my relationship with Bryce it’s that I’m too trusting and that can get you hurt. For now I wasn’t searching for love and I was okay with the fact that I might never find someone. I didn’t believe there were any good men left in this world. The last good man I knew was my father and he died three years ago. Karsyn of course disagrees with me and explains that I won’t find him sitting at home on my couch. I’ve heard several of her lectures about that true someone being out there for me but the reality was I didn’t want to find that someone. For Karsyn it was easy. She didn’t need the reassurance or the need for a man other than the sex. She could date anyone she wanted and believe me she did. Me on the other hand, I needed to feel safe and secure again. Being safe was my top priority after Bryce and it has remained that way. Not to mention the fact that I am damaged. Who wants to date someone with trust and safety issues? I was almost certain no one would so for now it was just me. As we arrived to the parking garage, I cleared my throat and asked, So are you coming back to pick me up or are we meeting there? Without even stopping to look at me she said, I am going to run to my place and get a few things then I am coming to your place to get ready for tonight. I figured that we could ride together and then afterwards I could crash at your place? She knew me well enough to know that if given the opportunity to back out I would, so this would be an easy way for her to make sure I go and not chicken out. Okay, I’ll see you when you get there, I told her as I watched her nod and proceed to her car. I slowly turned and made my way to mine. On my way home I started thinking about the evening and started arguing with myself on the reasons I should and shouldn’t go to the club. The more I thought about it the more upset I became about not being able to stay home. I hated that Karsyn knew me so well. Why couldn’t she just go alone and leave me to my normal vices? I know it sounds selfish of me but I didn’t want to socialize with people I didn’t know especially men. This was a fairly new club and it was opening night so that screaming ‘meat market.’ As I arrived at my condo I decided that I was going to call her and back out. I knew she would be upset with me but I had to prepare for my speaking engagement. I walked into my condo and placed my bags and keys on the buffet table. As I made my way into the kitchen to grab a snack I heard the ding on my cell phone go off. I quickly opened the fridge door and grabbed a cheese stick then went to my bag and pulled out my cell phone. I saw the message from Karsyn and sighed heavily, ‘I’ll be there in 30 minutes’. There was no way I was backing out now so I plopped myself on the couch and scowled at the phone. I lay across the couch and closed my eyes deciding to play dead in the hopes she wouldn’t bug me when she arrived. After twenty-five minutes passed I heard the front door open. Alexa, where are you? I grunted to give her a response then she came over and looked at me on the couch. Get up. I know you’re not sick so come on, we have to get ready. I grunted once more just to show her how much I hated this plan, Karsyn, I don’t want to go. She looked at me with a stern face then she sucked in a deep breath and said as nice as she could, I know you don’t want to go, but I need you to go. Most woman would kill to have the hook up I do, now come on. I scowled at her then replied, Most women would love to be you. What hook-up do you have? She smiled devilishly then said, I got us VIP passes for tonight. Hopefully we can see some celebrities. I sighed then got up from the couch and watched her go into my bedroom. As I entered the room I heard her turn the shower on then heard music playing in the background. Great, not only was she making me go to this dreadful club but now she was turning my bathroom into a club. As Karsyn showered I opened the closet doors and searched for an outfit. Since I wasn’t much of a club person I had no clue what I was going to wear. Luckily I had one side of my closet that was never touched due to my lack of socializing. In previous years I did go to tons of social events with Bryce but not so much now. Out of everything I owned there was only three dresses that I liked. Although for tonight’s occasion I wasn’t sure if they were considered appropriate. I pulled all three out of the closet and spread them out on the bed for closer inspection. I tended to favor one more than the other two but that was because it was simple and plain. As I stared at them on the bed I quickly realized I needed to try them on. I quickly tried each one on and looked at myself in the full length mirror. This was a mirror that hardly ever got used so I utilized it to determine the dress for the night. The black one was my favorite and my go-to for everything so I took it off and decided it wasn’t even an option. I wouldn’t hear the end of it if I chose the black one so I quickly tried on the blue dress. The blue dress was my least favorite but as I glanced at myself in the mirror I liked how it played with my slightly dark skin tone and auburn brown hair. Karsyn often envied the fact that it always looked like I had a slight tan even though I hardly sun-bathed. Of course my skin tone was a complete contrast to Karsyn especially since she was fair-skinned and had beautiful curly red hair. I took after my father in the skin tone department, but I was determined it was only a slight pigmentation. As I proceeded to take off the blue dress I heard Karsyn say, I would go with the blue one. I rolled my eyes at her comment then glanced at myself once more. Maybe she was right; maybe blue was the color of the evening. At least it would match my mood. I turned to look at her through the corner of my eye and replied, I was planning on it mom. She laughed at my snide remark and walked into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around her head. You’re up she said as she pointed to the shower. I put the black and red dress back in the closet and left the blue one out on my bed. As I made my way to the shower I saw Karsyn blow drying her fiery locks. I showered quickly and by the time I was done Karsyn was done with her hair and make-up. I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me as I stared at myself in the mirror. How the heck was I going to fix my hair? I often times felt I had lifeless hair but that was because I compared my semi-straight, semi-wavy hair to Karsyn’s. As if Karsyn was reading my mind she said, You should probably wear it partially up. That way people can see your beautiful face. I knew exactly why she made the comment because I always use my hair as a means of escaping the looks and glances. I started to apply my face creams and then started with the makeup. As I applied hair products and blow dried my hair I decided on the partially up hairdo. Maybe with my hair up I might actually like the blue dress? I got Karsyn to help me with the pinning of my hair and as we finished with the look we both admired it in the mirror. Much to my surprise it looked amazing. I had shoulder length hair so putting my hair up in a swept up loose bun was not easy. It required tons of bobby pins and lots of hairspray but it was appealing to the eye. As I stood in front of the full length mirror admiring my outfit for the evening I was shocked at how beautiful I looked. I wasn’t one of those girls that considered myself pretty or beautiful. In fact I was the one that often thought she needed more attributes in order to compete with the rest of the world. That was pretty evident when I was dating Bryce. He always tried to change my appearance in some way. Either with my clothes or my make-up but I was too fixated on making him happy to see the signs of trouble. In honesty, growing up I never had trouble finding dates or interests but when you find yourself in a relationship, a public one at that, it becomes evident how inadequate you really are. After Bryce I saw no point in keeping up with my appearance so I preferred the natural look and towards the end of our relationship he made it very clear how much he hated it. Now a days the only time I find myself getting dolled up is when I am being dragged somewhere by Karsyn. Wow! That dress looks amazing on you. I turned to look at Karsyn and saw she was wearing a short black dress with red pumps. She was letting her hair and eyes do the talking, smart girl. You look amazing as always Karsyn. She slapped me on the arm as if to scold me then said, I just paid you a great compliment. The least you can do is accept it and thank me. I apologized quietly then we both laughed and decided it was time to head to dinner before the club. Dinner was pretty uneventful. We chose a nice bistro downtown that we had never been too because of the reviews. We each ordered a glass of wine to start and when it arrived I proposed a toast to celebrate her birthday. By the time dinner arrived we had already downed the glass and were now working on the bottle. Dinner was quite enjoyable as the ambience of the bistro was calm and soothing. During our meals we talked about work and family then Karsyn brought up a topic I would consider to be taboo. Alexa? You know tomorrow marks the two-year anniversary of you being single. I think it’s time you start getting back into the swing of things. I put my fork down and sighed heavily. Things were going great; in fact I was even beginning to enjoy myself until she brought up the anniversary date. I knew exactly what tomorrow’s date was and I was trying to forget about it but now it was impossible to forget. Karsyn, I don’t want to talk about this so please drop it. As she looked at me from across the table I could see the determination in her eyes. As much as I wanted to forget this conversation I knew it was far from over. Alexa, I just don’t understand. It’s been two years since Bryce. What are you so afraid of? He’s gone. He’s not coming back. Are you afraid of him returning, or are you afraid you might actually fall in love again? Karsyn, please drop it! Do I have to remind you of how broken I was after Bryce? You above anyone else should know this. You were there. You saw how broken I was and helped bring me back to this. I thank you for that, but please understand that I’m not ready and I ask that you support me in that decision. I sat there looking at her as I shuddered at the thought of where I was when Bryce left me. Just thinking about it made my eyes water. I took a deep breath while closing my eyes and opened them only to find Karsyn staring at me with disappointment in her eyes. Alexa, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want you to be happy that’s all. I knew Karsyn meant well but I wasn’t ready to embark on dating, trusting or even getting into a relationship just yet. I needed more time to forget the pain and sorrow, as well as the guilt I carried with me. I looked at Karsyn, It’s okay. I just don’t want to be pressured. When the right one comes along it will all work out, but for now things will remain the way they are. Okay? She sighed heavily knowing that talking to me about this topic was like beating a dead horse. She nodded to let me know she understood then we continued with the remainder of our meal. Eventually we were laughing and enjoying the evening once more.

2

Karsyn and I valeted the