Behind the Whiskers: Tales for the Young at Heart

By Ivor Lamb and Wilf Shepherd

This story has been influenced by real life escapades involving the author's two Rag Doll cats, Mr. Butters and Mr. Kitty, SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED and Alex the plumber. Mr. Butters is the elder of the two and he is sleek, majestic and fastidious in nature, whereas Mr. Kitty is rotund, greedy, scruffy and suffers occasionally from an ailment described by SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED as 'CHOCBOT''. These feline companions love gourmet dining and are delighted when SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED is discomforted as a result of their antics. The story invites the reader to share their dreams, fantasies and adventures involving Harold the Huntsman spider, Ernest the most enormous Earwig, the feral cat, and the Tradesmen from Hell. SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED engages in a never-ending battle with both Kits to sleep undisturbed, but is frequently outwitted by the relentless Mr. Butters in his endeavours to establish himself as the head of the household, whilst Mr. Kitty is preoccupied, in his dreams at least, in maintaining his role as the 'King of the Cool Kits' and ultimately King of the World.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Dec 30, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479704743

Ivor Lamb

Wilf Shepherd (Dr. Dorothy Christine Roberts-Yates) has been an educator for many years. Throughout her career in England and South Australia, she worked as substantive senior teacher, advisor, project officer, Principal and lecturer in Education. She established her own company Education and Work Skills Consultants, and for many years was the third largest job search provider in the South Australia. She completed her PhD with the School of Education at Flinders University many years ago and was sponsored to complete a second PhD with the School of Medicine by Robert Gerard from Gerard Industries and Normandy Mining. She is currently working as the Senior Leader at the Regional Disability Unit at Murray Bridge High School.

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Copyright © 2012 by Wilf Shepherd.

ISBN:              Softcover                    978-1-4797-0473-6

                        Ebook                         978-1-4797-0474-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

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CONTENTS

1.   I Am Better Than Any Alarm Clock

Chapter 1    ‘Wildomaldo’

Chapter 2    The Occupants of ‘Wildomaldo’

Chapter 3    Mr Kitty Launches His ‘Wake-Up Call’

Chapter 4    Mr Kitty Wins the Battle

2.   Mr Kitty’s Getaway

Chapter 1    Mr Kitty Daydreams

Chapter 2    Mr Kitty is Humiliated

Chapter 3    The Locked Door

Chapter 4    Mr Kitty’s Awesome Adventure

Chapter 5    Mr Kitty Returns to Earth

Chapter 6    Mr Kitty Dreams Once More

3.   Mr Butters on the Rampage

Chapter 1    Mr Butters Has a Headache

Chapter 2    The Battle Begins

Chapter 3    Mr Butters Feels Bored

Chapter 4    Mr Butters has a Smashing Time

4.   The Stinking Mass of Feral Cat

Chapter 1    A Disgusting, Horrible Smell

Chapter 2    Mr Butters Fights for His Life

Chapter 3    Mr Kitty Runs for Help

Chapter 4    ‘SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED’ to the Rescue

Chapter 5    Mr Kitty Doesn’t Recognise Mr Butters

Chapter 6    SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED Finds the Solution

Chapter 7    Mr Kitty Rescues Mr Butters

5.   Mr Butters and the Tradesmen from Hell

Chapter 1    SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED Reminisces

Chapter 2    SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED Creates Mayhem

Chapter 3    Mr Butters Leaves His Mark

Chapter 4    SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED Confronts the TRADESMEN

Chapter 5    Mr Butters Has His Nap Disturbed

Chapter 6    Mr Butters Accepts Responsibility

Chapter 7    Calm is Restored at ‘Wildomaldo’

6.   The Big Day Out

Chapter 1    ‘Wildomaldo’ Awakens

Chapter 2    Mr Kitty Feels Excited

Chapter 3    Mr Kitty Prepares for the ‘Big Day Out’

Chapter 4    The Journey Begins

Chapter 5    The Crash

Chapter 6    Ernest Explains

Chapter 7    Mr Butters Plans to Help Ernest and Meets Harold

Chapter 8    Mr Kitty is in Trouble

7.   Mr Butters’ Secret Mission

Chapter 1    Where is My Breakfast?

Chapter 2    Mr Kitty Makes a Fuss

Chapter 3    Mr Butters Has a Plan of Action

Chapter 4    Mr Butters Makes Friends

Chapter 5    Mr Butters Meets Jerry

Chapter 6    Alex to the Rescue

Chapter 7    She Who Must Be Obeyed Takes a Tumble

Chapter 8    Mr Butters Has Problems Telling the Truth

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These stories are dedicated to Alexander,

Christopher and Bastian Edgar Roberts-Yates

I Am Better Than Any Alarm Clock

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CHAPTER 1

‘Wildomaldo’

‘Wildomaldo’ is a tiny, redbrick townhouse surrounded by yellow, red and white roses, pink camellias, rich mauve azaleas, and blossoming cerise bougainvilleas. In the garden, a rainbow of butterflies dance among the tall, blue and white agapanthus, clumps of yellow and white lilies and clusters of vivid red impatients. Humming bees busily feed from a variety of lavender bushes and hanging boughs of wisteria until they are bloated with nectar, and return replete to their hives.

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A budding weeping cherry tree, a shimmering weeping silver birch, flowering pear trees, mature gum trees, and pretty Forest Pansies, covered in burgundy, heart-shaped leaves, provide the garden with extensive shade. Their canopies offer shelter to the gaily coloured parrots, honey eaters, crows, magpies, sulphur-crested cockatoos and kookaburras that laugh, twitter and flutter amongst the branches throughout the day.

The interior of the tiny redbrick townhouse, Wildomaldo, looks cosy and inviting with its shiny, reddish-brown ironwood floors, pristine white walls and crystal chandeliers. Downstairs, two George111, long-case clocks tick solemnly in corners of the open plan room whilst a rather splendid rocking horse stands guard at the foot of the stairs. A white marble bust occupies the alcove next to a French rosewood table, on which stands a silver tray holding a Waterford crystal decanter and an assortment of matching wineglasses.

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A gleaming, glass dining table set with azure glass tableware around a sculptured glass centrepiece hints at forthcoming delicious, gastronomic delights. Antique and modern bronze statues are displayed on three glass shelves, but perhaps the most intriguing object is an ancient oak settle, on which sits a much loved Steiff teddy bear accompanied by a large Victorian doll, made from papier-mache with a hand painted, china face.

Brass framed photographs sparkle in the ambient light shed from a stylish cream and white lamp placed on a polished, red gum table. Victorian oil paintings in gilt frames, an exquisite silk Aubusson tapestry, an ebonised picture of flowers and butterflies, inlaid with mother of pearl, and several Victorian silk pictures, depicting scenes from the Tudor and Stuart courts, decorate the pristine white walls. Turquoise silk shades from crystal table lamps shower a gentle glow around the room, and cream leather lounge suites, with sea-green cushions and throws cast carelessly upon them, complete the scene.

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On entering the courtyard, the cream walls and trellis provide the perfect backdrop for colourful plaques, ferns and trailing lavender wisteria. Sprays of blood-red geraniums tumble haphazardly from large urns at each side of a gurgling water fountain surrounded by palms and ferns. Yuccas stand tall in huge pots, and a small French table is set for breakfast with sapphire blue glassware, a crisp blue and white check cloth and spotless white napkins.

The study at the end of the courtyard overflows with books crammed on shelves that stretch the length of the room. Many of these ancient Bibles, history books, music manuscripts and Greek and Latin tomes span five centuries and exude a musty odour as they slowly disintegrate with the passage of time. Impressive models of a glider and three fighter planes hang suspended from the ceiling and pretty water colours, commissioned from a local artist, adorn the walls.

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An ancient violin, lovingly preserved by SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED from bygone days, rests on top of an antique corner cupboard. Nearby, a ‘Reynard the Fox’ chess set, purchased by SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED while living in London, many decades ago, waits patiently for the next game. Against one wall, a desk lamp, webcam and a huge computer monitor are strategically positioned on an opaque glass office table. Soft, cream cushions and throws scattered over the russet brown, leather Chesterfield and accompanying armchair add to the room’s charm.

Ascending the stairs, the soothing sounds of water flowing from a hand-sculpted, shell fountain fill the air. On closer inspection, lavender wisteria and rich red geraniums spill, in a riot of colour, from large terracotta pots on the balcony outside the sun-kissed master bedroom. Inside, a huge, white bed is covered with a cream and pale green duvet, numerous silk cushions and a pretty, soft comforter.

At each side of the huge white bed, a crystal lamp with a sea-green silk shade illuminates the room. In a far corner, a beautiful Annette Himstedt doll, dressed in blue silk, reclines on an Italian, mahogany chair inlaid with mother of pearl. Three more limited edition, German dolls are seated on a carved, Javanese hardwood, day chair opposite the huge, white bed and prints of the English countryside generate an atmosphere of peace and tranquillity.

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CHAPTER 2

The Occupants of ‘Wildomaldo’

The owner of ‘Wildomaldo’, SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED is a middle-aged lady, who sports a sun visor, dresses in silk, and loves to wear beautiful gold and crystal jewellery. SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED resides here with her youngest son, Alex the plumber. He enjoys riding his 1000 cylinder, Repsol Honda Fireblade motorbike, flying his model planes, and spending enormous amounts of money regularly updating his computer system.

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However, perhaps the most important occupants of ‘Wildomaldo’ are Messieurs Butters and Kitty. Mr Butters is a seven years old, Blue Mitted Ragdoll cat and Mr Kitty is a three years old, Red Point Ragdoll cat. These pampered pets have established a niche for themselves within the home and are adored by SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED and Alex, the plumber.

Ohhhh! Yahhhh! Ahhhh! Oooh! exclaimed a drowsy Mr Kitty one brisk, autumn morning. Once again, he was balancing, albeit precariously, on top of the plasma television whilst attempting to stretch out each leg in turn.

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Time to wake up, EVERYONE! It is definitely time to wake SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED from her slumbers! he purred with a sleepy yawn. I shall start the countdown to herald my ‘Wake-Up Call’. Hurry up Mr Butters because there are only five cat seconds to go! he shrieked.

With this intention, Mr Kitty flopped off the window sill, only to find himself skidding across the polished, reddish-brown, ironwood floor, and bouncing into the bedroom door with a THWACK! SLAP! BASH! THUMP!

OWWWCHHH! he yelped, as he gingerly flexed a bruised paw. I wish SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED would stop polishing these floors. It is a breach of CCHH’s (Cats’ Care and Health International) safety guidelines. I might as well be gliding across an ice rink! My paws slip and slide in all directions, and I can barely keep upright. I just know I am going to break my neck one of these days! he commented to no-one in particular.

Thank goodness it is almost dawn!’ Mr Kitty purred, opening his mouth wide and taking a deep breath before arching his back, and noisily thumping his tail against the wardrobe door. I can hear those pesky birds beginning to twitter and flutter, just out of reach in the trees outside the bedroom window. They would make some extremely tasty, gourmet ‘snacks’ for the feline inhabitants of Wildomaldo, if only we were allowed to make ‘friends’ with them. Unfortunately, it appears that pampered, expensive ‘house’ pets have little opportunity to explore the wide outdoors, and acquire fresh, organic produce for Brrunch," he whined.

In order to distract himself from the confines of his fettered lifestyle, Mr Kitty recalled his most favourite recipe book. It was brimming with delicious snacks made from local wildfowl and fresh garden produce. He envisaged braised blackbird, kookaburra pate, and barbequed parrots’ breasts resting in a fresh, crisp, cat grass salad, alongside a steaming pigeon pie basking in snail sauce. Eventually, Mr Kitty roused himself from these tantalising, mouth watering images of culinary delights to creep stealthily along the polished, reddish-brown, ironwood floor.

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Before anyone could say, Fresh Fish and Fries, Mr Kitty had pounced on to the huge, white bed to check if Mr Butters had managed to drag himself into the ‘Land of the Living’.

Ummh! Ohhhhhh!! Ummmh! he miaowed, as he snuggled blissfully alongside an awakening Mr Butters,