Police Philosophy: A View from the Street

By D.B. "Skip" Hadfield

This book is the distilled essence of forty-one continuous years of police work. The experiences and observations continued from 1 January 1970 until 31 December 2010. irreverent, pointed, sarcastic and humorous. You will not find it's like anywhere else.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 21, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491865088

D.B. "Skip" Hadfield

Dale was a member of the Cochise County Sheriff’s Office (AZ) for eighteen years prior to retiring December 2010. Prior to this he was a member of the U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Command, retiring from the army May 1992. Dale spent 6 years as a sergeant with the Whitman County (WA) Sheriff’s Office, resigning in 1976 to re-join the army. Prior to this Dale spent four years in the U.S. Army band system, with the 8th Division Band in Germany and the 121st Army Band at Ft. Lewis, WA. Dale graduated Central Kitsap High School, Silverdale, WA in 1965. Dale has been married to Georgina since August 1970, and has two grown sons, Scott-David W. who is a police officer at Ft. Huachuca, AZ and Dale S. who is a K-9 handler at the Willcox Police Department. Rounding out are four grand daughters, Mikaela Victoria, Isabella Maria, Aimee Noell and last but certainly not least Brianna (Anna) Lynn. Thank you heavenly father for these blessings.

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POLICE

PHILOSOPHY

A VIEW FROM THE STREET

D.B. SKIP HADFIELD

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© 2014 D.B. SKIP HADFIELD. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 02/18/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-6510-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-6509-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-6508-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014903165

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

DEDICATED TO MY FATHER, DALE HADFIELD M.D. 24 NOVEMBER 1916 TO 23 MARCH 1985, AND TO MY MOTHER, JOSEPHINE BURKHOLDER HADFIELD 11 MARCH 1917 TO 09 FEBRUARY 2014.

FOR MY LIFE AND YOUR LOVE.

POLICE PHILOSOPHY 101 AS COMPILED BY D.B. SKIP HADFIELD OVER ALMOST 30 YEARS OF CIVILIAN AND MILITARY POLICE WORK. I DON’T CLAIM THAT WHAT IS WRITTEN HERE IS 100% ORIGINAL, BUT IT IS THE PRODUCT OF LIFE IN POLICE WORK AS SEEN THROUGH MY EYES.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: MY PHILOSOPHY AS EXPRESSED HERE IS DONE SO UNDER THE PROTECTION OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT TO THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION… . YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT TELLS US ABOUT FREE SPEECH. I MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR BEING CONSERVATIVE. I MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR BEING OUTSPOKEN. I MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR SAYING THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHOULD GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR LIVES. WHETHER YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH MY PHILOSOPHY, IT IS REAL. IT IS LIFE AS IT PERTAINS TO POLICE WORK. I MAKE NO APOLOGIES WHATSOEVER, FOR THE CURSE WORDS OR POLITICAL INCORRECTNESS OR IRREVERANCE FOR OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

MENTAL MEANDERINGS OVER THE YEARS, OR POLICE PHILOSOPHY 101

**LOOK AHEAD AND PLAN, DON’T LOOK BACK AND REGRET.

**ENJOY BEING

**WHEN YOU’VE STOPPED LEARNING, YOU’RE DEAD. (THANKS FOR THIS ONE MOM)

**ALWAYS! ALWAYS! ALWAYS! EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

**IF YOU DON’T EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED YOU’RE IN FOR SOME NASTY SURPRISES. THE KIND YOU WON’T LIKE.

**ALWAYS! ALWAYS! ALWAYS! WATCH THE HANDS. THEY CAN KILL YOU. A VULGAR MOUTH CAN NOT.

**THE MOST DIFFICULT TASK FOR A PERSON TO ACCOMPLISH IS TO TELL A COMPLICATED LIE OVER AND OVER.

**WHY SETTLE FOR ONE INTERVIEW. ALWAYS DO AT LEAST TWO. YOU WILL BE CONSTANTLY SURPRISED AT WHAT YOU LEARN.

**HOMICIDE - OUR DAY BEGINS WHEN YOURS END.

**FIRST RULE OF A GUNFIGHT… . HAVE A GUN.

   SECOND RULE OF A GUNFIGHT… . WIN.

   THIRD RULE OF A GUNFIGHT… . REFER TO RULES ONE AND TWO.

**REGARDING GUN FIGHTS… . THE FIRST BULLET IN THE K5 WINS.

**PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEING TOO GOOD WITH YOUR DUTY ARMS.

**WHEN A SUBJECT WANTS TO TAKE YOUR LIFE, THERE ARE NO RULES SAVE ONE: WIN!

**IT’S EASIER TO GET OUT OF A JAIL CELL THAN OUT OF A GRAVE.

**IT’S BETTER TO BE TRIED BY TWELVE THAN CARRIED BY SIX.

**DAYDREAM SOME OTHER TIME, NOT ON DUTY.

**MAKE NO MAN YOUR ENEMY… . YOUR ENEMY IS EVIL.

**WINNERS DO WHAT LOSERS CAN’T, WON’T OR DON’T.

**WHOEVER FIGHTS MONSTERS SHOULD TAKE CARE THAT IN THE PROCESS HE DOES NOT BECOME A MONSTER. AND WHEN YOU LOOK INTO THE ABYSS, THE ABYSS ALSO LOOKS INTO YOU. NIETSCHE.

**THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FAIR FIGHT IN THIS BUSINESS.

**IF YOU TELL THE TRUTH, YOU DON’T HAVE TO REMEMBER ANYTHING.

MARK TWAIN

**IF YOU AIN’T IN CONDITION YELLOW WHILE ON DUTY, YOU AIN’T.

**THE LAW LEGITIMIZES THE USE OF FORCE. WHEN YOU NEED TO USE FORCE, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE USE IT. THERE CAN BE NO LAW WITHOUT THE LEGITIMATE USE OF FORCE.

**A HALF-TRUTH IS USUALLY LESS THAN HALF THAT. WILLIAMS

**CONTEMPLATE YESTERDAY… . ENJOY TODAY… . DON’T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW

**A LIE IS A LIE. A LITTLE WHITE ONE. AN EVASION. A WHOPPER. THEY ARE ALL LIES AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE THAT.

**THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH. WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT THAT?

**THERE IS STRENGTH IN TENACITY.

**YOU CAN GIVE YOUR INTEGRITY AWAY, BUT NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU. (THANKS FOR THIS ONE DAD)

**UNNEEDED LAWS WEAKEN NEEDED LAWS.

**BE CAREFUL SEARCHING FOR EXCITEMENT, IT’S REALLY EASY TO FIND.

**COURAGE IS KNOWING YOU’RE GOING TO GET YOUR BUTT KICKED, AND GOING ANYWAY.

**A TRUTH ABOUT BEING A VICTIM OF CRIME: IT MAKES YOU HATE.

**THE WONDER OF POLICE WORK IS… . POLICE WORK. GOD, IT FEELS GOOD WHEN YOU HELP A LITTLE CHILD.

**RANK IMPOSES RESPONSIBILITY, NOT PRIVILEGE OR POWER.

**IT’S EASIER TO KEEP YOUR CHARACTER THAN TRY TO RECOVER IT.

**A LONG WALK IS A GOOD REMEDY FOR A SHORT TEMPER.

**THERE IS NO BETTER SYMBOL OF MAN’S HUMANITY TO MAN THAN A POLICE CAR WITH LIGHTS BLAZING AND SIREN SCREAMING.

**A SMART COP KNOWS WHAT TO DO NEXT.

**IF YOU ENJOY BEING BRUTALLY HONEST, CHECK YOURSELF WHETHER IT’S THE BRUTALITY OR THE HONESTY THAT TRIPS YOUR TRIGGER.

**IF YOU BEAT YOUR CHILD, YOU ARE ALSO BEATING YOUR GRANDCHILD. JEWISH PROVERB.

**NO ONE KNOWS THE DEFINITION OF CHILD ABUSE? HERE IT IS: NEVER HIT A CHILD ANYWHERE BUT ON THE BOTTOM, WITH ANYTHING BUT YOUR HAND AND NEVER MORE THAN THREE TIMES. YOU WANTED IT, YOU GOT IT. (THANKS FOR THIS ONE TOO DAD. GOD REST YOUR SOUL)

**TO HAVE A FRIEND, BE ONE. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.

**YOUR WORK IS YOUR PRAISE.

**THE PERSON AT THE BOTTOM IS THE ONE TO TALK TO, TO FIND OUT WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

**THERE IS NO CAUTIOUS TEST FOR COURAGE.

**PAY ATTENTION TO THE CROOKS. THEY WILL BE THE FIRST TO POINT OUT YOUR MISTAKES.

**PATIENCE CAN BE THE KEY TO EVERYTHING. IT DON’T USUALLY HURT TO WAIT A COUPLE OF SECONDS.

**INTEGRITY, MINUS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT DOING EQUALS YOUR REPUTATION.

**THINK ABOUT THIS: THE ONLY COMPANION YOU WILL HAVE FROM BIRTH TO DEATH… . IS YOURSELF. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

**INTEGRITY! YOU HAVE IT OR YOU DON’T! WHAT COULD BE EASIER?

**THERE IS A CHASM BETWEEN NEARLY RIGHT AND EXACTLY RIGHT.

**WISDOM IS WHAT YOU NEED TO KEEP YOU OUT OF SITUATIONS WHERE YOU NEED IT.

**BE LAZY, REST BEFORE YOU GET TIRED.

**BRAVERY IS ALWAYS IN FASHION.

**WORK RADAR NOT WRECKS.

**DRINK AND DRIVE; WE’LL PROVIDE THE CHASER.

**GET KNOCKED DOWN SEVEN TIMES, STAND UP EIGHT… . JAPANESE PROVERB

**BE CAUTIOUS GIVING ADVICE, IT’S AN UNCERTAIN GIFT.

**IT’S HARD TO TELL A HUMAN IS A MONSTER UNTIL (S)HE DOES SOMETHING MONSTROUS. IE: RICHARD DAVIS

**ENEMIES COME AND GO, FRIENDS ACCUMULATE.

**YOU AREN’T GIVEN LUCK, IT’S LENT TO YOU.

**BE A MARSHMALLOW, UNTIL YOU ARE FORCED TO TURN TO GRANITE.

**SMILE, THINGS COULD BE WORSE.

**TO WIN, YOU MUST PREPARE TO WIN.

**RULES ARE GOOD, BUT BE PREPARED TO MAKE YOUR OWN WHEN NEED ARISES.

**NECESSITY WILL FORCE YOU TO TAKE CHANCES. BE PREPARED.

**THERE IS NO DEGREE OF HONESTY

**THERE IS NO DEGREE OF INTEGRITY

**THERE IS NO DEGREE OF TRUTH

**IT SHOCKS US TO FIND A TRAITOR AMONGST US, YET WE LAUGH AT HONOR.

**LIVE SO YOU CAN DEFEND YOURSELF… . BUT NEVER HAVE TO.

**AN FTO CAN TELL YOU WHAT HE EXPECTS OF YOU. A TEACHING FTO AWAKENS YOUR OWN EXPECTATIONS.

**IT’S HARDER TO BEAR TEARS THAT YOU HAVE CAUSED.

**IN POLICE WORK, MOMENTS ABSOLUTELY FREE FROM WORRY ARE CALLED PANIC.

**WRITE INJURIES IN SAND AND KINDNESSES IN MARBLE… . FRENCH PROVERB.

**SERGEANTS! POLICEMEN LIVE BY ENCOURAGEMENT AND DIE WITHOUT IT… . SLOWLY… . SADLY… . ANGRILY.

**A GOOD COP DOES MAKE MISTAKES. A BAD COP KEEPS REPEATING THEM.

**IT’S EASIER TO SMILE THAN FROWN.

**WHEN THINGS ARE BAD, THEY CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE… CONVERSELY… . WHEN THINGS ARE GOOD, THEY CAN ALWAYS GET BETTER.

**IF IT AIN’T ON PAPER, IT AIN’T.

**THE PALEST INK IS BETTER THAN THE BEST MEMORY.

**YOU CAN’T ACT LIKE A SKUNK FOR LONG WITHOUT SOMEONE QUICKLY GETTING WIND OF IT.

**KINDNESS CONSISTS OF TREATING ASSHOLES BETTER THAN THEY DESERVE.

**HADFIELD’S LAW OF HUMAN BEINGNESS:

*IF YOU TREAT HADFIELD LIKE A HUMAN BEING, HE WILL TREAT YOU LIKE A HUMAN BEING.

*IF YOU DON’T… . HE WON’T

*IF YOU DON’T, YOU’LL WISH YOU HAD.

**LIFE IS HARD, IT’S EVEN HARDER IF YOU’RE STUPID. JOHN WAYNE

**COPS DON’T GET PAID TO FIGHT FAIR… . ONLY WIN.

**INVICTUS** LOOK IT UP! IT’S LATIN

**A CITIZEN WORKS FROM SUN TO SUN… . A COP’S WORK IS NEVER DONE.

**PROPOSAL FOR LEGISLATION: A BILL; TO ALL WHO THESE PRESENTS SHALL COME;

   GREETINGS:

   BE IT PROPOSED THAT; ANYONE POSSESSING A VALID ARIZONA HUNTER’S LICENSE, MAY:

1.    BAG AN UNLIMITED NUMBER OF LAWYERS, BUT NOT FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES.

2.    LAWYERS MAY NOT BE BAITED WITH MONEY OR LIQUOR.

3.    LAWYERS MAY NOT BE CALLED BY YELLING WHIPLASH, AMBULANCE OR CONTINGENCY FEE.

4.    HONEST LAWYERS (IF SUCH MAY BE FOUND) BEING AN EXTREMELY ENDANGERED SPECIES MAY NOT BE HUNTED.

5.    IF SAID LAWYER DENIES BEING A LAWYER HE MAY BE INSTANTLY BAGGED, KNOWING HOW MUCH LAWYERS LIE.

**SOME OBSERVATIONS: 1. NEVER GIVE A CRAZY PERSON AN EVEN BREAK. 2. NEVER GIVE A STUPID PERSON AN EVEN BREAK. 3. WATCH YOUR ASS AT ALL TIMES.

**LET NO VICTIM’S GHOST SAY WE DIDN’T GIVE 110%.

**CRAZINESS IS CRAZINESS; STUPIDITY IS STUPIDITY; LEARN TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

**PEOPLE WHO ARE WISE LEARN FROM THEIR OWN MISTAKES. PEOPLE WHO ARE SMART LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS.

**STUPIDITY IS MUCH MORE COMMON THAN CRAZINESS. BOTH CAN GET YOU KILLED. DON’T BE STUPID TO DEATH.

**BEING A COP IS LIKE HAVING A PICTURE WINDOW ON LIFE… . AND A SEWER.

**LEARNING A SECOND LANGUAGE OPENS ANOTHER WINDOW ON LIFE.

**THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING RIGHT AND EXACTLY RIGHT IS AS WIDE AS THE GRAND CANYON.

**CRAZY PEOPLE CAN’T USUALLY HELP BEING CRAZY. STUPID PEOPLE USUALLY CAN. IF YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID, CORRECT IT AND DON’T DO IT AGAIN.

**DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE, BEFORE SOMEONE DOES IT TO YOU.

**KNOW THE TRUTH, SPEAK IT.

   *KNOW A LIE, ABHOR IT.

   *LEARN INTEGRITY, LIVE IT.

   *RECOGNIZE EVIL, DESTROY IT.

   *HAVE PRIDE, SHOW IT

   *SEEK KINDNESS, GIVE IT.

   *LEARN LOVE, GIVE IT FREELY.

**THE BEST YOU CAN HOPE FOR WHEN CONFRONTED BY A POLICE OFFICER IS A TOUGH HIDE AND A KIND HEART.

**FATE WILL ALWAYS TAKE IT’S CUT… . YOU CAN COUNT ON IT… . AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

**PROFESSIONALS ARE PREDICTABLE… . IT’S THE AMATEURS THAT ARE DANGEROUS… . STUPID AMATEURS ARE OFF THE SCALE.

**LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE FINISH LINE… . LIFE IS ABOUT THE RACE.

**IF IT IS STUPID, BUT IT WORKS, IT’S NOT STUPID.

**WISDOM OFTEN NEVER COMES. THEREFORE, ONE OUGHT NOT TO REJECT IT BECAUSE IT COMES LATE.

**PEOPLE WITH PLATE GLASS ASSES SHOULDN’T WALK WHERE IT’S SLICK… . WILLY.

**SPEAK THE TRUTH BUT LEAVE IMMEDIATELY… . THEREAFTER… . SLOVENIAN PROVERB

**A CONSCIENCE IS THE PRICE OF MORALITY… . MORALITY IS THE PRICE OF CIVILIZATION… . IF YOU HAVE NO CONSCIENCE YOU ARE NOT AND CAN NOT BE CIVILIZED.

**IF YOU DON’T PLAY BALL WITH ME, I’LL SHOVE THE BAT UP YOUR ASS.

W.E.B. GRIFFIN

**IF THE SERGEANT AIN’T HAPPY, AIN’T NOBODY HAPPY.

**Q. WHY WON’T A SHARK BITE A LAWYER?

   A. PROFESSIONAL COURTESY.

**Q. WHAT DO YOU HAVE WHEN YOU HAVE 200 LAWYERS UP TO THEIR NECKS IN CEMENT?

   A. NOT ENOUGH CEMENT.

**Q. HOW DO YOU RUIN A LAWYER’S PARTY?

   A. FLUSH THE PUNCH BOWL.

**1. COMPLICATED, COMPLEX AND COSTLY SOLUTIONS TO SIMPLE PROBLEMS ARE ACCEPTABLE.

2.    UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL SIMPLE, EASILY UNDERSTOOD SOLUTIONS TO COSTLY COMPLEX PROBLEMS BE TOLERATED.

3.    IF YOU CAN TRIPLE THE COST OF A SOLUTION, YOU WILL GO FAR.

**IF YOU FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF CRIME TO IT’S SOURCE, YOU BEGIN TO WONDER IF THE TIME FOR PUNISHMENT HASN’T ARRIVED. ARE WE TALKING ABOUT JAIL? MAYBE NOT. MAYBE IT’S TIME FOR THE SAVAGES TO LIVE IN FEAR FOR A CHANGE.

**EVERYONE THINKS BEING A POLICE OFFICER IS, IN THE MAIN, FUN AND EXCITING. THEY DON’T REALIZE WHAT A PAIN IN THE BUTT IT CAN BE DEALING WITH ALL OF THE ASSHOLES OF THE WORLD.

**GIVEN MY OPINION OF LAWYERS, ATTORNEYS, COUNSELORS, WHATEVER, IS ABOUT AS LOW AS IT CAN GET, IT’S STILL HIGHER THAN IT SHOULD BE.

**WHEN YOU’RE BIG ENOUGH TO KICK MY ASS, YOU’LL BE TOO OLD.

**A PERSPECTIVE ON POLICE WORK AND CHILD ABUSE:

   . . . . IT IS NOT THE JOB OF THE LAMBS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM THE PREDATION OF THE WOLVES.

   . . . . THEIR PROTECTION, THEIR GUARDIAN IS THE OFFICER ASSIGNED TO INVESTIGATE AND BRING TO THE BAR OF JUSTICE… . THE MALEFACTOR.

**THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW… . BUT THINK THEY KNOW… . ARE FOOLS. DISMISS THEM. (I DON’T KNOW WHO SAID THIS BUT IT’S GOOD)

**IF IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. DON’T WASTE TIME TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT.

**CHOKE ’EM… . DON’T SMOKE ’EM.

**HOW DO YOU TURN A NORMAL HUMAN BEING INTO AN ASSHOLE? ADD ALCOHOL.

**DICK DRANK… . DICK DROVE… . DICK DIED. DON’T BE A DICK.

**WRESTLING WITH A COP IS LIKE WRESTLING WITH A HOG. YOU’LL BOTH GET FILTHY, THE HOG LOVES IT, AND YOU’LL STILL LOSE.

**IF A PERSON IS SMART, EVEN BRILLIANT, YET HAS NO COMMON SENSE, THAT PERSON IS STUPID.

**IF YOU PUT SUGAR ON SHIT, ALL YOU HAVE IS SWEET SHIT. LIKEWISE IF YOU MAKE A CRUDDY CASE LOOK PRETTY, YOU STILL HAVE A CRUDDY CASE.

**NON SPERA LUPUM DORMIENTUM (D.B. HADFIELD’S MOTTO): WAKE NOT THE SLEEPING WOLF.

**INVICTUS (D.B. HADFIELD’S NOM DE POLICE): INVINCIBLE. (I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LOOK IT UP)

**MORE ON STUPIDITY! STUPIDITY SCARES ME TO DEATH. IF STUPIDITY DOESN’T SCARE YOU, YOU’RE STUPID.

**HADFIELD’S FIRST LAW OF THE STREET:

   *NEVER MESS WITH ANYONE THAT’S CRAZIER THAN YOU ARE.

**HADFIELD’S SECOND LAW OF THE STREET:

   *IF YOU MESS WITH SOMEONE WHO IS CRAZIER THAN YOU ARE MAKE SURE YOUR LIFE INSURANCE IS PAID UP.

**CULTIVATE THE SMILE WRINKLES AT THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH AND EYES.

**LEGALESE: IPSO FACTO UPGEFUCTO

   TRANSLATION: IT’S A FACT, YOU @&#%ED UP

**IF YOU CAN’T LAUGH ABOUT IT, EVENTUALLY YOU’LL HAVE TO CRY.

**FURTHER HADFIELD’S LAWS:

1.    IF A COP CAN SCREW SOMETHING UP, (S)HE WILL.

2.    IF A COP HASN’T SCREWED IT UP YET (S)HE WILL VERY SOON.

3.    WHEN A COP SCREWS IT UP (S)HE WILL SCREW IT UP IN SUCH A MANNER THAT IT CAN NOT BE UN-SCREWED UP

4.    WHEN A COP SCREWS SOMETHING UP, THE SERGEANT ALWAYS FINDS OUT ABOUT IT JUST AFTER THE BRASS DOES.

5.    IF COPS DIDN’T SCREW THINGS UP, THEY WOULDN’T BE COPS.

**PEOPLE JUST CAN’T KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT… . USE IT.

**BEWARE OF THE THREE D’S  . . . . DRUNKS… . DRUGGIES… . DEMENTEDS

**ON INSANITY:

1.    PERFECT PARANOIA IS PERFECT AWARENESS.

2.    JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS CRAZY, NEVER THINK FOR A MINUTE THEY ARE STUPID.

3.    HELP! THE PARANOIDS ARE AFTER ME.

**JUST WHEN I HAD ALL THE ANSWERS, SOME ASSHOLE CHANGED THE QUESTIONS.

**A COP’S DISEASE: OPTO-RECTITIS, AN INFLAMMATION OF THE NERVE BETWEEN THE EYEBALL AND THE ASSHOLE GIVING YOU A SHITTY OUTLOOK ON LIFE.

**RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION = HEAD UP ASS. THE CURE? RECTAL CRANIAL EXTRACTION.

**IF YOU LET THE BRASS CRAP ON YOU AND DO NOTHING, THEY CALL IT CHEERFUL WILLING OBEDIENCE OF ORDERS. I SAY IF THE BRASS CRAPS ON YOU AND YOU DON’T LET THEM, IT’S INTEGRITY.

**COP-ISM: STANDS OUT LIKE A DIAMOND IN A GOAT’S ASS.

**COP-ISM: BIGGER THAN STUTTGART

**NO WAIVER… . NO STATEMENT… . NO POLY… . PROVE IT.

**TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT, THEY MAY ACTUALLY BLAME IT ON A SERGEANT.

**YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO DO THIS JOB… . BUT IT HELPS.

**USUALLY, WHEN SILENCE IS CALLED FOR, EVEN DEMANDED, PEOPLE SAY THE WRONG THING. KEEP YOUR MOUTH… . SHUT… .

**ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, I’M A SCHIZOPHRENIC AND SO AM I.

**ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE. SOME POEMS RHYME, THIS ONE DON’T.

**THE USE OF PROFANITY INDICATES POOR UPBRINGING, IMPROPER SOCIALIZATION AND AN INADEQUATE VOCABULARY… . @+!%& IT.

**AFTER ALMOST THIRTY YEARS IN POLICE WORK, THE ONLY THING I’M SURE OF IS THAT I HAVEN’T SEEN IT ALL.

**HUMILIATION IS, MANY TIMES, GOOD FOR YOUR CHARACTER.

**DEATH IS BAD FOR YOUR BODY.

**COP-ISM: STUPIDER THAN A STUMP.

**A THOUGHT ABOUT DEATH:

   DEATH IS THE ABSOLUTE END.

    IT LASTS A LONG TIME.

LIKE IT LASTS FOREVER.

AND THEN SOME.

   STUPIDITY WILL GET YOU THERE QUICKER THAN ANYTHING I KNOW.

**YOU ARE HERE! IT IS NOW! EVERYTHING ELSE IS COW PATTIES.

**EVEN WHEN ALL THE EXPERTS AGREE, THEY MAY STILL BE MISTAKEN.

**IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING. I DO KNOW JACK SHIT.

**WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS! GO TO TRIPLE A! THAT IS:

   AGITATE.

   AGGRAVATE.

   ARREST. (THEY ACTUALLY USED TO TEACH THIS IN THE ACADEMY)

**A PROFESSIONAL IS A PERSON WHO DOES HIS BEST WORK EVEN WHEN (S)HE