Seasons of Abuse

By Dorothy A. Taggart

In every poem written an interpretation of a dream, nightmare, or reality remains to be revealed.

Tayas reality was that she lived in an abusive relationship over a decade, which was not a dream, instead it was a nightmare. She lived the nightmare and faced the reality of abuse early in life, nevertheless her dreams came true later in her life.
As the seasons changed her emotions changed with expressions of love, hate, depression, and fear. While God sent his grace, wisdom, love, and joy down from heaven-Taya embraced his gifts in the rain, sunshine, wind, and snow.
Without the fear of what people might think, Taya was able to express her true self by expressing her true feelings throughout her stories and poems. There is a message in her poems and stories, which will remain in hearts and minds forever.
While her emotions traveled deep into her words-her tears bled with the hopes that every word in this book would reach every hurting soul that needs healing.
Living in an environment surrounded around drugs, violence, and crime did not prevent Tayas dreams from coming true. For she was able to reach out to God with the confidence that he would carry her through all her trials and tribulations, which she experienced in life.
Her poems describe her world, so she would like to invite you to see life through her eyes.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490849751

Dorothy A. Taggart

Dorothy A. Taggart was raised in Los Angeles, California. She graduated with a BA in Sociology and worked in the Mental Health Field for over 10 years. She is a survivor of Domestic Violence and has a deep compassion for women who suffer from DV. Her main goal in life is to serve God, and to reach out to women who are being and have been abused. Dorothy believes that prevention and the knowledge of abuse is the solution to ending Domestic Violence.

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Copyright © 2014 Dorothy A. Taggart.

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Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-4976-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4975-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014915430

WestBow Press rev. date: 9/12/2014

Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 Twirling Snow

Chapter 2 Upon a time

Chapter 3 Path of gold

Chapter 4 Distance

Chapter 5 Lost dreams

Chapter 6 Void

Chapter 7 Trapped in fear

Chapter 8 Bruised

Chapter 9 Echo of silence

Chapter 10 Realm

Chapter 11 Simplicity

Chapter 12 Embrace

Chapter 13 Death in love

Chapter 14 Sight

Chapter 15 Dwelling

Chapter 16 Eternal

Chapter 17 Myself

Chapter 18 Prisoner

Chapter 19 Hollow

Chapter 20 Visions

Chapter 21 Rise from beneath

Chapter 22 Prosecuted

Chapter 23 Spiritual

Chapter 24 Colors of life

Chapter 25 Drenched

Chapter 26 Rain

Chapter 27 Stream

Dedicated to my sister Marina

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn an a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

ECCLESIASTES 3: 1-8

Words are the foundation, which are built from God’s truth, glory, and love—they are like rain drops from heaven. Words are like a dream, they linger in our memory for a short period of time, therefore if we do not reveal them to others, they will be forgotten, as our dreams are forgotten. God created the word to reveal the truth to others; it’s our choice to either, allow to accept the truth, keep silent or forget what was revealed to us, and meant for others. Words are like dreams, if not revealed, they perish forever.

Acknowledgements

F irst, I would like to thank God for blessing me with his wisdom, knowledge, and love. He has guided, directed, and comforted me through the trials, tribulations, and temptations, which I endured, throughout the process of getting my manuscript completed and published. God has truly been patient with me, for I have cried, doubted, and feared the possibilities of failure.

Secondly, I would like to thank my son James, my daughter Wendy, and my grandson Tristan, for believing, encouraging, and supporting me throughout the completion of this book. Their motivation, inspiration, and love has giving me the strength to fulfill my destiny, and to live my dreams. Not only that, as I was writing, they had to suffer through my grumpiness, my ups, and my downs.

Lastly, I would like to thank my sister Marina, for expressing her confidence in my writing; I could not have completed this book without her kind words. Her beauty that is deep in her spirit, enlightened me with empathy towards all women that suffer from abuse. Her tears have giving me the strength to cry, thus I poured my tears into words. And not to mention, her humor, and all the times we laughed and cried, as I read her parts of this book.

Introduction

I WANTED TO WRITE, I WILL WRITE, AND I AM WRITING!

T aya’s Mother said to her one sunny day in 1970. Here is a poem and if you are able to recite this poem by memory, I will reward you. At the age of 5 years old, Taya memorized and recited her first poem (Little Boy Blue by Eugene Field) for a few pennies or more. This emotional poem, and the story behind the poem, had embraced her soul throughout her life. In effect, her courage to write poems, begun when her emotions were struck by the memories of this poem.

When Taya was around 12 years old, she gained the ambition to write a book. She was not sure what she was going to write about—she just had a premonition that she was going to write. Over the years, she felt the gumption to write her words, thoughts, and outcomes of her life in a book of stories. Thus, Taya felt the urgency to release her distress, so she started to write. The walls had ears, and her silence needed to be unchained.

The conviction of being silent parched in Taya’s heart for days, months, and years. Moreover, the compassion and empathy for others who have or will be abused, flourished deep in her soul. She believed that God planted a seed into her heart to write about her past experiences of abuse, which she had endured throughout her life.

Taya is a survivor of Domestic Violence, and has experienced various forms of abuse as a child, adult, and human being. Nonetheless, she has overcome the trauma of being abused by constant prayer, and by the grace of God. Taya wants to share the love of our Lord to others, by letting them know that there is hope, healing, and salvation, through the love of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Taya has compiled short stories from the poems, which she has written over the past 20 years. The poems she chose to place in this book, are all based on her actual experiences in her life. These poems have guided her memories back to the life, she once lived. She was able to recollect and visualize the good, bad, and sad memories by reading her poems; she then was able to generate short stories from her selected poems, which actually occurred in her life.

One day while reading one particular poem (Upon a Time) Taya’s emotions filled with sad, happy, and unforgettable memories of when she was a child. At that moment, Taya realized she wanted to tell people her story—in hopes that her true stories will touch, and help all individuals, whom are experiencing any type of abuse, reach out for help.

Taya felt God had directed her in every step of the way; his words inspired her to write her poems and stories, for the purpose of helping the hopeless and weary gain their faith back—for we are not alone, there is hope, even in silence.

Taya has prayed that every person who reads this book will allow God to guide them into the right path towards healing, if needed. Likewise, she hopes the scriptures touch their hearts, and gives them the strength to move forward towards their dreams, which are made in heaven, Amen.

Little Boy Blue

By Eugene Field (1850-1895)

The little toy dog is covered with dust,

But sturdy and stanch he stands;

And the little toy soldier is red with rust,

And his musket moulds in his hands.

Time was when the little toy dog was new,

And the soldier was passing fair;

And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue

Kissed them and put them there.

Now, don’t you go till I come, he said,

And don’t you make any noise!

So, toddling off to his trundle-bed,

He dreamt of the pretty toys;

And, as he was dreaming, an angel song

Awakened our Little Boy Blue–

Oh! the years are many, the years are long,

But the little toy friends are true!

Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,

Each in the same old place–

Awaiting the touch of a little hand,

The smile of a little face;

And they wonder, as waiting the long years through

In the dust of that little chair,

What has become of our Little Boy Blue,

Since he kissed them and put them there.

1

Twirling Snow

Lost memories of cold thoughts turning into ice.

The peace that dwells in my mind is no more.

The wicked nightmares took my hope and strength away.

I was stuck in the lines of fire, waiting to be seen.

Windows were shut, closed, locked for future memories.

Sweet and innocent would be no more.

The environment changed from bitter air to blistering fire.

Smothered around evil that stood above me, high above grounds.

Frightened as a little girl, afraid to be heard or seen.

Eyes that grew old, stuck in a vision of distorted memories.

I t’s distressing to believe that Taya was once an innocent baby suffering from severe, terrifying, and torturous nightmares—night after night and year after year with no conclusions as to why they happened. Her mother once mentioned that she covered Taya’s tiny body with a black blanket to prevent night terrors from occurring. You weren’t even a year old, she sadly whispered.

As Taya’s mother was discussing these horrid nightmares with her, suddenly Taya remembered a particular nightmare that she had repeatedly as a child. Till this day, this nightmare remains in her memory as clear as daylight.

As Taya started to fall into a deep sleep, she could see a nightmare reappearing out of the unsympathetic darkness. In an instance, her body was stiff, and she couldn’t move. She could see herself floating above a massive rock in a dark cave, and just below was a herd of what looked like monstrous bears. They were surrounding and mauling her second-eldest sister, Rylie, and her mother from limb to limb. All she could see or hear was both of them screaming in terror. She began screaming endless words of grief to Rylie and her mother, hence she cried until she felt faintly exhausted, and could not scream no longer.

Taya felt paralyzed, mortified, and helpless in this gruesome state of mind that seemed like reality to her. She couldn’t wake up, so while she was in this paralyzed state, she questioned the unknown as to why was she alone and trapped in a hollow mind?

Taya’s first older sister, Livia, had mentioned one day that she and Taya’s mother used to try to wake Taya up from the horror in which she was so helplessly stuck in. Livia said, When Mom and I would go shopping, I would remind her, Don’t forget the lemons."

Lemons? Taya asked. What good would they do?

"Well, when you were having a nightmare, Mom would order me to go get a slice of lemon. I was always up, you know. You were screaming relentlessly and scared all of us to death. Besides, I was the oldest child, and I was very concerned, not only that I felt