Liv, in the Moment

By Tracy Dale

It's tough out there for a girl with body issues. Especially when the guy who's always ranked on the Hot-List likes to make jokes about your physique. Liv is pretty sure she hates him, but when she sees him endure something no person ever should, their relationship is changed forever.
 
She has known Connor for years, but it in one heart-stopping moment, she realizes she never really knew him at all. Suddenly, he's in her life, every day, in ways she'd never imagined, and all the complicated feelings she has for him, become something she is forced to deal with.
 
From junior to senior year, Liv grows in both body and mind as she faces the harsher realities of life. From changing friendships to burgeoning relationships, one thing stays the same: trying to understand the confusing behavior of a guy who is so much more than just a casual friend.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Flying Feather Publishing
• Release date: Oct 31, 2017
• ISBN: 9780999209837

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

You Don't Even Know It's Denial

SHE HATED HIM. SHE really did. He bugged her like nobody's business. Got under her skin like clawing nails with needlepoint edges.

Hey, Lucky Legs, Connor said as he walked up. Lucky they don't snap.

Liv glowered at him. "Shut up!"

Connor cracked up. The rest of their group ignored them. They were always messing with each other. This was certainly not the first time they'd heard about her Lucky Legs.

You taken your driving test yet? Connor said.

I hadn't as of Friday, when you asked me. And what day is it today, Connor?

He grinned. Monday?

Monday, Liv repeated. If I hadn't done it Friday, how could I have done it by today?

You could have—

Yeah, yeah, I know. I could have done it on Saturday. Spare me. She took a drink of her soda. You know what? You'll be the first to know, just to get you off my freaking back.

If I was on your back, you'd break in two, Twiglet.

Liv stared him down. "You are so annoying. Why do you care so much anyway?"

So you can give me a ride. What else?

Connor lived down the block from her house. She liked to pretend she didn't know where, but she always looked inside his windows when she went by.

Take your test and give yourself a ride, she said.

Done that, he muttered.

It was loud on the campus, middle of lunchtime, but still she heard him. You took your test?

He acted like the conversation had just got incredibly boring. So?

Liv was hesitant. He annoyed her like no other, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings. If he had feelings, her snarky subconscious noted. Did you...?

I passed, Twiglet.

How she hated the name Twiglet. Whereas the girls around her already looked like women, she was quite simply the antithesis of all that was voluptuous. She was painfully skinny. Size zero was invented for her inverted frame, but no matter what she did she couldn't gain weight.

Then why aren't you driving your sorry butt to school? she said then wanted to cringe. She'd mentioned his bottom. He had an outstanding bottom. She shouldn't notice it, and now that she mentioned it, he was sure to—

Connor turned, gave her his back as his hands cupped his buttocks. This butt? Is this the one you are referring to? The one voted Best Butt in the Junior class?

Liv glowered at him. The unsanctioned list of most sexually desirable students had made the rounds before the teachers got a hold of it. Liv wasn't on it, wonder of wonders. Connor, of course was—in several different categories. He delighted in reminding her at every opportunity.

No wonder you don't have a girlfriend, she said. You're too busy feeling yourself up.

Connor chuckled and sat next to her on the half-wall where they always hung out. Well it's just such an outstanding ass.

Liv couldn't resist laughing. This was why they sought each other out. Whenever they were in the same vicinity, they naturally gravitated toward each other, despite the aggravation. Well, aggravation on her end anyway. They made each other laugh. It was simple. It was fun.

She noticed how satisfied he looked as her laughter tapered off. Sometimes, when she looked at him, she wished she were an artist. He had such marvelous features. She understood conceptually that he was young, but he didn't look young to her. His face probably would look boyish from the perspective of her parents, but all she saw were fascinating lines, hard lines, across his brows, down the slant of his cheekbones, sharply separating his jaw from his neck. She wished she could draw his likeness. Paint the interesting angles.

She jerked her gaze away, aware she was staring. She was relieved he hadn't caught her. Again. So if you passed, why aren't you driving yourself? She hadn't meant to sound irritated. 'Course, she hadn't meant to stare at him either.

Connor noticed. What's bundled your branches?

She picked up on it immediately. Ooh. Clever.

His rascal's grin was back in place. Thanks. I like that one myself.

She smiled against her will. So are you going to tell me?

He shrugged and looked away. I don't got a car.

She felt bad for him. For no good reason, and it annoyed her. So insist I get my license so we can commiserate on how cool it is to have a license and no car?

Commiserate my ass.

"Here we go. Please don't grab your butt again."

Connor looked confused, but then he chuckled. I like to save it for when you aren't expecting it. He scratched his buzzed head.

Liv loved the scraping sound it made. She wondered how his thick black hair would feel brushing against her palm.

C'mon, Liv. You know your parents are going to buy you a car.

I don't know that, and even if I did, what does it have to do with you?

Connor looked at her like she was dumb. So you can give me a ride, he said, insultingly slow.

Yellow school bus crimping your style, big boy?

I'm on there with the bottom of the barrel. Every day a freshman sits next to me and tries to talk to me—

How dare they! Liv interrupted with mock horror.

The other day, some jailbait invited me to her house. Said her parents weren't home or some crap like that.

Liv felt anger kindle. Are you kidding?

Why would I joke about that?

What a slut.

She looked like she's been around a few times. He scratched his head again. She looked so young though, it was freaky.

How young?

Barely old enough to be in high school. Damn! he exploded suddenly. I can't wait to be out of here. A whole year before we graduate.

At least it's a whole year before that girl actually becomes jailbait, Liv pointed out, ever meticulous with details.

It amused Connor. Yeah, he said with false enthusiasm. Thank God for that.

Liv sighed, annoyed at herself, even as she said, I can probably get my mom to pick you up in the mornings.

Done, Connor said instantly. What about after school?

Liv's eyes rounded. You are a scam artist in the making.

You think? He sounded serious. They make a lot of money, right?

You mean before they end up in jail?

Who says I would get caught? His lips twitched at her expression. Would you visit me in the big house, Lucky?

Nope. And stop with the names already.

Connor opened his mouth to say something—probably another name—but Chelsea walked up and said, You just guaranteed he'll use them even more, Liv. She'd been friends with both of them for years. She knew exactly how Connor was.

You got that right, Connor said.

Liv got up. I'm going to class. You can stay here and...think up names.

Connor half-turned his head to hide his smile. Hey, wait! What about a ride home?

Liv's sigh was long and heartfelt. Fine. But you have to promise to stop grabbing your various body parts in my presence.

But they're top rated body parts, he protested. Liv clamped her lips shut, but still her chest shook from her laughter.

Oh all right, Connor said. I will stop grabbing my perfect form in front of you. Happy now?

Ecstatic, she said, deadpan.

Connor grinned. I'll see you after school.

Liv knew he'd be waiting outside her last class. He'd been angling for a ride home for ages without actually asking, but she'd been unwilling to take pity on him, until today. When her final class ended, he stood just beyond the doorway, waiting for her as the other students filed out of the room like bustling robots.

Her mom didn't bat a lash when she walked up with Connor and asked to drive him to and from school every day. Mom simply asked for directions and his house number.

On the way there, Liv chatted happily to her about the day while Connor sat behind them, staring morosely out the window. Liv noticed it, but didn't think he'd appreciate her asking what was wrong.

When they dropped him off, Connor paused to thank Liv's mom with surprisingly good manners. Liv was about to be impressed. But then he said, just before sliding the van door closed, Hey Liv, your mouth is hanging open. He looked all around at the sky then back to her. "Just saw a really big bug. Better be careful."

Liv snapped her jaw shut and glared at him. He grinned at her.

Mom laughed. Where was the loyalty? She called, Nice to meet you, Connor. We'll see you in the morning.

Traitor, Liv said to her mom.

He's a nice boy, Mom said.

IT BECAME A RITUAL. They picked Connor up every morning and dropped him off every afternoon. He was silent during the ride, but said a very polite Thank you at every destination. Liv did her best to ignore him the entire time, until he would throw out some insulting comment that never failed to make her mother laugh. Liv accepted that the bonds of family loyalty stopped at the first signs of amusement.

So what are you doing this weekend? Connor asked her one Friday after school as they walked from her classroom to the pick-up point.

If I say I'm doing nothing, are you going to make some snide comment about how I don't have a life?

Connor smiled. Naw. I can only say that when I have stuff to do.

Liv was surprised. You aren't doing anything either?

He shrugged.

Well why not? It was strange. Connor didn't lack for female attention, yet he never dated as far as she was aware. He also seemed to have a lot of guy friends, but he always found some excuse why he couldn't go out with them.

He countered with, "Why aren't you doing anything?"

Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I'm not on the Most Desirable list.

Stupid list, he muttered.

Liv looked at him closely. She had thought he was proud. Being on the list was a compliment at the very least. I thought you loved being on that list.

It's a stupid list, Liv. Most of the people on it are assholes. The girls included.

That wasn't the criteria though. Just how hot you are. She tried to say it lightly, but light apparently didn't make it.

Connor looked at her closely and surprised her when he said, You've got the makings, Liv. You'll be hot someday.

Her cheeks went ferociously hot. Um, that's not, um—

Connor snickered. You should see your face. It looks like it's been burned, it's so red.

She scowled. Shut up.

He only laughed harder.

She walked in silence to her mom's van.

Hey guys, Mom said as they got in. Liv, what's happened to your face? Why is it so red?

Connor choked as he buckled himself in.

Liv practically growled, No reason.

Mom, wisely, didn't ask any more questions.

When they got to his house, Liv forced herself to say, Bye, but a part of her hated watching him go. His spirit always seemed to diminish when they dropped him off, especially on Fridays. His teasing, lightheartedness was in full bloom when they picked him up each morning, and lasted throughout the day, but as soon as they got in the van to take him home, his whole demeanor darkened. He brooded.

He's such a nice boy, Mom said as they drove off. So, are you just friends?

Liv stared at her like a growth was coming out of her head. What are you asking?

Just wondering if you like him, that's all.

What would make you even ask that? We've been driving him for two months now, and you ask me that?

A small smile broke through. Yes. I'm asking you that.

Liv made a sound of disgust. He is so not my type.

I thought you didn't have a type.

My type is someone who doesn't annoy me.

Mom laughed. Good criterion.

Liv stared at her long and hard. Does it seem like I like him?

Of course not.

Liv breathed easier.

When they got home, she dropped her bag at the kitchen table Dad! she shouted.

In here! He was watching baseball highlights on the television in the den.

Liv dropped down beside him and planted a kiss on his cheek. He grunted in response. Only an explosion could pull him from a game, and even then it was an uncertain thing. How's it going, Dad?

Good. You? His eyes never wavered from the screen.

Liv knew he heard her with only half his brain, but she didn't care. She enjoyed his company and he always remembered the important stuff. I think I want to take my driving test soon.

I think you're ready.

Liv smiled. I know. I just wanted to make absolutely sure I wouldn't fail. You know?

Mm.

Liv dropped her head on his shoulder. She loved when he got home early on Fridays. He ran a small but relatively prosperous construction company which gave him the freedom to. He hadn't showered since he got home and she could smell he'd been out at a job site. The scent of dirt and sweat didn't bother her though. Where's Darcy?

I put him in the yard. He's probably still out there.

Liv jumped up. Dad!

His eyes flickered to hers. His beard rolled with his fleeting smile. The game came on, Liv. Darcy was taking too long to piss—ah, sorry, go to the bathroom.

Liv rolled her eyes and went to the French doors that opened to the back yard. Their shorthaired golden retriever sat patiently until the doors swung open. Then he charged her, pummeling her with affection. Liv laughed as she hugged him. Did Dad leave you out here all by yourself, boy?

It was a habit Dad had, to the point that Darcy would refuse to go outside if there was someone else in the house to let him out. When there wasn't, Liv imagined Darcy had a resigned look about him. He knew he'd be left there.

You should take him for a walk, Liv, Mom said while she sorted the mail. He hasn't been out all week.

I know. It always made her feel bad when she didn't get him out. I had so much homework this week. And that project I've been working on... She had a list of excuses but Darcy was doing a spastic circular dance that wouldn't quit until she had a leash on him. Fine. I'll be back.

Liv tried to pretend she walked the dog, but anyone with a discerning eye would know differently. Darcy walked her. She supposed it was a good thing she had long legs—skinny though they were—to keep up with her surging pet.

They'd just turned a corner when Darcy yanked her to a tree he just had to investigate. Liv immediately looked at Connor's house. She had a perfect bird's-eye-view through the large front window.

The sun was already low in the sky and lights were on. A sheer curtain covered the window, but Liv could clearly see two guys facing each other. One was definitely Connor. The other, she assumed, was his father.

She didn't mean to stare, she really didn't, but she was so curious about his family life. He never talked about it. Never said a word. As she watched, she began to understand why.

It soon became clear they were arguing. Liv strained to hear and imagined she caught the echoes of his father's shouts. Connor wasn't as loud, but he didn't back down.

Even when his father began to punch him.

She gasped when Connor's father punched him in the face twice, bit back a scream when his fists attacked Conner's stomach like a boxer. Blow after blow landed until Conner collapsed, sinking out of her view.

Horrified by what she'd witnessed, and ashamed that she'd stood and stared without doing a thing, Liv ran toward his house. If she just rang the doorbell, maybe it would interrupt his father long enough to get him to stop.

As she was about to fly up the front steps, the door opened. Connor came out. He was hunched over, his nose was bleeding, and the side of his face was swollen. He pulled the door closed and started down the steps. When he saw her, he froze.

He looked quickly away and continued down the steps, ignoring her.

She followed.

What the hell are you doing here? he said after a moment.

Instinctively Liv knew she had to act like what just happened, hadn't. I'm walking my dog. Her throat was so tight, it made her voice sound different..

They walked together silently. Not saying anything was excruciating for Liv. She wanted to help him. He needed help, but how could she give it to him? He had to be in pain. He couldn't stand up straight, and his face had blood trickling down it. There's a park over there, she said, finally.

So?

So, I want to sit down, and since you don't have anything better to do, you might as well join me.

Why should I?

Because I give you a ride every day. She felt bad using it against him, but it was the best card she held and she was going to play it.

He followed her to the park. Liv stopped at the nearest bench and pretended to busy herself with the leash while he struggled to sit down without being obvious about his pain. She wrapped Darcy's leash around the bench leg and tried to look casual. Liv waited as long as she could before she looked at him and said, Oh, don't move. Hold on.

What? Connor looked around.

Liv pulled out two of the sanitary wipes she always brought when she walked Darcy. You have something on your face. Hold on. She leaned forward.

Connor jerked back. What are you doing?

Liv pretended to be impatient. You look like a mess. Sit still.

He started to push away, but whether it was pain or resignation that stopped him, she couldn't say. He finally sat stiffly, his gaze locked on her while she gently cleaned his face.

"It really doesn't