A Kept Secret: The Aftermath of a Kept Woman

By Sasha Maxwell

A Kept Secret tells her story in her own voice. She shares how she had to go through some mess in order to get to extravagance. Peer in the pages and journey to the dark side of spiritual leaders. You will discover how they handle marriage, separation and divorce. One man is described as a preacher in the pulpit. And the second man is described as a player in the streets, but secretly is a minister. Get your eyes set to witness the unscrupulous escapades of two ruthless men who have nothing but greed, conquest and manipulation on their minds. Prepare yourself for a dastardly adventure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 18, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481712125

Sasha Maxwell

Sherry D. Bailey is a people person. She loves decorating, entertaining and relaxing by the water. Her most precious gifts are her three sons and one grandson. Sherry views her life as an open book so that others can gain strength. She holds a masters, bachelors and associates degree. Sherry is a journalist, businesswoman and a licensed ordained minister. She resides in Austin, Texas.

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Sasha Maxwell

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AuthorHouse™

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© 2013 by Sasha Maxwell. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 02/05/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-1213-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-1212-5 (e)

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Contents

Preface

Dedication

1 Exclamations of Revelations

2 The Cat is Out the Bag

3 Too Hot to Handle

4 Fate or Fantasy?

5 Need a Get Away?

6 Blowing Winds Settle Eventually

7 Separation Leads to Divorce

8 Mine is Mine

9 Sudden Scorn

10 Church Harlot & Haughty Hussy

11 Denial & Disappointment

12 Clash of Competing Clergy

13 Magnificent Manifestations

14 Madness, Mayhem and Malfeasance

15 Salubrious Sin

16 Jail Bird

17 I Can Cry

18 Free to Forgive

19 In Too Deep

20 Onerous Oxymoron

21 The Dawn Of A New Day

22 Extravagant Expansion

Preface

This book will examine the motives of men who attempt to control women. In particular, it will highlight the exploits of two men. It will detail how one man kept a woman oppressed in an abusive and demoralizing relationship while the second man kept her induced in a love-feigned stupor begging for more. She discloses certain events of these two relationships while shedding light on how they warred against her own spiritual convictions. These accounts are her personal memoirs. "A Kept Secret" tells her story in her own voice. She shares how she had to go through some mess in order to get to extravagance. Peer in the pages and journey to the dark side of spiritual leaders. You will discover how they handle marriage, separation and divorce. One man is described as a preacher in the pulpit. And the second man is described as a player in the streets, but secretly is a minister. Get your eyes set to witness the unscrupulous escapades of two ruthless men who have nothing but greed, conquest and manipulation on their minds. Prepare yourself for a dastardly adventure.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to a friend who showed me who I really am.

Thanks, James

1

Exclamations of Revelations

Little did I know that being separated kept me feigning for a man. I feigned for a man that didn’t want me. I know that sounds ludicrous, but it was true. It was a duality of my reality. I didn’t feign for my soon to be ex-husband. No sir that would’ve been a humongous mistake. I didn’t want his abusive and domineering personality anymore. I was done with that. No, what I wanted was to be loved. So, I say I feigned for man who didn’t want me because he didn’t know what he wanted. And I of course, I didn’t know what I really wanted until we met.

In my mind, I romanticized about the idea of being in a loving relationship with a compassionate man. And of course, I wanted that to come to fruition, but at the time I was stuck in my dreadful reality. Nonetheless, I kept the secret notion of love. I knew someday it would find me. It was a heart-warming daydream that I enjoyed reliving. I visualized the long strolls that we would take in the park while holding each other’s hands. I daydreamed about how we would be engulfed in one another’s aroma, hoping that the scent of the other would linger for a lifetime. And I dreamt about the caressing touch of his strong arms wrapped around my curvaceous body that would send him into a tailspin of existentialism. Seriously, I just wanted the sacredness of love. The more vivid my daydream grew the more I dreamt of the gentle stroke of his soft skin touching mine. I was mesmerized by the sincerity in his brown eyes as he looked at mine. And I feigned for those feelings to be reciprocated. Oh what a sensation. I envisioned being embraced and tantalized by love. I had an uncanny fixation of experiencing the reality of that allusive dream. But the truth was it was just a fantasy. I was still stuck in the reality of being alone. It was a dream deferred.

I was not just alone, but I was alone and raising my young son with special needs. It was a startling revelation. It was even revolting at times. Oh how I dreaded that reality. And what I hated even more was that the dream was slowly becoming a nightmare. Every minute brought more horror and contempt. How I wish that I could exclaim that this was only a dreadful trial and not a revelation. But I was wrong; yet I continued to daydream.

Being alone afforded me plenty of time to conjure up my wish list that defined my perfect man. My wish list of a perfect man was an allusion. We all know that there is no such thing as a perfect man. So for literary purposes I called him, "A Kept Man." I was fond of the term, so I coined it. He was called that because he kept me from being on America’s Most Wanted, Snapped, and Women Gone Wild. In a few short months I met my idea of a perfect kept man.

Imagine if you will the onslaught of alluring traits that I was being tempted with. My Kept Man was a dark skinned, deep rich chocolate brother with broad, strong shoulders. His hair was wavy with sprinkles of gray crowning his temple. He stood about five feet eleven with long rugged bowlegs and convincingly strong arms. Not only was he handsome and incredibly sexy; but he was packing more ammunition that should have been considered a crime. Oh, I didn’t mind that. His weapon was a perfect fit. And it was commensurate with the rest of his arsenal. I was no match for his warm, addictive bravado. He had me hooked from the moment our eyes met. I was enraptured by his tender touch. And I was enamored with his seductive features. I knew he felt the same way about me by the mutual expression we shared. Most importantly, it showed on his face. And it showed in the deep tone of his voice when he spoke to me.

As time went on I had no idea that my life was about to be flipped upside down. And I went blindly into an unfamiliar territory that kept me captivated. Permit me to reveal the story that I entitled, "A Kept Secret©." It will uncover certain events that are shrouded in danger, mystery and revenge. And there will be competing parallels between two men. One is hereby referred to as my "kept man." The other is referred to as the perfidious "preacher man." Get ready to read the perils and escapades of two men who were at polar opposites, but had the common denominator of ruthlessness and quest. Determine for yourself how you think the outcome should unfold. And discover how this first lady dealt with danger while being captivated by love.

Imagine if you will the solemn, mundane existence I had being married to a macho man who was a pastor. He was the preacher man. I was the scarlet woman and a prisoner in my own house. I was married to a man who should have fought to keep our marriage, however; he was so enthralled by fame and fortune that he became disturbingly more unattractive. It was like he was vexed. Physically, he was masculine and robust with muscles protruding from his frame. His skin was dark brown and he paraded a bald look. Although his voice was strong and deep; his demeanor was menacing and querulous. Psychologically, he lacked genuine compassion. And his rough exterior evoked a person who was distant and aloof. His character proved to be more foreboding as the years of our marriage passed. Here was a man who had commanded legions of men in the military; received numerous accolades for his sales work in the private sector; but his personal rapport was cold and intimidating. Going through the strains of separation and divorce kept my preacher man more distant and even less compromising. My hope was that he would awaken from this evil spell and declare his unending love and devotion to his family. That didn’t happen. Instead I was forced to contend with apathy, mistreatment and more emotional abuse from my husband. It was absurd.

Any woman who has been betrayed by their husband can understand. But those of us who are pastor’s wives know the dynamics of pastoral life. We belong to a secret society that keeps family business confidential. Even though we know the pitfalls and pain of being a first family—we don’t always share that with each other. In my closed circle of socialization, I didn’t reach out to any other first ladies, nor did they reach out to me. Instead, I choose to venture down the road of least resistance. And I flirted with trouble. It was not my intention to do so; things just happened. In life, we could call those things fate or fantasy. I was uncertain which one I was flirting with. But there was one thing I knew for sure—it was time to stop the madness. I was tired of the anguish that I had been suffering. I was tired of the drama of being separated. And I wanted closure to the disastrous marriage that I was in. And I wanted it now. So in the meantime, love had to wait.

I never dreamt that by waiting to marry the right man that my life would end up like this. It was only a few years earlier that I thought we were in marital bliss. Who could’ve seen this coming? I know I didn’t. If someone had told me that I would be separated pending divorce from a preacher man I would have said, you’re a lie. Well, that scenario had come to fruition. It was crazy. I didn’t know whether to feel happy or mad. Most of the time I was experiencing a broad range of emotions—shear rage was at the top of the list. And my so-called husband was not trying to make it any easier. I was in the throes of post traumatic stress disorder and depression. And everyday brought uncertainty and imminent trouble.

When I think about what I had with my kept man—I couldn’t help but wonder: Would this perfect picture of romantic bliss be the cure for my depression? It was the best prescription that any pharmacist could have filled. And it was the only medicine that I was willing to take. My kept man kept me feigning and coming back for more. And it came with a hefty price tag that I was willing to pay. Our escapades were laced with unbridled ecstasy and meticulous danger. While in the midst of this relentless love I was experiencing tumultuous pain simultaneously. It was a spiraling tornado. And the intensity of the chaos was immense. I was stuck in the middle of madness, while being courted and pursued by a kept man. If that wasn’t enough—listen to what I endured while being captivated by my kept man.

June 2009

It is hot as hell! It is 100 plus degrees. This is ludicrous! I am angry! I have a positively insensate hatred for the life that I am living right now. Braxton, my soon-to-be ex-husband is an idiot. He doesn’t have a working cell phone. He refuses to return my calls. He refuses to return my pages. He ignores my emails. I am fed up! Now I have the doctor’s office calling and saying that Bryce has missed his last two therapy appointments. Our son, Bryce attends occupational therapy to help him with his motor skills and speech. Braxton finally called me back after four pages and two voice messages that I left him at work.

He is a classic A***hole. He is a scoundrel and a scalawag. I am frustrated. I am discombobulated. I am tethering on being impecunious. And he could care less. It’s the pits. I have hit rock bottom. Since I left my emotionally abusive husband things have become increasingly worst. Take this list as an example:

• My Mac book computer crashed

• I lost my IPod

• I didn’t get my child support check for two months

• I don’t have any gas in my car

• My bank account went into the negative

• I almost got expelled from seminary due to felonious charges of me being accused of carrying a concealed handgun

• I dropped my Greek class in seminary

• I moved out of my two-bedroom seminary apartment to another one

• I droved to Corpus Christi for a mini-vacation

• I had a birthday and no one called or sent me a card

• My cell phone was disconnected for two weeks

• I gained five pounds

• I lost my light bill and didn’t have funds to pay it

• I don’t have cable (don’t really care about that—don’t watch much TV anyway)

• I lost the power cord to my DVD player

• I scheduled a trip to California because I had a free voucher

• I acquired a car title loan to gain some income

• I went out with my White girlfriend to Johnny Fin’s on Lake Travis

• I scheduled a Boat Cruise with my girlfriend Tasha on Lake Travis

• I finally got a chance to speak with my 5 yr. old son on the phone after three weeks of not hearing from him because he was with his degenerate Dad.

These are just a few of the incidents that took place during June 20th through July 2, 2009. And I must mention that Bryce was only with his Dad during the four weeks that I was taking Greek for the summer session. I was enrolled in seminary for the past year. It was also our new home where Bryce and I retreated to after leaving my husband. And the son-of-witch wouldn’t let me speak or see my son (during that entire time). I called that type of behavior treacherous and evil. He is a scoundrel. Bryce finally came back to me on July 6, 2009. I deplore being in this position. What I despise most of all is being considered married to a monster. We are still separated. It has been a year and a half, but it feels like an eternity. The divorce has not been finalized yet. And I am still waiting to hear back from Williamson County on Braxton’s assault case. I filed for divorce after I found out that he was having an affair with a married woman in seminary. He was so guilty that instead of fessing up to his malfeasance, he chose to pick me up and throw me to the ground. Oh well, mangy dogs always get what is coming to them

I went to the hospital today. I was suffering from severe chest pains. I was admitted and remained there for the next three days. My brief sabbatical was a wake-up call to take better care of myself—mentally, physically and emotionally. I vowed to do that.

It has been a topsy-turvy eventful week. I thought I was going to break! But thank you Jesus, I didn’t. God spoke to me during my quiet time. And he said many things. Let me try to summarize what I heard the Spirit of the Living God say to me. He said:

• I will bring health and healing

• I will give you abundant peace and security

• Joy will be reinstated

• Prosperity will be restored

• Jehovah Tsid-Kenu is your Creator and Maker and He will command it to happen

• My covenant will be enforced

• Your children will receive their inheritance

• Your lineage will be countless and measureless as the sand on the seashore

• I will restore their fortune

• I will show compassion

God promised to do this. God knew the road ahead. And he prepared me for the journey. I can look back now and say, yeah God, thank you. I didn’t know then, like I know now that I was getting ready for the fight of my life. I was getting ready to embark upon the fight of my sanity. I was getting ready to face the fight of my spirituality. I was getting ready to face divorce. Thank you God for your Word. I am in awe of his greatness and his wonder. He is a majestic being. He is awesome. He is utterly inexpressible. His name is ineffable. He is more precious than diamonds. He is more beautiful than gold. He is all together lovely and more than life to me. I am forever humbled; forever indebted; forever grateful to my Lord, my God and my Savior. He is my peace-maker. Thank you Jesus for your goodness.

To set the record straight let me just say this. I know that I am a Christian woman with a call on her life. I know that I am called to preach the good news. And I know that I am held to a higher standard than most. However, please don’t get it twisted that I cannot have fun. And please don’t get it twisted that I cannot be in the company of unsavory people; because that would be a lie. Jesus did it all the time. Why can’t I? The truth is I can. We all can. How else would we be saved if we didn’t do something wrong and feel guilty and want to repent? Now that I have said that, let me give you my argument for why I behaved badly. I did act out at times due to the economic condition of my life. What do I mean? Let me tell you. Well, you see I was accustomed to living on a six-figure income with all the tapestries of a middle-class income family. However, I was reduced to living on less than $10k a year. That shocking revelation left me financially distraught. Therefore, my son and I had to apply for welfare. It was degrading and demoralizing. Never in my 40 something years of living had I ever applied for a social program. That was a harsh revelation and reality. And it was compounded by me experiencing fits of panic and depression.

Who wouldn’t be adversely affected by this life-altering experience? There were times we didn’t have food in the pantry or gas money to put in our car. It was a sobering reality. When your back is up against the wall it will cause you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. And as much as we wished we had financial support from our family; we didn’t. It wasn’t because that they were unwilling. No. It was because they were in financial crisis themselves. So I said all of that to say this.