Labyrinth of Tears

By Madelaine Basulto Paredes

In the midst of finding out who she is, Mariah, falls deeper in love with Jonathan. Anguished, she continues to follow the maze of lies and betrayal. She will test if Fairy Tales do exist.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 30, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481778831

Madelaine Basulto Paredes

Madelaine Basulto is the author of Mariah's Memoirs "Stolen Tears". She wrote romance novels set in the Bronx; a story full of abuse, deception, hypocrisy, and love.

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© 2013 by Madelaine Basulto Paredes. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/23/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-7882-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-7881-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-7883-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013913047

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

XX WHEEL OF FORTUNE

XIX THE HIGH PRIESTESS

XVIII STRENGTH

XVII THE FOOL

XVI THE STAR

XV THE MOON

XIV THE DEVIL

XIII THE TOWER

XII JUDGEMENT

XI THE EMPRESS

X THE HERMIT

IX THE WORLD

VIII TEMPERANCE

VII THE HANGED MAN

VI THE SUN

V THE MAGICIAN

IV DEATH

III KING OF PENTACLES

II ACE OF CUPS

I THE LOVERS

Dedicated to who is no longer with me.

IV

Hi Papa Dios,

How are you doing? I am doing much better now. I think I am starting to get to know you señor. Can I ask you a question? Do you have a plan for everyone? Is this the plan you have for me? I have read you want us to come to knowledge of the truth. What is the truth? Is this my truth? Did I come in to this world to suffer? Am I ever going to let this go? What happens if I kill myself, what then? Would you close your doors on me?

If you are listening, help me, please. Help me become something different. Help me forget what I have been through! Help me be a better mother than Daisy was to me. Help me protect my kids from this cruel world. If I deserve a chance to be happy, then help me find a way to get there. Why am I getting punished for finding out what happened to me? Should I not be searching for answers? I see a lot of people struggling to find themselves. I see ignorance. I see little girls being groomed to be the perfect housewives. I see them go for men with money. Why are they taught that way? Why are they taught that looks are important and so is a guy with money? Why don’t they get raped? Why do ugly ducklings like me do?

Why are boys taught not to cry? Why do they commit horrible things against women? Why don’t you strike them down? Why do women abuse and mistreat those men who care for them? Why doesn’t Jonathan grasp the concept that I need to find out who I am? I need help. I need guidance, so I wont be like my parents. Is that hard to ask?

Why is everyone so harsh in this world? Why do they judge so much? How can ugly people turn young girls down because they are too ugly or not fit to be models? Why aren’t we starving? Why does Jay get to take me to expensive restaurants yet, there are kids all over the world hungry? I see what you are doing. You bless us with everything, but we fight amongst each other over power and greed. Maybe, those people are hungry, but they are experiencing real love. They love in peace. We love in worries.

We are never satisfied! What happened to the creep that did this to me? What happened to him as a boy? Did he get raped too? No, I do not wonder. I wish it happened to him over and over again. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

How about a rape for a rape?

P.S. Please forgive me Diosito. I am trying. Please help me.

XX

WHEEL OF FORTUNE

This is not it! Please tell me this is not it… please God! I yelled, looking back at them all.

Turn it off mama! Yelled Rodriguez. He tried grabbing me to sit down but I could not. I have gone this far to find out the truth, and I am not letting anyone get in the way of it.

No! I am fine. Let me go, please. Amelia, do not let them turn it off! I pleaded. Rodriguez let me go.

Are you sure Mariah? You are pregnant, remember? He said, giving me a look of disbelief.

Leave it.

They all sat next to me. Amelia gripped my hand, and I gripped hers as if it were the last thing I will ever hold. I am so focused that I could not tell my surroundings or what anyone else is doing. Someone appeared to be holding the camera. This was confusing me. The appearance was somewhat similar to someone I know. It kept going to the bright lights and off. The lights came back. I looked closer hoping this was not what I thought it to be. There is a reason Rodriguez does not want me to watch it. I was going to find out, even if this were to keep affecting me.

There, I was lying naked on these plain white sheets. I cannot express the sadness that filled my heart this very moment. This was not a dream. This was my reality. This is, who I am. I am a victim. I only could feel pity for myself. I watched my helpless body get tortured by these sadistic evil souls. Amelia started to cry as she watched them mutilate me. Dulce could not bear to watch anymore and so she left. Rodriguez kept on looking at me. If he only knew the sense of relief I have taken from this, it is like finally; people can see I am not crazy. I am searching for answers for a reason. I do not get how I ended up here. That is beside the point. The point is, I got here. Now what?

I kept watching my baby-self trying to fight back. It did not get me anywhere of course, but at least I tried. He was stronger than me obviously. I cried and cried, over and over, begging for him to stop. It infuriates me how I begged for mercy, and it did not seem to move him at all. No one could hear my helpless screams. I ask for mamy, but she was nowhere to be found. Sickening to keep watching his body drenched in sweat drop on to my face. How can me crying not make him want to stop? How could the person holding the camera not want to stop this? Of course not, the man behind the camera was my father Luis. The man, whom I thought was suppose to protect me as dads do. The man who took me for the weekends to commit these lewd acts on me. He did not give a fuck about me. I was not his child. Which is why again, he did not give a fuck about me. I cannot imagine if I were his daughter. It took me by surprise not to see Daisy here. I expected anything from her. To think, my mom said Daisy could not have kids. Horrible blessing she has one on the way now.

Why was this not given to the police? I faced Rodriguez.

¿Que está pasando? Abre la puerta coño! Yelled, a familiar voice. It was Sarely! My heart began to palpitate fast. My adrenaline was pumping. I turned quick to face the screen and regretted that moment.

I tried to run when I heard my mom’s voice, but the monster grabbed me by my tiny legs. He swung me hard almost causing me to fall back on the other side of the bed. I can tell Luis was scared as soon as he heard her voice. He placed the camera on something again. I could hear the scrambling in the background. Sarely managed to kick the door open. She was bewildered. She pushed Luis out of the way.

What are you doing David? She yelled, out the top of her lungs with her Spanish accent. She was beyond beautiful. This was my hero. This was my mom.

Let go of her, that is your daughter! She yelled. I closed my eyes and zoned out. I felt the shocking breath escape. I could feel the sweat between Amelia’s hand and mine. I could hear her sniffles. I could not dare to move nor look at anyone from the embarrassment. The room felt cold and quiet.

Plat. Plat. Amelia jumped. I opened my eyes and saw my mom drop backwards slowly. She was as much in shock as we were. I was terrified. All I could see was I screaming. Luis killed my mother. Luis let me watch her die slowly. I try running to her but David would not release me stunned by what just happened. He was stunned himself. How else do you quiet a witness to something like this? This was like a movie. It was too much. I’m getting sleepy. I just need to sleep for a little bit. I say to Rodriguez. I lay down slowly still holding Amelia’s hand. As I closed my eyes, all I heard was Luis and David bicker. The room starts to spin out of control.

I run in a dark forest pulling branches and leaves against my skin. I could hear my breath and see the cold exhales. I can feel the hard nothingness slice my every existence. It was all a familiar feeling. I ran more when I felt something come near me. Her voice comes to me. I can feel my pulse designate the way it wants me to move. I move from darkness to different music I heard in my life before. I keep running not knowing if I am still running from danger or maybe from my past. I stop confused.

Jay? I cried. Amelia! Where are you? You were just here. Mom? I am sorry! I sat on the ground still confused. I was now in a tunnel full of smoke everywhere. I looked down and pulled my knees up to my chest. I was afraid of what would pop up next. I started to sing any song that came up in my head.

Mariah.

Mamy? I asked, afraid to turn around.

Look at me. She said. I did not want to. This must be a fucked up dream. I felt delusional. What kind of fucking forest or tunnel was this?

A la nanita nana, nanita ella, nanita ella. Mi niña tiene sueño bendito sea bendito sea. Fuentecita que corre, clara y sonora. Ruiseñor que en la selva cantando llora. Calla mientras la cuna se balansea. A la nanita nana, nanita ella. She sang the famous lullaby. I remembered everything instantaneously. I ran fast towards her. I then threw myself on her like if I were still her two-year-old baby.

Mama, Mama! Please tell me this is real? Do not leave me please! I cried, out of control.

Ven mi niña, ven. She led me out of the tunnel by her hand. I held on tight.

The fresh air was now reaching my nostrils. I was finally free. We entered a significant grass meadow. There was life everywhere. This had to be heaven! There were trees as high as buildings. There are birds; squirrels and I thought I even saw Tinkerbelle for a second. I see all types of butterflies; they are red, yellow, and even white ones. They are so beautiful. It was all I could say. The air smelled of pine and fresh flowers. I bent over and picked a White Campion. It smelled of sweet bitterness to my nose. I faced her and raised it up to her like the small child that I was.

Thank you my precious. She said. I could not help but feel giggly inside as she let those words roll off her tongue. It is like searching your whole life for recognition, and finally receiving it by that person on a pedestal. As soon as I felt the happy feeling, it was erased by the emptiness she left me.

Why did you not know that was going on? How can you not know? I do not understand. I asked. I looked at her with that lump that builds up in your throat when avoiding crying.

I would have never allowed anyone to hurt you Mariah. I did not know that was happening. I am truly sorry I was not there for you after. She said, in a voice ready to cry.

I could see the sadness in her face come to life. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel guilty. I never want to tarnish that heart-warming smile of hers.

Learn to forgive those who do not know any better. Clear your heart. Let your mind rest. Pray and you will always have guidance and answers. She said, in a way I knew she was leaving.

I am everywhere you go. I am in here. She rested her hand on my heart. She then turned and started to walk away from me.

Mamy, do not go! Please do not go. God, just give me a few more minutes please! I screamed. I chased her as far as her last appearance stood out. Like that she was gone, once again. I fell to the ground. I could still feel the walk of life everywhere around me. It was soothing as I tried fighting that small pain in my heart. I started to sing to forget her leaving.

La nanita nana, nanita ella, nanita ella…

Mariah, wake up! Rodriguez had me in this spare room where all his equipment was. He was checking my pulse as I felt a tight pressure on my arm. I felt so heavy and sleepy still. Why do I feel so heavy? I asked.

You feel heavy? He sounded concerned, or he probably did not know what the hell I was trying to say. Amelia walked in dragging this computer thing I saw in the OB GYN before. It is what they used when they check and hear the baby’s heart beat.

Lift up your shirt for me, it is going to feel a bit cold. Rodriguez instructed. I pulled my shirt up and waited for him to setup the screen and bring it over to my side.