Because I Am a Woman Under Construction: Pursuing God's Desired Outcome

By Cassaundra Marie Ratliff

For years Shamirah hid her authentic self behind some sort of mask. Fear of the unknown and afraid that someone may accidently see into her darkness. A darkness that was filled with mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical damage. Depressed and discouraged, with a smile, at what she perceived as flaws, but unknowingly carefully crafted as fearfully and wonderfully made.

The mask served in many capacities, one day it may serve as her shield and on other days it could be her weapon. While becoming a Woman Under Construction, Shamirah would discover more inner strength and courage that she could ever imagine, not knowing her ultimate discovery would be finding her Daddy; which permitted her to finally enjoys and embrace being Shamirah Thomas Her true identify revealed!

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Dec 11, 2013
• ISBN: 9781475997156

Cassaundra Marie Ratliff

Cassaundra Ratliff, is currently a Wellness Associate working with substance abusers and mental health consumers for a not-for-profit organization in central New Jersey. She is a mentor,oratorical and public speaker and enjoy encouraging the lost. She is a member of the NAACP and active in church ministry. She is the mother of three children Jorge, Faith and Nyeem and where they live in New Brunswick, New Jersey. She is also featured in the soon to be released Because I Am A Woman Under Construction documentary film. Her hobbies are event planning and reading a good book.

Book preview

BeCause I am a Woman Under Construction

Pursuing God’s Desired Outcome

Copyright © 2013 by Cassaundra Marie Ratliff.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4759-9714-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-9715-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013915829

iUniverse rev. date: 12/06/2013

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Purpose

Introduction

Ma, I have a few questions.

Section One

In The Beginning

Chapter One

How Do I Spell Relief

Chapter Two

Daddy, Where Are You?

Chapter Three

Just One

Chapter Four

Finding a Place for Me

Chapter Five

You Attract What You Are

Chapter Six

Choices

Chapter Seven

Consequences of Choices

Section Two

Unexpected Change

Chapter Eight

His Plan Begins to Unveil

Chapter Nine

Out of Control

Chapter Ten

Devine Purpose at Work

Chapter Eleven

Surviving My Thoughts

Chapter Twelve

Out of Darkness & Into His Marvelous Light

Section Three

GOD’S Intended Purpose Just for Me

Chapter Thirteen

A Friend Indeed

Chapter Fourteen

I Got My Baby Back

Chapter Fifteen

What! My Mother’s in Jail!

Chapter Sixteen

From Park Bench to Private Parking

Chapter Seventeen

Her Will—But She Blamed it on God

Chapter Eighteen

Bless To Be Under Construction

Epilogue

Dedication

First Gift

Love is not only something you feel its something you do. David Wilkerson

I can never undo history, all I can do is empower you to utilize history to pave your road of success towards your future. You’re a wonderful and intelligent young man with a heart of gold. I just want to thank you for your unconditional love. I’m very thankful to God for trusting me to be your mother.

You are forever my beloved first born son JORGE.

Second Gift

God is not proud, He will have us even though we have shown Him that we prefer everything else. C.S. Lewis

We both began our lives simultaneously. You were born into this world on August 7, 1998 and I accepted salvation and began my recovery journey on August 14, 1998, exactly seven days later. Seven, representing the number for completion.

Ever since that day, morning by morning your beautiful smile has brought sunshine into my life that no darkness can cast out. You are forever my beloved daughter FAITH.

Third Gift

Jesus spoke of Christianity as a banquet, but never as a picnic. Anonymous

Lord knows, you caught me by surprise. I was well in my mature years of life when God decided that this was the time for your arrival. Your spirit and amazing wit has brought joy and happiness to me and all who embrace your presence.

You are forever my beloved baby son NYEEM.

Acknowledgements

I once heard the story about there was a turtle walking along the top of the fence, and you know he didn’t get up there by himself because turtle can’t climb.

I must first give thanks to my God, because it’s through Him that all things in my life is made possible. I know my Father in heaven loves me, and the best day of my life is when I decided to love Him back.

To my biggest supporter and cheerleader Ms. Katie Ratliff, my Mommy, who have believed in me and my vision. Who has always reminded me that I had the courage to chase my dreams and to do anything less would be robbing myself.

To Bishop Eric S. McMillian, Pastor of the Mt. Zion Family Worship Center, who served as my first teacher and preacher of the Word of God. It’s because of those messages of faith, and trusting in God, that convinced me that I am more than a conqueror; and God can do anything, but fail.

To Pastor Phyllis Thompson-Hilliard, who first encouraged me to put pen to paper; declaring this is a story that must be told. Thank you Pastor Phyllis for remaining Christ-like and a lady of class before me.

To my Bishop, Donald Hilliard Jr., Senior Pastor of my great church the Cathedral International, who also lived the bible in front of me, but I must thank you for demonstrating real manhood and fatherhood. I witness you living a limitless life where excellence is the standard and because of your great example, I resolved to pursue my dreams with faith, love, consistency and determination.

To my best friend of 30 years Cheron Overby, for always encouraging my heart, when others have trampled and misused it. I love you girl.

To Mrs. Barbara Gordon, for diligently editing this manuscript, ensuring that every I was dotted and every T crossed.

To Mrs. Fleeta Bulle, the author of Because I Am a Woman Under Construction poem, who shared this poem with me in my neediest hour, whereby stripping me of the victim garments and replaced them with garments of victory.

To all my church sisters, I love you for keeping me and the BeCause I’m a Woman Under Construction project, before the Lord, in prayer.

Purpose

It’s my desire to encourage and strengthen women who are embracing life’s challenges:

However I can,

Whenever I can,

For as long as I can,

And pray that this working will be pleasing and acceptable to my Father in Heaven.

Introduction

Ma, I have a few questions.

Shamirah got tired of wondering about the stories she had been told by her family: how her father had tricked her mother and gotten her pregnant. She decided that it was time that she got to the bottom of the story; so, she telephoned her mother and asked, Ma I want to know more about my father. Can you come over to talk for awhile? She anxiously waited in suspense to hear her response.

After a few moments of dead silence, she finally heard a hesitant voice say, Sure Baby, when would you like me to come over? Shamirah could hear her mother’s desire to oblige her request, but she also heard the deep sigh taken before she answered, which meant, I’d better get ready for this one.

Shamirah replied, Next Saturday at 1PM works for me, are you free?

Yes, Baby I’ll be there. With great anticipation Shamirah began to prepare a series of questions to ask her. Questions that had haunted her over the past 40 years of her life, questions that had left so many pot-holes in her soul.

It was a beautiful and sunny Saturday afternoon as her mother entered the house. It was great day for just sitting in the backyard inside the gazebo with a refreshing glass of ice-tea and a nice conversation. However, Shamirah could see that she had braced herself for their talk. Although Mommy had frequented her house many, many times before, they both knew that somehow this visit would be different from any other visit. It would surely be uncomfortable at first, but Shamirah was hopeful that as their conversation continued, that would change. Regardless, this conversation was necessary and long overdue.

Shamirah started by embracing her with a tight hug and letting her know how much she loved her and not in any way was she looking to point fingers or blame anybody for anything. She just needed some honest answers.

She began by saying, I’ve always heard my father was married while in a relationship with you. Why would you get involved with a man that belonged to someone else?