Is There a "Kick Me" Sign on My Back?: Christians & Depression: the Silent Struggle

By Saralyn Smith McLean

If you have ever felt kicked to the point of feeling like everyone is against you ... like maybe someone was putting a kick me sign on your back, then youll identify with the kick-me-girl named Kimi. But this is more than a story.

With plainspoken boldness, Saralyn Smith McLean describes the often hidden and silent struggle of Christiansdepression. Not only has she personally experienced it firsthand, but she has done her homework and drawn on many sources to substantiate her message.

This book is a mix of a short story, self-help guide to treatments, and inspirational treatise. May God grant that the silent struggle that you or a loved one may be going through no longer remain silent, that the struggle itself will cease to be the deep-seated problem that depression can be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jun 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449755034

Saralyn Smith McLean

Saralyn Smith McLean lives in Montana with her husband and her two children. She considers all three of her family members to be true blessings from God in her life. She is grateful every day for each of them. Saralyn is currently studying religion and Christian counseling at Liberty University Online, based out of Lynchburg, Virginia. Saralyn is a certified Christian counselor with the AACC and continues her educational journey to be a licensed counselor and Christian encourager to those who need it. Saralyn is available for speaking engagements.

Book preview

Is There A

Kick Me

Sign On My Back?

Christians & Depression: the silent struggle

Saralyn

Smith McLean

Foreword By: Russell Smith MDiv

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Copyright © 2012 Saralyn Smith McLean

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

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Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5502-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5501-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5503-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012910195

WestBow Press rev. date: 06/08/2012

To my amazing husband, Scott. Thank you for always trusting the Lord for His faithfulness, His goodness, His love, His grace, and His mercy in our lives. I am especially grateful to you for never giving up on me. You are truly the godliest man I know. I especially thank you for always trusting that the Lord was going to bring me through my depression and press the Reset button on my life. I love you!

"The truth of the matter is that we would rather

tell someone we have a relative in jail or on drugs

before we would ever acknowledge mental illness or depression."

"I believe with every ounce of my being it is God’s desire

to see you restored to joy, peace, and hope in Him."

Some Christian authors, on the subject of depression, have been so bold as to say that depression is nothing but the feeling of hopelessness and we just have to change our feelings of hopelessness to get out of depression. Whoa! Stop the train, hold the horse, and step off the merry-go-round! In most cases, depression is a mental illness and needs more than a change of thought.

Ecclesiastes 9:4

Anyone who is among the living has hope.

Well, you already have this scripture of truth regarding hope to hold on to because, if you are reading this book, you would obviously be among the living! Therefore, you have hope!

CONTENTS

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1  The Kick-Me Sign

Chapter 2  Kimi, The Kick—Me—Girl

Chapter 3  To Kick Or Not To Kick

Chapter 4  Am I A Victim Or Am I Suffering?

Chapter 5:  Am I Worthy Of God’,S Love?

Chapter 6  Priest And Levite Christians

Chapter 7  How To Be A Samaritan Christian

Chapter 8  Depression Can Kick Even You!

Chapter 9  Stop Kicking Me!

Chapter 10  Blocking The Kicks

Chapter 11  Holding The Kick—Me Sign In Your Hand

Bible Study Leader,S Guide

FOREWORD

By: Russell Smith, MDiv

To see someone’s spirituality heighten and their faith deepen after having suffered and been through a traumatic experience can only be a miracle from God. I’ve seen that happen to Saralyn — all of it.

Having emerged on the other side of a deep depression, she has been given a ministry to others who are experiencing a similar circumstance. What she has to say in this book will surely be a help to others.

INTRODUCTION

I’m just an every-day ordinary wife and mother. There is nothing particularly special about me other than I’m a Christian and personally, I find that pretty special. Along with being a Christian, I have found that personally experiencing depression has given me a new understanding for people with depression and what they go through. I also know that coming out of depression into a new joy and peace in my life has shown me that I have a purpose and that purpose is to encourage and help others. Specifically, to encourage and help Christians struggling with depression who long to enjoy life again and have a new joy and peace in their own lives.

Although I feel very strongly that the Lord blessed me with my calling to write this book, I have struggled with thoughts that, although I am a certified Christian Counselor, I didn’t feel qualified to write it. I struggled, so much so, that it took me over two years to finish it! One of my friends on a very popular social network recently posted the following attention-getter. It helped me immensely with my struggle and to get past my feeling of inadequacy. She posted this: Jacob cheated, Peter had a temper, David had an affair and committed murder, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul committed murder, Gideon was insecure, Miriam gossiped, Martha worried, Thomas doubted, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zacchaeus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead…. God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the CALLED!

I may not be qualified by the world’s standards of college degrees, but if they were giving out degrees for life experience, I’d have my doctorate, at the very least! I’m just as much a sinner and a screw-up as the next Christian, with a degree or not, I’m only qualified because God called me to this ministry of sharing my experiences to help and encourage others. Why, if God Almighty called me and qualifies me through my experience, why did I struggle with writing this book? Well, I eventually stopped struggling and decided to ask myself the following question, Who better to qualify me in my ministry than Christ? The answer? No one!

William Booth once said, Most Christians would like to send their recruits to Bible College for 5 years. I would like to send them to hell for 5 minutes. That would do more than anything else to prepare them for a lifetime of compassionate ministry.

Well, I have lived my own personal hell-on-earth through my depression and the darkness I experienced because of it. At one point, I was so far gone in my depression that I saw a few moments of the spiritual realm, just like Kimi did (you will meet Kimi in the chapter, Kimi, the KICK-ME-GIRL ). I was privileged to see a glimpse of the battle that is being fought for me. Ephesians 6:12 says, For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. In that moment, this verse came to life before my very eyes and I have not been, nor will I ever be, the same again!

It is my prayer that anyone who struggles with depression and reads this book will have a moment of true release and be able to experience freedom from their depression and the darkness they feel.

I have a very specific goal with this book and it is one of encouragement. When I was in the midst of my depression and I would open up to other Christians, I was immediately condemned for my thoughts and told to pull myself up by the bootstraps and press on. One Christian was so brazen as to call me a ‘loser’ to my face! I was also harshly given scriptures and religious quotes that were somehow supposed to magically snap me out of my depression. What I really needed was a Christian brother or sister to encourage me, not condemn me or throw scripture at me. Have you ever felt this way? If so… I pray this book will be an encouragement to you!

I will give the analytical people their statistics and basic information on depression and the causes and effects. I will then proceed with encouragement to the questions all of us, in the ‘nitty-gritty’ of depression, tend to ask. I will be encouraging each of you to move into a life of joy and peace, despite the struggle of depression. The final chapters are a more in-depth way on how to live daily in true joy and peace and how to keep from repeating the journey into the darkness depression can bring. For those of you who would like a more in-depth look at this struggle with depression and how you can seek to overcome it or how you can help someone you love, there is a Bible study included in this book. Questions are at the end of each chapter. If you would like to do this as a group, there is a Leader’s Guide at the back of this book.

Depression is a very hard illness to overcome for some people and even the path of love and encouragement from friends and family can sometimes not be effective. As much as I would love to say this book will encourage all Christians with depression (CWD’s) right out of their darkness stage of depression, I can’t. I am all too aware that there are some who struggle with depression who will need a more drastic form of awakening out of their darkness. Other than Christ, and His power to heal, some will need to explore the option of talk-therapy and anti-depressants. Some will even need to get off their medications altogether and start over with a different kind of treatment. Others, may go as far as Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), Electric Shock Therapy (ECT), or even exploring the recently developed experimental brain surgery, when other methods of treatment have failed.

I will also give you the methods of treatment the Christian community recommends for your depression and, then, I will give you my own personal experience of how I was able to finally get the Kick Me sign of depression off my own back!

The most important thing to keep in mind is that there is hope which is a better way to live and is attainable. We just have to find that hope! It is closer than you think.

There are Christian authors who would tell you that to be a Christian and be depressed isn’t a true reflection of being a Christian. Well, I would say that, whether you believe that statement or not, the fact is that Christians can become depressed. In Christian society there is a common misperception that Christians should always smile and be full of joy, even when they are depressed. This mindset only makes depression that much harder to bear and begins the silent struggle so many Christians feel they have to endure. I believe this mindset forces Christians with depression (CWD’s) to put on a false attitude and quite frankly causes them to be hypocritical in order to hide their depression from others. I might add that it is just as hypocritical, and even more harmful, to tell a Christian that they should hide their depression!

For those of you who are suffering with depression and are currently having thoughts of suicide, please contact a pastor immediately. If you can’t get in touch with one, go directly to your closest emergency room or walk-in clinic and let them know you are having thoughts of suicide and get help immediately. Seek help immediately!

For those of you who are suffering with depression and you are seeking help past the pain and the symptoms of depression but you are not currently having suicidal thoughts, please read the chapters: Worthy and Stop Kicking Me. You could possibly even read these chapters first and then go back to the first chapter of the book when you are done.

I would like to encourage anyone reading this book who does not suffer with depression, but, is seeking how to help a loved one who is suffering that there are specific chapters written just for you. However, please read through this entire book in its numerical order. Also, remember that anything said to a person suffering with depression must be spoken softly from a heart of love and concern, with respect for them as an individual, and with compassion. NEVER pound a person over the head with the Bible. NEVER shout at a person with depression. ALWAYS love them first. NEVER interrupt while they are talking and sharing with you. ALWAYS listen first. THEN you can respond in love spoken softly and respectfully. And never act like you know how to cure their depression when you have never been in their shoes!

Now, let’s begin this journey of finding out how to have depression stop kicking you or the ones you love!

Image23790.JPG INTRODUCTION SESSION: INTRODUCTORY QUESTIONS:

1. Do you, personally, have experience with depression in your own life or do you have a loved one who struggles with depression?

2. What is your reaction to the statement in the Introduction, on page 7, about all the different biblical characters and God qualifying the called? Do you believe all people are sinners?

3. What is a Christian? Do you consider yourself a Christian? If yes, be prepared to share your salvation testimony with the group.

CHAPTER 1

THE KICK-ME SIGN

You might ask, So, what does the Kick Me sign represent? I would tell you the Kick Me sign is a way of expressing, to those who don’t understand depression, what it feels like to have depression and not be able to remove it from your life. Unlike a real Kick Me sign you might have had rudely or playfully put on your back in elementary school or even high school, depression cannot be removed from your life as you might remove a real sign from your back. There is much more involved.

Out of necessity, this chapter will be more technical, analytical, and biological than the rest of the book. If statistics, analysis, research, and hard facts are not your cup-of-tea and you would normally skip a TV documentary on this topic, you may want to skim this chapter.

Depression can have several forms. Statistics on depression even seem to vary from one researcher to another. Because I am not a doctor but am instead speaking from my own personal experiences, I am going to give you the statistics and several quotes from some of the top experts and clinics in the field of psychology. This is not an all-encompassing look at the research on depression. After reading mounds of papers and following endless links online along with absorbing the pages of interviews with doctors, therapists, and clinics, I could have written a book just on the statistics and the causes of depression alone.

As a result, I am going to give you the briefest possible breakdown of statistics. At the same time, though, I will try to satisfy the minds of the analytical readers who are undoubtedly curious about the analysis, research, and numbers.

~Depression in General~

Depression, in general, has been termed the common cold of psychological problems. There are several forms of depression. All forms of depression are known as depressive disorders. The two most commonly diagnosed disorders are called Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymic Disorder.

Major Depressive Disorder, more commonly known as major depression, is characterized by a combination of symptoms that interfere with a person’s ability to work, sleep, study, eat, and enjoy once–pleasurable activities. Major depression is disabling and prevents a person from functioning normally. An episode of major depression may occur only once in a person’s lifetime but, more often than not, it recurs throughout their life.

Dysthymic Disorder, also known as dysthymia, is characterized by less severe but long–term (two years or longer) symptoms that may not disable a person but can prevent one from functioning normally or feeling well. People with Dysthymia may also experience one or more episodes of major depression during their lifetimes.

Some forms of depression exhibit slightly different characteristics than those described above or they may develop under unique circumstances. However, not all scientists agree on how to characterize and define these forms of depression. They include:

Psychotic Depression occurs when a severe depressive illness is accompanied by some form of psychosis, such as a break with reality, hallucinations, and delusions.

Postpartum Depression is diagnosed if a new mother develops a major depressive episode within one month after delivery. It is estimated that 10 to 15 percent of women experience postpartum depression after giving birth.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is characterized by the onset of a depressive illness during the winter months, when there is less natural sunlight. The depression generally lifts during spring and summer.

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is not as common as major depression or dysthymia. Bipolar disorder is characterized by cycling mood changes-from extreme highs (mania) to extreme lows (depression).¹

~Signs & Symptoms of Depression~

People with depressive disorders do not all experience the same symptoms. The severity, frequency, and duration of symptoms will vary depending on the individual and their particular illness.

Just as no two people are exactly the same, there are no two depressive disorders exactly the same.

Symptoms of depressive disorders can include the following:

Image23790.JPG persistent sadness, anxiety, or empty feelings

Image23790.JPG feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism

Image23790.JPG feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness

Image23790.JPG irritability, restlessness

Image23790.JPG loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

Image23790.JPG fatigue and decreased energy

Image23790.JPG difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

Image23790.JPG insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

Image23790.JPG overeating or appetite loss

Image23790.JPG thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

Image23790.JPG persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment.²

If you have five or more of these symptoms for two weeks or more, you could have clinical depression and should see your doctor or a qualified mental health professional for help. Until then, please keep reading!

~Women & Depression~

About twice as many women suffer from depression as do men. Depression can be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods. But true clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for an extended period. The condition can be mild, moderate, or severe. The degree of depression, which your healthcare provider determines, influences how you are treated.³

The National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH) statistics show:

Image23790.JPG 1 in 4 women will experience severe depression at some point in life.

Image23790.JPG Depression affects twice as many women as men, regardless of race, ethnic background or income.

Image23790.JPG Depression is the number one cause of disability in women.

Image23790.JPG In general, married women experience depression more than single women do, and depression is common among young mothers