Saying Yes! to Saying No: A Parent's Guide to Values-Based Abstinence

By Christy Baca

Saying Yes! to Saying No, moved me to being convicted of how calloused I had become to the influences in our world today, and yet I felt challenged to take a stand against those same influences for my sons. If you have children or grandchildren, you will want to teach them to Say No when it counts, and this book will give you the tools to start now!
- Ryan Knight, D.C.

Sex is going to become a part of everyones life at some point. Are you one of the 90% of parents who wish they knew what to say when it came to talking to your son or daughter about sex? Saying Yes! to Saying No addresses issues like sexting, pornography, boundaries in dating, and much more. Saying Yes! to Saying No will give you tools to start developing the conversation of sexual intimacy from age three, building on that conversation through your son or daughters young adult years.

Powerful Scriptures are placed in each chapter to remind you of the promises God has given you as a parent.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449756918

Christy Baca

Christy Baca holds a teaching degree from Texas A&M University. She has taught abstinence education for 9 years in public schools, private schools and youth groups. Christy teaches from the perspective of a real mom living in a real world. Her communication is filled with truth, delivered with energy, warmth and grace. Christy lives in North Texas with her husband, David, of seventeen years and their two teenage daughters. To learn more about Christy-www.christybaca.com Author photo by Jenny Wilde Front cover design by Jared Tredway

Book preview

saying

YES

to saying

NO

A Parent’s Guide to Values-based Abstinence

Christy Baca

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Copyright © 2012 by Christy Baca.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from The New American Standard Bible, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2000; 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Author photo taken by Jenny Wilde:

Sprinkle of Grace Photography www.sprinkleofgracephotography.com

WestBow Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-5690-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5689-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-5691-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012911704

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/31/2012

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Contents

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1: Be their Coach!

Chapter 2: Coach’s Playbook-The Bible

Chapter 3: They are saying it but we are NOT hearing them

Chapter 4: Knowledge is Power

Chapter 5: The Why

Chapter 6: Statistics Speak Volumes

Chapter 7: Media Influences

Chapter 8: Sexting: It Isn’t Just Child’s Play

Chapter 9: Safe Sex

Chapter 10: Boundaries

Chapter 11: Dating

Chapter 12: DADS

Chapter 13: What in the World do I say?

Conclusion

Afterword

Resources

Bibliography

Endnotes

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Acknowledgements

I am so thankful for the Lord and his continual grace. His faithfulness to show his love for me in his Word. His strength to help me press on even when there were days this was not what I felt like doing. When I sat down and did the work, he was faithful to do the work right alongside me.

To David—thank you for believing in me. For encouraging me to follow through with this. For never complaining on the days you came home and things weren’t done. Thank you for asking me, Did you write today? Thank you for listening to me ramble on and on and on some days just to sort through all the words in my brain. I’m so blessed to have you by my side.

To McKenzie and Morgan—thank you for encouraging me. Knowing that you thought that what I am doing is important made this easier. Neither of you ever complained about the time I spent writing. I am so thankful for the joy you bring to me and for the stories you allowed to be used to teach others about the love of Christ through our lives. I love you both so much!

To the many who prayed me through this journey and were a constant encouragement all along the way.

To Amy Knight, for the author’s survival kit. You believed in me before I completely believed in myself.

To Dawn Dillard for your brilliant mind that put a name to this message by giving it the perfect title.

Susanne Lakin, my editor. Thank you a million times over for never giving up on me. I appreciate you so much.

The entire writing process for this book has been devoted in prayer. Thank you again to all of my prayer warriors and research angels.

We must begin to believe that God, in the mystery of prayer, has entrusted us with a force that can move the Heavenly world.

—A. Murray, Devote Yourselves to Prayer

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Foreword

For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them—even the children not yet born—and they in turn will teach their own children. So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands. Then they will not be like their ancestors—stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful, refusing to give their hearts to God.

—Psalm 78:5-6 (NLT)

I am believing that the God of healing, the God who brings a savior to a sinful, wretched world to set them free, is a God who will write these words to deliver a generation of young people and parents from sexual sin that leaves devastating effects that last for generations to come.

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Introduction

My mom was born to a sixteen-year-old and was given up for adoption. I was born to a sixteen-year-old and also given up for adoption. I have three siblings who were adopted—each one a result of an unwanted pregnancy or born to a parent not prepared to meet the challenges of raising a child. Premarital sex, unplanned pregnancies, the growing number of STDs, and the emotional baggage that comes with all of these things are the startling result of a lack of education.

My parents did not talk to me about sex. I knew that sex was supposed to be something you engaged in after you were married, but that’s about it. I can recall reading a book as a young child—I think it was entitled Where Did I Come From? It was a book written for children that describes the reproductive process from intercourse to birth. In our home the book was left available for my siblings and me to read at will, but to my recollection, it was never read to us by one of my parents. It was complete with pictures. Looking back, I see the intent of the book was good; however, without the discussion of the information learned from the text, it can be startling and confusing for a young reader. This book has been written in an effort to share knowledge with parents about God’s design for sex and to expose how the world has defined sex. I hope to share what we have learned in our journey as parents who started building the foundation for purity when our girls were five through prayer, books, and conversation starters.

Sex education is like driver’s education—you have to have knowledge and preparation in order to do either with effectiveness without harming yourself or another person. You certainly wouldn’t send a ten-year-old out to run errands for you in your car. You begin talking to them about the laws of the road as you are running errands. You use situations that come up as you are driving as teachable moments. They remember those moments when they begin to drive. Don’t think for a second that I’ve forgotten how my grandfather taught me how to parallel park with two trash cans spaced apart on the country road just in front of our house. He knew better than to let me practice in town with real cars because I was going to mess up a few times and even hit one or both of the trash cans in the process of learning how to situate that Buick LeSabre just right between the trash cans. So why would we set our kids out to live life without any knowledge of the dangers of sex before marriage? On the flipside why wouldn’t we want to be the ones to tell them how great sex can be in a healthy, committed marriage relationship?

Remember what I said in the beginning of this book—we are forever a parent; the relationship just changes. I’d say talking about sex with your soon-to-be married son or daughter is still parenting and a definite paradigm shift in the relationship. But you wouldn’t wait until the night of the rehearsal dinner to say, Hey, by the way, let me tell you a thing or two about sex. Why would we not want to be the ones to help them define physical/emotional boundaries in their relationships? Why wouldn’t we want to be the ones they talk to about the unavoidable message the world is sending?

Please understand we are still in the midst of raising a fifteen—and twelve-year-old. There is no formula for raising children. I’m not writing these things because I think if you do just what I say your kids will be pure on their wedding day. The information I share in this book is meant to be a resource and guide for you to use as you see fit for your own individual family needs. It is truth to be shared with you and for you to share with your children as the Lord would guide you.

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Chapter One

Be their Coach!

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

—Galatians 6:7-8 NASB

Before we start this journey together remember this: you are either killing sin or it is killing you (or your son or daughter). If you have past sins, sexual or otherwise, take time now before you go any further in this journey and spend time with the Lord seeking forgiveness, freedom from those sins, and wisdom for this journey. Satan will begin attacking you every time you start to make another step toward putting to death this idea that sexual immorality is sin. He will begin to put thoughts in your head saying that your kids won’t be able to obtain this lifestyle. Even Jesus told Peter, Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns (Matthew 16:23 NIV) when Peter rebuked Jesus for saying he would die for our sins and rise again in three days. Trust