The Journey into Wholeness for Single Mothers

By Bev Frank

You are not alone. If you have taken The Transforming Journey of Truth, Hope, and Love for Single Mothers, those four words you are not alone resonate in your soul. Youre no longer a single mother feeling alone and lost on a dark road with no destination. Your personal journey has transformed you into a single mother in a Half Family who is standing on the borders of Wholeness. Only this transformation prepares you to embark on a new journey: The Journey into Wholeness for Single Mothers.

Therefore, if you feel alone, torn apart by the harsh reality of life as a single mother, and long to be whole, choose to take the transforming journey first. Whether you are a single mother by separation, divorce, or an unwed pregnancy, you will discover the light of truth which exposes all the rough spots on your road, the hope to maneuver through these challenges, and the love that leads you to a new path.

Standing on the borders of this new path, you discover the three secrets to wholeness, which reveal a narrow road. As we travel together, you will experience the glorious splendor of this journey with each deliberate, selfless, and sacrificial step, receive wonderful blessings, and see a glimpse of heaven.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Oct 31, 2012
• ISBN: 9781475949155

Bev Frank

Bev Frank is a mother in a Half Family. Her only son, who was 3 1/2 at the time of her separation, is now an adult. They both live outside of Seattle, Washington. Based on her first-hand experience with emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual challenges of being a single mother, she wrote The Transforming Journey of Truth, Hope, and Love for Single Mothers. She believes there are no single parents, only single mothers of Half Families who can be made whole through Christ. For more information and resources, please visit www.HalfFamilies.com.

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Copyright © 2012 by Bev Frank.

Edited by Kim Runciman, Night Vision Editing

Cover photography by David Estep, ESTEPWORKS photography

Cover models are Michelle Hansson and Anita Lavine

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Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®,

Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973,

1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-4914-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-4915-5 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012916473

iUniverse rev. date: 10/26/2012

Contents

Chapter 1    The Borders of Wholeness

Chapter 2    Know God: Saw Her

Chapter 3    Become One: Response

Chapter 4    Walk in Jesus’ Footsteps: Walk Over to Her

Chapter 5    Give Food to the Hungry: Who Is She?

Chapter 6    Give Water to the Thirsty: Place of Despair

Chapter 7    Give Shelter to the Homeless: Litter of Society

Chapter 8    Nurture Relationships: More than $10

Chapter 9    Blessing for the Righteous: Joy and Peace

Chapter 10  Glimpses of Heaven

The Borders of Wholeness

A s my son and I pulled into the bank parking lot, we both saw her: a small, frail-looking woman sitting crossed-legged and hunched over. She had positioned herself on the sidewalk at a busy intersection. As I questioned her situation, my son interrupted and told me that she had appeared in this spot a day or so ago. Her handwritten cardboard sign read Homeless. My immediate response was to ask my son if he had any cash, but he was already reaching into his pocket. I watched him walk over to her, bend down, and hand her $10. He told her, God bless you. She gave him the same comment in response. My son indicated that she appeared to be eating garbage.

Walking into the bank, all I could think about was the woman on the corner. Who was she? How did she come to a place of such despair? How many people just drove or walked past her, viewing her as the litter of society? Emerging from the bank, I knew this woman needed help… more than $10. But she was gone. Not a surprise. She was hungry and had a whole $10, which meant she would eat that day.

Having been homeless and hungry in the richest country in the world, I could relate to her plight. Such a small, seemingly insignificant act, giving her $10, but as we drove away, my son and I shared the same sense of joy and peace. In that moment, I knew I had experienced the meaning and fullness of the Journey into Wholeness—and it will take me the rest of this book to explain that experience.

To even begin to understand the fullness of this moment with a homeless woman, we must view this encounter through our new vision, standing on the borders of wholeness. We found this new vision by taking the transforming journey of truth, hope, and love for single mothers that required us to travel a harsh, challenging road. But the brutality of our travels was the price for our transformed vision. It gives us the privilege to take the Journey into Wholeness, and is revealed in four words: you are not alone.

I want us to take one last look back at our transforming journey together and allow those words to resonate in our souls. You are not alone was your introduction to the Half Family journey. If you think about the first time you read that phrase, you may have found some momentary comfort on your dark, dangerous single-parent road that has no roadmap and no destination. You thought maybe there is some hope that you will survive this journey. If you were not alone, just maybe, you could make it through each brutal day. Yes, wholeness would be great, but survival was really the goal. When I took my first steps on this Half Family road, I too was only concerned about my survival.

I wanted to be free from the Real Fear in my external world and the Nightmare Fear in my internal world. I wanted to be free from my isolated, trapped existence on a lonely, dark road with no roadmap and no destination. Certainly you wanted that, too… and even a homeless woman on a corner wants that freedom.

You may have begun the journey with survival as your goal, but with each step, you experienced the transforming power of you are not alone. You are no longer that same frightened, isolated single parent wandering on a dark, dangerous road with no roadmap and no destination. You are a single mother in a Half Family who has Jesus as your guide. Each time you chose to trust Jesus on your journey, you let go of the selfish words I am alone and learned to believe the selfless words I am not alone.

Examine what happened on your own Half Family journey. At each step on the road, the truth led you to let go of selfish motives that inhibited the flow of hope and love. Each step of truth freed you from your own personal, narrow focus. You were challenged to look at your child or children and your partner. Knowing that you are not alone allowed you to reach the borders of wholeness and begin to see other Half Families, and even a homeless woman on a corner.

At the end of our last journey together, we stood on these borders with a new vision and I shared three secrets to wholeness. Let’s revisit those secrets and embrace them as we step across the borders and embark on this new road.

The First Secret to Wholeness

Wholeness is not yours to keep. The reality is that wholeness is not about you. I know that sounds upside down. We live in a society that screams at us to attain a home, a car, a husband, wealth, and so on, to be whole. That is a lie. We can attain those things, but they are not wholeness. The transforming journey of truth, hope, and love was never about the selfish, narrow focus of survival. It was about knowing we are not alone and sharing that truth with another single mother.

You are not alone only exists when we give it away. Wholeness is not a selfish destination based on what you want. Wholeness is a selfless journey based on who we are. When I grasp this message from Jesus, my eyes were truly opened to the millions of women on the same road as I. Some were living in utter poverty. Some were deeply wounded. Some were standing on the edge of the Chasm. Some were free-falling into the Chasm. These women were facing similar daily challenges, trials, and feeling the same frightening emotions as I, and Jesus began to stir my heart.

I must share the truth that you are not alone with another single mother, giving her the opportunity to find freedom. I had to choose to give away that which I thought was my well-deserved possession. Only a single parent would choose to possess I am not alone. However, a single mother in a Half Family knows the unlimited expanse of wholeness from Jesus can’t be contained; it must be shared beginning with the truth.

There are too many single parents facing a dark, dangerous road feeling single: isolated and alone. They are parents with no sense of family, feeling like they don’t belong anywhere and desperately struggling to raise their children. They are lost, living at survival mode financially, and drained emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. In essence, they are walking in circles in the dark getting bloody from falling over obstacles in their way.

I have been there. You have been there. How could I, or you, try to possess a truth which would free a trapped single parent? You are not alone will pierce the darkness of her existence, revealing the freedom that empowers her to walk forward in its light.

It is such a simple act to come alongside another mother and be that beacon of the truth. We don’t need to know the details of her road or the chasm jumps. In fact, sharing the truth has nothing to do with that knowledge. We only need to share what was so freely given to us, which will lead to hope.

The Second Secret to Wholeness

We share hope one woman at a time. Remember, you are not alone. It’s not millions of women are not alone. It is you. Hope from Jesus is not meant for mass distribution. It is precious and personal and must be given in the appropriate dose to one woman in need at one time.

If I had an earthly hero, it would have to be Mother Theresa. She was called by God to minister to the poor, sick, dying, and oppressed people of India. With no personal financial resources, she picked up these unfortunate people one at a time and met their needs. She was never married, never owned a home or a car. Yet she met the needs of hundreds of thousands of individuals in her lifetime—one person at a time. Jesus miraculously touched these people because one frail woman became an open vessel of hope. We are called to do the same thing.

We do not need monetary resources or an advanced degree or a title or a large organization housed in an impressive, sprawling campus of buildings. In fact, in my experience, people with resources and advanced degrees, or even massive Christian/non-Christian institutions, did very little to give me hope on my own Half Family journey. It was the personal touch of another mother in a Half Family that gave me hope.

We have been given the humbling privilege of access to the unlimited resource of hope, which never fails to meet any need. All we have to do is be an open vessel to another woman in a Half Family. And there are Half Families all around you. You do not even have to look for them. You only need to make a decision to become an open vessel of hope and listen to Jesus’ leading. He will show you who needs the expansive, life-changing touch of hope. If we make this choice, we will experience the fullness of the second secret to wholeness: the expanse of hope is only revealed one person at a time.

I must warn you: being an open vessel is challenging. When I began to reach out to other women, I was overcome with grief about their condition. So many women in this country have such desperate needs in their external worlds. So many women are in such pain internally that hopelessness has driven them to unthinkable escapes. So many separated, divorced, and unwed mothers are judged, convicted, and thrown into the prison of rejection by our society. I was deeply grieved and angry.

When the depth of the needs of single mothers hits you in the gut, you will question your ability to give hope. Therefore, never forget that hope is not based on our personal supply. We are called to be open vessels for Jesus to use to meet another person’s need for hope. He has an unlimited supply and he knows the expanse that each woman needs. But he can only deliver that hope through you.

Never underestimate your touch of hope to a woman who is raw from the ripping and shredding of her partnership. Who better to embrace a hurting woman in hope than one who has been in that position? You understand the Nightmare Fear that boils emotions. You understand the inability to even function in the external world. You know the experience of not being able to stop crying or yelling at your children. You can extend an expanse of hope that moves a single mother past this difficult place on the road. You can become her confidante.

Never underestimate your touch of hope to a woman who does not know how to deal with a terrified, unruly child. Who better to come alongside this woman than one who has been in that position? You can give her hope that her child is not broken but wounded. You can share the Hope Roadmap with her.

Never underestimate your touch of hope to a woman whose family is hungry. She may be standing on the edge of the Chasm, contemplating an escape jump into alcohol or drugs or another man. Even sharing your own meager amount of food with another woman extends an unlimited expanse of powerful hope.

This hope cannot be possessed and is far beyond survival. Every time we become a vessel of hope to a woman in need, we allow the flood of hope that she is not alone to cascade over her. You never know what Jesus will use to touch another woman. Every experience, every failure, every success, and every emotion that you have experienced as a mother in your Half Family will be used by Jesus to allow hope to flow to another mother. If you choose to become an open vessel for Jesus, you will know the third secret to wholeness.

The Third Secret to Wholeness

Wholeness is not a destination but a journey into the joy of loving other single mothers through deliberate, selfless, and sacrificial acts to meet their needs… one woman at a time.

This love is not based on our flawed, human definition. Wholeness is not about possessing love but allowing love to flow through us to another woman in need. We are called to extend love to another mother in the Half Family through deliberate, selfless, sacrificial acts to meet her need. It is this third secret that’s the foundation for each step we take on the Journey into Wholeness.

There is no doubt in my mind that you have been transformed by the love of Jesus, or you would not be embarking on this new journey. If you chose to sit at Jesus’ feet at each stop on the Half Family journey, you have experienced knowing love, not simply feeling love. Feeling love is selfish, based on our perception that love can be possessed and given out in measured doses and receiving a loving feeling in return. Knowing love is a choice to allow the unconditional flow of love through us without requiring any response from the recipient. Jesus’ love is a choice, not an emotion. You began to know love the moment Jesus spoke to your heart and said, You are not alone.

His love flows through us. But just like hope, it is personal and not meant for mass distribution. If God’s purpose was mass distribution, why did Jesus spend his entire life on earth touching individuals at their place of need? Jesus’ love is personal for us and for others. His love calls us to be open vessels for love to flow through us to another person. We are called to share love with another mother in the Half Family through deliberate, selfless, sacrificial acts to meet her needs. We are called to follow Jesus’ example to be deliberate, selfless, and sacrificial.

Jesus deliberately surrendered everything to a Holy God: his wealth, his understanding, and his life, to meet the salvation need of every human being. Every human who has lived, does live, and will live has the opportunity to accept salvation from Jesus. It is a gift for each person. It is not mass distribution. It is personal. It is deliberately designed to meet each person’s need. We all know this, but have we allowed the depth of his deliberate actions to guide our footsteps?

Throughout his time on earth and all the way to the cross, Jesus did deliberate acts to perfectly meet each person’s need. Even the manner of his death was a deliberate act. Think about it. Jesus died with his arms open. Reflect on that image. There is powerful symbolism in that simple act. Jesus died with his arms open wide for everyone who had lived, does live, and will live. He held nothing back and became nothing for us.

Jesus’ enemies chose crucifixion so he would suffer the worst death, and God deliberately allowed crucifixion so Jesus would bring perfect life. What Jesus’ enemies sought to use for evil, God used as the perfect, deliberate act of love. What his enemies meant as a symbol of humiliation, Jesus used as a perfect symbol of humility.

I cannot imagine being willing to deliberately die for a guilty person. Jesus took on the sin of everyone, even though many people would never acknowledge or accept his gift of salvation. Jesus’ act of dying was deliberate. It was not a feeling or a reaction. It was not complacent or an afterthought. It was planned and executed deliberately.

In fact, Jesus’ entire life was deliberate. He did not wait for the needy to come to him. He went into the temple courts, the synagogues, the countryside, and yes, even into Samaria. He did not spend his time inside the temple. No, he deliberately sought out the needy, the unloved, the oppressed, the outcasts, the unclean, the sick, the hungry, the homeless, and the criminals.

Jesus’ deliberate acts of love for us are overwhelming to me. This love is light-years away from our distorted human perspective of love. Only through Jesus can we come close to love. We need only to be an open vessel and follow his example, one woman at a time.

When we see another mother in a Half Family in need, we have to take a deliberate step towards her. Do not wait for her to ask for help. I want you to consider your own moments of need. When you were deep in the emotional turmoil of your separation from your partner, how did you feel? Weren’t you exhausted, fearful… terrified? Were you in any condition to ask for help? Did you even clearly know what help you needed? Were you comfortable with letting someone into your internal world of turmoil?

If we choose to be an open vessel of love, Jesus will place a hurting, wounded woman in our path, which will require us to take a deliberate step towards her. We’ll need to forget about our comfort level and choose to get uncomfortable. We will need to be deliberate in extending love.

These acts of love must not only be deliberate but selfless. It may go without stating that love must be selfless; however, have you truly internalized that fact? Look again at Jesus’ deliberate act of salvation. Jesus died for murderers, thieves, liars… unwed, separated, and divorced mothers. Jesus did not select only certain groups of people for salvation. His gift was freely given to all of humanity. The only requirements to receive the gift of salvation are confession of sin and acceptance of the crucified and resurrected Christ.

Jesus’ example is unconditional: a selfless act is focused on the other person’s need. There are only two choices: selflessness or selfishness. If we do not embrace selflessness, we will selfishly focus on how we want to meet a need, and we will be judgmental. It’s true. We will judge based on our situation rather than the other person’s need. Jesus knows us so well that he gives us numerous examples of selfless, judgment-free acts of love.

For me, one of the most profound examples of this selfless principle is found in Luke 17. As Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem, he encountered ten lepers. They stood at a distance and cried to Jesus to have mercy on them, heal them. Without hesitation, Jesus told them to go and show themselves to the priests, a common practice to ensure a sick person was healed. As the lepers went, they were healed. But only one came back.

Now one of them, when he saw that he had been healed, turned back, glorifying God with a loud voice, and he fell on his face at His feet, giving thanks to Him. And he was a Samaritan.

Luke 17:15-16 (NASB)

Jesus knows everything, which means he knew from the beginning only one would come back to thank him and that he would be a Samaritan. An unclean Samaritan who should have been judged unworthy by Jesus is the one who gives thanks. What a powerful message for us. Jesus did not selectively choose whom to heal, nor did he determine that he would only heal the individuals who were grateful to him for the gift of healing. This gift of love was not about him; it was about the lepers’ need. Love is a selfless act to meet another person’s need.

It is incredibly challenging to demonstrate love through selfless acts to meet another person’s needs. There may be times when you feel a single mother is not grateful or that she used you. I say, great. Let them be ungrateful and use you. Believe me, the more opportunity you have to extend Jesus’ love, the more opportunity Jesus has to touch a single mother’s heart in need.

It is difficult to be deliberate and challenging to be selfless, but it is painful to be sacrificial in meeting the needs of another person. Extending love is never about us, it is always about the other person. We should be willing to be open vessels for the river of God’s love to flow through us to another single mother. The glory goes to God, not