A Dialogue with My Soul: The Creation of an Ethical Will

By Roger Mahloch

This very inspirational book is more than a simple memoir--it is his ethical will. The author relates how events and circumstances in his life have influenced him to be the man he is. It truly is a dialogue with his soul as he contemplates just what are the values that have been the guiding principles of his life and what happenings throughout his life were shaped by and did also shape his moral compass. Reading his ethical will imparts encouragement to everyone to consider the value of embarking on this endeavor. A question we all at sometime ask ourselves is what is really important and what kind of legacy do I want to leave? Passing on his sincere thoughts, values and beliefs abrogates the interpretation of them by others. His ethical will reflects the voice of his heart.

Born in rural Nebraska on a farm without indoor plumbing at the end of the Depression, served in the US Navy, and after a long and highly successful career in business and followed then with a diagnosis of cancer, he decided to stop and have literally a dialogue with his soul. And through that searching for his real self, which he so beautifully relates, gained a clearer perspective on his life as he lived it in the past and continues in the present.

He had a delightful entrepreneurial bent beyond his big corporation life with some successes and yes, some non-success stories. He loved to be busy with remodeling projects in every house they lived in as he and his wife moved around the country frequently on his rapid moving up the corporate ladder. And what fun stories some of these are. He always has had an overriding can-do drive and coupled with a love for treating others well and honestly.

We all can see ourselves many, many times throughout this wonderful book. And reading his Dialogue With My Soul hopefully will help the reader to also have such a dialogue create their ethical will, and gain the blessings it has meant to him and his loved ones.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 18, 2012
• ISBN: 9781475922523

Roger Mahloch

Roger Mahloch and his wife Monica now live in Charlottesville, VA. He is active in the Charlottesville real estate community – and enjoys doing projects around their home. They have two children – their son is a Radiologist and their daughter, an Associate Director in the administrative department of a private school.

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Copyright © 2012 by Roger Mahloch.

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-2251-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-2252-3 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012907911

iUniverse rev. date: 05/12/2012

Contents

Authors Notes

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Part I

YEARS OF CONTEMPLATION

Mr. C comes to visit me

So What Is It All About?

PONDERING AND THOUGHTS

Thoughts about Grandparents and Parents

If you make a mistake, admit it and move on

Small acts of kindness have a lasting impressions

When Grandparents and Parents are no longer independent, decisions are hard.

Unconditional Love

If you always do, what you always did, you will always get, what you always got!

Finding My Wings at Navy Boot Camp

I love to cut grass, because I see the results!

From baby food to meat and potatoes

In every dark cloud, there is a ray of sunshine

Love in Dreams Versus Love in Deeds

Money and Me

Grudges are the cancers in your soul

My Faith

If we value time, we can correct the burdens our personalities place on others

Things Close to my heart

Christmas 2005

Books Read

The Blessing

Engaging the Powers

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?

Addiction and Grace

People of the Lie

The Different Drum

The Merton Books

You Own the Power

YEARS OF REFLECTION

What is in a Song?

74 to Destiny

The Gifts of SDI The Spiritual Direction Institute

50 Tools for Spiritual Growth

Growth Plan

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

Tasks of Individuation

The Enneagram

Fourth level of faith

Intensive Journaling

Part II

Introduction

FAMILY

Life in rural Nebraska the late 1800’s and early 1900’s

Reflections of Dad

Reflections of Mom

Hardship, Commitment and Love During the Depression Years 1927-1937

YEARS OF EDUCATION

Growing up in the 40’s Without a I-Phone or Computer 1937-1945

My life on a Nebraska farm 1946-1953

High School Years 1954-1955

You’re in the Navy Now, Not Behind the Plow 1956-1958

YEARS OF ACTIVITY

Years filled with uncertainty and change 1959-1962

A new job, opportunity, but there is always a price 1963-1967

St. Louis Years The Step on the Corporate Ladder 1968-1973

World Headquarters 1974-1978

Goals met—life is good 1979-1992

My Entrepreneurial Itch and Handyman Projects

My entrepreneurial itch

Blessed With Love and Support

My Wife Monica

Raising Our Children

Our Pets

Cars, Trucks, and Toys

Our Vacations

It’s fun when you can surprise the ones you love

Does it make a difference where you were born and raised?

Bill’s Reflections

Epilogue

To

Reverend Monsignor Chester P. Michael S.T.D.

Authors Notes

"My memoir A Dialogue With My Soul

is my ethical will."

I attended an estate planning class where trusts, wills, both legal and ethical were discussed. The discussions about legal wills and trusts centered around stuff, the dividing of our possessions amassed while living on earth. However, an ethical will is quite different. It shares insights as to who we are, the events that shaped our lives,—a portrait painting a picture to include stories, events, and the wisdom we gained throughout our lives. What a gift to leave those we know and love!

Without something such as an ethical will they can wonder just what caused us to take this turn in the road, this stand, or simply what made us the person we are. Have we not had this same wish that if we had only known more about our parents or grandparents? But it’s now too late to ask!

When read years down the road, our ethical will can awaken in our heirs the questions they need to ask themselves about what are the values that govern their lives. What better legacy can we leave to coming generations than the gift of bequeathing our values and, in addition, an inspiration for them to continue our tradition of evaluating then their own values and guiding principles throughout their lives?

My memoir A Dialogue with my Soul is my ethical will.

A portrait of our life can be quite broad but centers around three basic areas—

• Human—relationships

• Intellect—creativity, imagination, and knowledge

• Spiritual—values, beliefs, and wisdom

For those of you who have considered writing your memoir, your ethical will, I have provided a blog site for you to connect with others to share thoughts and comments as you read my memoir. I hope you find my thoughts and experiences interesting—that my experiences, beliefs, and values may spark ideas of events and stories in your life.

As you read A Dialogue with my Soul, and you have a thought to share—click on www.adialoguewithmysoul.com and join into the dialogue. After all—we are one family.

Acknowledgements

My initial intent in writing this book was to pass on to those I love thoughts I had recorded in my journal in a more organized fashion. Along the journey of writing my book as it has now evolved I got support and encouragement from many to whom I give my heartfelt thanks.

It was Monsignor Chester P. Michael who opened my heart and mind to many of the convictions I have shared in this book. I am deeply indebted to Monsignor Michael who has touched not only my life but thousands of other lives with his wisdom and unconditional love. It was because of his suggestion and encouragement that I started to journal and from my journal comes the core of this book.

I am grateful to D. Andrew MacFarlan—a spiritual friend—that has given freely of his time to support and energize my thinking in writing this book.—If you want to get something done, ask someone who is busy—Andy is one of those persons. He is always willing to share his time and talent with others and is an inspiration to me.

As the manuscript started to take shape it became abundantly clear that training and coaching would be beneficial. I enrolled in a continuing education course at the University of Virginia for autobiographical writing taught by Kevin Quirk. I found the course helpful and would highly recommend to those wishing to embark on this endeavor to consider the same. Kevin has published a book available on Amazon—Your Life Is a Book—And It’s Time to Write It!—I found the book helpful and recommend it.

A positive turning point in writing this book was my introduction to Stephen Pfleiderer. Stephen has served as a coach and mentor to many aspiring writers. In sharing of his experience and professional knowledge, Stephen empowered me to reach deeper for more meaningful definitions of my convictions I have shared in this book. I believe that fate has a way to leading me to be in the right place at the right time. The blessing is when I realize the opportunity at hand and take advantage of it. The decision to work with Stephen was the right decision and a blessing. His suggestions and advice has augmented the message I wanted to share. I owe Stephen a deep measure of gratitude for his support and knowledge.

At various stages of writing, I shared copies of my manuscript with a number of persons seeking their input for clarity and meaning to the reader. I shared it with some young, some old, spiritual, religious and some not so religious. I am grateful to all those who took their time to share their reactions to the manuscript. Their views were helpful to me in communicating my message. I am especially thankful to John Thomas and John Bunch who’s insight and comments directed me to subjects and organization I wouldn’t have considered without their input.

In writing the book I wanted to explore the question of how my life could have been directed down a different path due to the environment of my upbringing. The contrast Bill Cassidy shared of his upbringing in New York City was most helpful in illustrating that point. I am grateful to Bill for the time and effort he contributed to that section of the book.

A matchless blessing is God’s gift of bringing Monica into my life. For 54 years she has been a steadfast partner and supporter of my endeavors. At times when I became impatient or discouraged she calms my impatience and dampens my discouragement with support and confidence.

Sharing her thoughts—even in those small inconspicuous ways—like putting a cup of tea with a cookie on my desk just at the right time when I was searching for the right words to express my thoughts. She is truly my supporter and partner—she is my soulmate. Monica is my best friend and we have walked hand in hand over the years. I thank God each day that I wake to see her at my side. As the song goes—she is the wind beneath my wings!

Introduction

"Because things are the way they are,

things will not stay the way they are."

Bertolt Brecht

I remember the day well, when things were not going to stay the way they are. My wife Monica and I were returning to our home from our tax appointment with our CPA in Fairfax, Virginia. My urologist called to inform me that he had the results of my biopsy and requested I come to his office with my wife to discuss the results. That is the one phone call that no one wants to receive, because you know that the news is not going to be good. The doctor told us that I had prostate cancer and the cancer had advanced outside the prostate. In the end, it is what it is; and it will be what we make it.

As I digested the news I cycled through all three of the emotions we hear others do when they get bad news. This time it was not someone else; it was close and personal. It was me. The emotions of anger, denial, and fear were all present. I was 55, life was good, and cancer always happened to someone else. I was aware that each year there are thousands of people who get cancer, but why was I chosen to be one of them?

It was when I started living my life with cancer, that my conversion from a materialistic state of mind set on fire my quest to seek more balance in my life and to enrich my spiritual values. I searched for guidance, a spiritual director and those actions led me to journaling. Journaling helped me realize the importance of taking some time each day to reach my deeper self. When I meditate on the thoughts recorded in my journal, it sends strong messages to me that the thoughts and values inside of me do not always match those expressed by the perception I share with others from the outside of me.

My journal motivated me to write this book!

If you do not journal now, after reading this book, I hope you will want to start. If you decide to write your memoir, and I hope you do, it will be a great experience. It will be a precious gift not only to yourself, but to all you love.

I can now say it was a blessing to be engaged in my battle with cancer. It made me face the reality of mortality and tested my faith. Cancer has led me to an examination of my inner-self and has been the path that has led to my personal and spiritual growth.

We are reminded in a Stephen Covey quote that We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. I am happy to share mine with you. This book, A Dialogue With My Soul, is my journey. Writing this memoir has been an exercise for me to identify my growth potential towards my potential of love.

Many of us can identify a person who had a major influence on our life, a change in direction. For me that person was Monsignor Chester P. Michael. The first sentence of the introduction to the book Arise he wrote with Marie Norrisey tells us so much. The central idea of their book is that the key to a successful, happy life is the fullest possible development of our unlimited potential of love." This has become a guiding outlook on life for me.

To attain this goal Monsignor Michael suggests we focus on the four tasks of individuation, which are authenticity, significance, transparency, and solidarity. I have used these tasks as a guide in writing my memoir.

In addition to using these four tasks, I have been curious about what are some of the common values/virtues shared and passed down to me through previous generations. What values do I have that are part of my DNA? I wondered did I develop cancer because of my DNA? I then became interested in identifying that common thread woven of values and virtues in our DNA that passes through each generation that can bring health, happiness, purpose, and success to each one’s life, regardless of what later generation one happens to be part of. How can we grow the seed of a value or virtue that may be latent or dormant in our DNA? You may be searching through microfilm or doing a Google search and likely to find, as I did, bits of our ancestors that are part of us today in some aspect we never thought of.

You may ask the question, does the environment I was raised in make a difference as to who I am today? In part two of my book I discuss the journey of my grandparents, parents, and my own personal journey from youth until now that formed a large part of what I am today. For a comparison in part two of the book my friend Bill Cassidy shares what his life was like growing up in New York City. I think you will come to the conclusion that if you may have been raised in New York City, on a Nebraska farm, or in France—yes, had I been raised somewhere else maybe it would have influenced my formal education or maybe the religion I practice. But what about those core values passed on to me by a mentor, parents, and grandparents?

What do we bring with us in our DNA? Discovering even a few values or virtues such as trust, love, stability, truth, gratitude, self-discipline, humility, sanctity, hard work, or persistence that are part of your DNA from a previous generation is very exciting. Some of my grandparents were immigrants from Germany or farmers settling the plains of the Midwest at a time when the Native Americans saw telegraph poles go up and thought the white man was building tall fences. My parents lived in the time of Model T cars, dirt roads, no interstate highways, and a time of economic depression. I grew up during World War II, followed by a time of great economic growth in our country.

In contrast, my own children grew up with substantially more material goods than I, such as television and opportunities to travel to other countries to experience other cultures. And now my grandchildren are growing up in an age where technology disseminates information at lightning speed within an instant as communications are now available with the touch of your finger to a smart phone screen.

The different generations are often given names connected to popular cultures at the time. They may be associated with their time period of music, fads, inventions, wars and other events. In the 1920’s we had The Roaring Twenties, speaking to the 20’s good economic times. Then came the Great Depression in the 30’s. This was followed in the 40’s with World War II and those who sacrificed, some with their lives, who were dubbed by journalist Tom Brokaw as The Greatest Generation. Those born too young to serve in World War II, but had fathers who may have served in World War I were known as The Silent Generation. After the Second World War arrives a generation frequently spoken as the Baby Boomers. And the Boomers were children of the The Greatest Generation. I may miss a few generations named after The Boomers, but time periods seem to be compressed as new names for the next generation come along. I think this compression goes along with the rapid changes in technology we experience today. Along comes Generation X, Generation Y, or known as Echo Boomers and Millennials or First Digitals. So what is next? Generation Z also called Generation V (for virtual). They were born with a smart phone in their hand conforming to a digital world. They grow up texting, tweeting, and communicating on a social network.

A person from the Boomers may still make a phone call to someone and actually talk to them on the phone. A person from generation X or Y will text those they wish to communicate with and rarely talks to others on the phone.

Communications is just one element of our lives that has changed through the gererations, but what communications does is a key example of how things have changed. For example, are the younger generations dismissing us older folks because we aren’t adept at using the new communication technology, such as Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch? Have we lost touch with our children, and more specifically grandchildren, our voice to transmit to them our values and virtues?

Communications in rural Nebraska in the 40’s and 50’s depended on party line telephones, where your telephone ring was unique to your home. When our phone rang on the party line I didn’t hear the sound of musical notes of a favorite song or the sound of a truck horn that is common with cell phones today. The recipient of the call on a party line phone was identified by the number of times the phone would ring and how long the ring tone would last. I still remember our unique ring, two longs and a short. You were not supposed to pick up the phone and answer it if it was not your ring. I may add it was not polite to pick up the phone and listen to your neighbors’ conversation if it was not your ring, but many did. How can you resist listening to the gossip your neighbors are talking about on the telephone? But how is this diffferent than listening in to others talking in public—and loudly—on their cell phones—and yet to whom, we don’t even know?

By comparison today I frequently can watch a couple sitting in a booth across from each other at a cafe or coffee shop, both texting on their smart phone, not talking to each other and I wonder, are they texting each other or is each person texting someone in a remote location? This is an example of how our methods of communicating with each other has progressed or changed with technology. It demonstrates one way the perception of a person’s core values can appear to some to be different.

In the 50’s if I were at the Woolworth’s luncheonette with a friend and I would take out my pen and start writing a note, ignoring my friend, that would have been considered rude. If we both were writing notes, we would talk to each other while composing the notes. The ability to touch the screen on a device with your finger, that you can hold in the palm of your hand, that has as much power as a computer that filled a room in the 50’s, which certainly is awsome. When you touch that screen, in an instant you have all the information you need or want. My friend and I in the 50’s with our pen and note pads needed to think about what to compose on the note pad, and it always helped to have a discussion with my friend to get his point of view, his input.

How we communicate today because of technology, doesn’t mean we should neglect the practice of manners and respect for others. Values taught by my grandparents and parents are part of me today. They are part of my DNA. When I write about the hardships on the plains of Nebraska that challenged my granparents in the late 1800’s, and the trials of the Depression faced by my parents in the 30’s, they still held on to their core values. I can’t help but wonder how they would react if they were beamed back to live in today’s world. I think they would still have the same core values; I’m most thankful those values are part of my DNA !

Some things are worth repeating many times over—if you don’t journal now, that after reading this book, I sincerely hope you will want to start. It will be a great experience. It will be a precious gift not only to yourself, but to those you love.

It will be your creation of an ethical will!

Part I

YEARS OF

CONTEMPLATION

Mr. C comes to visit me

Whether one is being faced with a serious health issue or any crisis in our life, it becomes a time of contemplation. For some the issue may be a divorce or a death in the family, but for me this time it was prostate cancer. Of course, there is cancer of various degrees of seriousness, and prostate cancer is no exception. For my situation the