A New Song: The Last Years of Chris's Life

By Pat Montesano

Was Chris's life valuable?

In the early years we were told society was changing towards those diagnosed with mental retardation, developmental disadvantages, and special needs. Encouraged to educate and train him to be socially acceptable, we believed he would become a contributing member of society. We spent large amounts of money, made great sacrifices, and gave 100% of ourselves so he would become a useful citizen. We were excited about his accomplishments and his eagerness to be accepted as a valuable participant in the world community.

As Chris's family we believed he would be welcomed as a neighbor, parishioner, guest, passenger, employee, and friend. There have been kind and generous people throughout Chris's life. Many accepted him. However, we did not find a welcoming world. We experienced deceit, exploitation, hypocracy and pain. Unfortunately, we live in a society that promotes eradication of unborn babies who might be born with similar handicaps.

During the last years of Chris's life he was happier and more independent. Hopefully, our story will help to generate increased acceptance of these special individuals and to discover the incredible value of their lives. Chris accepted and loved others unconditionally, living in a spirit of forgiveness and gratitude.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 18, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463411640

Pat Montesano

1) When our toddler son, Chris, was diagnosed in 1960 as being mentally retarded, I could find no written material by other parents in the same situation. I searched everywhere for an article or book written by a parent on how to raise a child with such a disability. I was still searching when he reached the age of 7 and "hearing and speech impaired" were added to his diagnosis. I found nothing written by parents. That was the motivation for my first book, "Sing A New Song, The Story of a Mentally Retarded Boy Seeking Acceptance." It is the story of Chris's childhood with his family. I wrote "Sing A New Song II" to tell about Chris's adolescent years, sharing the feelings of Chris, his siblings and parents in both books. I never imagined writing a 3rd book, but wrote it in response to requests from other parents. A NEW SONG, The Last Years of Chris's Life" tells of his final happy and independent years, his sudden death, the reactions of his siblings and their families. Throughout the books, I tell it all as I experienced it and reveal our deepest thoughts and feelings. Widowed young, I compare those feelings of the children losing their father, with their grieving for their brother. 2) My only dream for myself was to be a wife and mother of a large family. My dream came true and it is still my fondest role. Widowed when I was 39 and my husband 42, our 21-year marrage had been delightful but ended abruptly. I gave birth to 9 children, with one girl stillborn. My children have been my purpose for each day and my happiness through the years. I've attended college and worked several various jobs, but motherhood has the most rewards for me. 3) I live in Colorado Springs , currently recovering from a near-fatal sepsis infection which, after 3 weeks on life support, left me with months of physical and occupational rehabilitation needed. The Pikes Peak community has been extremely kind and generous in helping me through it. From my apartment window I have a beautiful vew of majestic Pikes Peak in all its glory, lifting my spirits and strengthening my faith. I have survived cancer and other serious illnesses but my faith continues to increase and sustain me. My favorite pasttime is writing poetry, prayers, short stories and articles. My family has joyfully grown with 18 grandchildren, and 18 great-grandchildren.

Book preview

A NEW SONG

The Last Years of Chris’s Life

By Pat Montesano

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2011 Pat Montesano. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 06/24/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4634-1164-0 (ebk)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-1165-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-1166-4 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011908869

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

CHAPTER 1

From Rosary Beads to Crucifix

CHAPTER 2

Feeding the Birds

CHAPTER 3

Brotherly Love

CHAPTER 4

Computers and Puzzles

CHAPTER 5

Potato Soup and Sunflower Seeds

CHAPTER 6

Biscuits, Gravy, and the Blue Heron

CHAPTER 7

The Day After

CHAPTER 8

Clothespin Crucifix

CHAPTER 9

Gathering at the Cemetery

CHAPTER 10

The First Anniversary

Dedicated To All Who

Are Developmentally Disabled

and Their Families

A NOTE OF THANKS

Several years ago, after having my first book published about the childhood of my son Chris, I met a retired priest friend at the grocery store whom I hadn’t seen in many months. The elderly white-haired man stopped me by the meat counter, and told me he had read my book in which I had told the intimate story of our family raising a handicapped child. His eyes filled with tears as he told me that in all of his life he had not understood children and people who suffered from mental retardation, and confessed he had always been afraid of them.

Until I read your book, Father told me, I didn’t realize these individuals actually have feelings. As I read your book I did laugh and cry for all of you, but I also cried for myself for not accepting these special people into my life when I had the opportunities.

He then thanked me for writing SING A NEW SONG and for giving him new awareness in his old age.

For a long time, I thought of that meeting in the grocery store and of the gratitude I felt for touching that one life with my book. It had been very hard to expose my feelings, those of my family, those of Chris, and those of my deceased husband to all my readers. It had been difficult to recall memories of those years. The old priest thanking me gave such meaning to having written that first book about Chris.

Years later this same elderly priest was terminally ill and in the last days of his life in a local nursing home. It just so happened that Chris was, at the time, volunteering at that nursing home and spent time at Father’s bedside, sitting with him and talking with him…..at the dying priest’s request.

~~~

A year after Chris died, I was preparing to leave a Thanksgiving dinner given by the Faith and Light organization Chris had belonged to. As I walked towards the door with some of my children and grandchildren, a woman approached me with her adult handicapped son.

Pat, she said, as she introduced herself, I’m Lorraine. I have hoped to meet you for many years. I want to thank you for writing your first book about Chris. I also read your second book about him, but it was the first one you wrote that helped me to raise my son.

I was speechless! I could only stare at her as she continued.

I used to lie in bed crying in frustration, holding your book, and telling God, ‘If Pat could do it, I can too.

Her son stood there smiling and nodding to me the entire time she spent thanking me. I had such a lump in my throat that all I could say was Thank You to Lorraine. There it was again: My very reason for writing about Chris is in hope of touching one person, or helping one other parent. I had such a lump rising in my throat that all I could say was, Thank you. Thank you.

Some parents had asked me, after Chris’s death, if I would write a last book about him. I had gone to a Faith & Light retreat soon after he died, and the parents there had asked me to write one more book about him. I thought there was no way I could do it, but being approached by Lorraine after the Faith & Light dinner gave me the motivation I needed. It has been difficult writing, but I hope there will be someone out there who might find some help or consolation in our story….maybe hope. Most of all I want to touch hearts with the knowledge that the life of my son was of remarkable value.

It has taken me over two years to write this book, and there was a time when I got totally discouraged and stopped writing it. One day during that period I decided to look on Amazon.com to see if SING A NEW SONG II was still selling, and I found very favorable comments from readers of my books. There was a beautiful comment by Lorraine. What a surprise! There again was the motivation I needed to continue, and there again…. those words filling my heart: Thank You!

~~~

Two years ago my 18th grandchild was born. During her second high-risk pregnancy my daughter, Rosemary, had expressed fears to her doctor of something going wrong during childbirth and she worried about the loss of oxygen for her baby. She shared with me the assuring