All in My Head: A Tale of Betrayal

By Sonja Senhouse

Sacha has just enjoyed a lovely birthday celebration, courtesy of her devoted husband, Steven. After he falls asleep, she opens an envelope attached to a gift. Inside is an unsigned love poem. The box holds a King James Bible and a heart pendant. After Sacha realizes the gifts are from Steven, she knows that if he will give her another chance, she can love him again. But what he does not know is that Sacha has already committed the ultimate betrayal behind his back.

As she travels back in time through her memories, Sacha begins a poignant journey to understand love. While revisiting the moment she first met Vince Monroe and began a complex affair shortly after celebrating her tenth wedding anniversary, Sacha realizes that her world has always been a perilous place where love struggles to thrive. As she reconciles past issues related to abandonment, abuse, and disillusionment, Sacha learns how to separate truth from lies while searching for new ways to view herself, true love, and others. Now only time will tell if Sacha will finally recognize what matters most in life.

All in My Head shares the introspective tale of a womans struggle to overcome a moral dilemma and move forward into a future devoid of self-loathing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Dec 29, 2017
• ISBN: 9781532040290

Sonja Senhouse

Sonja Senhouse earned a bachelors degree in sociology and an MBA in marketing. She is a former model and now works as a motivational speaker and coach who guides women and teenage girls to improve their self-image. Sonja lives with her husband in New Jersey. She has co-authored three books for The Professional Woman Network Book Series. This is her debut novel.

Book preview

Chapter 1

I know that everything and everyone has a season, so why when someone’s season is over, do I weep instead of rejoice?

I T WAS AROUND ONE THIRTY in the morning when the last guest left. Sacha’s husband had given her a grand surprise birthday party at the Waldorf Astoria hotel. It had been five hours of unparalleled fun and excitement. There had been two dozen of Sacha’s favorite peach-colored roses on each one of the 250 guest tables in the Empire Room, once a famed nightclub at the Waldorf where many stars, like Frank Sinatra, had appeared. The room had been breathtakingly beautiful. The majestic decor of Napoleonic blue hues and gold trim with a twenty-one-foot coffered ceiling, antique French crystal chandeliers, and soaring arched windows had made Sacha feel like a true princess.

Sacha smiled as she recalled the evening. She’d been astonished as her guests bellowed, Surprise, surprise! Happy birthday, Sacha! Her husband, Steven, had beamed with pride.

Steven had escorted Sacha to their table and motioned the all-strings band to play their favorite song for a first dance. They had waltzed across the floor until Sacha was literally out of breath.

Hours later, Sacha still looked radiant in her ecru-and-gold-trimmed silk gown. She sat on the window ledge in the spectacular two-bedroom suite on the twenty-ninth floor, overlooking Park Avenue. Sacha, watching the Christmas lights on the lampposts twinkle, wondered if she had the nerve to end it all. She put her head against the window and sighed. The gaily wrapped gifts and stack of birthday cards couldn’t erase the past week’s episode from her mind.

Don’t jump. I want to be there to catch you. Steven approached her, smiling, with outstretched arms. Sacha couldn’t help but wonder if Steven had read her thoughts. Sacha smiled at Steven and beckoned him over to her. They embraced affectionately, and Sacha thanked him for the wonderful evening. She looked into his deep brown eyes and whispered lovingly, I appreciate you. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for still loving me after all these years.

Steven smiled and kissed her forehead. He untied his bowtie as he walked over to the Victorian armchair. Sacha watched him plop down in the chair, still fully clothed in his gray tuxedo. She knew he was tired. It wasn’t very long before Steven started snoring.

Sacha moved off the windowsill and to the table. She occasionally glanced over at Steven as she continued opening her gifts. There were so many, but one package stood out. It was wrapped in the shiniest silver paper with an elaborate bow. Sacha reached for the package, and the card placed under the bow fell to the floor. Sacha picked up the gray envelope and couldn’t understand why her heart was beating so fast. She hurriedly opened the envelope, and on parchment paper in silver ink was written a poem. The words circled her heart as she read.

I KNOW

I know He is the beginning, so why do I worry about the end?

I know He has forgiven me, so why can’t I forgive myself?

I know He will protect me, so why do I fear?

I know He is my strength and my salvation, so why do I feel weak?

I know that everything and everyone has a season, so why do I weep?

I know He is the right way, so why do I go the wrong way?

I know He is the light, so why do I choose to walk in darkness?

I know that the truth shall make me free, so why do I continue to lie?

Sacha looked for a signature to see who had sent this timely message, but there was none. When she opened the gift, she was surprised to find a burgundy, leather-bound King James Bible with gold lettering, A Peretti gold-heart pendant on a Tiffany gold-mesh chain was put in the box as well. She picked up the necklace, watching the locket in the light as she strained to read the inscription. It said, I have always loved you.

Sacha watched Steven sleeping. Did he give this gift and forget to sign the card? Steven was prone to carelessness at times. Sacha inhaled deeply as her tears fell on the Bible. The gifts were from Steven. Sacha had often tried to tell Steven about the affair but couldn’t. Sacha imagined that Steven chose these specific gifts, and it was his way of saying, I know what you have wanted to say to me for a very long time. I know what anxiety you are feeling. I love you, and we’ll get through this. I will find a way to forgive you and move on. This party was my gift to you, a new beginning for us.

Holding the Bible reminded Sacha that salvation was possible. If Steven is willing to trust Sacha and give her another chance, she could love him again.

Sacha folded her arms as she rocked back and forth, embracing the reality of her agony, trying to dissect each word, phrase, and sentence that was so beautifully inscribed on that very simple card. The plush white carpet muffled her footsteps as she walked over to the living room and sat on the sofa for the entire night, replaying portions of her life. It was as if she was viewing a movie, taking the time to stop and rewind between scenes to reflect. It was a very long evening, indeed.

Chapter 2

I know I should live in the spirit as well as walk in the spirit, so why do I choose to live in the spirit but walk in the flesh?

O N A WARM DAY IN early spring of 1995, Sacha was climbing the stairs with Tabitha, a coworker. She wasn’t looking, and she ran into someone. Tabitha introduced him as Vince Monroe. Vince was about six feet tall. His skin tone was the hue of the sun