The Luckiest Man on the Planet: And the Real Live Alien Earth Angels

By Craig Underhill Suits

The Luckiest Man On The Planet is about a man in his early thirties and his metal detector.
Treasure hunting on vacation one morning, he unearths the greatest discovery ever found and proceeds to authenticate it with the help of several friends and associates.

Before long, The Dream Team emerges with a dozen or so members determined to rid the world of offensive military weapons using their unique and powerful alien technologies. But not without enjoying their beloved 50s rock and roll with tons of romance, science, intrigue, and unending humor on practically every page.

You will never forget the fun times in this book because much of it really happened and many of the characters were real people. You will also come to love the fictional characters as Mr. Suits did in the years it took to write this bookEnjoy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 26, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504912426

Craig Underhill Suits

“The Luckiest Man On The Planet,”written by Craig Underhill Suits, is his third book published by AuthorHouse. The others include “Up One Level” and “Treasure In Your Backyard.” Now 73, and currently living in Westwood, New Jersey. Mr. Suits is already planning his fourth book he claims will be the funniest book ever written.

Book preview

THE GREAT DISCOVERY

Chapter 01

Heathkit was the company, and the AG-60 Metal Detector was the product. I assembled it in about two days and midnight or not, I wasn’t about to wait until morning to find out what fantastic treasures were buried in my front yard.

Armed with a flashlight, a screwdriver for digging, and my brand-new treasure finder, I ventured into the pitch wilderness of my front lawn and began scanning the ground for gold doubloons, pieces of eight, and platinum rings festooned with diamonds and sapphires. There was no shortage of beeps from the detector, and soon my pockets were stuffed with coins, pull-tabs, bottle caps, tin foil, tools and just about anything else mankind has had the ingenuity to manufacture and the misfortune to lose except for gold, silver, platinum, and diamonds.

The next day I methodically searched the entire yard and came up with a grand total of $5.61, most of which was found close to the street where Matty, the local ice cream man, had stopped for the better part of twenty-five years. The lawn looked like a thousand gophers had taken up residence but I rationalized the grass would grow back on it’s own and could probably have used a good aerating anyway.

My wife, Rita, thought I was nuts: all that time and money invested for what, six bucks? What did she know about all the golden doubloons I was planning to find? Hell, what did I even know what I was going to find?

July 17, 1982 is a date I am not likely to ever forget. It was a gorgeous Saturday morning in north Jersey and likely to turn into one of the hottest in a matter of hours. I had already racked up a few years treasure hunting experience and had upgraded my metal detector to a better, more sensitive, and much lighter model. I still considered myself an amateur because up to now, I hadn’t done any sweeps of locations such as abandoned homes, civil war sites, or any other well-researched locations where a more professional treasure hunter would dig up some interesting and potentially valuable relics.

The closest I had come to that state of the art occurred while vacationing in the Pocono Mountains, where I happened upon a chance dig along the banks of an old trout stream that ran along the back of our log cabin resort. Here, on the first day of our stay, the stream wasn’t yielding many trout keepers, or anything else for that matter except one ten inch rainbow I was supposed to throw back but didn’t.

I decided to check out the banks for long-lost goodies and surprisingly, my metal detector kept fairly busy informing me of the various standard finds of coins, pull-tabs, and assorted fishing tackle.

One hit in particular beeped much louder than usual but I imagined it to be nothing more than a can or some other piece of junk not worth digging.

I figured what the hell and decided to pursue it anyway.

About eighteen inches down after some really tough digging, I uncovered what appeared to be remnants of an old camp site that included a rusted grill, an old lantern, and the back of a silver pocket watch and sure enough, it was real silver and very old.

Amazed to find these things in the middle of nowhere, I made my way further down the bank of the stream, hoping to discover other ancient fishing clearings where I could hopefully dig up a gold coin or two. Being an urban Jersey boy, I was also increasingly aware of the fact that at any moment I could step on a poisonous copperhead, run into a bear, or piss off a seven-foot moose that was just out for a stroll.

I didn’t know anything about my current environment considering I had grown up only eight miles from the George Washington Bridge and had seen only two garter snakes in my entire life.

By now, I was in the thick of this New York State jungle and becoming more and more apprehensive about going any further. Suddenly, I saw what appeared to be a small clearing about one hundred feet further down, where the stream took a decisive bend.

Finally, I thought, civilization: a place to put my metal detector to work.

As I got closer, all the while fighting tree branches and completely hostile undergrowth that tore at my clothes, hair, and skin, I thought to myself; Christ, a crazed mountain man could jump out of the bushes and hack me to death with a broken deer horn."

I hadn’t planned on walking a quarter mile away from our log cabin, and neither had I told my wife, Rita, where I was going.

I’m sure it was the potential lure of buried gold that enabled me to make it to the edge of this unusually shaped clearing. It was almost perfectly round, except where it intersected the stream bank, very unlike a stereotypical, beaten down, fishing area.

Anxious to get the hell out of the thickets that still grabbed and poked at me everywhere, I gingerly stepped out into the opening and immediately noticed that there was no discernible path leading into this clearing that I now stood in the middle of. That didn’t bother me as much as realizing that there was no discernible path leading out of wherever the hell I was either.

Undaunted, I readjusted my metal detector controls that had been beat all to hell getting here and proceeded to scan the twelve-foot clearing starting at the riverbank. A riverbank is usually the best place to find things and also my only emergency escape route in the event a bear decided to have me for breakfast.

Trust me, by this time no creature on earth would have come close to catching me in the event just one tiny little incident triggered an unconscious decision to drop my gear and haul ass out of there. My panic trigger was cocked and half pulled as I continued scanning with no beeps from my detector.

Finishing the riverbank area, I moved into the interior of the circle and continued scanning.

I felt something crawling on my neck and swatted at it as I had been doing for my exposed arms, legs, and face for the last half hour, then continued scanning.

Just then my detector let out a humungous beep and again, whatever it was crawling on my neck had seemingly made its way into my hair. I freaked, dropped the detector, and frantically slapped at my hair with both hands, hoping to dislodge whatever obviously poisonous denizen was about to sink its dripping fangs into my skull. I saw nothing hit the ground, nor did I feel anything still moving so I stood there frozen for a few seconds, awaiting any further movement from this creature, but nothing.

I have won my first jungle survival battle, I thought. Mess with this Jersey boy, will ya?

I bent down, picked up the detector, and when I stood up, something hit my face. I jumped about six feet, thinking now that it must be a flying creature, and again froze in order to allow my senses a chance to discover any movement. My hands stood at the ready to swat down anything from a mosquito to a F-16. It was then that something very strange caught my eye.

It appeared as if my vision was distorted, a sensation somewhat like when a gob of goop in your eye works its way across the iris. But this was different in that one; it seemingly came and went, and two; it was only a super thin and vertical anomaly. It was about 10:30 in the morning I guessed and the sun was shining full bore into the clearing which made it even more difficult to see, let alone get a fix on it. I focused intently, and realized that whatever I was looking at was real and apparently hanging from somewhere above.

At first, I thought it was fishing line hanging from a high-up branch, but when I moved close enough to touch it, it became clear that it wasn’t fishing line and that there were no branches directly above this dangling whatever-it-was. Even while holding on to whatever this thing was, it seemed translucent and I surmised right away that this was the mystery creature that I had previously believed was looking to eat me. Comforted just a bit with that thought, my scientific curiosity shifted to high gear. What the hell is this weird filament hanging from the sky? I gently tugged on it and it gave way just a tiny bit, then reset when I stopped pulling. I bent the end of it and it reacted as metal wire would, but momentarily resuming it’s original shape after I let it go. I grabbed it as high up as I could and gently shook it from side to side. It swung back and forth three or four feet and even brushed a few leaves off the end of a nearby tree branch.

Letting it relax and looking straight up its vertical ascent, it was absolutely clear that this thing was coming from, or somehow hanging from, the clear blue sky.

There is such a thing as memory wire that you can bend into all kinds of shapes and when heated, returns to its exact original form. However, it’s one hundred percent visible at all times. This hanging thing definitely wasn’t. Extraterrestrial? I thought. That may have accounted for the weird circular clearing, which also just happened to have a wire extending from the heavens right smack ass in the middle of it. Now, I was really freaked.

Time to tiptoe the hell out of here, dude.

My panic trigger was pulled. I picked up my metal detector, jumped into the stream, and made my way back to the cabin. The thought of running into a bear or a snake was almost a comforting feeling knowing that I wasn’t the only earth creature around. I made it back to the cabin, excited but physically unscathed, not considering a few dozen insect bites, scrapes and scratches.

I came on shore right where I had left my father in-law, Bob, who was still there, readying his fishing gear for a shot at besting my previous six-inch catch. He didn’t take kindly to me stomping around in his $750 three-day super trout stream.

Where the hell have you been? he said. Get the hell out of the water, you’re scaring all the fish.

What fish? I quipped. I already caught the only one there was.

It took a full three minutes to convince him we needed to talk and to put down his fishing rod and come inside. He never did understand me. He owned Bob’s Gulf, a local gas station and wrecker service. Although mechanically inclined, when it came to electronics or any other scientific issue, forget about it.

I changed my sneakers and socks then managed to get everyone seated around the kitchen table, knowing all the while what I was about to tell them would either be taken as a precursor to a practical joke or just another of my scientific based fantasies. So, there they sat: my wife Rita, and her mother and father, Lucky and Bob Lesser. They were all undoubtedly good people, but collectively about as scientifically minded as a hamburger on an onion roll.

Good freaking luck on this one, I thought to myself. My credibility had already been confirmed non-existent on the previous evening at our rustic log cabin retreat. I had done some guitar picking and singing for a while and consumed the usual amount of too many beers in the process. Later that night, feeling a bit frisky, I hatched a diabolical idea.

I went to the kitchen, grabbed the CO2 fire extinguisher and hunkered down in the log-lined hall about five feet from the bathroom door. I nervously awaited my mother-in-law to emerge. When she did, I was going to blast her with an ass freezing cloud of frozen carbon dioxide snow. Well, she emerged all right, and I blasted her all right.

It was absolutely beautiful, a once in a lifetime deed sure to be laughed about for decades to come.

All you could see of her face after the snow white flakes had settled were wide-open eyeballs speaking a silent language of their own that unmistakably translated into, Okay, now you are really going to die. Her clothes, hair, and the surrounding wooden logs were all as white as snow.

As she came at me, I hurriedly explained that the white powder was nothing more than frozen carbon dioxide ice and that it would soon evaporate. We used to wake hung over guys in the army in the same manner; blasted CO2 under the sheets got results amazingly fast.

Then I noticed the ice she was spitting out, as she got closer and closer. What the hell? That should have evaporated almost immediately, unless…unless…oh no! It couldn’t be. I glanced down at the wide nozzle that I thought was only used on CO2 extinguishers, and then to the label on the side of the tank. Oh my god, it wasn’t CO2, it was a dry chemical powder, which I had just inundated my mother-in-law with, not to speak of most of the logs in the hall.

Dropping to my knees, groveling and begging for my life, was all that saved me that night. I took me three hours to clean out the billions of nooks and crannies of the logs in the hall with my toothbrush and a pail of water.

Back in the kitchen, I explained to them exactly what I saw and that I had a feeling that the weird wire and clearing were an extraterrestrial phenomenon. Lucky was the first one to speak. I think she felt sorry for me having to clean all those logs the night before.

I think you really lost it this time kiddo she said.

Bob just got up and mumbled; I’m going fishing.

Then Rita asked; Extraterrestrial, as in extra-terrestrial?

She knew I wasn’t fooling around. Repeating the events to her as they had happened, I got to the part where there was a huge beep on the metal detector right before I brushed up against that damn hanging thing. Then suddenly, something dawned on me for the first time.

Oh my god, I bet you money that there is something related to the wire buried down there. No hits anywhere except for the center of the circle, directly underneath an invisible wire hanging from the sky. There’s something down there Rita, I have to go back.

I spent the next hour thinking about it, wondering what would be the smart thing to do in the event the thing I had found really was extraterrestrial. Should I try to move it, tell the government, or leave it alone? I was also thinking about calling my brother Kim and his friend Ralph Mastrandria, an electronics engineer, just to see what they suggested I do. Everything depended on what it was, how potentially dangerous and how big it was. The hanging wire also presented a problem. I had no idea what it was. Should I try to move it or pull it down or just ignore it and hope it didn’t vaporize me when I dug up the buried object?

I decided to go back, see what was underground, and make my decision then. Within minutes I was ready to go. This time I brought the detector, a long screwdriver in case I had to fight off a bear, and a small garden spade that I brought with us just for treasure hunting.

I half-jokingly kissed Rita good-bye, slobbering some mush about if I never see her again, which she calmly played along with, mumbling three or four yes dears in response. I asked her again if she wanted to go, but she declined as usual.

I picked up my gear, went outside, and walked towards the stream. I looked back to see Rita standing outside the cabin door, grinning and waving a good-bye with the tips of her fingers. She had a great sense of humor; I’ll give her that. I returned a reassuring smile and continued to the stream where Bob was still busy drowning worms.

Catch any? I asked with a sarcastic tone.

He didn’t answer, but the disgruntled look on his face spoke volumes. The previous day we had made a bet for one dollar per fish and three dollars for the largest, and so far, my six-incher was worth four bucks. I even fried it up in some butter later that day and offered him a taste of my illegal sized but yummy rainbow trout, rubbing it in as best as I could.

Forgetting I still had my sneakers and socks on, I sat down on the bank and removed my socks. Now focused on my impending journey downstream, I stepped onto a sand bar in the stream and began my quarter mile trek.

Immediately, Bob protested that I was cheating by scaring all the fish and called me some intellectual gas station level slur typical of him and his numerous pinhead attendants. I pressed on, explaining I wasn’t even in the goddamned water yet, that was only about eight inches deep at best. I offered to give him some fishing pointers when I got back and continued downstream.

On the way to the clearing, I don’t think my mind has ever worked as hard. I envisioned everything from encountering a real live aliens to being attacked by a pissed off bear. I wasn’t sure which one frightened me the most, but as I approached the clearing I felt much calmer and in control as opposed to earlier. This time, I was on a scientific mission and nothing was going to scare me away. I felt like an accomplished predator stalking its prey.

As I stepped on to the clearing, my eyes were frantically searching for a glimpse of the temporal distortion I had discovered earlier while my mind was busy deciding if the bears were buying the bullshit of me being the predator. Curiosity then prevailed as I entered the center of ground zero.

I still couldn’t see or feel my mystery wire and I pictured what I must have looked like with my arms flailing about in the middle of the woods. Suddenly, I was the insane mountain man. I tuned up the metal detector and quickly found the center spot with the huge report. I figured the wire must still be directly above and damned if it wasn’t.

While holding it this time, I sensed a constant, but slight electrical shock or some kind of similar sensation. The damn thing was almost a hundred percent invisible this time. I surmised again that that this was due to the sun being almost directly overhead now.

I played with the thing for a good three minutes, trying to conjure up any kind of theory at all and came up empty. I hadn’t a clue, but at least my recollection of my first encounter was accurate, this thing was real. I took a long piece of grass and tied it around the wire just to keep an eye on it. The grass just hung there in space. If I moved the wire, the grass would also move until it again pointed towards ground zero where the beep was coming from.

The next logical thing to do was to find out if the underground object was related.

I began carefully digging with the screwdriver as if uncovering a landmine, not wanting to put the shovel through whatever this thing was. While digging up a bit of dirt at a time, I mused at how one’s imagination could either be a friend and colleague or a worst nemesis. In this case, my mind’s landmine scenario wasn’t exactly a comforting thought.

About a foot down, nothing appeared but thick, clay-like, strange looking mud, totally unlike my upstream dig that was loaded with rocks and rotten twigs. I took another reading with the detector, and I didn’t notice a difference in the audio volume at all, not a good sign.

This thing could be six feet down and huge as I once discovered back in Jersey one day. Again by a stream bank, I got a huge signal but after digging about two hours, all I got was an old iron house radiator. Not exactly something I was going to ad to my collection of previously excavated treasures.

Determined to dig until I hit ground water, I continued my quest for the unknown hoping all along it would turn out to be a treasure chest full of gold and silver rare coins. Soon, my screwdriver struck something hard. A rock? I thought. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Realistically, that simple stroke with a screwdriver was about to drastically change my life and the lives of many others forever. Perhaps even decide the fate of humanity and the natural evolution of our planet, all its life forms and beyond.

With a lot more careful digging, probing, and clearing with my fingertips, I was finally able to dislodge a miniature stereotypical

flying saucer. Yes, you read it correctly: a flying saucer. About one foot thick at the center, and about three feet in diameter, tapering very thin at the edges. It looked like brushed silver metal of sorts and completely unscathed from top to bottom. It only weighed few pounds, and at first glance, I didn’t see any windows, doors, or any other kind of crease or joint anywhere. Finally having it above ground, I sat back for a while; desperately trying to control my heart rate while wondering just what the hell had I stumbled on. My biggest concern at the moment was whether I should put it back and just forget about it or take it with me. I had a feeling I was messing with something I shouldn’t be messing with. Something created by someone or something infinitely more intelligent than mere humans. The hanging wire corroborated my conclusions that I was dealing with something extraterrestrial. All I knew was that it was most definitely connected with the thing hanging from the sky and that it looked like a tiny flying saucer as we have come to visualize them over the years.

Other than that, it could have been anything at all and potentially very dangerous.

Eventually, I decided to take it back with me and let the chips fall where they may, except that what was I to do about the wire? I got up and fussed with it some more, trying to get it down as I recall, but to no avail. No matter how I pulled and moved it from side to side, in moments it would always return to its original position. Frustrated, I decided to take the saucer back to the cabin and worry about the wire later. We still had a full day and two nights to go, maybe someone would come up with a better idea. At least now I had proof of my incredible discovery. I couldn’t wait to show those disbelievers I wasn’t joking.

I picked up the saucer and immediately felt that tingling sensation again, still very slight, but stronger than before. I took a few steps toward the stream and again felt something brush the top of my head. Startled, I turned around, and there was my grass marker I had tied to the wire.

Slowly moving along as the wire moved to position itself pointing straight at the saucer I was holding with both arms. Once it caught up with the saucer’s axis, it froze semi-rigid again. Afraid to move at all now, I had instant visions of me taking three more steps and being incinerated with some sort of death ray. There was obvious technology involved here I certainly didn’t understand and to compound things I had to take a major whiz. The best laid plans of mice and men and had apparently omitted that little consideration before I left.

I took a deep breath, thinking it could be my last, and took three more steps to the edge of the stream, where it was clear I was planning to abscond with the saucer. In a few moments, again, I watched my grass marker align itself slowly with the saucer.

I decided to go for it and I stepped into the stream and started back to the cabin with the saucer held high and dry. I didn’t look back, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to see anything as my eyes were squinting in concert with my facial grimace, both anticipating the terror of being vaporized. Twenty feet upstream, the tingling sensation stopped altogether. I felt like I just "kilt me ma first bar" and I was about to stuff it down one person’s throat in particular. As I approached Bob, still angling for the big one, I shouted;

Catch any yet? he immediately responded with:

Will you get out of the Goddamn water for Christ sake?

I told him I called before we came up here and that there wasn’t any fish around until the summer afternoon rains filled the streams a bit more.

I also told him that I smuggled my fish up here packed in ice just to bust his buns and it wasn’t even a trout. The angle of his rod lowed about two feet giving a good indication he was starting to believe me.

Up on the bank now, he saw what I was carrying and asked:

What the hell is that?

It looked impressive I have to admit but I just kept on walking toward the cabin and casually remarked:

Oh, it’s that flying saucer I was telling you about..

I knew his curiosity would bring him in soon especially after I planted that no fish ruse. I actually caught my six-inch, one of a kind right where he was standing but he didn’t know that now.

Once inside, I dropped my gear and proudly placed my real live flying saucer on the kitchen table. Bob was right behind me.

No flying saucer huh? What’s that a Volkswagen?

Rita had packed our suitcase the night before we left Jersey and wanted to know how the hell I got that thing up here. I said:

Sit, sit.

We all sat down around the table, staring at the saucer and I began to tell my new story. Bob started to pick it up to examine the underneath and I quickly stopped him and said:

I wouldn’t do that if I was you. Hear me out first.

Just as I began my second unbelievable story, I noticed Rita almost snapped to attention in her chair. Lucky was wiggling in her chair and Bob and I both reacted our selves.

It was the tingling feeling I’d had before. I knew what it was so I told them not to worry I’ll explain in a minute but just to be on the safe side I suggested they move to the living room, which they did, all accept Bob.

Bob wasn’t about to back off knowing my practical joke reputation especially after that fish story he still wasn’t sure about yet.

There we sat, Bob and I at the table with the saucer, and the women, relieved of the tingling sensation, in the living room that was all kind of one big room.

So what the hell is that thing? Lucky questioned.

Cool it, one second. I want to check something out. I’ll be back in a flash, don’t touch anything.

I thought I knew what was causing the tingling feeling so I went outside and looked above the cabin. I couldn’t see the wire but I’ll be dammed if my little green knot wasn’t hanging there about a foot off the rooftop.

Holy shit! I said out loud, at least three times. The nearest tree was a good twenty feet away, it had to be from space.

Back inside:

You’re really not going to believe this.

I told Bob to move away from the saucer for now. The tingling sensation could have been radiation for all I knew. I remember saying to myself, it was time for some serious thinking.

I explained the whole story over again and they still weren’t convinced I wasn’t pulling off some elaborate hoax. They certainly knew I was capable. In the past I’ve worked on practical jokes that took months to set up and I did have the scientific and electronic knowledge but this? This was a bit over my head I must admit.

It wasn’t till I took Bob up on the roof and let him feel the wire that they were convinced I wasn’t bullshitting them about anything.

It was funny; Bob reacted the same way while looking up the wire trying to determine what it was hanging from.

Well at least my credibility was restored. Even Lucky agreed with that when Bob confirmed the hanging wire but she suggested I was a little short on brains when I brought it back in the first place. It was obvious she was worried and simply wanted to be safe while I wanted to figure figure out what it was. If it was a real live flying saucer, it could very well be the greatest scientific discovery of all time.

It was late afternoon by now and our vacation was all but dominated by this unexpected turn of events. No one did much of anything for the remainder of the day but sit around talking about the new member of our family. They were dozens of suggestions as to what it was and where it may have come from but nothing other than speculation.

As night fell, we all became a little more apprehensive about our ominous looking friend and after eating a few burgers the women cooked up, we all sat down and discussed surviving the night with a real live flying saucer in our midst. Lucky insisted I bring it back where I found it but there was no way I was going to do that especially in the dark. I temporarily convinced her that with the poisonous snakes, moose, bears, and crazed mountain men lurking about in the woods outside, that could easily amount to a one-way trip. I offered to tell her where I found it so she could take it back but she refused my most generous offer.

Bob and I had moved the saucer from the kitchen table to the coffee table in the living room so the women could cook supper without being effected by the obvious energy field between the wire and the saucer. Before we set it down on its new pedestal we gave it a really good examination that served to increase our apprehension, as we discovered nothing new at all.

We did agree that it was one of the most precisely made devices we had ever seen in that it looked absolutely perfect in design and manufacture. I used my fishing tape measure on its dimensions and measured just over 3 feet wide and slightly less than 12 inches thick at the center. Bigger than I thought, I remember thinking; I hope this thing isn’t growing like some alien blob in a lab beaker I’d seen so many times in sci-fi flicks.

The center area of the saucer didn’t taper down to the edge in a continuous ark, it tapered down about 3/4 of the way then smoothed out to the edge which was about 1/8 inch thick and then rounded off kind of like two pizza shells with a softball centered in between.

Around 10pm, the women were dosing off and Bob and I decided to pack it in and take three-hour shifts keeping an eye on this creature from Planet X. I took the first shift.

As soon as everyone went to bed, the silence was deafening let alone the anxiety over being in the same room with it. There was no doubt in my mind that it was aware of its new environment and unfortunately, that included me. I wanted to think but I couldn’t relax so I turn on the TV for a little background noise and wouldn’t you know it, War Of The Worlds was playing. More aliens, just what I needed. Ten minutes into my watch Lucky came out of the hall in her bare feet which happened to be at my back and scared me half to death.

Serves you right for gassing me last night she said.

While trying to explain I didn’t gas her she cut me short and said:

Never mind just don’t fall asleep with that thing in here.

Don’t worry about it, thanks to you my pulse rate won’t be back to normal for at least a few hours.

I asked her for a pad and pen before she went back to bed and she brought them out in less than 30 seconds. Amazing, women always have stuff like that hanging around. I should have asked her for a joint or two, I could have used a little mellowing right then but I’m sure she wouldn’t have had one anyway.

I figured I would write down everything I could think of to do about our two new friends, make a plan and begin in the morning. The only problem was I didn’t have a clue as to what or when, quite yet. I did plan on calling my brother Kim in the morning and from there I would get Ralph’s number and see what his most scientifically astute mind would have to add to my scant collection of facts. Ralph was second in command at Riverside Research Labs in New York City where in later years they were involved in the star wars defense and development program. He was also working on his doctoral theses from Columbia University. No doubt a brilliant man and a fun guy too. Always joking around and always ready for anything from a masquerade party, to a drag race with his 57 Plymouth Fury Interceptor, or just sitting around singing and sipping scotch while my brother and I got together with our guitars. I figured if anybody could come up with some answers about my saucer and it’s chaperone, it would be Ralph.

My list of questions, problems to work on, and battle plan became quite comprehensive now that I had some peace and quiet in order to think undisturbed. My main concern was maintaining control and ownership of this thing if that was possible and if what ever it was, would let me! If it was what I thought it was, I was already filthy rich from book and movie deals, talk shows, lectures, and so on. All I had to do was maintain control long enough to prove I was the one that discovered it. The last thing I wanted was for word of it to get out and have some bad ass government agency whisk it away and inform me that if I spoke one word about it to anyone at all, I would be found dead in my car soon after with a bullet hole in my head and a suicide note by my side.

If I could get control of the technology and I could keep it from flying away and doing whatever it was meant to do, there is no doubt that I would be the proud owner of the most coveted object on the planet. Any government or religious organization would surely do whatever dastardly deed it is they do in order to get control of this thing and either add it to their top secret list for the next 1000 years or mold its origin and purpose to fit their own personal doctrine. Being a Secular Humanists, that was the very last thing I wanted to see happen to my new discovery. There wasn’t much difference in my mind between the power and greed aspirations of governments and religious organizations, but what chance did I have against the entire world? They all have a license to kill for Christ sake. I was surely out of my league. Then again if our new friends turned out to be an enemy of mankind, our government would be the one and only entity I would want in control. Hell they might even already know about them.

My mind was racing out of control again, I didn’t even know if there was a them as yet. I couldn’t even keep up with my list of things to do and questions. I decided I had enough information for now and I would wait to see what my brother and Ralph had to add in the morning knowing full well my verbal account of the discovery wouldn’t hold much water until they got to see my discovery first hand.

Right then and there I decided I was going to try to bring it back to New Jersey tomorrow if I just convince Bob and Lucky to leave their $750 vacation resort one day earlier. I didn’t think that was going to be much of a problem considering this unexpected turn of events and Bob’s fish-less trout stream. Even if it was, all I had to do was wait to Lucky woke up and make a series of sci-fi whirring sounds under my breath and she’d have the station wagon packed and warmed up in minutes.

Exhausted, I put my pen and pad down and sat back in the couch, hoping to get my mind off the day’s events by watching the movie. But I couldn’t keep from staring at the saucer, which I had moved along with the coffee table to the center of the room, outside the tingling zone.

I can’t explain why, but I felt very much at ease with it now. It was almost as if it was friendly and had anticipated me finding and digging it out of the ground. Weird!

I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore, sitting there at such an unnatural and undignified angle, it’s round center tipping it to one side where it was supported by its edge. Looking for something to prop it up, I found three old-style rubber bottle caps in the kitchen, which I placed underneath the saucer to take the place of its non-existent legs.

It appeared much more dignified now, and again, I got the feeling it was happy that I had the compassion to stand it up properly, and that it trusted me. I sat down again and pictured little people inside that up to now, had been walking around for years perhaps on a floor with a 30° tilt. They had to be beholding, and I had to be losing touch with reality I thought soon after. No more thinking. I said to myself; that was it for the night.

Eventually Bob came out to take his shift, but there was no way I was going to leave my close friend with this unscientific-minded gas station guy. So I soon fell asleep right where I sat.

Bob never woke me up for my next shift and before I knew it, sunshine was filling the cabin with anticipation of a new and exciting day. Rita was cooking bacon and eggs and Lucky was cleaning up, packing, and getting ready to leave. That was easy, I thought, I hope the rest of the day goes that well. The saucer still sat where I had left it gleaming in the morning sun and still looking very, very impressive.

As soon as I could walk a straight line I went outside to check on our sentry friend. I still couldn’t see it, but my grass knot remained hanging exactly where it had been yesterday. I decided to go back up on the roof and remove the all-too-obvious grass knot just in case someone nearby saw it suspended in space and especially if the wire wasn’t visible from a distance. I knew exactly where it would be, so what the hell. I had to start thinking like Area 51 people, top secret everything.

After removing the knot, I went back inside and got a blanket from Lucky to pack the saucer in for the four-hour trip home, in case we had company we weren’t expecting.

After eating breakfast and discussing our new thoughts and theories that we had all apparently developed during the night, we began to pack up the wagon.

I could see Lucky wasn’t too happy about spending the next 4 hours in close proximity to the saucer. Her unspoken attitude was, You can stay boy, but that’s gotta go.

I can’t say that I blame her. The gravity of this discovery was becoming more profound by the minute. Her world including children, lasagna, and flower gardens, she wasn’t interested in much else. I think the possibility of us all becoming filthy rich helped keep her from demanding alternative travel arrangements.

I had two things to do before we left for Jersey… well three actually! One was to borrow Lucky’s Instamatic camera, and document everything until I ran out of film, which included going back to the clearing at ground zero. The second was to get a sample of the strange mud from the hole I dug the saucer out of, including some of the flora from the surrounding area. I was less than excited about going back, but I knew I had to and did so while Bob went to the cabin office, made his excuses for leaving early, and returned the keys.

Before too long, we were both back at the cabin and ready to move my glistening prize into the wagon. I remembered the third thing I had to do which was to call Kim. I couldn’t use the cabin phone because Bob had already settled the bill and I didn’t think it would be a good idea to call from there anyway so I elected to wait till we got to our first rest stop. There were no cell phones back then and I figured a rest stop payphone would be fairly secure. Even at that, I decided only to tell him I had something super important to discuss with him as soon as I got back, and was careful not to use the word show to be on the safe side. I planned to instruct him to call Ralph, as he too would be very interested in what I had to say and that both of them should stick around until I call when we arrived home.

Finally we started home and I couldn’t help but think what a long ride this was going to be. I wondered if our sky hook entity would be able to keep up and if the power lines, trees and buildings would serve as obstructions for it? I chose a rest stop on the New York State Thruway, far enough from the cabin to answer that question and to call Kim at the same time.

If the wire was going to follow us, I should have felt its presence within moments after stopping at the rest stop.

While giving Rita and Lucky my order for a hamburger and small Pepsi to go, I started to tingle again.

Hey guys! I interrupted, It’s here already.

Christ! We hadn’t been parked for more than 30 seconds. It’s probably been traveling at the speed of light for ten thousand years and I’m worried about it keeping up with a lumbering station wagon."

I got out of the wagon and gently fondled our hanging friend then proceeded to call my brother. He listened to my story, and agreed to call Ralph and await our return in a few hours; he didn’t even ask any questions, an amazing feat for my brother. I guess it was my use of phrases such as "life changing, millions of dollars," and "the greatest scientific discovery of all time" that muddied up his academic holier than thou persona, at least for now anyway.

Book read, from day one, Kim was an incredibly intelligent individual. He had also attended Columbia U. at least for a couple of years. As a matter of fact, that’s where he and Ralph met. On the other hand, I never finished a book in my life, but arguably wound up with a competitive IQ simply from listening, debating, and doing, as opposed to just reading. Ralph did both. That’s why he was chosen to design and oversee the installation of our countries low altitude radar defense system among other super high-tech accomplishments.

The trip home was as uneventful and boring as the trip up short of a couple of fun moments of low frequency whirring sounds directed at Lucky.

Rita came up with the name Casper as in Casper the Ghost for our tracker chaperone. I thought that was appropriate considering it floated above us as did Casper most of the time. We all tried to think up a moniker for the saucer but nothing seemed fitting as yet.

Finally we pulled into the driveway where it all started with my super deluxe metal detector. My mom owned the house and Rita and I had been living there since my dad passed away a few years ago. My mom didn’t expect us to be home until tomorrow. I could see Bob shaking his head back and forth explaining the past events while Rita and I took our stuff out of the wagon.

I put the saucer down on the front step of the house still covered with the blanket to confirm that Casper had made it all the way. The roof of my mom’s house was way too steep to climb at least over the living room where I planned on putting it when I brought it in. It wasn’t long before I could feel Casper’s presents which put me a bit more at ease knowing it survived the trip. I brought the still covered saucer in and placed it on the coffee table.

I went back outside where Bob and Lucky were getting ready to go home and thanked them for a really unique vacation and Bob directly for the great fishing expedition. I cautioned them not to speak one word to anyone about my discovery as strongly as my social position would allow. They started leaving but not before Bob asked me if my fish story was true. I fessed up and he called me a bastard under his breath as they pulled out. As he drove away, I yelled:

You owe me four bucks you tourist.

Once back inside my mom wanted to see my one of a kind find.

You found that?

Yup, I said proudly. Buried about one foot down by a trout stream.

Can you make it fly?

Ma, I don’t even know what it is yet let alone make it fly. It could be a new newfangled toaster for all I know. I gotta call Kim.

I told her not to get too close to it or she would get a shock as I picked up the phone.

It was Saturday afternoon about 1pm I supposed and I told Kim to call Ralph and tell him to come over about three. I needed a little reflection time before we got into what I knew was going to be a long and intense weekend.

I sat down in my favorite chair and promptly fell asleep.

The next thing I heard was the sound of my brother’s voice. He and Rita were looking at the saucer that I forgot to cover up before I fell asleep. He had already been in the energy field and apparently convinced of its authenticity whatever it was.

Cool huh? I said as I got my faculties back in working order.

Ralph here yet?

He should be on the way. Kim responded.

You actually found that thing with your metal detector?

Yup, one foot underground by a trout stream.

Please. I begged. Wait till Ralph gets here and I’ll tell the story from beginning to end…again. There’s more to it than just that saucer. Casper is really gonna blow your mind.

"Casper as in the ghost?"

Not exactly but close. I said.

About ten minutes later Ralph showed up and I sat them all down in the living room to tell the tall tale I could see Ralph was expecting. He was also aware of my interest in electronics, science, and practical jokes and was anxious to hear what I had cooked up this time.

Just as I got started with the story, Rita was headed out the door to get some smokes. I asked her to drop off the film for processing but quickly changed my mind for security reasons until I had a chance to think about it a little.

I asked her to get two packs of Polaroid film instead. She left and I got back to my tall, but true tale.

When I got to the part where I first discovered the hanging wire, Ralph started to giggle;

Come on Craig. I know you can do better than that.

OK, I can see I’m going to have to start from the top and work my way down.

Looking right at Ralph, I told him to carefully take the blanket off the saucer that he didn’t know anything about yet.

Nah! You take it off. What have you got under there, something alive with big teeth right?

Go ahead you chicken shit. Kim has already seen it. Kim nodded.

Seen what? Ralph asked looking back and forth at both of us.

It’s a flying saucer. I answered.

OK, I’ll bite, let’s see this flying saucer you found.

As he got up to remove the blanket and before he had the chance, Casper nailed him good. The energy field is almost always there and a minor tingle at that but Ralph’s apprehension amplified the effect causing him to back off rather quickly.

No way man! It’s a God damn Tesla coil isn’t it? Ralph asked.

Those things are dangerous." he added.

What a wuss, afraid of a few million volts?

I took the blanket off myself.

"Surprise! It’s a real flying saucer, just like I said. Neat huh?

Go ahead check it out, you’ll get a little tingle but it’s no big deal."

From what? Ralph asked. I’ll show you in a minute.

Seeing as I was enduring the field, both Kim and Ralph stepped up to examine the saucer.

You won’t find any cracks, seams, doors or openings. I said. At least not ones you can see with the naked eye.

I could see Ralph was impressed but still a little apprehensive about the energy field.

We all sat down again and I continued my story except explaining Casper brought more giggles and rolled eyeballs so I covered up the saucer again and asked Kim:

Would you be so kind as to open the front door?

We went outside and I sat it down on the front porch step again awaiting Casper’s re-alignment.

OK non-believers, in 30 seconds trust me, you’ll both be believers.

Ralph looked at his watch. I couldn’t see Casper but I knew he would be taking up his new position shortly. After the time was up, I gently waved my hand above the saucer and sure enough, my proof had arrived.

Holding the wire between my thumb and index finger, I invited Ralph to tell me just what in the hell this was. When he got comfortable with the energy field it was easy to transfer the wire right into his disbelieving hand.

Look close and you’ll see it. Go ahead, move it around a little, bend it, shake it, tell me where the hell it’s coming from and I’ll eat which ever one of your shoe’s you choose.

Not at $275.00 dollars a pair you won’t. Ralph quipped.

It was the moment I was waiting for. I watched his disbelieving grin slowly give way to one of serious curiosity as he took control with both hands examining the wire just as I did when I first discovered it.

Kim joined in the initial examination and in the following 60 seconds I counted eight "Holy shit’s," four "I’ll be God dammed," and three Holy mollies between them.

You weren’t bullshitting us were you? Ralph asked while looking straight up the wire.

Me? Bullshit you guys… never.

Ralph looked at me for a half second with a small grin of acknowledgment and a comment I’d rather not repeat.

You know, I’d heard about this hanging wire thing years ago but I always thought it was some boozed up yahoo under a tree looking up at a broken fishing line. I’ll be God dammed, there’s nothing even close to it. Ralph explained.

The freaking thing is hanging from the sky. my brother said.

No shit Charlie Brown and it followed us and the saucer all the way back from the Pocono’s. Where ever the saucer goes, the wire will re-align itself over it within seconds and it always hovers about 5 feet above unless there’s an obstruction then it will get as close as it can.

Here, check it out, this is cool.

I took a rhododendron leaf off a plant in the garden, peeled it into a small strip and tied the strip around the wire and it stayed right in place just like I did in the Pocono’s.

Ralph and Kim both stood mesmerized by my demonstration especially when I nudged the wire and the leaf strip wagged back and forth.

I think you really got something this time Craigger. Kim said.

No shit!

I said as I removed the leaf knot and explained secrecy must be a primary concern and asked Ralph to hand me the blanket.

Back inside, we all sat down again and I could see that neither Ralph nor my brother had any explanations to offer at the moment. Both their minds were saturated with questions with no apparent answers wafting from their silent, half parted lips. Ralphie did manage to eek out a kind of delayed Ho-ly-shit.

I was in my glory let me tell you. Finally, I’d bested the two most intelligent people I knew. I single hand-idly cleaned both their clocks. It was beautiful!

Milking it for everything it was worth, I took charge of the meeting and said:

OK guys, we need a plan, what have you got? Do we call the Feds? Charge admission or what? Keep in mind that this thing could be dangerous, then again, it could be humanities savior.

We talked for another hour or so, came up with virtually no idea’s and decided to get back together in the morning hoping by then at least one of us would have a plan. Before we did anything, Ralph thought it would be a good idea to check the saucer with a Geiger counter he said he would borrow from the labs where he worked and bring it with him in the morning.

I got up at about 7:30 Sunday morning, anxious to check out our new friends and wait for Kim and Ralph to show at 10:00. The saucer and Casper hadn’t done anything different to my knowledge, which was a bit of a relief not really knowing what to expect at any moment.

Finally, Kim walked in the door and echoed my previous thoughts wondering if there was any change with our newfound friends.

Nothing different. I said and reminded him that Casper is obviously still active, which seemed like a good indication that the saucer and what ever it held inside was still functioning as well.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Much to my surprise it was Ralph with someone else at his side.

Right on time. Damn! I didn’t have time to switch my house brand with your J&B bottle.

Up yours, you know I never drink before 11:00 on Sunday’s and don’t even think of switching that house swill you drink with my J&B.

Well, don’t just stand there; come in, come in. And who might this be?

I was referring to an absolutely scrumptious, very young, girl with long dark brown hair, tinted glasses, and pointed breasts that seemed to emanate they’re own energy field equal to, if not exceeding, that of our saucer’s chaperone.

Ralph introduced her as Lilith Eden, a friend and colleague from the labs. He went on to explain that she was working late at the lab last night where he had gone to borrow the Geiger counter and they just happened to run into each other. It didn’t take long for him to think that because of her background as an anthropologist and historian, she may be very helpful in deciphering the culture of our new friends.

Knowing Ralph as I did, I wasn’t buying that bullshit line for a second, but why not, I thought, one more Brainiac wasn’t going to hurt. And besides, she could have had the IQ of a box of rocks and she still would have been welcome.

Lilith Eden huh? Your reputation precedes you. I said.

That wasn’t me. she countered.

So your an anthropologist? I asked. That’s a little unusual for an eighteen year old isn’t it?

She grinned. Eighteen? Thank you but not quite! I’m twenty-four and only had my degree for a year now. I was very lucky to get a job at Riverside.

Lucky my ass Ralph interrupted. You think graduating second in your class, summa cum laude, and class president had something to do with it?

Well maybe a little, she admitted.

Yeah, and I bet those bodacious boobies played a small roll in the decision-making as well I thought to myself.

So welcome aboard Lilith, I think your going to enjoy being one of our Dream Team. We’ve got a cultural challenge for you that’s going to knock your socks off.

But I’m not wearing any socks.

Everyone smiled and looked to me for the classic comeback.

Okay then, your bra will do.

I returned triumphantly with an evil grin.

But I’m not wearing one of those either.

She said with a grin even more evil than mine.

Due to the startling nature of her remark, I was speechless; cut down where I stood. Kim and Ralph jeered and hooted me for the next thirty seconds until I finally looked at Lilith with a defeated smile on my slightly crimson face and admitted:

Okay you got me, good one. You’re going to be more fun than this project I suspect.

I hope so, she said, still grinning. And by the way, I do wear bra’s sometimes. I don’t have to but I do anyway.

Alright, alright, don’t rub it in, tis a sin to load a falling man.

I insisted while desperately trying to keep my eyes anywhere but on her.

Lilith, you’re going to fit in just fine.

My God! Here we are with a real alien space ship sitting right in front of us and what are we doing, discussing your underwear. Well, I for one think your underwear is infinitely more interesting but I think we’d better focus on the bra… er, saucer for now.

Kim encouraged Lilith to take a look at the greatest discovery of all time.

Has Ralph filled you in at all? he asked.

Yes he has, except there wasn’t much filling in to do considering there is only Casper and whatever the saucer thing is.

"Hopefully we’ll know a little more by tonight, or at