Murder at the Masquers: An Adriana Hoffstetter Mystery

By Bruce Kimmel

Adriana Hofstetter is back! She has just turned sixteen. To celebrate that occasion, she is writing a story for her journalism class on the unsolved 1966 murder of a highly-thought-of-but-vicious acting teacher. Said teacher is found quite dead after class one night, stabbed over sixty times. All of the nine suspects (all students) have airtight alibis, and the police at the time chalk it up to a random killing; case closed. But that was then, because after reading up on the case Adriana Hofstetter becomes convinced that one of them is the killer.

She begins a journey that leads her back to a different world and time. She methodically finds and meets the seven surviving suspects/students, as well as the teachers widow. If shes right and one of them is the killer, she might just find herself in harms way. Of course, her mother Margaret is back, listening to her beloved oldies, as are Adrianas best friend Billy Feldman and her cat Furball. And Detectives Ramirez and Coyne are back, too, as skeptical as ever. She still hates Facebook, doesnt want to know what Twitter is, and marches to the very loud beat of her own drummer.

A cooks tour of current and old Hollywood, Murder at the Masquers is funny, fast-paced, suspenseful, and a valentine to out-of-step teens. And, as usual, Adriana Hofstetter will not stop until she figures out who the killer is.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 27, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463400996

Bruce Kimmel

Bruce Kimmel has had a long and varied career.  He wrote, directed and starred in the cult movie hit, The First Nudie Musical (now available on DVD).  He performed those same duties on his second film The Creature Wasn’t Nice (aka Naked Space), with Leslie Nielsen, Cindy Williams and Patrick Macnee.  He also co-created the story for the hit film, The Faculty, directed by Robert Rodriguez.  As an actor, Mr. Kimmel has guest-starred on most of the long-running television shows of the 70s, including Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, The Partridge Family, The Donny and Marie Show and many others.  Since 1993, Mr. Kimmel has been one of the leading producers of theater music on CD, having produced over one hundred and thirty albums.  He was nominated for a Grammy for producing the revival cast album of Hello, Dolly! and his album with jazz pianist Fred Hersch, I Never Told You, was also nominated for a Grammy.  He created the critically acclaimed Lost In Boston and Unsung Musicals series, has produced solo albums for Petula Clark, Helen Reddy, Liz Callaway, Laurie Beechman, Paige O’Hara, Christiane Noll, Judy Kaye, Judy Kuhn, Brent Barrett, Jason Graae, Randy Graff, Emily Skinner and Alice Ripley, and has worked with such legends as Lauren Bacall, Elaine Stritch and Dorothy Loudon.  He has also produced many off-Broadway and Broadway cast albums, including the hit revival of The King and I, starring Lou Diamond Philips and Donna Murphy, The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas starring Ann-Margret and Bells Are Ringing starring Faith Prince. Mr. Kimmel is the author of two previous books in the Kritzer saga, Benjamin Kritzer and Kritzerland.

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Contents

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ADRIANA’S PICTURES:

To all the Adriana Hofstetters, everywhere…

and to Melody Hollis, who couldn’t

wait to read this book.

CHAPTER ONE

She was sixteen. Adriana Hofstetter knew she was sixteen because her mother had sent her out to do an errand and when she’d returned and opened the door, there were her mother and her best friend Billy Feldman standing there in pointy party hats screaming Happy Sweet Sixteen!

She didn’t really know what that meant, sweet sixteen. It seemed like only yesterday that she’d been fifteen. Of course, it was only yesterday when she’d been fifteen, so that explained that. She didn’t feel any different, she didn’t look any different, but, according to her mother and Billy, she was now sweet sixteen, whatever that meant.

In the short time she’d been gone, Margaret had decorated the apartment with streamers and balloons. Margaret was wearing her usual jeans and baggy sweatshirt, while Billy was wearing a Next To Normal t-shirt and lime-green pants. Adriana was wearing high-waisted black jeans and an authentic 1970s Love, American Style t-shirt she’d found in a thrift shop. To that ensemble Margaret added a pointy party hat.

Look at my sixteen-year-old, Margaret said, giving Adriana a hug. Billy was next. He hugged her, lifting her off the ground as he did so. You’re so old now, he said, laughing.

I hate to think what that makes me, Margaret said.

Adriana looked at both of them, cackling away like happy hens.

Are you two insane? I hate birthday parties.

We know you do, Margaret shot back. That’s why we did it. Sixteen is special. You’re only sixteen once.

So? I was only fifteen once, and eight once, and two once.

Oh, stop being a party pooper. We’re going to have fun whether you like it or not. I’ve made a cake, we’ve got ice cream and presents and Billy’s going to do a show.

That perked Adriana right up. Ooh, Billy’s going to do a show!

I’ve been rehearsing for like a month, Billy said with a goony grin.

But first came dinner. Margaret had made meat loaf and mashed potatoes, and between the three of them they decimated the meat loaf and left very few mashed potatoes. There was lots of laughing, and Adriana had not one but two Sprites.

The next thing Adriana knew, Margaret and Billy were singing Happy Birthday at the top of their lungs, while Margaret carried out a cake with sixteen lit candles on it. Adriana could smell the incredible aroma from the cake—Margaret had made her favorite: Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting slathered all over it, mountains of frosting, because Adriana Hofstetter was all about the frosting.

The third guest finally made an appearance. Furball came out from Adriana’s bedroom. Margaret had put a pointy party hat on Furball—it wasn’t pointy anymore because Furball had apparently been in the bedroom smashing her head against the wall, since the pointy party hat now resembled an accordion.

Furball, jumped up on Adriana’s lap to look longingly at the chocolate cake.

Thank you, Mommy, thank you Billy, thank you Furball, Adriana said, kissing Furball on the mouth. I can’t believe you did all this. I was only gone ten minutes.

I had it timed down to the last second, Margaret replied. And I couldn’t have done it without Billy.

You are a devious mother, Mommy, Adriana said. She looked at Billy. And so are you, you bad boy. But I love you both even though I hate birthday parties.

Okay, make a wish and blow out the candles.

Adriana thought about her wish, made it, took a deep breath and blew out all the candles, and with sixteen of them it took all the breath she had.

What did you wish for? Billy asked.

Wouldn’t you like to know?

That’s why I asked.

Maybe I’ll tell you later if I like your show.

Ooh, pressure.

Margaret sliced the cake and handed the first piece to the birthday girl. Here’s to a great year for my sixteen-year-old.

Okay, let’s not spend the whole year calling me a sixteen-year-old.

Oh, I’m sure I’ll call you a few other things, Margaret said, laughing. Billy laughed, too. Even Furball seemed to be smiling, but that could have had something to do with the giant chocolate cake that was in front of her. Adriana just looked at all of them, her crazy family made up of mother, friend, and cat, and she began laughing, too.

Margaret doled out slices to Billy and herself, and put a tiny bit of cake on a plate for Furball, who bolted off Adriana’s lap directly to the plate. It was very hard to negotiate eating it because of the mashed pointy party hat, but Furball finally figured it out and got the cake into her mouth. She chewed and licked her lips loudly, which made everyone laugh harder.

Margaret brought out some ice cream. Anyone want some? It’s pistachio.

Adriana looked at her mother. Pistachio? Whose birthday is this? I don’t eat green ice cream with weird nuts.

I do, Billy piped up.

Of course you do, Adriana said, laughing again.

Don’t worry, I’ve got plain old boring chocolate for the weirdo.

They ate their cake and ice cream, Margaret and Billy the pistachio, Adriana the chocolate. The cake was moist and, as always, extremely yummilicious. Adriana could not stop spooning the frosting into her mouth—it really was her favorite thing—she didn’t even need the cake.

After they’d finished (Adriana and Billy both had two pieces), it was opening presents time. There were only three, two from Margaret and one from Billy. Margaret’s was a gift set of Jean Nate products: Energizing Bubble Bath, After Bath Splash and Silkening Body Powder.

You bought me bath products? I’m sixteen, not thirty.

Well, I thought my sixteen-year-old daughter should have some bath products. You’re sweet sixteen now, so you’ll smell sweet after your bath.

Adriana opened the package, took out the little bottle of Energizing Bubble Bath and smelled it. She had to admit it smelled really nice. Billy came over and smelled it.

Wow, that could almost make me straight. Almost. But not quite.

They all laughed. Adriana opened Margaret’s other present: two packages of underpants, all different colors.

Bath products and underpants. Only you, Mommy.

What else does a girl need? Billy said.

Adriana then opened Billy’s present. It was a DVD of a movie called Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

I’ve never seen this! I’ve never even heard of it. I love Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, those old movies.

Well, this is from later—you won’t believe it. Billy said.

I saw that when it came out, Margaret added. It’s creepy. I just remember some scene with a dead bird…

Shhh, Billy said. Don’t tell her anything.

Tell me, Adriana said. I need to know in advance about any creepy dead bird.

You’ll see, Billy said, with a devilish look in his eye.

The creepy dead bird talk seemed to have perked up the ears of Furball, who came over to see what that was about.

Okay, shall we have Billy’s special birthday show? Margaret asked.

Adriana applauded and said, Yes! Billy’s show!

Okay-I wouldn’t have done this for anyone else but Adriana Hofstetter, just because no one would appreciate it as much as her.

Why are you talking about me as if I’m not here? Adriana asked, laughing.

Okay, Hofstetter people, sit down.

As if on cue, the Hofstetter people, including Furball, sat down on the worn-but-comfy sofa. Billy went to the CD player and put in a CD. A moment later, music started playing loudly. Adriana recognized it right away because Billy had shown her a video of the song on You Tube a few weeks earlier. Billy took his place in the center of the room and began singing and dancing along with the song.

"It’s turkey lurkey time

Tom turkey ran away, but he just came home

It’s turkey lurkey time

He’s really home to stay, never more to roam"

Billy was not only singing along he was doing all the choreography, just as they’d seen it on You Tube. He’d gotten the revival cast album of Promises, Promises, and had loved the music, especially Turkey Lurkey Time. In searching on You Tube, he’d found a video of the original 1968 number as done by the original cast on the Tony Awards show in 1969. He’d seen a little of the revival choreography and hadn’t thought much of it, but when he saw the original he’d gone crazy for it. He had, in fact, become addicted to it and had watched it over one hundred times.

He’d introduced Adriana to it and she’d sat in amazement watching the incredible energy and dancing, not believing the steps, especially as danced by the lead dancer, Donna McKechnie, who simply did things with her body that Adriana had never seen done before by anyone.

They were especially amazed at what Billy called the head-pop thing where she popped her head so far and violently to the side on a strong beat in the music. It was amazing that any human being could do that and not get whiplash.

And here was Billy, doing every step perfectly. He finished the lyrics and then the dance music began and Adriana could not believe how amazing he was doing those crazy dance moves. The head-pop thing section came and Billy did an amazing head-pop thing and Adriana and Margaret whistled and hooted, which only made Billy get more into it. At the end, Billy was doing the crazy final step over and over and over again. Adriana had been bowled over by it on the video and watching Billy, with arms going in opposite directions while the feet did something completely different and the crazy hip movements just made her indescribably happy.

Billy finished with the final pose and both Adriana and Margaret were on their feet, clapping wildly. Billy, sweat pouring down his face, took a bow and collapsed on the floor. Furball went over to him and jumped on his stomach, which was heaving up and down.

I can’t believe it, Adriana exclaimed. You did the whole number—you did the head-pop thing!

Margaret lifted Furball off of Billy’s stomach. Let the boy breathe, she said to the cat. Billy sat up.

It’s not that hard once you figure it all out, he said. He smiled at Adriana. You could do it.

I’d be dead after ten seconds. The only thing you were missing were those really cute velvety mini-dresses they were wearing.

Believe me, I thought about it, Billy said, cackling.

They all laughed, and then they sat on the couch yakking for another couple of hours. Then they drove Billy home.

As he started to walk to his apartment, Adriana said, Do the head-pop thing.

Billy turned and did the head-pop thing.

I love you, Billy. Call me tomorrow.

Ciaozer, Billy said. Sweet sixteen.

Back at the apartment, Adriana (still wearing the pointy party hat, which she’d grown very fond of), scooped some more frosting onto a spoon and slowly ate it, savoring the soft, gooey texture and flavor, while Margaret cleaned up the mess from dinner. It had been a long day; first the final day of school before the little spring recess, and then the party. She now had nine glorious days all to herself-the two weekend days, the five days off, and two more weekend days.

She went into the bathroom and washed her face, flossed, and brushed her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked exactly the same as she had when she was sweet fifteen-the only difference was that she was now wearing a pointy party hat and was sweet sixteen. She wondered if anything would be different in her sixteenth year.

She went in the kitchen and gave Margaret a hug.

Goodnight, Mommy. Thank you for a wonderful party.

You’re welcome. Don’t sit at the computer all night.

I won’t. I’m tiiiiiired.

Adriana took one of the sweet sixteen balloons and went off to her room, shutting the door behind her. Furball made it into the room in the nick of time. She undressed, put on her flowery pa-jama pants and a t-shirt, and sat down at the computer. She hit the space bar and it jumped to life.

Oh, how she loved her new computer. In the old days, getting her ancient computer to come to life would have taken forever; now, it was just a tap on the space bar and the computer was ready to go, as if it was almost daring her to give it a task, just so it could show her how fast it could complete it.

It had opened the world of You Tube to her—her other computer would crash before the site would even load. Now, she could watch all kinds of weird and interesting things on You Tube. Oh, there was the usual junk posted by kids her own age—that stuff she couldn’t tolerate. She’d even found videos made by some of her fellow students at Hollywood High and they were just what she thought they’d be—kids acting insufferably and like dopes and doing completely inappropriate things as if they were on some really disgusting reality show, which is where they got all those ideas anyway.

No, Adriana liked watching clips of old TV shows and movies, and Billy had shown her how to find old clips of Broadway musical numbers, and she loved those, too.

She typed in Turkey Lurkey Time and found the video and watched it for the umpteenth time. Billy had been perfect, every step. Then she checked her e-mail, but, as usual, there wasn’t anything except the usual spam, most of which told her that if she’d only send all her personal information they would deposit millions of dollars right into her account, from a nice benefactor in Nigeria.

Furball jumped up on her lap, sniffing around Adriana’s face, which she then began to lick, perhaps looking for any leftover chocolate.

Ew, stop, gross, Adriana said. She moved Furball back to the floor. She looked at the computer. She had an article to write over the spring recess. It had taken her several weeks to figure out what she wanted to do, but she’d finally found something that intrigued her and was up her alley.

She’d done some research on unsolved Hollywood murders. There were quite a few of them: some lurid, some mysterious, and some just plain baffling. She thought that would