“Hal’S Shorts”

By Hal Landseadel

HALS SHORTS is a collection of short stories dictated to Hal Landseadel by the wee people who occupy the otherwise vacant recesses of his cranial cavity. Although the title and cover of HALS SHORTS might suggest a bit of humor, BEWARE; its spooky inside! The reader will travel through time, space, and beyond with several of the books characters as they embark together on journeys to dark, dismal, and unforgiving destinations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 12, 2011
• ISBN: 9781467024600

Hal Landseadel

Hal Landseadel is an old poop with a deep-seated desire to see quite a few of his strange and sometimes macabre tales in print before he goes “belly-up.” Although unable to begin writing novels until after he had retired, his readers’ positive comments and words of encouragement have convinced him to continue sharing his works of fiction. Hal’s motto is: “As long as my readers keep reading, I’ll keep writing.”

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© 2011 by Hal Landseadel. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 10/05/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2462-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2461-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-2460-0 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011917788

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

PAINTED STONES

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Epilogue

THE TOME

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

LEGAL AID

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

CLIFFORD

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Epilogue

REMORSE

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Epilogue

12 DAYS

Preface

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

Day Four

Day Five

Day Six

Day Seven

Day Eight

Day Nine

Day Ten

Day Eleven

Day Twelve

Epilogue

66 GTO

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Epilogue

TUMBU

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Epilogue

PAINTED STONES

Preface

Although Paul Roberts, Terry Owens and Daniel Shepherd were a bit of a mismatch, they had been best friends since grade school. Throughout their childhood, Paul and Terry seemed to thrive on mischief, while Daniel did his best to keep himself and his friends out of trouble. There had been plenty of times while they were teenagers when Daniel had been able to steer his two friends away from trouble, but there were also quite a few instances when he had been unduly punished because of Paul and Terry’s misdeeds. After graduating from high school they went their separate ways, and Daniel rarely kept in touch with his two childhood friends.

Chapter One

Daniel Shepherd lived in a small central Indiana town and had just walked the short distance home from his job at the furniture factory when his phone began to ring. He had been working twelve hour shifts for the last two weeks, and fearing his boss was calling to ask him to return to the factory, Daniel attempted to ignore the phone’s persistent ringing. He made his way to the kitchen to treat himself to an ice-cold beer. As soon as he entered the tiny kitchen, guilt got the better of him and he returned to the living room empty handed. He was several steps away from the phone when his answering machine beeped and he heard a familiar voice, Hey Shepherd, this is your old buddy Terry. I know you’re there, so talk to me.

Daniel was excited to hear from his old friend Terry Owens, and nearly tripped over his own feet as he rushed to answer the phone. Without even taking enough time to sit down on the tattered old brown recliner, where he normally sat when talking on the phone, Daniel reached out and snatched the receiver from its cradle. When Terry heard Daniel pick up the phone he laughed and said, Old boring Daniel Shepherd, I just knew that you would be spending your nights moping around the house instead of going out and having fun. Daniel chuckled at his friend’s attempt at humor, plopped down on the recliner and shot back, If I was out having your kind of fun tonight, I would probably end up in jail. The phone went quiet for a few seconds before Terry’s lighthearted reply, That was the old Terry Owens, you’re talking to the new Terry Owens, an upright pillar of society. A wide grin spread across Daniel’s face as he responded, A pillar of society, now that has to be one of the biggest lines of crap that you’ve ever come up with. Daniel then relaxed in his recliner while he and Terry spent the next hour catching up on old times.

Daniel was surprised to learn that Terry had finished law school in the upper ten percent of his class and was working for one of the largest law firms in New York City. Apparently being a lawyer sometimes has its little perks, and after successfully representing a large hotel chain, Terry was given a five day New Orleans vacation for himself and two friends, complete with air fare and all inclusive deluxe accommodations. When Terry explained that Paul had already accepted his invitation, Daniel was delighted at having been given the chance to accompany his two friends to New Orleans. After Terry had gone over the trip’s itinerary he agreed to go without even thinking to check with his boss and find out if he could take a few days off. As soon as Daniel had accepted Terry’s invitation they spent the next several minutes reliving past adventures. Terry finally said, Well, Daniel old boy, I look forward to seeing that ugly mug of yours in a couple of weeks. I’ll call you tomorrow after I give Paul the good news. After saying their goodbyes, Daniel hung up the receiver, stared blankly at the ceiling and wondered if perhaps he had made a mistake by agreeing to Terry’s offer.

The small factory where Daniel worked had begun to follow the lead of larger companies by sending their workers’ jobs to Mexico and China, and he worried that if he asked for a week off, he might just lose his job. Daniel, along with everyone else in the factory, had already taken a considerable cut in pay and given up paid vacations a few months earlier in order to save jobs. As exciting as the trip sounded, he feared that he might just be fired if he went to New Orleans with Terry and Paul. Although Daniel didn’t make a lot of money at the factory, he did make enough to pay his bills and keep food in the refrigerator. He stayed up until midnight fighting off the urge to just go on the trip with his friends and not worry about his job, but common sense got the better of him and he decided that he needed to back out of the trip to New Orleans. Although Daniel knew Terry would never let him live it down for backing out, he didn’t want to take the chance of losing his job.

Daniel felt as if he had just closed his eyes when he was awakened by the persistent chirping of his alarm clock. Although he had been totally exhausted when he had gone to bed, the thought of Terry’s phone call had made it difficult for him to sleep. He shut off the alarm, slowly got out of bed, and then shuffled to the bathroom for his morning shower. After Daniel had dressed for work, he went to the kitchen and selected one of the doughnuts he had purchased a few days earlier. He quickly consumed the stale sugar coated pastry, washed it down with several gulps of milk which he drank straight from the plastic container he had grabbed out of the refrigerator, and headed off to work.

The factory where Daniel worked manufactured various types of furniture which were all handmade. His job at the factory was assembling roll top desks, and since it was the company’s hottest item, Daniel was one of their busiest employees. As soon as Daniel had clocked in he went directly to his work station, began sorting through a pile of wooden parts, selected what he needed, and began assembling his first desk of the day. Daniel wasn’t the company’s fastest employee, but he was by far their most precise worker. Although he would only complete four desks during an eight hour shift, while the other workers constructed nearly twice as many, he was the only employee who had never had any of his work returned due to poor workmanship. He took extreme pride in his work, and no matter how many times his foreman told him to speed up, he refused to sacrifice his integrity just to put out a few more desks.

Daniel was in the process of putting the finishing touches on his first desk of the day when the factory’s intercom blared, Daniel Shepherd, report to the office. Daniel only had one more drawer handle to attach when he heard his name being called and whispered to himself, Hold your horses. I’ll be there as soon as I’m done with this drawer. Before Daniel could put the last screw in the handle, someone walked up to him and shouted, Shepherd are you deaf? Daniel looked up to see who had yelled and wasn’t surprised to find that it had been John Henderson. John Henderson was Daniel’s foreman, a huge, gruff talking man who seemed to take great pleasure in belittling people. Although hearing his name called out over the factory’s loudspeaker startled Daniel a little, he wasn’t the least bit surprised at being paged to the office. Before Daniel had left work the preceding day, he had been told by John Henderson that the office brass was going to make some changes in the plant and they would be having a one-on-one talk with each employee.

The walk to the Plant Manager’s office was one of the rare occasions that John Henderson didn’t have much to say. Although Daniel was certain that John would be tight-lipped about what the meeting was about, he attempted to pry some information from the unusually quiet supervisor. What’s this all about? Daniel’s ill-tempered boss growled, You’re going to find out soon enough; just shut up and keep moving. Daniel shot back with a voice filled with sarcasm, Yes sir!

Daniel and John stopped directly in front of the Plant Manager’s office, which had Harold Drake Plant Manager printed in bold letters on the door. John took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly, as if he dreaded what was about to take place in the office. John rapped lightly on the office door and a voice from within immediately called out, Come on in. John opened the door for Daniel and was about to close it when the Plant Manager said, John I want you to sit in on my little discussion with Mr. Shepherd. Come on in, shut the door, and have a seat. Without uttering a word John closed the door and he and Daniel seated themselves on two chairs which were positioned directly across the huge oak desk from Harold Drake.

Harold sat in his oversized office chair and tapped out a soft cadence with his pen on top of the desk for a few moments and then said, I’m going to cut to the chase and make this short. He then cleared his throat and continued, I want both of your resignations, effective immediately. He then picked up two sheets of paper, stretched across the desk and placed one of the papers in front of John and the other in front of Daniel."

The General Manager’s announcement blindsided the two employees who quietly sat dumbfounded for several seconds trying to digest what they had just heard, until John chuckled nervously and asked, This is just some kind of joke isn’t it? The dour expression on Harold Drake’s face told John that it wasn’t a joke. Realizing that he was about to lose his job, John jumped up from his seat and shouted, You can’t do this! Harold’s face turned beet red and he sneered, Oh yes I can and yes I am! As soon as Harold had uttered his snide remark, he and John engaged in a shouting match.

While John and Harold stood screaming at each other, Daniel tuned out their verbal assaults on each other and read the sheet of paper that had been placed in front of him. The paper was an official looking form that simply stated that he wished to resign from his position at the factory and seek employment elsewhere. Near the bottom of the page was a line reserved for Daniel’s signature with his full name typed directly underneath. Daniel waited patiently for the shouting to quiet down in the office, and when it did, he held up the document with his right hand and simply asked, Why?

Daniel’s simple request seemed to have a calming effect on both Harold and John. Harold was somewhat embarrassed that he had acted in such an unprofessional manner when he had asked for John and Daniel’s resignations. He took a deep breath, sat down in his chair and said, If John hadn’t been so fast to fly off the handle I would have already explained why I want your resignations. He then waited for another outburst from John, and when he saw that he was not going to receive one he continued, As both of you well know we are in the midst of a restructuring process and, although you have both been told that we need to speed up production, you haven’t changed one iota. Harold looked directly at John and said, If you had fired Daniel instead of letting him continue to take his own sweet time assembling our best selling product, you wouldn’t be sitting where you are now, He then moved his attention toward Daniel and continued, and if you had sped up like John told you to do, neither of you would be sitting here today and both of you would still have a job. He then leaned forward in his chair, held out his pen and said, Goodbye Daniel.

As bad as Daniel felt about losing his job, he felt worse when he discovered that his blatant refusal to obey orders was the reason John Henderson was forced to quit. John sat staring at the floor when Daniel looked at him and softly said, I’m sorry. Daniel took the pen from Harold’s outstretched hand, signed the resignation form, and quietly left the office.

Chapter Two

Paul Roberts had a wide grin on his face as he sat at a table located at the rear of the dingy old tavern and thought about Terry Owens’ phone call, which couldn’t have come at a better time. Although he was nearly broke, Paul knew the cops had been watching him ever since he had botched his last burglary, which had forced him to lay low for a few days. His grin slowly turned to a frown as visions of three screaming faces crept into his thoughts. Paul hadn’t wanted to murder the woman and her two children when he broke into their house, but he couldn’t chance leaving any witnesses that could identify him. It wasn’t the first time that he had to eliminate a witness, but it was the first time that he had found it necessary to murder children. After spending a few moments deep in thought, he shrugged his shoulders and whispered to himself, Desperate times call for desperate actions. Paul grabbed his lukewarm beer, took a long drink, and as he sat the bottle back on the table, a grin suddenly reappeared on his face as his thoughts returned to his upcoming trip.

Paul had just finished his bottle of beer, when he saw a familiar figure walk through the front door. Paul didn’t have the slightest idea what the man’s real name was, everybody just called him Bones. Bones took a few steps inside the tavern before stopping to let his eyes adjust to his poorly lit surroundings. When his eyes had become accustomed to the meager lighting, Bones began to survey the interior of the smoke filled tavern as if he was looking for someone. After scanning the room for a few seconds, Bones began walking towards Paul’s table. As Bones made his way to the rear of the tavern, Paul watched the tall man, who was so thin he looked like a walking skeleton, and chuckled to himself, It sure didn’t take much imagination to come up with Bones as a street name. When Bones finally got to Paul’s table, he asked, Ready for a beer? Paul quickly replied, Sure, if you’re buying.

Bones returned with a bottle of beer in each hand, and after he had set one in front of Paul, he plopped down on one of the old wooden chairs that surrounded the table. Although Bones didn’t look as if he could fight his way out of a wet paper bag, Paul knew that sometimes looks could be deceiving. He had seen Bones in action more than once and it wasn’t a pretty sight. They lived in a tough neighborhood where fights were the norm. Bones had proven himself deadly when it came to wielding a knife and he wasn’t afraid to use a gun.

Bones seemed to be a little excited when he smiled at Paul and asked, How would you like to help me with a little job? Paul knew that Bones didn’t waste his time on penny ante crimes and if he was involved there was money to be made. Bones’ excitement sparked Paul’s interest and he asked, What’s up? Bones got up from his chair and moved to the one next to Paul in order to keep from being overheard, and said in a soft voice, I’ve spent the last two weeks checking out a jewelry store that could make us a fortune.

Although Paul knew that a jewelry store heist could net him some much needed cash, the cops had already taken him in once for questioning about the triple homicide, but didn’t have enough evidence to hold him. Paul was certain that he hadn’t left any forensic evidence at the crime scene, but he was also sure that he was still the number one suspect and the cops would continue to dog him until the case went cold. Paul took pride in the fact that although he had committed hundreds of burglaries he had only been caught once, and with the help of his old friend Terry Owens, he only had to spend six months behind bars. Paul took a quick sip of beer, slowly shook his head from side to side and said, I wish I could, but I can’t. Bones was clearly shocked by Paul’s response to his offer, and said, I can’t believe that you’re willing to throw away the chance of a lifetime before you’ve even heard my plan.

Paul loved his life of crime, and although he enjoyed the act of planning a caper nearly as much as actually committing a crime, he stared blankly at the well-worn tabletop and said, The cops have been keeping an eye on me ever since I had a little trouble with a job the other night. It would probably be best for both of us if I didn’t know anything about your plans. When Bones heard Paul say that he was being watched by the law, he scooted his chair away as if he had just learned that the man seated next to him had the plague, and then left the tavern without saying another word. Paul watched Bones’ hasty retreat, finished his beer, and made his way back to his apartment.

Chapter Three

Terry Owens had put the finishing touches on the brief he had been working on all day, and satisfied that it was ready to be submitted for trial, patiently watched as his printer spit out the ninety page document. When the last sheet of paper slid out of the printer, Terry said to himself, How in the world can they call these damn things briefs! He then retrieved the sheets of paper, stacked them as neat as possible, and carried them to Jane Benson’s desk. Jane Benson was the firm’s most conscientious paralegal whose main responsibility was to proofread all briefs before submission. Terry had never known Jane to leave work early and was surprised to see that she wasn’t at her desk. He glanced at his watch and did a doubletake when he discovered that it had taken him quite a bit longer to finish the brief than he thought. It was after eight o’clock and he knew that everyone else in the firm had left hours earlier. He sat the brief on top of Jane’s desk, wrote, Please go over this brief ASAP! on a blank sheet of paper, and placed it on top of the neatly stacked result of his hard day’s labor. Feeling confident that his brief would be ready for submission the next day, Terry returned to his office, switched off the overhead light, and walked to the parking garage. Before sliding behind the wheel of his bright yellow Corvette for the half hour drive home, Terry stretched his arms in an attempt to relieve his aching muscles.

As soon as Terry had entered his house, he walked directly to his well-stocked bar, where he poured himself a much needed drink. He kicked off his shoes before plopping down on his favorite seat in the house, a ratty looking recliner that had been given to him by his parents years before as a housewarming gift. Terry took a sip of the fiery hot bourbon from the heavy oversized shot glass, and as the pungent liquid slowly made its descent toward his stomach, he suddenly remembered that he had promised to phone Paul Roberts. Terry pulled the small wooden handle on the side of the recliner and, once he was seated upright, reached for the phone which sat on a small oak table next to the chair. The moment his hand touched the receiver, the phone began to ring. The unexpected loud ringing of the telephone startled Terry, causing him to flinch. Wanting his nerves to settle a little before speaking to anyone, Terry let the phone ring a few times before he picked up the receiver. After taking a few deep breaths Terry finally placed the receiver to his ear, but before he could say hello, he heard Paul Roberts’ unmistakable voice boom through the phone’s earpiece, I thought you said that you were going to call me today. Terry immediately shot back, Yeah, but I didn’t say what time I was going to call.

For the next several minutes the two friends discussed their upcoming trip to New Orleans, and when Paul discovered that Daniel was also going, he shouted, That’s great! This little trip is going to be like a reunion of the Three Musketeers. Terry chuckled and said, No, I think it will be more like a reunion of the Three Stooges. After a few moments of lighthearted chatter, Paul’s voice suddenly took on a serious tone, I might be in a little trouble which may require some legal assistance. The other end of the line immediately became silent. Paul asked, Terry, are you still there? Paul could sense the irritation in Terry’s voice when he responded, Yeah I’m still here. What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into now? Paul’s voice became a mere whisper when he answered, I can’t talk about it over the phone. I’ll explain everything when we get to New Orleans. It’s not that big of a deal. After a long pause Paul seemed to have returned to his old cheery self, Well I’ve got some stuff I need to get done, so I had better get off the phone. I’ll talk to you later. Terry’s voice was filled with sarcasm when he growled, I hope the stuff that you need to get done is at least somewhat legal. Paul chuckled, You worry too much, and then hung up the phone. Terry slammed the receiver down on the phone’s cradle, shoved himself back in the recliner, and thought about his lifelong relationship with Paul Roberts.

Although it had been years ago, Terry still had vivid memories of the first time he and Paul had met each other. During recess one day, when they were both in the first grade, a third grader started picking on Terry. Terry was about to get on one of the swings when the older boy knocked him to the ground and said, That’s my swing, go and find your own. Although Terry thought about trying to take the swing back from the bully, the last thing he wanted was a bloody nose. When Terry turned to walk away he heard someone say, Don’t let him have that swing. You had it first. Terry saw it was the kid who sat two desks behind him