Premeditated Life

By Audra Callicoat

Carly Justice is a spirited woman with a haunted soul. When her childhood '"Imaginary Friend" returns to torment and sabotage her life, she struggles with her sanity. Hit with a spine tingling revelation she attempts to challenge her destiny. As her countdown begins and she finds her heart's desire will she lose to fate or defy it?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 12, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463437749

Audra Callicoat

Audra Callicoat attended Marshall University. She is a Branch Manager in the banking Industry in which she has worked for 17 years. In this, her debut novel, she uses writing as an escape to another dimension where her imagination trumps the corporate world. She’s an avid reader and has been writing since grade school where she received recognition and encouragement. Having enjoyed her Creative Writing classes she has continued to write and is ready to publish the first book of her series. She has worked hard to turn her dreams into reality. She resides in Huntington, WV with her rescued pets: two dogs and four cats. She runs a small scale animal rescue organization called, "Calli's Rescue" named for the next novel in the "PreMeditated Life" series. She will continue to write as long as her imagination allows. She hopes to share more of her saga soon. You can visit my rescue site at www.petfinder.com.

Book preview

Contents

Carly

The Revelation

July 26, 1993

The Countdown Begins

July 26, 1993

July 27, 1993

August 1, 1993

August 2, 1993

August 3, 1993

August 5, 1993

August 8, 1993

August 15, 1993

August 23, 1993

August 28, 1993

September 4, 1993

September 6, 1993

September 3, 1994

September 4, 1994

September 9, 1994

September 19, 1994

September 21, 1994

September 28, 1994

September 29, 1994

October 7, 1994

March 6, 1995

March 15, 1995

March 17, 1995

April 15, 1995

April 29, 1995

May 26, 1995

June 2, 1995

June 23, 1995

July 7, 1995

July 14, 1995

July 17, 1995

July 23, 1995

July 24, 1995

July 25, 1995

March 3, 1996

March 17, 1996

March 23, 1996

I want to give special thanks to friends and family

who have supported and advised me:

My sisters: Libby Callicoat and Whitney Eskew, my mother(s):

Carolyn Johnson Wilson and Marjie Upchurch, and special friends:

Tonya Ward Eplin, Whitney Lawton Carper, Barbara Kirk Litton, Alisa Nelson Napier, Mildred Varney (My English and Creative Writing teacher)

and especially Todd M Stevens and Family

I greatly appreciate my editing team: Teresa Copley Samsock, Whitney Eskew,

and Karen Dee Dee Dillon Thoma

Book design by: Michael Scott Copley

I’m blessed to have such people in my life!

Carly

Carly’s slender frame trailed behind that of her muscular Pit-mix, Petie. Her blonde locks blew back with the hot July breeze. The humidity of the day weighed down on them causing a dew of perspiration to form on her brow and upper lip. She loved this weather. It was perfect for lying on beaches and around pools, allowing the sun to kiss her skin with a dusky tan.

Ritter Park was full of activity as usual: children running about on the sandy playground, college students passing a football in the grassy center while managing to flirt with passersby in between catches, and the pounding feet of the many walkers circling the bustling track. There were a variety of walkers, some with pets, some strutting almost furiously with a determined crease in their brow that read, "I’m going to lose these ten pounds." There were also leisurely walkers that seemed to be accomplishing more socially than physically. These were the walkers that stopped to comment on Carly’s handsome 4-legged companion and those that were familiar with the twosome would give Petie a scratch behind the ear or a pat on the head. Walking Petie in the park was part of her daily routine, the pick me up that led into her evening wind-down.

She thought to herself how scheduled her life had become. Every day she woke at 6:30 am, the alarm blaring in her ear. She would say a few nasty words to it before turning it off and Petie’s floppy ears would tickle her as he licked her cheek to say good morning. She would stumble out of bed, plug in her coffee pot, take Petie outside to do his morning duty, and then prepare herself to be at work by 8:30 am.

Her pressure-filled day as a Financial Advisor seemed to fly by too quickly to allow her to accomplish what she should in a day: clients popping in and out of her office (some pleasant, others not so much), paperwork piling up on her desk, and time ticking on. She did get a break for lunch and usually grabbed a bite with her friend Tonya Wert, the Mortgage Officer at her branch. Tonya was more like a sister to her than her own sister Jessi. She and Jessi had nothing in common; it was hard to believe they came from the same household. Tonya, on the other hand, was always there for her, filling the void.

At the end of the workday she hurried home to her best bud, Petie, and would end up where she was at the moment. She pulled in a breath of summer air, inhaling the fresh clean scent. Her blue-green eyes shifted to watch as Petie tugged to the left going after a nervous squirrel scurrying up a tree.

Petes, let’s stick to the program!

He whipped his head back. His brown eyes pleaded with her to be set free.

Not yet. We have one more lap, she said, smiling and hoping he understood.

She thought back to the day she discovered Petie; he was a treasure of a find. Petie was a black and white lop-eared pup running around the neighborhood stealing food (and hearts) where he could. Carly was one of the tenderhearted ones who fed him and gave him attention. He seemed to hang at her door. She’d open it to go to work and there he’d be with his head cocked to the right as if to say, "Aren’t you going to feed me first?" He was adorable with one ear raised higher than the other. Petie was no dummy; he knew which ones would fall for his sweetness.

Everyone called him Petie because of the black ring around his eye—a reminder of the Our Gang pet—and it stuck. Carly finally took him in and was so glad she did. She had heard before that when a pet finds you it was meant to be; and did she ever agree.

As a puppy Petie had appeared a bit beat-up with scruffy ears, a few scars on his nose, scrawny, but with beautiful, brown, soulful eyes. He was definitely a street-dweller, but he was smart and a survivor. Carly respected this and saw the beauty in his personality. She had never regretted taking in the lovable guy.

He had grown into a healthy, muscular gladiator; a large dog that struck fear into some of her boyfriends, perhaps for good reason. She felt safe and secure with Petie watching out for her.

Petie was a certified therapy dog. He and Carly made their rounds at the nursing homes and children’s hospital wards on the weekends whenever they could fit it in. He would lay his large head in their laps and look up with those adoring eyes; everyone was in love with Petie. He had grown into a handsome dog and an important part of her life. The volunteering had helped get Carly through some heartbreaks; she liked to keep herself busy and give back to her community. At the same time she thought Petie was her guardian angel sent from heaven. They were blessed to find each other.

After their evening walk, she and Petie entered her small apartment. She had spent the last five years here; always keeping her eyes open for a better deal and never seeming to find it. It was small but nicely decorated, just big enough for her and Petie. She had a cozy corner for her computer; in winter it was sometimes her only means of communication on a cold, snowy evening.

She had three plants she tended: a Basil plant, an Aloe, and an African violet to add some color. Tonya often kidded her about talking to her plants. She had even given them names. The lone Basil that had survived her first planting experience she simply called Basil. It seemed suitable enough. She called her Aloe plant Flo, after a memorable waitress she used to watch on a sitcom from childhood. Her beautiful Violet was Irene just because she thought it looked like an Irene. They were company to her. They brought her joy and a peaceful feeling as they continued to grow daily.

She kept her place neat and clean. Petie even seemed to be a neat freak, if that’s possible for a dog. He rarely made a mess; maybe he realized that a mess seemed to stress Carly—living on her own had made her more independent than she had been as a child. Independence was, she felt, a necessary quality at this stage in her life. Like many, she thought her life was lacking momentum, like more should be accomplished by her age. She pondered on how life had its basic outline for everyone. For example, at every family function the first question that popped out of a relative’s mouth was, Are you married yet? And she would reply with her usual, No, but I’ll make sure you’re the first to know so you can rest at ease.

She thought often what it would be like to be married. By age thirty-three she had already watched most of her friends walk down the aisle, a few more than once. But at the same time she was unwilling to settle for being only a we in a marital situation. She had to be an I first. She had observed a lot of her friends settling in the shadow of their significant other. This was just not appealing to her. She preferred not to be in anyone’s shadow.

From her point of view, the married couples she knew were not the pictures of marital bliss. She couldn’t see herself taking orders from anyone and it was what she often saw happening with her friends who had gone down that road. Divorce didn’t seem like a fun event either. She was sure she would have experienced a divorce by now had she unfortunately married anyone from her past.

Carly dreamed of more. She wanted an equal; someone who put her first and wanted to share a life with her, not just include her. She had no desire for someone to swallow up her life and try to change her too much. Until the right person came along she simply was not ready and, of course, none of what she wanted described her latest love interest, Dirk. Dirk was so far from what she needed: insecure, selfish, disrespectful, and a cheater. Even though she had feelings for him, she knew there was no way she would ever walk down the aisle to him. She had to wonder if that wasn’t what made him so appealing to her.

Just good sex that fit into her schedule, but didn’t have a chance in hell of going anywhere… Gee, how complex it is . . . and what a complex person I am . . . I confuse myself!

She thought over her outlook on relationships and marriage. If it was that hard to sort out, people must really think she was a piece of work.

How do others view me? She tilted her head with the troublesome thought and smiled at Petie. You understand me, don’t ya? He wagged his stubby tail as if in agreement. She let out a sigh, and removed her ball cap. It was a typical evening in her life. She always overanalyzed things—just as she was now.

The Revelation

July 26, 1993

Petie looked around the room with his huge, dark eyes and the fur rose on his back. A low growl escaped from his throat; it broke the strange silence that had filled the small apartment. His posture showed that he sensed danger. Carly looked around her living room for what might cause Petie’s sudden reaction. She knew her dog and knew not to take his indications of possible danger lightly.

What—what is it? What’s up, Petes? She tried walking past him, but his body stiffened as if to block her. Petie, what’s going on? His stare was focused on the bedroom. She peered into the darkened room from behind him with a strange lump forming in her throat. My entry door was locked . . . are all my windows locked? She could make out nothing that would cause his reaction. She shoved her legs against the strong dog. His ridged muscles twitched as she again tried to get by.

Petes, I have to see what’s in the bedroom. She finally managed to shove past her big dog. He let out a loud, gruff bark—warning her to stay back. His eyes beckoned her to stay away from the room. She stared back at him feeling her own fear take hold of her. Petes, I have to find out what’s in here. Carly entered the bedroom with Petie on her heels.

Stopping dead in her tracks in the middle of the room, she let out a shocking gasp as she viewed the shape. Her eyes strained to concentrate better on the figure standing in front of her bedroom window. What the hell is this? What are you doing in here? I’m calling the cops. She went for the phone, but something stopped her, almost like a force.

The figure looked Carly up and down taking in her full appearance. A pair of emerald eyes glowed in the dusk-lit bedroom.

Carly froze. The eyes of this being captivated her. There was something calming yet disturbing about those eyes.

The figure finally responded to her frantic exclamation. Wait. The word was simple and spoken with eloquence.

Something about the sound of the voice made Carly feel the need to listen. It was a soothing voice that had an odd calming effect on her.

Carly studied this being further as the light from the window revealed her shape more clearly. She was quite attractive: high cheekbones, smooth, olive skin, full lips, raven hair and luminous green eyes—an odd combination, different but intriguing.

This figure continually eyed Carly back. They stood in silence, eyes locked on each other. Carly was unnerved by this situation. She didn’t know what to think of this… this in front of her! She tried to hide the fear in her eyes. Strangely, she felt that somehow this was not her first encounter with this… with her… with whatever she was.

The figure informed her, I mean you no harm.

Carly walked closer, looking a little leery. She said nothing, but seated herself on her bed. Something about the figure let her know she was in no danger at the moment. The figure spoke to her.

There is nothing your authorities here could do to me anyway.

Carly replied quickly. What does that mean? How did you get in here? I locked the—

I’m not like you, she cut in. Locks of metal cannot hinder me.

Carly stared at her in awe. Then what are you?

She looked around the room trying to see any way that someone could manage to get in. She felt the oddest sensation, like she should run, but dared not leave at the same time. Did I leave my window unlocked?

The figure laughed. No. You’re a smart woman. You wouldn’t leave your apartment unlocked. She paused to smile at Carly with the compliment. I’m a friend and that’s all you really need to know about me.

Carly showed skepticism. You’re a friend I’m unaware of and I also feel I deserve to know more than that. She twisted at her blonde locks, a habit she needed to break when her nerves were preyed upon.

The figure’s eyes widened, Oh, I’ve always been around. Her expression showed a small victory in the knowledge. She shared with Carly a kind, seemingly all-knowing smile.

Do you have a name? Carly asked.

Call me what you wish. The beautiful figure avoided answering the question and wore an aloof expression.

I’d rather call you by your name. Carly bit at her bottom lip, another nervous habit. She was not enjoying this game playing.

You know my name, the figure replied.

Carly looked puzzled. No. She shook her head in disbelief. I don’t understand this. Why are you here? What is this? Tell me your name! Feeling irritated, chill bumps popped out on her sun-kissed skin. She could feel the slow, chilled breeze moving, swirling around this presence. At this moment, she felt odd, quite odd.

The figure smiled. You named me… more than once. The emerald eyes looked to Carly for her reaction to this revelation.

Carly’s eyes showed shock. What does she mean by being named more than once? What? Carly exclaimed. Now this is really getting a bit bizarre! You’re starting to freak me out. Are you from another planet, just a figment of my imagination, or what?

The being let out a small giggle which only frustrated Carly further. Perhaps you could say I’m from another planet. She squint her eyes and continued, You called me Isabelle—Issie for short—once upon a time. Carly looked stunned, her jaw dropped and her eyes grew wide. She traveled back in time in her mind searching her memory for the familiar name.

She glanced around the room and then back to the stranger before her. Issie? A look of realization and astonishment showed in her expression as she repeated the name as if she weren’t quite sure. Issie? She stared harder at the figure then asked, Am I dreaming? She shook her head in bewilderment as if she could shake this crazy dream out and the situation before her away. It’s my imaginary friend all grown up!

You are very much awake, Carly, Issie answered.

Carly felt a twinge of nausea as the apparition, or whatever, spoke her name. She stammered out a response, This isn’t real! I’ve just been anxious and taking some Valium lately and this… this is all in my head.

She was pacing now. Wow, I really am screwed up. Saying those words out loud made Carly realize she could be losing it.

She suddenly felt overwhelmed with incredible emotion. Memories crept back from her childhood; memories filled with this… this image of Issie. Issie stood silently gazing at her as if she felt it, too—as if she were reading Carly’s mind and sharing the memories.

Carly rubbed her forehead, Issie… didn’t I make you up?

Issie could tell from her expression that she had evoked the appropriate memory she had intended. She revealed her cool smile as if to say, I told you so, and replied, You gave me my name. Now do you remember? Issie raised a raven brow to accompany her smile.

Carly, trying to convince herself that this was an illusion said, "You… you’re imaginary. You were an imaginary friend I made up when my parents were divorcing—this… this… isn’t real. Okay, I’m freaking out… I’m hallucinating! I take my dog out for a walk and come back to my childhood imaginary friend standing in my apartment. Okay, I’m nuts… ." Her heart felt like it was being flung about in her chest because this was not normal. This just couldn’t be happening! She felt panic rising in her. How can I be making up my imaginary friend now? Why am I doing this now? How can I be projecting this image from my mind? How?

Carly threw up her hands and asked, Why are you here? It was all she could think to say at the moment.

Issie’s face clouded over and her dark lashes fluttered a few times, I’m performing a mission—perhaps you can consider me your guardian angel. It was like she didn’t know how to describe her intent to Carly.

Carly snorted a nervous laugh. "I do believe in guardian angels, but I don’t believe in imaginary friends anymore, even though mine is standing in my bedroom right now." She was certain she was losing her grip on reality. Do I call 9-1-1 now or do I wait until I completely flip and take an axe over to the neighbors, committing a crime that will show on the 11 o’clock news?!

Carly dug her nails into the flesh of her arm to feel the burning pain trying to determine if she was truly awake. She looked down to see blood flowing from the small wounds as if to scream at her, Yeah, this is really happening!

Issie, trying to make an excuse for her sudden reappearance, began, I… ah… we are trying an experiment, I guess you could say.

Carly retorted, Ha—an experiment? Her arm was hurting from her self-inflicted injury. They stared at each other for a silent moment. I just can’t understand this. I don’t know how I’ve recreated you. I don’t believe in this. Carly squeezed her eyes shut; perhaps the image would just go away! Her insides were twisting in contradiction. She felt soothed and afraid of the presence all at once—and the feelings were attacking each other along with her guts!

There was a time when you believed in lots of things, Carly, Issie reminded her, interrupting Carly’s near breakdown. So why can’t you believe now?

Well, those times have been over for a very long while, Carly replied. She tried to put conviction in her voice, but it was impossible to deny the vision standing before her, try as she might.

Why? Issie questioned. She gave Carly a look of disagreement. You know, I don’t think so. Deep down, you are still that hopeful little girl full of dreams and wonder. Do you remember how you believed in miracles? And—

"Look, I did away with that when I did away with imaginary friends. I’m not that little girl anymore—and this is not real… ." She wrapped her fingers in her hair as if she could pull this crazed image from her brain.

Why? Why am I not real? Is it really so hard to believe that anything is possible? You know nothing of the true meaning of life or anything else for that matter. What a foolish way to be. Issie resembled a small child as she pouted.

Carly continued to stare at her, even more puzzled, with her fingers pulling strands of hair from the roots.

Issie continued, You were seven—crazy about your dad. You thought everything was your fault. You thought if you were perfect your mom and dad wouldn’t fight so much and your daddy wouldn’t leave you.

Carly looked down to the floor, hurt showing on her face as her childhood guilt was brought to the surface. How can this illusion know all this?? She’s in my head!! She then raised her face to Issie’s eye level and questioned, How do you know this? A tear escaped down her cheek.

Carly had many moments of sadness and guilt in her childhood. It had been hard to wrestle them down into the pit of her soul, but she had managed. She did not wish to let them escape now.

Issie answered, I was there, Cars.

Carly felt the knots clench tighter in her stomach at hearing her childhood nickname. She swallowed back the vomit rising in her throat as she recalled the chaos in her family after the separation.

Issie continued with her soothing statement. It wasn’t your fault.

Carly let out a sob at the painful memory. No—when I got a little older I realized it was the home wrecker who worked in the office with him, referring to her stepmother, Mindy.

Some of it was her fault, Issie continued to explain, and the fact that your parents couldn’t get along with each other. They let different aspects of their lives distance them from their love. Love… . She sighed and stared out the window for a moment. You… you inhabitants of this plane have such a gift for sharing love, but you waste it. Pride and material things smother it out. It fills me with sadness to witness. The apparition seemed to ponder her words.

Why are you here? Carly questioned her. Here in my bedroom? Why are you here now? She read what appeared to be sincerity in Issie’s eyes, but the sense of a brooding darkness hidden behind those brilliant eyes began to present feelings of foreboding in Carly’s fretful mind.

Issie sighed again, and then answered, I come to bring— she eyed Carly nearly teasing her with the revelation, what you’ll find to be distressful news.

That figures, Carly said with a sigh. Issie’s statement was not helping to ease her mind.

Things are going to change, Issie continued with her explanation.

I hope… I hope it’s for the better. Maybe this thing was going to tell her that Prince Charming was right up the street ready to ride his horse into her yard any moment and shower her with unconditional, passionate, love…

Issie looked around knowing she would get in trouble for what she was about to say. I’m breaking the rules. We’re breaking the rules.

Whose rules? Carly asked. So many questions were running through her confused brain. She wanted to know everything. She wanted an explanation for Issie’s reappearance. She wanted to know how far off the deep end she had fallen.

Issie ignored the question, "I’m sure they know what I’m up to; they must. That’s why I feel safe in calling it an experiment."

Carly was growing more impatient. Just tell me the news.

Issie stated bluntly as if speaking of the weather. You’ll leave this existence on the 23rd of March, 1996.

Carly laughed in hopeful disbelief. What? This is absolutely ridiculous! She didn’t want to believe this insane scenario.

Issie stated to her again, This life will expire in a little over two and a half years.

Carly’s eyes showed signs of fear mixed with disbelief. That’s not true. How could you know something like that? Her heart felt so heavy in her chest that she feared she might not be able to stand up much longer. She pushed her words out with determination, And I wouldn’t want to know that if it was… I don’t want to hear this! Why the hell are you telling me this? This evil witch—what gives her the right to enter my bedroom and hinder my mind with such bullshit!

I’m telling you to give you an advantage. Issie said, trying to explain away what Carly saw to be an injustice.

Who the hell wants this advantage?! Who would want to know when they were going to die?! Oh, that’s something to look forward to. She glared at Issie, accusing her with the blue dancing madly in her eyes.

Issie recalled the reason she was there. You wanted to know. You just don’t realize it yet.

Carly gasped and her eyes widened farther.

Issie said to her, I’m doing you a favor—

A favor—a countdown to death. How cruel?!

Issie began making excuses. I’m giving you time to make things right again.

Make things right, for what, for who? Her voice trembled with her flaring temper.

Your life… you aren’t living it. I’m giving you a gift. You’re heading down the wrong path and not taking advantage of the life you have. You must know that you need to change things before it’s too late. You have things to fix before this is all over. You have to open yourself up to love and happiness. Issie seemed so serene with this knowledge that Carly wished she had something to throw at her.

How do you expect me to want to find love and happiness when according to you it’ll all go away in just a bit over two years?! She was still angered and again pacing. Some gift! Why have you told me this? I don’t know of anyone else knowing when they’re supposed to die—unless they’re on death row! I don’t think anyone wants to know. Who wants to go around with the shadow of death following them? This is a gift I don’t want. I want to exchange it or give it back!

Issie defended her cause. It isn’t that way—

It is! Carly exclaimed loudly and sternly. What am I supposed to do on March 22, 1996? Say a co-worker asked me to lunch for the next day… what do I say? Hey, I can’t make it—I’ll be dead! Her chest heaved with each breath as she spewed her words out… fearing deep down there was some strange truth in them.

You make it seem like death is such a terrible thing, Issie said, trying to calm her. It’s only a phase.

Death equals it’s over, Carly replied, her eyes filling with tears. This was all too much for her to handle. She wondered if she could keep from losing it and from screaming so loud that it burst her lungs and caused her brain to explode.

Issie was trying to make Carly understand her position. It’s not over. It’s a beginning. Like all things, you complete a cycle and move on to something else. You fear what you don’t know… and hide from what you do…

Carly remarked smartly, And what happens if I go throw myself off a cliff tonight? That would sure spoil your plans! Her eyes lit up with defiance and fear switching back to anger. She wanted this strange encounter to be over.

They’re not my plans. They’re yours. And you and I both know you aren’t going to hurt yourself. Issie’s eyes sparkled with her smug expression.

Carly exclaimed boldly, My plans?! What the hell?! I don’t want to die!

But, you claim life is so bad, why would you want to go on?

Carly, stumped by Issie’s remark, realized she did have a habit of complaining about her life. And Issie was throwing this in her face!

Issie continued, We made a pact a long time ago. You don’t remember it, but you will someday.

I can’t understand this. I… I don’t understand!

That’s why you need to figure it out—

Carly jumped at Petie’s bark behind her. She turned to look at Petie’s bewildered face. She then turned back around to find that Issie was no longer there. She looked frantically around the room and called for her, Issie? Hey! Don’t run out on me now! She needed more information! This creepy bitch just dropped a bomb and left!

Carly paused for a moment trying to rationalize what had just happened. She looked at the blood trailing down her arm and the strands of hair curled at her feet. She had wanted the conversation